Absolution

by S. Kirkpatrick

  One by one, he raises my hands above my head and I feel the scruff of the jute rope as it loops around each of my wrists, securing me to whatever is hanging from the ceiling above. The height of the restraints forces me to balance all the way on my toes, holding me at Casey’s mercy.

  “Open.” He commands, his voice booming right in front of my face.

  My eyes flutter open slowly, part of me already drunk of the scene we’re in. The sight that greets me when I obey forces a shiver out of me before I can stop it. Casey is standing in front of me, shirtless, looking like he’s been chiseled out of marble. His hair has been thrown into a sexy top knot on the top of his head, and the red lights above us somehow make his eyes look black.

  He’s a wet fucking dream.

  But he’s just not Brody…

  When he sees me shiver, he holds my chin steady so he can look me in my eyes. Without letting the authoritative air around him dissipate at all, he softly whispers where no one else can hear.

  “Color?”

  I swallow a lump in my throat, testing myself internally before allowing myself to answer. “Green.” I whisper back, indicating that I’m fine and okay to continue.

  “And if that changes?”

  “I promise to tell you.”

  “Good girl.”

  With those two words, I’m once again thrown into memories of Brody. Those two words sound so foreign coming from anyone else’s mouth but his. A part of me feels guilty for the words coming from anyone else but him.

  As my stone-chiseled new friend moves his body behind me, I close my eyes, trying to rid Brody from my mind.

  Be present, Remi. Don’t think about things you can’t have.

  I’m pulled from my inner thoughts when heavy leather tendrils lightly caress my back. A violent shiver overtakes my entire body as Casey drags a weighted flogger across my skin, warming my body to the new texture. It’s a feeling that can’t be replicated. There’s nothing else in this world that feels like this.

  Casey walks torturously slow circles around me, rubbing the flogger against nearly every single inch of my uncovered body dangling before him. A predatory glint sparkles in his seemingly black eyes as I struggle to remain on my tiptoes as the flogger dances inside my thighs, just shy of where I’m tingling.

  He never touches me there, knowing that consent wasn’t given. But the body reacts to pleasure without needing to be guided. However, all I need from anyone who isn’t Brody, is an endorphin release to calm my body, not a sexual one to sate me in another way.

  When he circles behind me once again, he starts lightly tapping my body with the flogger, getting my skin used to the slow beats so I won’t be shocked when the larger blows eventually land. With each time he circles around my body, and returning to my back once again, the flogger lands a little harder than the time before. He’s careful of every hit he lands, knowing which of my healing bruises are still tender. That’s part of the beauty of negotiations, you learn everything there is to know before you play together.

  I fight to keep my breathing under control as a slight sweat coats my flushed skin everywhere the leather tendrils touch. It’s blissful in a way that can’t be described. It’s the only time I feel safe, free, and that for once, someone is finally taking care of me.

  The flogger strikes me so hard that my knees buckle, forcing my legs out from underneath me, leaving me dangling in the air for a brief moment as a moan cracks its way out of my throat. My body is soaring, awakening at the sensations zinging through every inch of my skin. It’s beautiful how the body can respond to something so simple.

  When my toes touch the floor once again, Casey grips the back of my hair, forcing my head to bend back to meet his eyes as he stands behind me.

  “Color?” His satisfied voice asks.

  An instinct to scream RED and end this all, takes over, feeling wrong for it not being Brody’s voice asking me that question.

  At my hesitation, he releases my head and walks around in front of me. But I don’t even get the chance to respond by telling him green, when I watch as Casey’s body gets propelled sideways in a quick blur as a man steps into our makeshift room and tackles Casey so hard that I hear something snap.

  “I’ll fucking kill you!” The voice screams.

  I’m jolted ramrod straight when Brody’s voice assaults my ears and he stays on top of Casey, landing punch after punch as my naked body dangles from the ceiling.

  Everyone around the outside of the room descends on the chaos breaking out inside the box. Several men run to try and pull Brody off of Casey as several women run toward me. The girls struggle to cut the rope that binds me to what I now see is a giant O-shaped ring hanging from the ceiling. As my hands get released, someone throws a sheet over me, covering me from the chaos still erupting around me. My eyes slam closed in shock as the overhead lights quickly change back to their original color without warning.

  “Here ya go, sweetie.” A sweet female voice says as she tries to hand me my clothes that were sitting in the corner.

  I dodge past her, ignoring the clothes, and run to where the men are still trying to pull Brody off of Casey. I have no idea why the hell he’s even here, let alone why he’s attacking Casey when he did nothing wrong. I didn’t call red. No rules or protocols were broken. For the first time in gods knows how long, there was no danger! There’s no reason for him to be acting like this!

  I push through the group of guys huddled around them, holding the sheet closed around me with one hand.

  “Everyone back the fuck off!” I scream, shoving one last guy who tried to shoo me away.

  My voice leaves zero room for argument. Although I know I’m breaking all kinds of protocols by addressing men that I don’t belong to, it’s clear that I’ll get a free pass based on the current shit storm brewing on the floor.

  With one hand still holding the sheet in place, I use my free hand to crawl and shove my way in between the men fighting on the ground. I turn my head to meet Brody’s eyes, and they soften, flashing with recognition before they turn hard once again.

  In one swift motion, Brody scoops me up into his arms and pushes past everyone in the room, without even bothering with an explanation to anyone.

  “Put me down!” I scream, beating on his back with my free hand.

  “Don’t fucking start with me, Little Wolf.” He grits out between his teeth, not even bothering to look me in the eyes.

  He sprints us through the halls and further away from the box we were just in until we arrive at the back end of the club. He shoves his way into a private room where he locks the door behind us before sitting me on my feet. I barely have a chance to readjust my sheet before Brody’s hand is around my throat, pinning me to the wall.

  Instinct takes over when he puts pressure on my throat and both of my hands fly to his, trying to pry him off of me. The sheet falls to the ground, pooling at our feet, and Brody’s leg comes between my own, his knee resting against the apex of my thighs.

  “Are you trying to get me locked up?” He growls.

  My voice is strained against his hold, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dripping wet right now.

  I know, I’m fucked up. I accepted that a long time ago.

  “Let go of me.” I rasp out.

  “What are you trying to prove, Rem? Huh? Tell me.” He screams, tightening his grip a little further.

  I stop fighting his hold, shocked by his questions, yet more shocked by the feral look in his eyes. I have no idea what the hell he wants from me. It’s not like I invited him here. It’s not like I have to ask his permission to see someone else.

  When I don’t answer, he shoves off of me, turning around so he doesn’t have to face me. I watch as his hands fly to his hair, gripping the ends while he growls out his frustrations. His breathing is beyond erratic. He may call me little wolf, but he’s the one that’s acting like an animal.

  I move to grab the sheet from the grou
nd, needing to cover myself back up, because hello I’m naked.

  “Don’t. Fucking. Touch. It!”

  I roll my eyes, ignoring him even though my body is begging to respond to his commands. I literally have to force myself to go against his words, something I’ve never done before…

  “You want to tell me what the hell is going on?” I ask, wrapping the sheet around myself, against his previous warning.

  Brody turns around in time to see me tucking the sheet in place like a towel so I don’t have to hold on to it anymore. I want both hands free for this conversation.

  I need a little bit more control here!

  He grinds his teeth together and I can see the pulsing in the sides of his cheeks where his jaw clenches again and again. He stares at me for several moments before responding, breathing heavily while he maintains a furious look on his face the whole time. I feel like I’m staring at a rabid version of the man I love. I’m torn between throwing myself at his feet or scratching his fucking eyes out.

  A knock sounds at the door, seeming to piss him off even more. “Go away!” He screams.

  “Brody, are you in there?” A female voice asks shyly through the closed door.

  I quirk my eyebrow at him in a silent question, an accusation, as he mouths ‘fuck’ when he hears her voice.

  Hypocrite!

  “Go home, Brooke. I’ll call you later.”

  I hear her sigh as the pitter-patter of feet moving away from the door lets me know that she’s left. I swallow down the bile that rises in my throat. The sickness that he’s here with someone else, here for someone else, floods my mouth. I know I have no right to feel this way, but knowing that doesn’t stop my body from responding like that.

  He’s mine.

  “I need to go check on Casey.” I whisper, needing to get away from him.

  I can’t fucking breathe with him in this room with me. Not after hearing that girl’s voice. Yes, it makes me a hypocrite too, but I wasn’t here to fuck someone. I don’t know if he could say the same.

  “I don’t want you seeing him again.”

  “What is your problem, Brody? In case you forgot, you hate me! Why do you care who I’m here with?”

  He grabs a hold of my sheet, pulling me until I’m flush with him. We’re chest to chest now and I can feel the pounding of his heart so fiercely, I wonder for a moment if it’s my own. I look into his eyes, thoroughly confused.

  “If you think I’ll stand by and let anyone else put their hands on you, then you’re sadly mistaking.”

  “Why do you even care?” I say, pushing off of him, turning to get to the door.

  “Remington!” His voice booms behind me, halting me in my tracks.

  No matter how much of an asshole he’s being right now, my heart aches with hearing my name fall from his lips. I drove him to be this insufferable mad man. He was never like this before.

  I know what it’s like to be loved by this man. To be empowered by this man. It’s something I crave with every beat of my scarred black little heart.

  A tear falls from my eye as I stay facing the door. The pain I feel knowing that things will never be the way they once were. Pain for all the lies I told and the truths I can’t give. If having this erratic and insane version of Brody is the only version I can get, then I’ll take it because I selfishly love him too goddamn much to let him go for a second time.

  “Why are we here, Brody?” I ask, trying to keep my voice level.

  For the first time since I came back, he’s gentle with me. He turns me around to face him. The anguish I see overtaking his devilishly handsome face burns its way through me.

  “Didn’t anyone tell you, Little Wolf? Love and hate are two sides of the same coin.” He tells me with pain in his eyes.

  “I don’t know what that means.”

  “It means that as much as I hate you, I can’t stand seeing someone else’s hands on you. The thought of you fucking him…”

  “Not that I owe you an explanation when you were clearly here with someone else, but Casey and I had a very strict no-sex agreement. I just needed some therapy.”

  He looks at me with a myriad of emotions crossing his face, too quickly for me to decipher, as searches my eyes for something. For what, I don’t know, but after a few moments, he pulls the sheet off of me, balling it up in his fist.

  “Are all of these other bruises from therapy sessions with other men?” He bites out.

  My hands fly up, covering myself from his perusal. Those are things I don’t want him knowing. That’s part of the lies. Part of the truths I can’t give. I don’t want him to see this side of me. I can’t handle him asking more questions and forcing me to lie to him even more.

  “That’s none of your business!”

  “You got these at different times, Remington! Does your therapy include breaking bones now?”

  I don’t like his line of questioning. It feels too much like the times Liz has accused me of trying to die to save the people I love.

  “How could you let someone do this to you?” He continues. “This isn’t the same as what we did together, Rem. Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

  His voice is a mixture of outrage and concern and I know I have to build my guard back up before I end up getting him killed right along with me.

  “I said this isn’t your business!” I grit out. “Go call Becca, or whatever her name is, I need to go make sure you didn’t kill Casey.”

  “He’ll live for today but if he lays a finger on you ever again, I’ll kill everyone he’s ever known. I may hate you, but I won’t stand by while you let people abuse you. I won’t put up with that shit.”

  “So only you can hurt me? Only you get to hate me?”

  If he thinks I don’t hate myself every single day, then he may be as fucked in the head as I am. As much as he may hate me, I can guarantee that I hate myself a thousand times more.

  He backs me into the wall with slow, calculated steps. As soon as my back hits the wall, he throws the sheet that’s still balled up in his hands behind him. He places his hands over each of mine and quickly raises them above my head before I can even catch my breath.

  I’m essentially caged in, and I hate that my body responds to this like it’s a treat rather than a threat.

  He cinches my hands together in a tight hold with one of his hands on the wall above me. One of his legs quickly brushes mine apart, and tingles rush all the way through me.

  My breathing picks up and I can feel the wetness literally dripping down my leg like a siren’s call for him and him only. The things he can do, the things he has done to my body, have me shivering with need.

  “Is that what you need, Little Wolf? Do you need someone to hate fuck you?” His free hand slowly glides up my thighs and he begins to rub my slit back and forth.

  I suck in a breath, my brain short-circuiting with his hands on me. I know I’m supposed to be responding to a question, or saying… something… but I just can’t focus on anything other than his hands.

  He inserts a finger inside of me, curving it up, hitting the spot that makes my back arch off the wall. I feel like I’ve died and gotten one last wish to have him one last time before I assume my rightful place in hell.

  When a groan escapes my lips, he quickly adds a second finger, thrusting them harder in and out of my quivering body. I buck into him without remorse, loving how he plays my body like an instrument that was crafted for him and him alone.

  Feeling his hands on my body after so long without him feels like a baptism.

  If love is my religion, then Brody is my church.

  “Is this what you wanted, Remi? Did seeing me again make you ache?” His fingers pick up the pace and my vision turns white and hazy as I inch so close to euphoria, that I start to cry out with pleasure.

  It’s been so long since I’ve been touched like this that I know a slight breeze could have me spiraling into the abyss that is Brody Cum
mings. He bites down on my neck with so much ferocity that I know he’s left his mark, a warning to anyone else that may even look in my direction, that I’m a toy no one else can play with.

  I intake a quick breath as his teeth move to the shell of my ear and clamp down, tugging like he’s taking a bite off his well-hunted prey. My walls clench around his rough fingers, and just as I’m about to rocket into bliss, he pulls his fingers out of me and lets go so fast that I fall to the floor.

  “Bad moon white again.” He says, storming out of the door that he’s prevented me from walking out of since he brought me in here, leaving me on the floor completely stunned.

  The sweet little girl who tried to offer me my clothes back in the box walks toward the door as soon as she sees it open. Stepping out of the way to avoid getting bulldozed by Brody, she makes her way to me, arms stretched out with all of my clothes folded in a neat little pile.

  She makes quick work of closing and locking the door behind her, deciding that she’s my little warrior for the night. I’ve never felt like I needed a champion before. And with all the times that I’ve been put down on the ground, none of them have hurt the same way as what Brody just did to me.

  Chapter Nine

  Brody

  Brooke waited for me outside of Rogue, sitting on the tailgate of my truck, kicking her feet in the air like she has a fucking right to be there. I’d be lying if I said this didn’t piss me off to epic proportions. There’s nothing between us besides sex. The moment she realized she wasn’t getting laid tonight, she should have bailed and gone the fuck home.

  These goddamn women…

  “I’m not in the mood for games or prying questions tonight, Brooke.” I say, coming up alongside the truck.

  I make sure to lean against the body of the truck, putting distance between us so that she doesn’t have the opportunity to overstep her bounds even more than she already has tonight.

  Remi has my whole fucking brain all tied up in knots, I don’t want or need anyone else adding to that list. All I want is to go home and get so drunk that maybe the world takes pity on me and I don’t wake up. Maybe then I’ll finally get to meet my daughter and never again have to see the wretched bitch that put us there in the first place.