It doesn’t make me wish shit wasn’t different.
It also doesn’t make me love Remi any less.
But it definitely makes me miss the daughter I never got to meet even more.
And that probably won’t ever change.
Emery crawls in my lap again, putting each of her chubby little hands on either side of my face, making sure I’m paying close attention to her.
“All gone.” She says, in the poutiest voice I’ve ever heard. “Chip, chip?”
“You got it, Emmy.” I cave, pouring more in her hands as my heart dies a little inside, wishing it was Oaklynn wanting more snacks instead.
I feel at war with myself, wanting to forgive Remi and move forward with our lives, just as much as I want to blame her for taking my daughter away from me. Forgiveness wins out most of the time. As it probably should. But I’m only human. I can’t be perfect, no matter how hard I try to be.
Moments like right now, when I have a little girl in front of me, the spitting image of her father, that little voice in the back of my head, in the depths of my heart, starts screaming. It reminds me that Remi took something from me that can never be replaced. And no matter how much I love Remi, I can never forget Oaklynn.
So many people in the world always say that it’s a woman’s body and a woman’s right to choose. But our child wasn’t just made of Remi’s DNA. She was half me too. Why didn’t I get a say? Why couldn’t I have been given the opportunity to say that I wanted to keep my daughter? The sad truth is, fathers have no rights until the baby takes its first breath. They say a woman becomes a mother at the moment of conception, but sadly those rights don’t extend to the father who never got to hold his child.
I hate to sound like a petulant child, but the fact of the matter is… It’s simply not fair. I wonder how many men around the world have lost the opportunity to be a father the same way that I did. I wonder how many men wanted to hold and love their child but had the future ripped away from them without anyone even considering his thoughts and feelings about it.
It may be her body. But it was our child. Oaklynn was just as much mine as she was Remi’s. In the end, Remi got to make the call. And she chose wrong.
Losing Oaklynn hurt so bad that I cried myself to sleep in her nursery every night for almost a year. Everything was untouched, pristine, and left in place. A museum of dreams that never got to come true.
The crib stayed put together and pushed in the corner where I had set it up. The pink and green bedding stayed in place like a freshly made bed. The crib mobile dangled, begging to be turned on. The rocking chair was in the corner, the place I slept every night. Everything remained like it was, frozen in time, taunting me with the memories that would never be made in that room.
I couldn’t bring myself to remove anything. Even when we moved back to Deacon Hill, I had to have the guys pack up the nursery because I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. The pain was too much, too fresh. Even by then.
“Sorry about that.” Abel says, coming around the front of his desk and scooping Emery up off the floor.
He flips her so that he can blow raspberries on her belly and she just goes crazy. Cheez-Its fly from her hands while she kicks, squeals, and pushes against her dad, trying to stop his playful attack on her belly. He smiles at her with so much pride, love, and adoration. It makes my chest ache, a dull pain taking over.
Yeah, this pain probably won’t ever go away.
“So what’s the emergency?” I ask, tearing my eyes away from them.
It hurts too fucking much to look at them together.
I’m still too raw.
“That was Shane on the phone.”
“Why is there an emergency with your attorney?” I ask, thoroughly confused.
Abel sits on the ground in front of me as he grabs the box of snacks and pours a few more in Emery’s hands. She falls back in his lap, lounging like he’s her favorite recliner.
He levels me with a stare that feels oddly fucking ominous.
“You’re going to war, Brody. Hell, we all are. There will be bloodshed and there’s no guarantee that we’re going to walk out of this alive. You realize that right?”
“I’m prepared to die to save her, Abel.”
There isn’t an ounce of hesitation in my declaration. My promise to save the woman I love has been solidified since the moment the truth cried out of her lips. Nothing anyone says or does will change my mind. Not even Remi. And damn sure not Abel.
He nods his head, implying that he wasn’t questioning my intentions or my dedication to this. I sigh, relieved that he wasn’t about to ask me to do something that he would do in a heartbeat if it was Max.
“Every person who has ownership in this shop is prepared to do the same. That’s what you do for family.” He says, his voice choking up a little. ”We were all prepared for the worst when it came to Max and Bree. Remi is no different. All I’m saying is this is a lot more… intense. The threat is a lot bigger and a lot more of us are at risk. We need to be prepared for that.”
Color me fucking confused because I still have no idea what he’s talking about.
“Brody, we could die!” He reiterates as if I’ve somehow forgotten that. “I called Shane to make sure I got my ducks in a row so that if something happens to me, my family is taken care of. He helped me make a living will and helped lay out all of my assets and shit. You and the rest of the guys need to do the same. You need to make sure that if worst comes to worst, everything you’re leaving behind is taken care of. And I think you need to talk to your parents and let them know what’s going on. They have a right to know that their son could die at any moment. They deserve to have a chance to say goodbye.”
I did not see that shit coming.
What the hell do you even say to something like that?
I haven’t even had a chance to tell my parents Remi is back, let alone everything else.
Fuck…
I scrub my hand down my face, feeling thrown for a loop with this conversation. Never in a million years did I think this was the emergency that he called me for. But he’s right. This is something that needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later. If not for my sake, then for everyone else that could be left behind if I die in my pursuit to free the woman I love from the demons that bind her.
“Can you call Shane over here?” I ask, still trying to process the rest.
“He’s already on his way.” He says, nodding his head. “So are Dex, Ryan, and Jake. This is serious shit, Brody. We need to be prepared in every way. And I think we need to all take a trip to the range and freshen up. We’ll do whatever it takes, but we need to be smart about it.”
I told Remi that I would have chosen her. I told her that I would have walked away from everything and everyone. My shop, my dreams, my friends, my family.
I fucking meant it.
And I’m gonna prove it.
Even if it costs me everything, I’m gonna make sure she’s safe.
That she’s free.
***
“I’ll get you a copy of these and bring them by first thing tomorrow.” Shane says, stuffing all of our paperwork in his briefcase.
We all exchange goodbyes and walk out to our vehicles, closing the shop up as we do.
I handed it all over to Remi.
Everything,
My house, my shares of DRAB, my bike, my truck, all of my money.
Everything.
No matter what happens to me, she’s set. She doesn’t have to run. She has a place to live, she has a family that will love and take care of her. She has money. She’ll have my life insurance, because yes I made her the beneficiary. She will have everything that I have and then some. She can stay put and be close to Liz and Henry. Or if she wants to go somewhere else, she has the power to sell everything and do that too.
If I die, she has it all.
“I’m gonna close the shop for the rest of the week.” Abel
says, catching us all off guard.
All eyes jerk to him as he buckles Emery into her car seat. To say that we’re all shocked would be an understatement. We’ve shut down the shop on very few occasions. Five days to be exact. Three of those days were weddings. His and Max’s. Dex and Bree’s. Sonya and Talon’s. Another day was when we all went to New York for Sonya when she was in the hospital. And of course when he and Max had the twins.
Now we’re shutting it down for the rest of the week? We’ve never done something like that before. Hell, Abel didn’t even take time off for a fucking honeymoon.
“You sure about this?” Dex asks, coming up beside me.
“We need to spend time with our family and prepare. We need to be ready at a moment’s notice. And we need round-the-clock protection for Remi.” He says, nodding to me.
“I would have been with her tonight if you hadn’t called me here, asshole.” I say defensively.
He shakes his head, annoyed that I’m clearly not getting what he’s meaning. If he wouldn’t speak in fucking riddles, maybe that wouldn’t be a problem.
“What I’m saying is if you had shop responsibilities every day, you couldn’t do that. Until this shit blows over, everything else can wait. Our focus can’t be here right now.”
His many valid points tonight are making me feel more and more out of the loop with reality. I don’t know when he became this deep thinker, seeing the situation at hand and processing every possible outcome before making these grand decisions that no one else even thought about.
But I guess that’s what happens when you become a dad and you’re responsible for the lives of tiny humans.
Lucky him.
“Go home. Be with your families. Keep your phones on and guns ready. We can meet at the range tomorrow.”
His parting words hang in the air long after he’s left. And that’s when it finally hits me. I mean really, really hits me.
I’m not the only one who is truly willing to die for Remi.
The guys all pat me on the back, saying their goodbyes, and I stay standing in the parking lot of our shop, completely fucking awe-struck that these men would be willing to sacrifice so much for Remi. I mean, Jake doesn’t even know her. Never saw her a day in his life before the day we sat in the den at Abel’s house.
But that’s what makes them such good people. Down to their core, they are the best guys I’ve ever met. They understand what it means to protect the people you love. After hearing what Remi went through, hell she could have been a stranger, and they would still step up and make the same decisions.
Because that’s what you do when someone needs help.
You do whatever it takes.
No matter the cost.
Chapter Sixteen
Remi
I wake up with a moan rippling from my throat, feeling Brody’s tongue between my legs. Based on the wetness I feel, I think he might have been down there a minute or so before I woke. Now that I’m awake and squirming under his touch, he eats me with more vigor, the sounds of his lips smacking against me, driving me insane.
He eyes me from where he rests so comfortably between my thighs, and I swear the look says ‘What? I was hungry?’ I try to laugh because no one should look that adorable while doing such devious things, but his ministrations refocus the sound, a groan echoing throughout the room instead.
He laps at me as if it’s more of a pleasure for him than it is for me. His wild eyes seem as if he’s been on a tofu diet for years and this is the first time he’s been allowed to indulge in a juicy steak. He’s absolutely ravenous, moaning against my clit, sending vibrations coursing through my entire body.
The pressure of his mouth, while his hands pin me in place, has my back arching off the bed, his name tearing through my throat on a scream. He’s wrecking my body, obliterating all conscious thoughts other than the mystery as to how something as simple as a mouth can be responsible for so much pleasure.
An orgasm rips through me before I even realize it’s building, searing my nerve endings like a straight hit of venom. I’m drunk under his touch, powerless, as my eyes roll to the back of my head, rendering me completely useless.
I’m clawing at the sheets, my head whipping side to side, I can’t take it. It’s too much. It’s too intense, too much pleasure. My body protests against his tongue, trying to pull away while he tightens his grip, locking me in place. Not an inch of room to spare.
“Mmm, juicy.” He groans against me, his hands flexing, holding me down.
“Please. Please, Brody.” The breathless sounds coming out of my mouth, the pants, sound almost foreign to my ears. I have no idea what the hell I’m begging for. More? Less? Who knows, who cares! All I know is that with all the fluids seeping out of me, Brody and I are swimming, drowning together.
“I’m here, baby. I’m right here. Tell me what you need.” He whispers, inserting a finger to replace his mouth.
“Oh fuuuuckk.” The sound comes out, vibrating through my whole body, his personal sounding board.
“Is that a request?” He asks, a light rumble indicating his laughter.
“Yes!” I scream out as a second finger gets thrust inside of me with such delicious force that I inch further up the bed.
“You want my cock inside you, Little Wolf?”
“Yes, please. Yes!” I beg, unashamed.
Right as I’m about to come for a second time, he removes his fingers and his whole hand strikes down, slapping my pussy, making my entire body quiver under his touch, goosebumps peppering my skin, visibly showing how my body bows to his.
Everything he does, every way he touches me, it sets my whole body on fire. The need for him to consume me is present every day, the fire never waning, as I fall asleep and wake up in his arms every single morning.
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, Sir.” I squeal, begging for more of what he was just promising me.
“Turn over. Ass in the air.”
Oh, hell fucking yes!
Begging my body to cooperate, I slide my jelly legs around, maneuvering myself exactly how I know he wants it. My chest rests against the warm sheets, my cheek pressed down, breathing hot hair that gets reflected against my face, mocking me with my own arousal.
My ass is so high in the air, it almost feels cold compared to the rest of my body. As if Brody can hear my thoughts, worried about any part of me being neglected, a hand cracks across my ass, burning its way through me while tingles shoot directly to my core.
It’s a delicious kind of torture, having his hands so close to where I want them but not nearly close enough.
The warmth of his palms kneading the flesh of my bare ass makes my eyes roll in the back of my head. It’s embarrassing how much my body responds to his every single touch. It’s as if his fingerprints are dusted on my heart, the blood pumping out through every crevice of my body, knowing the simple fact that I was made to be his.
His teeth come down, biting the flesh of my now warm ass so hard that I feel my own wetness dripping out of me. It’s like a flare gun set off just for him, pleading with him to pay attention to where I’m craving him the most.
Here! Right here! Please!
My pussy is literally begging.
His fingers wipe up what’s trickling down my leg, shoving them in my mouth moments later.
“Taste how much your body’s cryin’ for my cock, Rem.”
I suck his fingers in my mouth, my tongue sliding all over him, exactly how I sucked him off in the middle of the night. I can’t help but moan at my own taste, loving how it mixes with the deliciousness of the flavor of his skin.
A hiss escapes his lips when I twirl my tongue around his fingers, lightly nipping them before I suck them to the back of my throat. I can feel his steel-hard cock start to pulse against where it rests against the warm flesh on my ass.
“Fucking hell, Remington.” He groans deeply as I beg him with my mouth, without words.
/> Words are unnecessary when the mouth can portray everything I need to say without even speaking,
He removes his fingers with an audible pop and I wiggle my ass, begging him to put me out of my misery and fuck me already. I’ve been on the brink for far too long. Too many hours have passed since I’ve felt him inside of me.
He cups each of my ass cheeks, burying his face in between them, his tongue licking at my back entrance, reminding me how delicious it is to get filthy with him. My legs start to quiver when a finger starts to circle me there, promising to fill me to the brink with as much of Brody as my body can fit.
I whimper, shaking beneath him, unsure how much longer I can go with his teasing, his delicious torture before I finally explode with tension.
Spontaneous human combustion is a real thing and with the fire that I feel inside of me, the need to be joined together, I’m seconds away from being consumed by the flames.
“Brody!” I beg, hearing the desperation in my own voice.
He responds by thrusting his cock inside my dripping core at the same time as a finger pushes inside of my ass. My body damn near goes limp as I convulse underneath him, an orgasm so intense completely engulfing me, holding me captive under his touch. I close my eyes with the intensity, as a scream tears its way out of my throat.
The power from releasing all of that sensation throughout my body, leaves my entire body pulsing from head to toe.
“That’s right baby, let me hear it. Tell me how much you love it when I fill both of your holes.”
His filthy mouth electrifies me, zapping my insides. It’s depraved and delicious, and everything I want and need.
He is everything I want and need.
He thrusts in and out of both my entrances, a teeter-totter of pleasure assaulting me in the best possible way. It’s so intense, so perfect, that it’s damn near unbearable.
Sex with Brody is the only thing in the world that can make you question how much pleasure a physical body can experience before it gives out, unable to take anymore.
I begin to shake uncontrollably, afraid that it’s too much to keep my body upright.
Absolution Page 20