The secret to life.
Because there is no living without Brody’s love.
***
“Your friends just decided they don’t hate me, you can’t blow off work to stay in bed with me all day. They’ll blame me and resent me all over again.”
“Like hell, they will.” He barks out, pissed at the notion. “They can cover shit for a day by themselves. Fuck knows that I’m the one that literally lives there more often than not.”
I shake my head as I climb out of bed, feeling him between my legs long after our bodies have separated. I head for the bathroom, needing a shower so bad that I’m ashamed.
My gods, I forgot the stamina that man has. It’s like he’s trying to make up for the last three years in a single day. Not that I’m complaining. I’m damn sure going to take as much of that body as he’s willing to give me. As often as he wants to give it to me.
But damn, a girl needs to stay fresh!
Brody comes up behind me as I turn on the hot water in the shower. His arms wrap around me, pulling my back to his front.
“You gonna let me drag you back to the bed when you’re done?”
“Are you gonna feed me?” I laugh as he bites down on my neck.
“Nourishment. Damn, I forgot about that.”
“It’s kind of essential for survival, babe.”
He laughs, turning me in his arms so that he can kiss me again. Slowly he backs me into the shower, letting the water mimic the rain I love so much, cleansing us of all our sins.
“Okay, you win.” He says in between kisses. “Food first.”
“Then what?” I ask, pulling his bottom lip between my teeth.
He growls into my mouth before pulling away. “If you keep doing that, we’ll never leave the house.”
“I’ll try to behave.”
I step into the water, soaking my hair. Brody bends down to grab the shampoo, insisting that I let him take care of me for a change. He proceeds to wash my entire body, head to toe. He takes extra special care of all of my marks that he gave me, lavishing them with extra suds. Every bite mark, scratch, and bruise from our time together last night gets treated like a rare gem. He worships me under the water, never allowing me to lift a finger.
It’s the sexiest, sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me.
After several minutes of protest, he finally lets me return the favor. According to him, I’ve taken care of him enough. If only he’d understand that taking care of him is something I love doing, no matter what it requires. Which I prove by dropping to my knees and taking him so deep in my throat that my vision goes black.
And I fucking love it.
The sounds he makes, the way his hands fist in my hair, the way he fills my mouth in hot spurts, the way my name falls from his lips like a goddamn prayer…
It’s heaven.
After he towels me off, determined to spoil me, we get dressed and decide to take the motorcycle instead of the truck. I’m giddy as I get on the back, wrapping my arms around him, holding on tightly.
As he takes off out of his neighborhood, I breathe in the fresh air, allowing myself the opportunity to enjoy being on a motorcycle in a way that I haven’t been able to in a long damn time.
Each time I ride, it’s out of the need to survive. To run. To hide. Being as fast and focused as I possibly can. I haven’t had the chance to enjoy the breeze, take in the comfort of a familiar city, or rest my chin against someone in front of me.
It’s such a simple thing, but it brings me so much solace.
Brody is my solace.
I lean back, allowing my hair that sticks out from under my helmet, to blow in the breeze, whipping around with the speed that we’re traveling.
Even if my uncle and his goons showed up right now, if this war started in the next breath, catching us completely off guard, it wouldn’t matter. Because I know that for the first time in my life, the secrets of that basement no longer hold me prisoner.
Those hands will never touch me like that again.
Those men no longer have any power over me.
Right here. Right now. On the back of this bike, with the man I love at my fingertips.
I get my first taste of freedom.
There’s so much more to do, so much more that needs to be handled, red tape that still keeps certain things protected, but I know that together, Brody and I can take on all the demons that are coming for me.
Together we will obliterate the darkness that has held me hostage for my entire life.
And together we will fucking win.
A day will come very soon where everyone I love will be set free.
And then I will demand that Liz go on vacation and refuse to take any of my calls for at least a year. Because damn, that woman needs a break. She’s worked every single day since the day she came to meet me in Iowa. And if I can finally be free, then she deserves to be free of me too.
Brody pulls up to the beachfront and throws his kickstand down before grabbing my hand and helping me off his bike. I look at him in confusion, wondering what the hell we’re doing here. He promised me nourishment.
“Trust me.” He laughs, tugging me forward.
I follow behind him without question, knowing that I would blindly follow him into the depths of hell without complaint.
No matter how much my stomach is grumbling.
Hand in hand we trudge through the sand, not at all dressed for such a location. With each step, our heavily weighted boots toss sand in every direction, including into my turned-down combat boots.
But the smile on Brody’s face as he drags me to the unknown… It’s worth all the discomfort of sand filling my shoes with each passing step. He looks so happy, like there’s a prize waiting for him at the end of this little adventure.
A dilapidated little shack with chipping paint comes into view and I realize all too quickly why he’s so happy. A smile graces my face as memories from a lifetime ago filter in, reminding me of the love Brody and I have created together.
“Brody, my man!” The guy says, smiling with his arms open wide. “Who’s this gorgeous woman on your arm and can I please get an introduction?” He says, clearly checking me out.
Brody tugs me into his side and lets out a small, playful growl. “You like the fresh air, Louie?” He asks.
Louie, the socially inept fool that he is, smiles at the question. “Hell yeah, my man.”
“You’ll never take in another lungful if you come near my girl, ya feel me?”
Ah, there’s the recognition in his eyes.
Poor guy, it’s been a long time.
“It’s good to see you again, Remington.” He says, fear and flush covering his face.
“It’s good to see you too, Louie. How’s your dad?”
No sooner do I ask the question when Vince comes barreling out of the side door to the taco stand, abandoning a full line of customers. He’s full-fledged running toward me. He scoops me in his arms, spinning me around before he plants me back in the sand where I go stumbling into Brody’s arms.
“Pequeña flor mortal, we’ve missed you.” He says.
The first day Vince ever saw me carrying my gun, he dubbed me the ‘deadly little flower.’
If only he knew how many lives I’ve taken with this gun.
“It’s good to see you, Vince.” I tell him.
Louie walks up, pretending to pout at Brody. “So Pops can paw at your lady, but I get a death threat?”
Vince laughs, slapping his son on his back, shaking him a little as he does.
“If he didn’t kill you, Pequeña flor mortal would.” He says, tipping his chin to my thigh holster.
“Damn, that’s hot.” Louie says, earning a very audible growl from Brody.
Vince laughs, Louie’s eyes go wide, officially scared that Brody will snap his neck and leave his corpse right here on the sand.
He just might…
“G
et inside before he kills you. I won’t lose my best customer so you’re on your own.” Vince says, pushing his son back to the shack where customers are complaining.
“You got one free pass, hands to yourself old man.” Brody jokes, doing that weird hand clap, back slap thing that guys do.
“I’m more scared of her than I am of you.”
Brody laughs, nodding his head, confirming Vince’s assumptions that his pequeña flor mortal has no problem pulling the trigger.
”So, how long are you in town for?” Vince asks, knowing that I’ve never stayed here too long at a time.
Brody meets my eyes, quirking an eyebrow as if he too is waiting on the answer. I know that I’ve already told him I plan on staying, probably a hundred and one times already, but I can understand his fears, and his need to have it repeated.
Probably a million more times.
“Uh, I’m here as long as Brody wants me to stay.”
Although I’m answering Vince, my eyes never leave Brody’s, needing him to truly hear what I’m saying. The implications behind it. This is me, handing him the most control I’ve ever given anyone before.
For the first time, Brody has control of where I go next.
Where we go.
“So then it looks like I should start planning to cater your wedding then, huh?” Vince laughs, somehow knowing that Brody wouldn’t give me up.
Unless he had a reason.
Brody smiles, not confirming or denying Vince’s assumptions. “We’d settle for two of the regulars for today.”
“You got it.” Vince says, clapping his hands together before returning to the shack.
I can see him smack Louie in the back of the head when he meets him at the window, obviously scolding him with his rushed words. I can’t understand what he’s saying, because it’s all in Spanish. Based on the wild gestures he’s making and the fact that they both keep looking in mine and Brody’s direction, I can assume it’s about making sure Louie doesn’t hit on me again.
Or else.
Poor guy would shit a fucking brick if he knew what Brody did to Casey.
I shudder, the memory still vivid and terrifying. And yes, even sexy because I’m just fucked up like that.
A few minutes later, Vince brings out our order, bypassing everyone ahead of us in line… as usual… He refuses to let Brody pay for it, saying over and over how happy it makes him just to see us together again and that was all the payment he needed.
I don’t think I realized before this moment how the absence of me in Brody’s life would have such a ripple effect on the people who know him so well. There are so many people that knew me because of him. I never allowed myself to understand that each time I left, they’d be the ones that had to put the broken pieces of the man I love back together again.
Hand in hand, Brody walks me to the hidden cove where we first met. I suppose it’s the most fitting way to rekindle. Especially now that I’m staying. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still a little weary.
You know, red tape and all.
Chapter Fifteen
Brody
After spending the day happily gluing Remi to my side, dropping her off at Henry’s bar for her shift felt about as similar to ripping my arm off and shoving it down my throat.
In other words, it was un-fucking-appealing.
And oddly painful.
I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all.
I don’t like knowing that she has to work in a bar, with no fucking protection, and no one there to help her out in case shit goes down. This goes against everything I am. Everything I stand for.
’I’m a pro at this by now, babe. And Liz will let me know if they head this way. I promise. I’m safe tonight.’
She thought her words would soothe me, make me feel a little better about walking away from her. About leaving her, risking her life, without me there.
But they fucking didn’t.
She told me there was a blood bath headed to Deacon Hill, and I had to walk away from her, potentially making her fend for herself because there was an emergency at my shop. Well, that and the fact that Henry threatened to kick me out if I kept growling at his customers when they flirted with Remi.
Sonya would call my behavior archaic.
I call it loving and it protecting what’s fucking mine.
And I make no apologies for that.
Not now, not ever.
So as I walk into the shop, ready to tear my skin off, hating being away from her, I head straight for Abel’s office to find out what this fucking emergency is.
And it better be good.
Brother or not, I will throttle him if he called me here for nothing.
“You rang, asshole?” I say, coming into his office, a chip very evident on my shoulder.
Emery is in his lap, pulling on his beard. He’s got his cell trapped between his ear and his shoulder as he types away on his laptop, clearly struggling to balance everything. He holds a finger up at me as he speaks rapidly on his phone.
I walk over and grab Emery from his lap, knowing that whatever he’s dealing with at the moment will go over a lot smoother, and probably quicker, if he isn’t trying to focus so hard on her.
“Come on, Emmy. Let’s give your Daddy a minute.” I say, bouncing her on my side.
“Unc Bro-Bro!” She cackles, hands flying to my face, smacking my cheeks with glee. She loves her nickname.
What can I say? She also loves her uncle.
We walk to my little bedroom upstairs so that I can grab her the Cheez-its that I have stashed away for when her and her sister come to the shop.
That’s right, I’m the cool uncle. I got snacks for days.
As soon as Emery sees the box in my hand, she claps her hands and squeals like crazy. “Mmm, chip, chip, chip!”
I pour a few in her hands, loving how happy she gets over something so small. Her body wiggles like a little inchworm the second one gets in her mouth.
“Bro want?” She asks, offering one to me.
“No, those are for you, Emmy.” I laugh.
The objection falls on deaf ears though because she very roughly starts shoving one past my lips and forcing me to gently take it from her tiny little fingers.
How is it possible for someone so tiny to be so damn rough?
“Bro-Bro chip!” She claps, clearly very pleased with herself.
“Thank you, Emmy.” I smile, kissing her forehead while we make our way back downstairs, Cheez-It box in hand.
Her chubby little cheeks keep munching away, satisfied that I shared a snack with her. She continues to dance a little in my arms, evidence of how pleased she is, clear as day to anyone who could see her.
We go back to Abel’s office, and I hold my finger up to my lips, letting Emery know we have to be quiet. She nods so dramatically that I have to stifle a laugh, knowing just how much she’s like the aunt she was named after.
Fuck, Max and Abel are screwed when these girls get older.
I pour a few more Cheez-Its in her hands and watch with rapt attention as she just… exists, in front of my eyes.
I told Remi that a part of me kind of hoped that she got pregnant again. I wasn’t lying. The truth of the matter is, a part of me always held out a twisted slice of hope that when I ran into her again, there’d be a little Oaklynn in tow. Just because she said she was going to have an abortion didn’t mean she actually did, right?
Wrong.
That hope was there before I knew the truth behind everything. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that a part of me felt like I had lost my daughter all over again.
The pain, the finality of it, sliced right through me all over again. Reminding me that I wasn’t a father. That I didn’t have a little girl to tuck in at night or kiss when she got boo-boos.
As happy as I am to have Remi back, to finally have the truth out in the open, there’s still this section of my heart that screams out
that something’s missing.
And I know it’s our daughter.
Because where there’s me, there should always be Remi. And where there’s us, there should be Oaklynn. And I’d be lying if I said that it still didn’t hurt a little, every time I look at Remi, knowing that we don’t have that. Knowing that even if she got pregnant again, it still won’t replace the daughter that we never got to have.
Would she have looked more like me or her mother? Would her eyes have been yellow like Remi’s? Would she prefer pink or purple? Would she like mermaids or unicorns? Who would she have been?
I’ll never fucking know…
I want to try and rationalize it, to try and object to what Remi did. Just because she couldn’t be a mother didn’t mean that I couldn’t have been a father. I could have raised her. I could have drown her in love. I could have protected her. Kept her safe. All of the guys, and now all of their girls, could have helped fill the void of Remi not being here.
Little Breelle and Emery would have had a little cousin to play with.
Why the fuck couldn’t she have told me the truth before now?
Why couldn’t she have just let me choose to be with her? Would it have sucked to give up on my dreams, my friends, my family? Hell yeah, it fucking would have! That shit would have been ugly and painful. It would have hurt. It would have killed me a little inside.
But I would have had my girl.
We would have had our daughter.
And that honestly would have been enough for me.
And maybe, just maybe, together we could have found a way to end this shit a long time ago.
But she never gave me that chance.
I never got to make that choice.
And as much as that hurts, as much as I fucking hate that she did it that way, at the end of the day, I still stand by her. I still won’t hold it against her. Because the shit that she went through, the fears she had, not just for herself but for what would happen if they got ahold of our daughter… That shit had to fuck her up in a way that I could literally never fully comprehend.
It doesn’t make it hurt any less though.
Absolution Page 19