Home (Finding My Home Book 1)

by Nikita Parmenter

  I made sure to use the less obvious gas station on my journey and since there are several along this route anyway, it’s very unlikely that if anyone did want to follow me they’d check this one but the cashiers lack of scrutiny fills me with relief regardless. I down my coffee quickly, it tastes like shit, but beggars can’t be choosers and all that jazz.

  Once it’s gone, I’m back on the road in no time and now that I'm far enough away from Fresno, I start to keep a look out for a secluded side road where I can switch my plates. There were obviously cameras at the gas station, and it would have raised suspicions if anyone took notice of the fact that I left with different plates than the ones I came in with. I may seem like I’m being overly cautious, but I know some of the men my dad worked with and they were ruthless and thorough bastards.

  If anyone does come looking for me it wouldn’t be that hard to bribe or threaten the gas clerk to show them the security tapes. I should know, I’ve had to do it myself. I finally find a safe enough place and make quick work of swapping the plates over and tucking the fake ones back in my bag, no evidence left behind. I check the map quickly just to make sure I’m still on the right track. It would be just my luck to get myself fucking lost.

  Now that I’m a good few hours away and I’ve swapped my plates to my legal ones, that no-one back in Fresno has ever seen, I lose even more of the tension I’m carrying. I might actually make it to Oregon and to my … nope not fucking, going there. I pull back out onto the road and make sure I still vigilantly check my mirrors and environment, better to be safe than dead. My dad’s men think I snitched, if they catch up to me, if the cops didn’t get them all, then I’m dead.

  Pure and simple.

  Thankfully luck is with me and no issues arise for the rest of my journey.

  My whole body is aching with fatigue from riding my bike for such an extended period of time though. At last, I spot the welcome to Serendipity sign and instantly the fatigue plaguing my body drains away and I’m left wired and alert. I slow my bike down as I travel through the streets from my childhood memories, noticing the slight changes. I cruise leisurely around the small town, trying to psych myself up to go and face the boys and their parents.

  Finally, I decide to woman the fuck up and get it over with, after all it’s Tuesday, maybe Trick’s got a club after school or something or maybe he's at one of the guys houses?

  Clinging onto that tiny bit of false hope, I drive through the town and out onto Trick’s street. Pulling up outside, I leave the engine running as I gaze up at the house that used to be as familiar as my own.

  It’s a large, modern style home set out over two floors, from what I can remember it has five bedrooms. Four on the first floor with the master on the ground floor. Just before I left, they were talking about redoing the basement as a games area for Trick, the guys and me but I can’t tell from here if they actually did it.

  Sighing heavily, I turn my bike off and swing my leg over, pocketing my keys. I take my helmet off as I walk up the drive and take a deep fortifying breath before ringing the doorbell. The door swings open and I’m struck by how little Jenny has changed since I last saw her, she has a little bit of grey mixed in with her blonde hair now but, otherwise she looks exactly like I remember.

  I can see the shock in her eyes as her gaze runs over my appearance. I know what she sees, a too skinny, scruffy girl with bags under her eyes, wearing poorly fitting clothes that have definitely seen better days. I sigh quietly, not the impression I dreamed I’d make if I ever made it back here, but there’s fuck all I can do about it now.

  When her soft blue eyes meet mine, I balk at the level of sadness and affection I see gazing back at me. Before I can comprehend what’s happening and prepare myself, she brings me into a tight hug, I immediately stiffen, my hands balling at my sides. I’m not used to kind touch.

  Feeling the change in my body, she steps back.

  “S-s-sorry” I stutter cursing myself and trying to get my breathing back under control.

  “Oh Ever” there’s a misty sheen to her eyes that I chose to ignore and thankfully she doesn’t question my reaction to her hug and carries on talking. “Come on in, where’s your social worker?” she asks peering over my shoulder.

  Now I could lie, but I promised myself that this is my new start. Besides, I owe that woman nothing.

  “She couldn’t be bothered to bring me, said I needed to find my own way” I point over my shoulder and her eyes widen as she takes in my bike.

  “Absolutely ridiculous, worthless woman. Don’t worry Everleigh, I'll make sure she gets what she deserves.” Jenny says vehemently.

  It shocks the fuck out of me. Why would she care about something like that?

  "What’s done is done, she’s not the worst one I’ve had.” I shrug before grimacing at how that must’ve sounded. I’m not used to censoring myself around normal, well adjusted people. I’m going to have to work on that.

  “Yes, well don’t even get me started on that. Did you have to leave a lot behind? I’m sure the guys could go back with the truck and pick it up with you this weekend? They’re all at the last away game of the season at the moment and won’t be back until midday tomorrow but they’ll be in school for lunch.”

  “No! I mean I haven't got anything else it’s all in here,” I turn around and show her my backpack and anger clouds her eyes, “I don’t think it would be a good idea to go back until after the trial” I tell her. I know she doesn’t know all of the details, just that I’m a witness that needs to testify, that my dad was involved somehow and was shot and killed.

  “I’m sorry about your dad Ever” she actually sounds sincere but then she doesn’t know who he really was.

  Unsure what to say I just nod. I can’t really say well, I’m glad the fucker’s dead because it means I'm finally free from the fucked-up bastard, can I?

  I’m never opening up that can of worms, at least not as long as I can help it, I have a feeling my issues may force the conversation to come up at some point though.

  “Come on then” she says leading me up the staircase, “you’re in your old room, you remember where everything is?” I nod and she smiles, “good, feel free to have a shower and a nap if you’d like. I imagine you’ve been on the road for a while and need a rest. Rob will be home later, and I’ll come and wake you for dinner when it’s ready” she searches my eyes as she speaks, somehow knowing that I need space to process.

  I nod again feeling like a fucking bobble head. She smiles softly and opens up the door to my old room, it’s almost exactly the same.

  The walls are still lilac and there are still bright pink curtains on the windows. My old single bed has been replaced with a queen and the comforter is now a dark purple, there’s a couple of bedside tables bookending the bed and a small desk by the window. The door to a decent sized walk in closet is on the back wall. I’ll never be able to fill it but I’m in awe. This place already feels a thousand times safer than any place I’ve been in since my father ripped me away from here. I have a chance to be an actual teenager, to be able to wear pyjamas and even shower at home, that’s a massive luxury for me.

  Although, it might take me awhile to break myself out of the habit of staying fully clothed when I sleep. I’m definitely going to have to ease myself into that, maybe start by sleeping without my boots on first. Boots are a good weapon if you have an uninvited guest, a lot better than bare feet. It occurs to me that eventually I will have to worry about finding money to buy pyjamas, if I ever get to that point, but I can get job. I’m sure somewhere in this tiny town is hiring. I realise I've been staring at the room for a while and turn to face Jenny, once again her eyes are misty and me, with my rusty people skills has no fucking idea why, so I once again ignore it.

  “You didn’t change it?” not what I wanted to say, stupid brain to mouth filter.

  “Of course not, even if we had wanted to change it, Trick and the boys would never have let us.”

  I don’t kno
w how to reply to that or even what that means, but she just continues not giving me the chance to anyway.

  “Towels are still in the cupboard in the bathroom, come down after you’re done if you want to or take a nap, it’s been a long couple of days.”

  I give her a small smile which she returns, then she turns and walks back towards the door, just before she leaves, she turns back to me.

  “I’m so happy you’re her Ever, we all are.”

  As soon as the door shuts behind her it takes epic effort not to dive bomb the bed. I can tell just from looking at it, that there won’t be any springs digging into me and even if there were, there’s a fucking comforter not some thin blanket, it’s yet another luxury. Before I lose my nerve, I trudge to the bathroom, not quite ready to part with my things out of force of habit, I bring my backpack with me.

  I lock the door behind me then pile my bag, jacket and helmet in front of the door. It won’t stop someone from getting in but it will slow them down and give me a chance to throw some clothes on and get ready to defend myself.

  Logically I know I’m safe here and no one will try to come in, but the thought of not putting my stuff there makes my chest tight and my breath come out in short gasps, so it’s not worth it to attempt to shower any other way. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to shower like a normal person, but that day is not today.

  Speaking of not being able to shower like a normal person, I slip one of my knives out of my jacket and place it inside the shower cubicle where the soap would normally go. I take out clean underwear and socks deciding to leave my clean set of clothes for school tomorrow instead of putting them on now. My hoody is still done right up so I doubt Jenny will realise I’m wearing the same top, and my jeans are still fairly clean. I place everything within easy reach, then grab a towel out of the cabinet on the other side of the bathroom.

  Starting the water, I waste no time in stripping down and jumping in the shower. My heart beats furiously in my chest as I scrub my body, ignoring the various scars that litter it. I wash my hair in record time and not even ten minutes later, hop out, speed dry and quickly redress.

  As soon as I’m clothed again my heart rate starts to slow and my breathing comes easier.

  Stupid fucking shower.

  I braid my waist length hair into two Dutch plaits to keep the wet hair from sticking to me and decide to leave my burgundy hoody off. After arguing with myself for a while, I also decide that whilst I’m being brave, I might as well try to have a nap. I desperately need to get some sleep. It’s too warm in this house to wear my hoody to bed, so this time my boots are staying on. I’m absolutely not brave enough to go to sleep without my hoody and my boots at the same time.

  It’s the first day, baby steps Ever.

  As it is, I might just be exhausted enough to fall asleep without my hoody on although I’m not feeling too hopeful. I silently make my way towards the bedroom, it’s odd to think of it as mine. After I close the door behind me, I frown, there aren’t any locks on it, not even one. I take a deep breath and remind myself that I’m safe here. Even so, I once again place my backpack and my bike jacket in front of the door, along with my helmet. Remembering my memory box, I gently fish it out of my bag and glance around the room for a suitable place to hide it.

  My eyes land on the large bed, figuring it worked before, I scoot under the bed pushing the box so that it’s flush against the wall at the head of the bed. Satisfied, I walk back over to my bike jacket and pull the other knife out of the sleeve and hold one in each hand as I make my way back over to the bed, settling on the side furthest away from the door.

  As soon as I climb in, I instantly fall in love with the soft mattress and plush comforter. I place my knives underneath my pillow as I lie down, my hands find their way underneath it too, gripping tightly onto the hilts of my knives.

  Always ready.

  I’ve spent years sleeping with my knives and after the first month of nicks on my fingers from the blades, I quickly became accustomed to it and I haven’t cut myself since. After nearly two days of hardly any sleep and all the stress of the last few days too, my nightmare filled sleep embraces me quickly and drags me under.

  ~~~~~~~~

  I awake with a jolt, sitting up before my eyes are even properly open, my knives drawn. Before I can work out what woke me up there’s a soft knock on the door.

  “Ever, dinners ready!” Jenny calls through the door.

  Thank fuck she didn’t come in to wake me up. That would have been hard to explain. I slowly force my grip to loosen on my knives and release a heavy breath.

  “Coming” I say my voice groggy.

  I’m half tempted to try to go back to sleep but my stomach effectively squashes that plan, when it growls loudly at the mention of food. It’s been days since I ate something more than a couple of crackers.

  I jump up and place one knife back under my pillow and the other in a pocket, similar to the sheaths on my jacket, that I’ve sown into the waist band of my jeans. Until I can prove to my illogical and damaged side that I’m safe here, I’m going to have to have at least one of my knives on me at all times. Especially if I don’t want to have a panic attack. They’re sort of like a fucked-up version of a security blanket.

  I move my stuff away from the bedroom door and briefly wonder if I could get away with taking my bag down with me without looking as crazy as I clearly am, probably not.

  I take a deep breath and walk out of the room and down the stairs leaving my bag behind. I easily remember the way to the kitchen. Most of my daydreams took place in one of the boy’s homes and I’ve never forgotten the layout of them.

  As I approach the kitchen, I stand cautiously on the threshold, unsure of the normal protocols for this situation. As I peer in my eyes land on Rob, Trick’s dad and I’m once again startled by how little Rob has changed. My dad looked haggard and at least ten years old than Rob or Jenny do, but then again, I guess drugs will do that to you. They both spot me at the same time, as Jenny places the last dish on the table.

  “Ever, it’s so lovely to see you” Rob greets me.

  I can tell that Jenny warned him of my ratty appearance, since outwardly he doesn’t react in any way apart from the sorrow, which I still don’t understand, shadowing his eyes. I offer a small smile, grateful that he didn’t try to hug me, that wouldn’t have ended well.

  “Come and sit darling” Jenny say’s.

  I move further into the room my eyes widening at the massive mound of pasta, giant bowl of salad and heaping plate of garlic bread set out on the table. I don’t think I’ve seen this much food in years. My mouth begins to salivate.

  “Help yourself, I may have gone a bit overboard, the boys eat like they’re starving animals most of the time so I’ve gotten used to making huge quantities.” Jenny and Rob chuckle and I smile at them desperately wanting to pile my plate high with food.

  I wait until they’ve both filled their plates before filling my own with heaping’s of pasta, garlic bread and salad. I’m so focused on my food and getting it into my mouth as fast as possible so it can’t be taken away from me, that I’m not paying attention to my surroundings.

  I finish my food in record time and suddenly remember my dusty manners, that was rude right?

  I stiffen and glance up to Rob and Jenny, only to find them both staring at me with wide eyes. I shrink in on myself and my cheeks heat with embarrassment before I can fully think through the repercussions, I blurt out the truth.

  “I’m sorry, I haven’t eaten for a while and I can’t remember the last time I saw this much food or had a hot meal. It was delicious, thank you. I’m sorry” I say quietly, cursing my honesty once I’ve finished.

  Rob clears his throat and out of the corner of my eye I see him exchange a look with Jenny.

  “That’s quite alright Ever, I’m impressed, you ate as much as the boys” he chuckles although the sound is strained, “when was the last time you ate?”

  “I had some crackers
at a gas station on the way here” I figure there’s no point in trying to dodge the question now, and I already promised I wouldn’t lie.

  “Before that?” Jenny asks gently.

  I sigh heavily, scrunching my face up trying to remember, “a couple of days maybe.”

  I hear Jenny gasp before she quickly covers it.

  “You will never have to go hungry again, Everleigh” Rob says fiercely, and I just nod dumbfounded, these people actually give a shit, how novel.

  “Right, well if you’ve still got room after that mountain of food, there’s chocolate cake for dessert” Jenny grins, I smile my first genuine smile, probably since I left this place all those years ago.

  “I haven't had chocolate in years, there’s always room for chocolate.”

  They chuckle at my answers although it doesn’t quite cover the sadness that still hides in their eyes.

  I help them clear the table and then bring the plates over for the cake. Jenny cuts me a giant slice and I’m in absolute heaven after the first bite. I quickly finish my cake and Rob confirms what I’d already guessed, when he tells me I’ll be going to school tomorrow. He offered me the rest of the week off, but I’d rather not miss any more school if I can help it. Jenny tells me again that the boys will all be back by mid-morning, and will be at school by lunch. I decide not to focus on that bit.

  Denial is my friend. I internally scoff.

  It’s not long until we say goodnight and I traipse up to the room I’m sleeping in, not sure I’ll ever be comfortable calling it mine.

  Although I had a short nap earlier, I’m still tired and having a full stomach for once is making me sleepy too. I put my hoody back on and take my boots off, this time knowing I’m not ready to leave both off yet. I’ve pushed myself far enough today. I do however leave one knife in my jeans, still easily accessible but not under the pillow where I normally keep it, so baby steps. I settle down for a night of tossing, turning and nightmares.