Home (Finding My Home Book 1)

by Nikita Parmenter

  Without missing a beat and dismissing my earlier thoughts that he is somehow familiar. I act all shocked and offended when she subtly gives me the finger by scratching the side of her nose. Blondie is still watching me and looks confused for a split second before he catches on to what she’s doing, he looks ready to explode at her for some reason. I grin savagely at Queen bitch, causing her eyes to widen. I hold my finger up to her in a one second gesture and then close my hand into a fist, using my other hand to pretend to turn a crank like on a jack in a box, slowly raising my middle finger.

  Once it's up my grin turns into a smirk and I blow her a kiss. Her entire table erupts in laughter, the guys that the incident occurred with laughing the loudest. I can just about hear her screech over the sound of it, as me and Rylie leave the cafeteria for history.

  "You're going to stir so much shit up" Rylie says, linking her arm through mine. "I can't fucking wait."

  History was pretty much what you'd expect, it was all about the past. It was probably quite an interesting lesson, I normally enjoy history, but my mind was focused elsewhere, like on the six hot as fuck guys. One of whom, I almost cut up and all of whom are so freakishly familiar to me, but I just can’t place them.

  Oh, and two of them happen to be in this damn class with me and have not stopped fucking staring. Assholes. Before long Rylie’s dragging me towards the changing rooms and shoving a newly packaged gym uniform in my arms from a cupboard inside the girls changing room. I grimace, I was sort of hoping I could get away with not getting changed just for today. Rylie rushes us to the back of the changing rooms where a few private cubicles are set up. She winks at me before shoving her way inside one and I enter the one next to her.

  I change quickly in the privacy of the cubicle, incredibly grateful that I don’t have to parade my scars in front of everyone. The shorts are so short, they aren't going to hide the six-inch-long scar on the top of my thigh but that's easily enough explained away. Especially since there’s only one. The scars on my back and stomach would be a bit harder to explain.

  I exit the cubicle and stuff my bag into a locker, making sure it's locked securely. I managed to secure the smaller of my two knives in my bra. Not ideal but I’ve done it before, and the padding should protect me enough. I can hear the whispers start as the other girls spot the scar on my thigh. If they only knew.

  "Oh my god, it's so ugly, no wonder she wanted to get changed in a cubicle" one of queen bitches followers announces loudly, as if it should embarrass me. I just roll my eyes; they have no idea.

  I'd say it's what's on the inside that counts but honestly my insides are just as fucked up as my outsides.

  "Ignore them" Rylie says as she leads us through the double doors and into the gym.

  "Don’t worry I am. It's quite entertaining listening to the theories they come up with" I chuckle.

  Apparently, all we're doing for gym today is running laps, which is more than ok with me. I may not like gym but I'm by no means unfit, I couldn't afford to be. It was a matter of survival for me. If I couldn’t outrun the dangerous men that could potentially be chasing me, then I'd be dead or worse and trust me there are definitely worse outcomes than being dead. I notice that the guys that were a part of the incident earlier, are in this class too and seem to be getting odd looks for some reason.

  "Why is everyone looking at the incident guys like that?" I ask Ry as we slowly make our way around the track.

  "Incident guys?" She questions with her eyebrow raised, I just shrug in response and she chuckles. "Probably because they aren’t usually in this class. I mean this is their class but since they're football players they normally run their own drills during gym, they haven't been to one gym class this year" she looks at me, smirks and raises her eyebrow, "I wonder why they're suddenly interested in coming to class, hmm?"

  "What? It hasn't got fuck all to do with me and even if it did, they're probably just scoping me out finding out how to exact their revenge" I burst out laughing unable to keep a straight face and instantly drawing attention of said jocks, "Fuck, now look what you made me do, Ry."

  "What!? How the fuck was that my fault?" She says in mock outrage causing us both to giggle.

  We glance back over to them to see them all still watching us, queen bitch, (I really should find out her name, maybe), spots where the guys are looking and starts towards us, a snarl marring her pretty face.

  My focus however is divided, as I continue to watch the guys.

  "They're all staring at you again." Ry says quietly.

  I narrow my eyes at them, "no they're fucking not, they're staring at the scar on my leg."

  "Dicks" Rylie growls.

  "I got this" I say, and she chuckles.

  We stop running, several of the kids have and the coach doesn’t seem to give a shit. I make sure they’re still focused on my leg, then I slowly run my hand down my leg watching as they all instantly focus on it, as soon as I have their attention I bring my hand up, their eyes following and flip them the bird, adding my deadliest glare for good measure.

  The biggest guy, built like a brick shit house and all muscle, with dark brown hair thrown up into a man bun and deep blue eyes, gives me the smallest smirk imaginable. I'm suddenly thrown back into a memory of a much, much smaller boy, with messy hair flying in all directions. That's his smile, he had a really bad stutter when we were younger and was bullied for it until we started fighting back for him. That’s probably were my need to protect those who can’t protect themselves comes from. Looking at him now I can say for certain that he can take care of himself.

  He hated his stutter and it got to a point where even with speech therapy, he wouldn't talk around anyone else but me and the guys. Even his parents got a limited amount of words. That smile was the smile he used to give me when we conspired to pull a trick on the others. His big smile was absolutely beautiful and even when I was eight years old, used to make my heart beat a bit faster but that little smile, that was just for me and that one was my favourite.

  That's my Rafe.

  I'm thrown back to the present and my eyes widen in panic.

  "Fuck!"

  "What?" Ry asks reading my panic.

  "What are their names Ry?" I softly ask, my eyes never leaving them.

  Rafe pushes up to his full height, realising that I'm putting it together.

  "Rafe, Trick, Riot, Jensen, Luc and Cash."

  "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."

  They all start towards me and freak.

  "I'll explain, I promise but buy me some time to get away from them please? I just need to get my stuff from the locker" I look at Rylie with wide eyes and she just nods.

  "I got you girl; this I do need an explanation for though!" She winks.

  "Fuck yes."

  She starts towards the guys and I kick my jog up to a run, sprinting past the ridiculous queen bitch still on a fucking warpath. I can hear them yell behind me and all hell breaks loose as Rylie does whatever it is she decided to do to give me time to escape. Not having the time to get dressed, I just grab my stuff out of my gym locker. Fishing out my bike keys and then sprint towards my locker to get my helmet, I'm not stupid. Just as I pull it out, I hear the doors behind me crash open.

  "Everleigh" one of them growls, like legit growls and it does things to me I'm not going to admit right now but damn.

  "Sorry I don't know who that is, got to go" I yell over my shoulder, whilst sprinting down the hall towards the front doors and my bike. One of them chuckles behind me and I grin.

  Smacking some sense back into myself, I should not be finding this amusing. I crash my way through the front doors, pulling on my helmet as I run down the stairs. I throw my leg over my bike and stick the key in the ignition. As soon as the bike growls to life beneath me I heave a sigh of relief. The guys crash through the front doors and all stop dead at the sight of me on my bike. I grin wickedly. Which seems to jump start them and they all start towards me again. I fishtail the bike around before revving
the engine and popping a wheelie just to show off, before racing away. A quick glance in my mirror reveals their dumbfounded expressions and makes me chuckle.

  It's a while before the adrenaline wears off enough that I realise I just fucked up. I shouldn't have run from them. Now they're definitely going to know I'm fucked up. Why couldn't I have had a normal reaction, for fuck sake. This whole day has been a fuck up and it’s only day fucking one. I don't want to go back to Rob and Jenny's. The guys will have told them what's happened today and they will no longer want me to stay with them. Then fuck knows where I'll go or no one will be there because no one gives a crap anymore and I think that may just be worse.

  Either way I should've found a way to bring my stuff with me this morning because I will be leaving. Since I didn’t though, my stuff is still at Rob and Jenny's and I've got no choice but to go back for it. I don’t own anything else or have the means to get anything else. Sighing heavily and stealing myself for whatever is about to happen, I slowly wind my way through the now darkened streets towards Trick’s home.

  As I pull up outside and take my helmet off, the front door is thrown open and several people come barrelling out. Before I can back up to safety, male arms are wrapped around me and I let out an ear piercing scream, my legs kicking wildly and my breath coming in short gasps. I'm instantly dropped and vaguely hear panicked voices, but I'm too far gone trying fight off the memories that are trying to surface. All I know is that all the male voices yelling, are not helping me in the slightest.

  A shrill whistle briefly cuts through my panic before I'm sucked back under again.

  "Shut the fuck up, you assholes you're making it fucking worse" I barely register the sound of Rylie’s voice but even through my panic I'm so grateful she’s here.

  I hear soft footsteps start to approach and I tense rocking back and forth, my arms wrapped around my knees and my head bowed. I have no idea how I ended up on the floor.

  “Hey, it's ok Everleigh, it's just me Rylie" she says softly, "we've done this before, you've got this girl."

  "What the fuck do you mean you've done this before?" Someone angrily growls and my body, which had started to relax listening to Rylie’s voice tenses back up, my rocking speeding up.

  "You need to shut the fuck up right now Riot, do you see what your anger just did to her? It doesn't matter that it's not at her because as far as she’s concerned right now, she can't distinguish the difference." She explains firmly, then in a softer voice continues, "it’s ok Ever, I got you. Take deep, deep breaths girl, you've gone right down the rabbit hole. Where are your knives?"

  "Knives?" I hear someone mutter incredulously.

  Which means Rob or Jenny, or both must be out here too, because all the guys already know about my knives since I threatened one of them with them already.

  I'm still struggling to breathe but my rocking has slowed, I stop so I can grab my knife out of my bra, my other one is still in my jacket but already I feel safer knowing that I've got it. I grip it tightly, my knuckles whitening as it grounds me in the now.

  "That's it Ever, I'm going to touch your shoulders now just like before ok, I want you to look up at me."

  Rylie gently places her hands on my shoulders, I still flinch, even though she warmed me what she was going to do. I stay where I am though.

  "Now look up at me Everleigh, and take deep breaths."

  "Can’t .... breathe...." I gasp.

  "I know girl, that's why I want you to look up at me. I'll help you, like before."

  I slowly lift my eyes up to hers, but movement catches my eye and I start to panic again.

  "Sit the fuck down and stay still or go inside. If I can't get her breathing properly, she will pass out and no one wants that."

  I smile slightly at her telling them off and she squeezes my shoulder ever so gently. All the tall shadows surrounding me suddenly shrink and already, I can breathe easier, my eyes lock with Rylie, and she smiles.

  "Deep breaths, with me Ever ok?" I nod slightly, "that's it, in and out. Again. Good Ever, you got this girl, by the way this definitely makes me your best friend now" she jokes, and I chuckle breathlessly.

  "Abso-fucking-lutely Ry." I gasp out.

  "Ah there she is, hey girl welcome back" she smirks.

  "Fuck."

  "That pretty much sums it up" one of the guys growls, I flinch slightly.

  "What the fuck happened?" Another one says in a quieter tone.

  "Can I explain inside, it's not exactly a pleasant story and I'd rather the neighbours didn't get any more of show." I stall.

  "Yes, of course, come on darling" Jenny says her voice shaking.

  I stand up by myself, still ardently playing with my knife. Ry disappears for a second as I'm walking towards the house and when she appears again, I feel the reassuring weight of my other blade in my hand. My anxiety decreases further, and I play with both knives spinning them and twirling them. I can feel the cautious and worried looks the guys are throwing me and I'm not sure I understand them. We all take a seat in the front room and I switch off emotionally, it's the only way I'm going to get through telling them this. I never wanted them to know, but like I predicted, my issues mean I now have to. I reassure myself that they don’t have to know everything just the basics.

  "What happened out there Everleigh?" Jenny asks.

  "I was already on edge and then I saw several large figures coming at me quickly and one of the guys hugged me. My brain didn't process it as a hug, the first hug I'd had since mom died was yesterday when you hugged me.” I say nodding in Jenny’s direction, “I don't like being touched especially by men, in my world touch is either unwanted or it brings pain." I ignore the harsh breathing and suddenly angry postures and expressions of the guys and continue, "I had a panic attack which triggered memories. Riley helped bring me out of them." I state as simply as I can, please don't ask me about the knives, I internally beg. Now I'm calmer I sheath my knives quickly hoping that the out of sight, out of mind saying holds true in this instance.

  I glance around at everyone. Jenny is crying, all the men look absolutely livid but I'm in a better state of mind now, so I understand it's not at me. Riley just smiles sadly at me, she knows.

  "I'll go get my stuff, sorry for the trouble." I say and start to stand.

  "What the fuck! You can't leave, we just got you back!" Luc says his voice panicked.

  I look at him curiously.

  "You don’t want me to go?"

  "Ever, why on earth would we want you to fucking go?" Cash states plainly, an emotion I can't quite identify underlying his harsh tone.

  "Because of today" I say quietly and glance apologetically at Jensen, the crazy fucker just grins widely at me and winks. I let out a surprised chuckle and his grin widens.

  "No harm, no foul" he says casually.

  Which just causes me to laugh again, since I definitely did hurt him, as proven by the thin cut on his neck. He tilts his head up as if he's showing it off proudly, causing the others to grumble and roll their eyes.

  "Crazy fucker" I say softly, he just winks at me.

  "Right, dinners probably ready by now. Everleigh, I understand if you aren't hungry and would just like to go to bed" Jenny says, Jensen having effectively cut through the tension.

  "I'm always hungry after a panic attack and I didn't have lunch, so I'm definitely up for some food" I shrug glancing round at everyone.

  Rafe taps Riot on the shoulder and begins to sign. I guess his speech therapy didn't help. I watch his hand movements, I taught myself ASL before I got too broken to come back, just in case Rafe needed to use it, it was a way to stay closer to them as well. Before Riot can ask, I answer Rafe’s question.

  "I only had enough money for coffee" I say yawning, "besides, I've gone a lot longer without eating, skipping lunch is nothing."

  My eyes widen as Rafe’s hands begin to move so quickly that I can only just decipher what he’s saying to me.

  "What the fuck do you mean, y
ou've gone longer, what the fuck happened to you Everleigh? Why didn't you contact me, us, we could've helped!! Or something!"

  By the end of his rant his face red and his breathing laboured. Everyone's watching me, obviously worried that his reaction could trigger me somehow. I should probably be scared of this obviously angry and very large man, he has to be at least a head and a half taller than me, with a large barrel chest, massive and seriously yummy shoulders, tapering down to a slimmer waist and thick powerful thighs. He’s all taught muscles and strong arm’s, I kind of want to lick him.

  Fuck, focus Ever, get your mind out of the fucking gutter.

  I focus back on the angry mammoth; my brain is calm enough that I know he would never hurt me. I've used the memories of all of these men, and that’s what they are now. They may still be in high school but none of them look like boys, to help me out of panic attacks in the past. Granted they were memories from when we were kids and they were considerably smaller, but my brain still makes the connection enough to know they'd never hurt me.

  So, I do what I used to do when we were kids and he'd yell at me because I'd done something reckless and it scared him. I slowly walk towards him and reach up my hands, barely grazing his shoulders, he bends over slightly so I can reach and I wrap my hands around his neck, as he circles his arms around my waist and stands up lifting me higher up him. I bury my head in his neck, just like I used to and play with the hair at the back of his head, he shudders ever so slightly and holds me tighter.

  "I'm sorry Big Guy" I whisper the same words I said when we were kids, even then he was so much bigger than me.

  "Everleigh" his voice is harsh and rough from lack of use like whiskey over a rumbling mountain.