Dare to Dream
Page 22
“Really? That’s a big change from attorney to hotel owner back to an attorney now,” I say.
“Yeah. I don’t know why he’s back now. You miss out on all the gossip when you don’t talk to people.”
We lay there in the freezing cold for another hour while talking about nothing in particular. Just anything to get Callie’s mind off other things in her life.
∞∞∞
Chapter 37
Callie
I WAKE UP with a startle and sit up in bed. I look around to see I’m in bed and sigh with relief. I rub my forehead and wipe away the sweat that has gathered there during my nightmare. Up until last week, it had been months since I had had a nightmare. It pisses me off and I hate that Martin is taking over my thoughts. I hate that memories of him are occurring again.
“Another bad dream?” Jace mumbles, as I lay back down.
“Yeah,” I reply quietly.
He rolls to his side and wraps his arm around me and kisses my cheek. “You know you can talk to me whenever you need, Angel. Just say the word and I’m here for you. I know I’ve been workin’ lots lately with startin’ up with the racehorses, but Jacks and Logan are capable of runnin’ things without me for a day.”
“I know. It’s all good. It’s just a bad dream every now and then.”
I hear Jace sigh quietly. “Babe, it’s every night and several times a night. It’s not now and then and I know they’re affectin’ you.”
“I’ll be fine. I’m used to them.”
“You shouldn’t be used to them. You should be gettin’ help to try stop them.”
“Jace, it’s fine. I don’t want to fight about this, just leave it,” I say, in an annoyed tone.
“Alright.” He rolls onto his back and takes me with him so I’m now half on top of him. “How about sex then?” he asks, as he slides his hand down my back to just under my ass cheek. Pulling me fully on top, he leans up and captures my nipple in his mouth.
While still sucking my nipple, he slides his hand down between us and starts playing with my clit. “Jace,” I moan. He slides a finger inside my opening as he works his thumb over my clit. I rock my hips back and forth at my own pace until I’m coming in only minutes. “Oh God, Jace, stop, please,” I plead with him when he tries for orgasm number two. “Please, I want sex.”
I hear and feel him laugh against my ear, where he has moved his mouth to and is nipping my earlobe. “This is sex, Angel,” he says smugly.
“I mean cock in pussy sex, you asshole,” I say, trying to move off him but he holds me still. I eventually give up and look down at him.
“I’m jokin’, babe,” he says as he lifts me up a little, so he can grab his hard cock and line it up with my hot pussy. “Hold on tight,” he says to me as he grabs on to my hips and slams me down hard.
“Ahhh,” I yell out when he fills me completely. “A little warning next time,” I try to say in an annoyed tone, but it comes out breathy and he just laughs.
I lean over and grab the iron rung of the headboard and hold on as Jace slams up into me over and over. I love it when he takes control. “That’s it, babe,” he says before he bites down on my nipple, which makes me yell out again. Slowing down his thrusts, Jace grabs my hands from above his head and brings them down to rest on his shoulders before flipping us over so he’s on top. I wrap one leg around his waist and the other I bring up to rest my ankle on his shoulder, so he can thrust in deeper, stretching me.
He pushes on my leg that’s wrapped around him and I bring my knee out, so he can slip his hand between us and rub my clit. I’m already on the edge of my climax and when he pinches my clit between his finger and thumb I come hard. As I scream out his name, he holds his hand over my mouth. I know I’m loud, but when he does things like that I can’t help it. I bite down on his hand
“Fuckin’ hell Callie,” he yells out and pulls his hand away, but doesn’t pause with his thrusting. He only seems to go harder. Holding on to my hips he thrusts three more times before he groans, and his movements become lazy.
Dropping both my legs, he then leans down and gives me a kiss before getting up and going to the bathroom to clean up. As he walks back into the room I lay on the bed and check him out. Running my eyes slowly over his head and down his muscled body, I sigh and take in all his sexiness. He’s lost a little of his tan due to the winter months, but his body is still toned.
“Like the view?” he asks, as he walks to the closet and grabs a pair of boxer briefs and jeans, before sliding them on.
“Aren’t you coming back to bed?” I ask, feeling a little disappointed.
“Nah, Angel. It’s nearly five and I need to get out there with Jackson. He’s havin’ trouble with the Arabian. Yesterday afternoon it was weak when Jacks took him for a run. Just hopin’ it’s nothin’ serious.”
“Oh, okay,” I say quietly as I snuggle back under the covers, starting to feel alone already.
“Hey,” Jace says and I look over to him. “I’ll be back in later,” he says as he walks to the bed where I’m lying. Bending down, he wraps his hand around the back of my neck and pulls my head forward until his lips meet mine in a deep but fast kiss. “Get some sleep. I love you,” he says against my lips then pulls back and heads for the door.
“I love you too,” I say quietly.
I hate being on my own. When I’m alone the dark thoughts push their way into my life.
∞∞∞
Chapter 38
Callie
“WHERE ARE YOU off to?” I hear Jace ask as I walk past the office door.
I turn around and walk inside and sit on the edge of the desk where he’s sitting. “Just up to see Krystal,” I say. I hate lying to him, but if he knew the truth he’d be pissed off. “Sorry, I thought you were outside, I was heading to find you.”
“I was. Just had to come in and find an invoice,” he replies as he scrummages through the papers. “And okay. Say hi to Krystal,” he says as he turns to me and smiles. That smile. I love it so much. It’s nearly enough to break me.
“I will do,” I say, then lean down and kiss him before standing up. “I’ll be a few hours but should be home for dinner.” He stands up in front of me and pulls me into him for another kiss. This time he deepens the kiss by sliding his tongue into my mouth and holding my head in his hands. I relax into him and let him control the kiss.
This is what gets me through the day. This is what I live for. Having Jace in my life is the best thing that has happened to me. But some days it’s not enough. Some days it doesn’t keep the demons away.
He soon pulls back and lets my head go. “See you later,” he says against my lips with one last quick kiss.
Walking outside and over to my car, I feel the emotions tumbling through me. If it wasn’t for Jace, I would let the bad ones take over. I would let the self-hate; the depression and the anxiety take my life. But Jace gives me a reason to live. I love him and want to stay with him.
Once I’m in my Tahoe and have driven halfway down the main driveway, I turn down the track that will backtrack across to the dam. I drive the five minutes until I reach the paddock the dam is in. Once there, I go to the boot and pull out my rugs.
Most days for the past three weeks since I visited Jimmy’s office, I have been spending all my free time here. I just don’t know what to do with my life. I can’t process everything I have been through. Every day I’m becoming more depressed. If I wasn’t trying to hide how bad things are inside my head from Jace, I would just spend all day in bed. Some days I want to go back to how I was as a teenager, and just hide away and hope everyone would leave me alone. But I suppose it didn’t work then so why would it work now. Back then, all hiding away did was cause my life to be more fucked up.
I lay down on the rug and look up to the clouds. They are my best friend at the moment. Lying here at Jace’s and my special spot just watching the day go by is all I can do to help me through the day when I can’t be with Jace.
*
Jace
“Yes, sir. We are very sorry for the mix-up,” the dumbass person on the other end says.
“Just fix it,” I yell, as I slam the phone down.
“Fuckin’ hell, is it so fucking hard?” I mutter to myself as I look over the invoice once again.
“Someone sounds grumpy today.” I look up and see Kaylee standing in the doorway to the office.
“Kaylee, I’m not in the mood,” I state as she walks further into the room and sits on the edge of the desk, where Callie was sitting only minutes ago, lying to me.
I know she doesn’t go to see Krystal, but Krystal and I can’t work out where she is going. I know she isn’t having an affair, she wouldn’t do that. I trust her that much, but the fact she is hiding something from me makes me so fucking pissed off. I’m her fiancé, she should be able to tell me anything. She should know she can come to me for whatever reason it is. I feel like I’m losing her. When she is actually here with me, she is distant. That kiss we had earlier just proves my point. As much as she wants me to think everything is okay, it’s not. The spark isn’t there for us at the moment. I love Callie more than life. But there is something going on with her that is coming between us. I just hope I can work it out before things get too bad.
“Jace, don’t be a dick to me,” Kaylee says, pulling me out of my rant that I’m having inside my head.
“I’m not, I’m just busy and don’t have time for any pettiness,” I reply, as I pick up my phone to call Krystal, in case Callie does happen to turn up at her house.
“What the hell, Jace?” Kaylee asks me, as Krystal answers.
“Why are you callin’ my girlfriend?” Bry asks with a smile in his voice.
“Shut up, you ass. Put Krystal on the phone.”
“Should I be concerned with how often you talk to my girlfriend? I think it’s not healthy,” he says.
“Bryson. I don’t need your girl. I have Callie,” I answer while grinding my jaw.
“Ahhh-haa, that’s why you’re calling Krystal again,” he says, then I hear him call out for Krystal.
“Cockhead,” I mutter quietly. He’s right though, I’m just hanging on to Callie. If I had Callie, I wouldn’t be calling Krystal.
I let Krystal know that she is gone again and obviously not going to visit her, because Krystal is at Bryson’s house. When I hang up, I drop the phone on the desk.
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, motherfuckin’ bitch,” I yell out as I pick up the hole-punch and throw it across the room. It smashes into a picture of the ranch, on the wall, opposite me and falls to the ground, along with the glass. I’d keep throwing shit around if it made me feel better, but it doesn’t. All it does is create a mess that I then need to clean up.
“So, I guess it’s not all good in paradise,” I hear Kaylee say. Fucking hell, I forgot she was even here. Why is she here? At the moment, I just want to bang my head against the wall.
“Well, as you heard, it’s not. I’m really not wantin’ anyone here Kaylee. Go home I will call you tomorrow,” I say gruffly, and I know I’m being the biggest asshole to her, but she is here, and Callie isn’t.
“Jace, you will lose friends if you keep talking to us all like this,” she says, and I watch as she walks out of the door.
Yeah, friends aren’t that only thing I’m losing. I’m losing my girl and my mind as well. Shit, I hope things get better soon. I can’t take any more of this.
*
Callie
“HOW WAS KRYSTAL?” Jace asks, later in the afternoon when I return.
“She was good. Busy at work,” I lie, and it makes me feel even worse. Lying to Jace guts me, but I can’t tell him what is going on in my head. I can’t let him know that inside I’m breaking apart.
“That’s great,” he says while grinding his jaw. “I’ve got shit to do outside. I’ll see you at dinner,” he says with an angry voice as he walks out, without even looking at me let alone a kiss.
“What’s wrong Jace?” I ask him, as I follow him to onto the porch. “You sound pissed off.”
He stops halfway down the stairs but doesn’t turn to look at me. I can see he is worked up. His whole body is tense.
“I don’t sound pissed off,” he grates out. “I am fuckin’ pissed off. My fiancé is lyin’ to me,” he yells as he turns to me. “You weren’t at Krystal’s today.”
How does he know? He can’t possibly know. “Yes-”
“Don’t even bother lyin’ to me, Callie. I know you weren’t there because I was talkin’ to her.”
“What?” I breathe.
“You have been lyin’ to me for weeks now,” he roars so loudly, that I flinch and step backward.
“I haven’t been cheating. Do you honestly think I would?” I ask, feeling hurt.
“Did I say that?” he asks. “Did I say, ‘Callie you’re cheatin’ on me’?” he growls and takes a step up towards me. “But you are fuckin’ hidin’ things from me.”
“I can’t-”
“Don’t do it, Callie. Don’t say it,” he says and shakes his head. “I’m your fiancé, don’t hide things from me, Callie. Christmas Day, we said we would always be honest. That there is no way anythin’ could come between us, but here you are goin’ back on what we said,” he says, sounding defeated. I look at him and feel like I have been sucker punched when I see a tear slide down his cheek. I don’t want to hurt him. I’m trying to do the opposite.
“We are meant to be here for each other and lean on the other when we can’t be strong for ourselves. You should trust me enough to tell me anythin’,” he says in a strong voice, but quietly, before he turns and walks down the stairs and across to the stables.
I drop down and sit on the top step, then rest my face in my hands and cry. What the hell am I doing?
*
Jace
“FUCK!” I YELL once again, when I can’t find what I’m looking for. “Is it so hard for people to put things back where they fuckin’ well belong?” I’m not in the mood for this shit.
She fucking well lied right in my face again, even after I called her out. How the hell am I supposed to be there for her and make things better if she won’t open to me? I know I don’t know what it feels like to be in her position, but I know how to be there for my fiancé. I know how to support someone when they need it.
It’s as if she doesn’t trust me enough to let me in and that burns. It hurts more than anything else in my life. Once I finally find the harness, which is in the wrong spot, I walk into Rosco’s stall and put the harness on him before leading him out into the training yard, where Jackson is waiting.
“What’re ya swearin’ and yellin’ about in there?” he asks, which gets a scowl from me.
“Nothin’” I mumble. “Fuckin’ hell, fuck me,” I grumble loudly, when I can’t get the tie on the gate undone. “What the hell is everyone doin’ today? Can’t no one put shit back how it was?”
“Jace, if you just pull it up over top you don’t have to undo it. It’s been like that for ages,” Logan says, as he walks up behind me.
“You do it then,” I growl, as I shove the horse lead into Logan’s chest and walk off. Fuck this. I ain’t in the mood for their shit.
I hear them call out, but I keep walking.
Fuck them and fuck this place. I’m sick of it.
Walking to the office I snatch my keys up off the desk and stomp out the door towards my truck. I look over at the house and can see Callie sitting on the step out front, but I don’t have it in me to go over to her. If I was to talk to her now, I would say something I would later regret. Hopping in my truck, I start it up and steer towards the main driveway. I see Callie look up as I drive past, but I don’t acknowledge her.
Ten minutes later, I’m pulling into Bryson’s driveway. I hesitate for a moment about coming here because I know Krystal is here and I don’t want her feeling uncomfortable when I s
tart ranting about her best friend. But that thought only hangs around for a split second.
Hopping out of my truck, I go to the front door and walk in without knocking, they’d know I was here now. You can hear vehicles driving in from halfway down their drive.
I walk down the hall and straight through the house to the back of the house where Bry has his own den connected to his bedroom. I walk through the door and groan when I see Bry has Krystal bent over the pool table and is going at it like a rabbit.
“Shit, Bry, put it away,” I yell, as I turn and walk out the door.
“Don’t you know how to knock?” Bry yells out.
“Since when do I ever knock? Just lock your shit up so I can sit the hell down,” I growl.
“Things went well with Callie then,” he says, like the smartass he is.
“If you don’t shut up and put your cock away, you won’t be around to know anythin’.”
I hear the door on the other side of the room, which goes into Bry’s bedroom, open and closes so I turn around and walk back in the room. I look down at the couch before I sit down. “How often do you have sex in here? Is it safe to sit down without catchin’ anythin’?” I ask half serious.
“Don’t be a cockhead. Krystal ain’t no slut, Jace.”
“Didn’t say she was. Was talkin’ ‘bout you.”
“Shut the fuck up,” he says, as he looks to his bedroom door.
I laugh, “She don’t seriously think you’re some kind of saint?”
He growls. “No, but don’t want to talk ‘bout it in front of her. You wouldn’t like it if I went talking ‘bout your college days in front of Callie.”
“The way things are goin’, no one will be talkin’ ‘bout anything in front of Callie.”
“So, it’s that bad?” he asks stupidly. Would I be here now if everything was peaches at home?
“I don’t know anymore. I’m tryin’. Every day I ask her how she is, what’s goin’ on, if she needs anythin’. I even offered to take time off and go for a trip somewhere. But every time I try to talk to her, her answer is always no.” I lean forward on the couch and rest my elbows on my knees, dropping my head forward. “I don’t know if we will even last anymore,” I say, more to myself then to Bry. Shit, the last thing I want is for it to happen. But I can’t keep going on like this.