Just My Rotten Luck

by James Patterson

  “Positive?” I said, so Miller could hear me.

  “Shut up!” Tug said.

  “What?” Quinn said.

  “Not you,” Tug said.

  “Last chance,” I said to Miller.

  “Hike…” Tug called, and even then, I was still looking at Miller like I was thinking, Now, what am I supposed to do for this play again? Miller stared back too. Right up until the very… last… millisecond.

  “Okay, okay!” he yelled. “Deal!”

  Quinn snapped the ball. Tug took it. Miller started blocking. I left him behind, turned around, grabbed that hand-off from Tug, and ran like it was what I’d been put on this planet to do. For real.

  All the guys opened up a lane for me, and ten seconds later, I was down there at the far end of Highway Eleven—right inside the end zone.

  Touchdown!

  Final score, 13–7.

  Hills Village goes 2–1 for the season so far.

  And I’d just renegotiated my contract with Miller.

  GOOD (FOR NOW)

  I know what you’re thinking. Miller’s not exactly dependable. All he had to do was say “deal” and then turn around and break his word.It wouldn’t be the first lie he ever told. Or the thousandth.

  But here’s something that maybe you don’t know. I was never going to blow that play. No way. I like scoring touchdowns the way I like to eat—as much and as often as possible. Maybe I’m not the world’s most “well-rounded” player, but at least I’ve got quick feet and Highway Eleven going for me.

  I just had to out-bluff Miller one time. And that’s what I did. Now we have the weirdest truce in the history of truces. As long as he thinks I’m willing to sacrifice a touchdown, or even a game, he’ll play along just the way I asked him to.

  And for the rest of football season, life’s going to be a little bit easier for Jonny, Dee-Dee, Maya, and yes, me.

  Did that make me finally like playing? Not necessarily, but it did make me like scoring!

  After football season’s over… well, I don’t know what happens then. Maybe Miller and I will go from football season right back into hunting season. But I’ll deal with that later. Meanwhile, I’m just taking it one thing at a time.

  And most importantly, making my own choices.

  And if you ask me, I’m doing pretty good at it too.

  I GOTTA BE ME

  So maybe that’s not much, but it’s way better than nothing.

  Ms. Donatello says when you change one little corner of the world, you change the world. I don’t know if that’s true, but if it is, then I say mission accomplished.

  My BNICE project ended up changing things too, in an even bigger way. I know that one news story on Channel 11 and a couple of conversations around school aren’t going to drive bullies extinct everywhere, but they made a difference at HVMS.

  Pretty soon after I confessed to Mrs. Stricker, she sent all the students home with a letter to our parents. It talked about bullying and how it wouldn’t be tolerated at HVMS. (Except by her, obviously. Kidding. Kind of.) She was even going to start a task force with students, teachers, and parents to figure out how we can safely report bullying incidents—and hopefully stop them. It didn’t mention BNICE, but everyone knew that was why she wrote the letter.

  And if anything was going to help keep Miller off our backs, I was all for it.

  And speaking of BNICE, Ms. D ended up giving me an A− for the assignment. She said that it was “creatively rendered” and that I’d made a really worthwhile statement.

  “That grade is for your art, not your methods,” she said. “No more spying or taking pictures of people without their permission, okay?”

  “I got it,” I said. “Seriously.”

  I think she believed me too. Because then she let me in on a little secret of her own. As far as I know, I’m the only one she told. So if you see Mrs. Stricker around, keep your mouth shut about this, okay?

  Here’s something else. After people got tired of calling me Loozer and asking questions about Leo, I think they actually started liking my comics. I’m up to a hundred and twelve followers on Art-Gunk, which is about a hundred and ten more than I ever expected to have. (I knew Mom and Flip would get on board.)

  That’s not bad. I think once everyone at HVMS stopped laughing at me, they started laughing at Loozer and Leo instead. Which was the whole idea. I even told a few people about Leo being my brother. They don’t need to know that I still talk to him sometimes, though. That part’s mine. And Leo’s too, of course.

  So I’m going to keep doing those comics, but with my own name now. No more R. K.Whatchamacallit. And I retired SAM too. Once the whole fake identity thing is gone, there’s not much “secret” left in the Secret Artist Man.

  Which is okay. To tell you the truth, I don’t think I want to be a secret artist man anymore. Just plain old artist sounds good to me.

  SAM out.

  YOU DOG!

  So there I was, walking Junior early that Sunday morning. We headed over to the dog park, like always, and it was practically deserted when we got there.

  But guess who was there, throwing a rubber bone around and playing with her dog?

  Marley Grote, that’s who.

  I was pretty sure Marley couldn’t have cared less about me by then. I mean, it wasn’t like she was going out of her way to talk to me anymore. Or even coming to the games. I almost turned around and headed home just then.

  But Junior had other ideas. The second he saw Justine Bieber, he started barking like crazy and pulling my arm out of the socket with his leash.

  So I opened the gate and let him off the leash. What else was I going to do?

  “Hey, Marley,” I said.

  “Hi, Rafe,” she said, kind of friendly and kind of not friendly at the same time. “How’s it going?”

  “So-so,” I said. “A little weird, if you want to know the truth. But I understand if you don’t want to talk to me.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “I mean, the way you’ve been ignoring me ever since all that Loozer stuff,” I said. “It’s okay. I get it.”

  I figured there wasn’t any reason to hide anymore. In fact, it made me a little mad when I thought about it.

  But then Marley said, “I haven’t been ignoring you. You’ve been ignoring me.”

  “Huh?” I said, and Marley rolled her eyes.

  “I think I made it pretty obvious I liked you, Rafe. It was getting embarrassing, if you want to know the truth. Sorry, but I’m not that desperate,” she said.

  This was a whole new side of Marley I hadn’t seen before. It was all like one big WOW in my brain.

  “So I don’t get it,” I said. “Do you think I’m a total jerk, or not?”

  “Not,” she said. “I think what you did at school is pretty great.”

  “But you don’t even come to the games anymore,” I said.

  “I’m not talking about football,” she said. “I’m talking about all that ‘Be Nice’ stuff, and the way you stuck up for all the kids like us at HVMS.”

  “Like… us?” I said.

  “Face it, Rafe. We’re not exactly the most popular sandwiches at the picnic,” Marley said.

  The more this went on, the less I understood. It’s not like Marley was in Learning Skills. She just seemed kind of normal to me. But maybe she didn’t feel normal.

  Which made me like her more.

  And then she said, “So you noticed I don’t come to the games anymore, huh?”

  That was embarrassing, but I couldn’t take it back now.

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “Do you want me to come to the games?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” I said. “I think I do. I mean—yes. I do.”

  “Okay,” she said. “I will.”

  Then Marley leaned right in and kissed me, right there in the park. And right on the lips too. It lasted for at least five seconds. I’m not even sure how long. But I kissed her back, if you want to kn
ow. I didn’t even run away this time.

  “Um, thanks,” I said when it was over. I didn’t know what else to say, or even think. My brain was like some kind of slot machine with those wheels spinning around, too fast to see anything.

  “You’re welcome,” Marley said. Now she looked kind of embarrassed. And then I was kind of embarrassed. My face was hot, and hers was red, and everything seemed kind of weird for a second there.

  But then we both looked over at our dogs. They were having a good time and sniffing each other’s butts on the other side of the park—and something about that made us both crack up at the same time. Which was kind of perfect.

  So that’s it. I don’t have any other “first kiss” stories to compare mine to, and I don’t know if all of that is totally lame, or what. But maybe it doesn’t even matter, because you know what else? This one’s mine.

  And I’ll take it.

  LASAGNA, APPLE PIE, AND ICE CREAM

  Speaking of embarrassing, here’s a whole other nutso thing I have to tell you about.

  You might have noticed Mom and Mr. Fanucci have been showing up in a lot of the same chapters all through this book. Believe me, I noticed.

  So it wasn’t a lot longer after all this stuff happened that Mr. Fanucci came over for dinner the first time. He even said I could call him Ed when he was at the house, but not in school.Which was all just so weird.

  Maybe Mom likes him because my grades have started looking up. I think those Learning Skills classes are actually paying off, and that’s all thanks to Mr. Fanucci… I mean, Ed… I mean, Mr. Fun. (Do you see what I mean? Weird.)

  I don’t really know where it all goes from here. But I guess that isn’t so different from the rest of my life. I never know what’s going to happen next. I’m not sure where the whole “me and Marley” thing is going either. Or the whole “Flip thinks Georgia is cute” thing. The only ones who totally make sense, if you ask me, are Junior and Justine Bieber.

  Oh, and Grandma Dotty too. Sometimes she makes the most sense of all.

  She also makes the best lasagna ever. It goes great with apple pie from Swifty’s Diner and a giant scoop of vanilla ice cream. And in my book, there’s not a whole lot better than that.

  Happy football season, everyone! Catch you next time!

  For more great reads and free samplers, visit

  LBYRDigitalDeals.com

  JAMES PATTERSON has had more #1 bestsellers for children than any living writer. He is the author of the Middle School, I Funny, Treasure Hunters, and Daniel X novels, as well as House of Robots and Public School Superhero. His blockbusters for adults, featuring enduring characters like Alex Cross—in addition to his many books for teens, such as the Maximum Ride series—have sold more than 300 million copies worldwide. He lives in Florida.

  CHRIS TEBBETTS has collaborated with James Patterson on four other books in the Middle School series and Public School Superhero, and is also the author of The Viking, a fantasy adventure series for young readers. He lives in Vermont.

  LAURA PARK is a cartoonist and the illustrator of four other books in the Middle School series and the I Funny series. She is the author of the minicomics series Do Not Disturb My Waking Dream, and her work has appeared in The Best American Comics.She lives in Chicago.

  JAMES PATTERSON GETS KIDS READING!

  PRAISE FOR

  “A perfectly pitched novel.”

  —Los Angeles Times

  “Rafe is a bad boy with a heart of gold.”

  —The New York Times

  “Sure to appeal!”

  —Booklist

  “Rafe [is] a realistic kid whom readers would want as a friend and coconspirator.”

  —School Library Journal

  “Will be enjoyed by middle-grade boys, particularly reluctant readers.”

  —VOYA

  “Will keep [readers] laughing and engaged.”

  —Children’s Literature

  PRAISE FOR

  “Underlying the novel’s laughs are themes of friendship, compassion, and family.… Neufeld’s raucous cartoons and comics sequences amp up the comedy with slapstick action, metafictional gags, and lots of robo-gadgetry.”

  —Publishers Weekly

  “Plenty of amusing jokes… Young readers with an interest in science will certainly be engaged.”

  —Kirkus Reviews

  “A good fit for reluctant readers.”

  —Common Sense Media

  PRAISE FOR

  “A high-seas adventure that will entice even the most confirmed of landlubbers.”

  —Kirkus Reviews

  “A frenetic sense of excitement and adventure permeates this nautical escapade.… There’s little time to breathe as the Kidds pinball from one spot of trouble to the next, making for a fun and fast-paced ride.”

  —Publishers Weekly

  “[The] illustrations are delightful—reminiscent of the elaborate doodles churned out in math class by the most awesome artist in seventh grade.”

  —The New York Times

  PRAISE FOR

  A 2014 Dorothy Canfield Fisher Award Nominee

  “A brimming bucket of bada-bing!”

  —Booklist

  “Poignant… The affecting ending, which reveals a more vulnerable Jamie behind the guise of his humor, celebrates Jamie’s resilient spirit.”

  —Kirkus Reviews

  “The broad humor that runs throughout this heavily illustrated story… masks personal pain, demonstrating resiliency in the face of tragedy.”

  —Publishers Weekly

  “Patterson [introduces] new jokes that speak directly to the middle school experience.”

  —School Library Journal

  BOOKS BY JAMES PATTERSON FOR READERS OF ALL AGES

  The Middle School Novels

  Middle School, The Worst Years of My Life

  (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)

  Middle School: Get Me out of Here!

  (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)

  Middle School: Big Fat Liar

  (with Lisa Papademetriou, illustrated by Neil Swaab)

  Middle School: How I Survived Bullies, Broccoli, and Snake Hill

  (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)

  Middle School: Ultimate Showdown

  (with Julia Bergen, illustrated by Alec Longstreth)

  Middle School: Save Rafe!

  (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)

  Middle School: Just My Rotten Luck

  (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)

  The I Funny Novels

  I Funny (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Laura Park)

  I Even Funnier (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Laura Park)

  I Totally Funniest (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Laura Park)

  The Treasure Hunters Novels

  Treasure Hunters

  (with Chris Grabenstein and Mark Shulman, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)

  Treasure Hunters: Danger Down the Nile

  (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)

  The Daniel X Novels

  The Dangerous Days of Daniel X (with Michael Ledwidge)

  Watch the Skies (with Ned Rust)

  Demons and Druids (with Adam Sadler)

  Game Over (with Ned Rust)

  Armageddon (with Chris Grabenstein)

  Other Illustrated Novels

  House of Robots (with Chris Grabenstein, illustrated by Juliana Neufeld)

  Public School Superhero (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Cory Thomas)

  Daniel X: Alien Hunter (graphic novel; with Leopoldo Gout)

  Daniel X: The Manga, Vols. 1–3 (with SeungHui Kye)

  For previews of upcoming books in these series and other information, visit middleschoolbooks.com, ifunnybooks.com, and treasurehuntersbooks.com.

  For more information about the author, visit jamespatterson.com.

  SAVING THE WORLD IS TOUGH
FOR

  STAINLEZZ STEEL…

  BUT MIDDLE SCHOOL IS EVEN TOUGHER WHEN HE’S JUST KENNY WRIGHT.

  TURN THE PAGE FOR A SNEAK PEEK!

  AVAILABLE NOW!

  WELCOME TO UMS

  Okay, in my neighborhood, my school is known as Fort Union. That’s because of the crazy-strict military base rules there.

  No kids get inside until 7:50 a.m., sharp.

  No kids get inside without a student ID.

  No kids get inside without opening their backpacks for the security guards.

  And that’s just the front door. I’m sure it’d take you less time to get through the airport’s high-tech security with explosives tied to your calves. It’s crazy, man. This is what I go through, every stinkin’ day.

  When I get past security, I find that my homeroom doesn’t even have real windows. It’s just metal screens where someone broke out the glass over the summer.

  Also, it’s kind of crowded in here. “Overcrowded” would be an understatement. For real.

  After attendance, my homeroom teacher, Ms. Green, takes us around the school and shows us where everything is.

  Downstairs on the first floor, the library’s about the size of a closet. There’s one rolling computer cart with two computers for the whole school. Also some wrinkly old posters of President Obama, Dr. King, and Rosa Parks on the wall. They just look sad and tired, which I don’t think is supposed to be the idea. I may come in really late one night as Steel and hang up a few Malcolm X, Marcus Garvey, and Sojourner Truth posters. Yeah, like that.