The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Living Dead

by Max Brooks

  1996 A.D., THE LINE OF CONTROL, SRINAGAR, INDIA

  This excerpt was taken from a post action report by Lieutenant Tagore of the Border Security Force:

  The subject approached at a slow stagger, as if ill or intoxicated. [Through binoculars] I could observe that he wore the full uniform of the Pakistan Rangers, odd since none were reported to be operating in this zone. At three hundred meters we ordered the subject to halt and identify himself. He would not comply. A second warning was given. Still no reply. He seemed to be moaning incoherently. At the sound of our calls his pace increased slightly. At two hundred meters he tripped the first mine, an American “Bouncing Betty.” We observed the subject receiving shrapnel wounds to his upper and lower torso. He stumbled, fell on his face, then regained his footing and continued forward. . . . I deduced he wore some type of body armor. . . . This action occurred again at one hundred and fifty meters. This time the shrapnel tore the subject’s jaw from his face. . . . At this range I could observe that the wound did not bleed. . . . The wind shifted in our direction. . . . We detected a putrid odor from the subject similar to decomposing meat. At one hundred meters I ordered Private Tilak [platoon sniper] to dispatch the subject. Tilak placed a direct shot through the subject’s forehead. The subject dropped immediately. He did not rise, nor make any further movement.

  Subsequent reports document the recovery and initial autopsy of the body at the military hospital in Srinagar. Shortly thereafter the body was removed by the National Security Guard. No subsequent information has been released regarding their findings.

  1998 A.D., ZABROVST, SIBERIA

  Jacob Tailor, an acclaimed documentary filmmaker for the Canadian Broadcast Company, arrived in the small Siberian town of Zabrovst with the intention of photographing an intact, and potentially cloneable, saber-toothed tiger carcass. The body of a man in his late twenties, whose clothing matched that of a sixteenth-century cossack, had also been found. The shoot was due to take place in July, but Tailor arrived with an advance team in February to familiarize himself with the area and his subjects. Tailor believed the human corpse would not be the subject of more than a few seconds in his film, but asked that it be stored with the tiger’s until his return. Tailor and his crew then returned to Toronto for a much needed rest. On June 14 a few members of Tailor’s crew returned to Zabrovst to prepare their frozen subjects and the dig site for filming. That was the last time they were heard from.

  When Tailor arrived by helicopter with the rest of his film crew on July 1 he found all twelve buildings at the site deserted. There were signs of violence and forced entry, including broken windows, overturned furniture, and blood and pieces of flesh on the walls and floor. A scream brought Tailor back to the helicopter, where he found a group of thirty-six ghouls, including local villagers and the missing members of his advance team, feasting on the pilots. Tailor did not understand what he was seeing, but knew enough to run for his life.

  The situation seemed grim. Tailor and his cameraman, soundman, and field researcher had no weapons, no supplies, and, being in the middle of the Siberian wasteland, nowhere to turn for help. The filmmakers sought refuge in a two-story farmhouse in the village. Instead of boarding up the doors and windows, Tailor decided to destroy the two staircases. They stocked the second story with whatever food they could find and buckets of water filled from the well. An ax, a sledgehammer, and several smaller tools were used to destroy the first staircase. The arrival of the zombies prevented the destruction of the second one. Tailor acted quickly, taking doors from the second-story bedrooms and nailing them onto the second stairway. This created a ramp that prevented the approaching zombies from gaining any traction. One by one they attempted to crawl their way up the ramp and were pushed back down by Tailor’s team. This low-intensity battle went on for two days; half the group kept their attackers at bay while the other half slept (with cotton stuffed into their ears to deaden the sound of the moans).

  On the third day, a freak accident gave Tailor the idea for their eventual salvation. For fear the ghouls would grab their legs if they attempted to kick them back down the ramp, the filmmakers had resorted to shoving the zombies down with a long-handled wooden broom. The broom handle, already weak from so much use, finally snapped as it was grabbed by one of the attacking fiends. Tailor managed to kick the zombie back down, and watched in amazement as the sharp, broken tip of the handle, still clutched in the falling monster’s hand, went right through the eye socket of a fellow ghoul. Not only had Tailor unwittingly killed his first zombie, but for the first time he realized the proper way to dispose of them. Now, instead of trying to force their attackers back down the ramp, the film crew aggressively encouraged them. Each one that came close enough to attack was given a devastating blow to the head with the team’s ax. When this weapon was lost (stuck in the skull of a dead zombie), they switched to their sledgehammer. When its handle broke, they resorted to a crowbar. The battle took seven hours, but by the end the exhausted Canadian filmmakers had dispatched every one of their attackers.

  To this day, the Russian government has no official explanation of what occurred at Zabrovst. Any official asked about the incident will explain that it is being “looked into.” However, in a country with as many social, economic, political, environmental, and military problems as the new Russian Federation, there is little interest in the deaths of a few foreigners and backwoods Siberians.

  Tailor, amazingly, kept his two cameras rolling throughout the entire incident. The result is forty-two hours of the most exciting footage ever recorded, digital video that the Lawson Film cannot hold a candle to. Tailor has tried, for the last few years, to have at least a portion of this footage released to the general public. All international “experts” who have viewed the video have labeled it as an expert hoax. Tailor has lost all credibility in an industry that once hailed him as one of its finest. He is now in the process of settling a divorce and several lawsuits.

  2001 A.D., SIDI-MOUSSA, MOROCCO

  The only evidence of an attack comes from a small article on the back page of a French newspaper:

  Outbreak of Mass Hysteria in Moroccan Fishing Village—Sources confirm that a previously unknown neurological condition has affected five residents, causing them to attack their relatives and friends in an attempt to eat their flesh. Acting on local custom, the afflicted were bound with rope and weights, taken out to sea, then dumped into the ocean. A government investigation is pending. Charges range from murder to negligent manslaughter.

  No government trial materialized, and no further reports appeared.

  2002 A.D., ST. THOMAS, U.S. VIRGIN ISLANDS

  A zombie—bloated, waterlogged, with skin completely dissolved—washed ashore on the northeast coast of the island. Local inhabitants were unsure of what to make of it, keeping their distance and calling for the authorities. The zombie, stumbling up on the beach, began to pursue its onlookers. Although curiosity kept them close, the crowd continued to retreat from the approaching ghoul. Two members of the St. Thomas police arrived and ordered the “suspect” to halt. When no reply came, they fired a warning shot. The zombie did not respond. One of the officers fired two rounds into its chest, producing no effect. Before another volley could be delivered, a six-year-old boy, excited by the events and not realizing the danger, ran up to the zombie and began to poke it with a stick. The walking dead immediately grabbed the child and tried to raise it to its mouth. The two officers rushed forward and attempted to wrestle the child from the zombie’s grip. At that moment, Jeremiah Dewitt, a recent immigrant from the island of Dominica, stepped out of the crowd, grabbed one of the officer’s sidearms and fired a round through the zombie’s head. Amazingly, no human was infected by the ghoul. A criminal trial acquitted Dewitt of all charges, claiming the act was in self-defense. Photographs of the zombie corpse show it, even though decomposed horribly, to be of Middle Eastern or North African descent. The tatters of clothing and rope make a convincing case that the creature was one o
f those dumped into the ocean off the coast of Morocco. Theoretically, it would be possible for an undead specimen to travel with the currents across the Atlantic, although it would be the only case on record. In one of the strangest twists of outbreak cover-ups and suppression, this case has taken on celebrity status. Like Bigfoot in the Pacific Northwest or the Loch Ness Monster in Scotland, tourists can buy “St. Thomas Zombie” photographs, T-shirts, sculptures, clocks, watches, and even children’s picture books at many of the shops in downtown Charlotte Amalie (the island capital). Dozens of bus drivers compete (sometimes fiercely) every day for the chance to drive newly arrived tourists from Cyril E. King Airport to the site where the famous zombie came ashore. After the trial, Dewitt left for a new life in the United States. His friends in St. Thomas and his family in Dominica have not heard from him since.

  HISTORICAL ANALYSIS

  Until the late twentieth century, those who studied the living dead were convinced that the frequency of outbreaks remained constant throughout time. Societies that suffered more attacks than others appeared so only because they kept the best records. The most commonly held example was ancient Rome compared to the early Middle Ages. This theory was also used to calm “alarmists” by stating that, as humanity as a whole relied more and more on the written word, it would appear as if outbreaks were becoming more and more common. This way of thinking, although still common, has been falling into disfavor for some time. The world’s population is growing. Its center has shifted from rural to urban zones. Transportation has linked the planet with increasing speed. All these factors have led to a renaissance of infectious diseases, most of which were thought to be eradicated centuries ago. Logic dictates that Solanum can flourish in such a ripe environment. Even though information is being recorded, shared, and stored as never before, it cannot hide the fact that zombie attacks are on the rise, their frequency mirroring the “development” of this planet. At this rate, attacks will only increase, culminating in one of two possibilities. The first is that world governments will have to acknowledge, both privately and publicly, the existence of the living dead, creating special organizations to deal with the threat. In this scenario, zombies will become an accepted part of daily life—marginalized, easily contained, perhaps even vaccinated against. A second, more ominous scenario would result in an all-out war between the living and the dead: a war you are now ready for.

  APPENDIX: OUTBREAK JOURNAL

  This space is reserved for a journal of suspicious events that could indicate a possible outbreak. (See “Detection,” for possible signs.) Remember: Early detection and advance preparation will ensure your best chance for survival. A sample journal entry follows.

  DATE: 05/07/14

  TIME: 3:51 A.M.

  LOCATION: Anysmalltown, U.S.A.

  DISTANCE FROM ME: Approx. 290 miles

  SPECIFICS: The morning news (local, Channel 5) reported that a family was butchered and partially eaten by some kind of “maniac” or “maniacs.” The bodies all looked like they’d been in a hardcore brawl: bruises, cuts, broken bones. All had big bites in their flesh. All died from gunshots to the head. They say it’s a cult killing. Why? What cult? From where? And who are “they”? All the reporter said was that the explanation came from an “official source.” There’s a manhunt on now. I noticed that it’s only police (no deputized citizens) and half of the cops were sharp-shooters. The press isn’t allowed on the search because the police “can’t guarantee their safety.” The reporter said that the bodies were taken back to Largecity, and not the local morgue because they needed to do a “full autopsy.” The hospital they are taking them to is ONLY 50 MILES AWAY!

  ACTION TAKEN : Got out the checklists. Called Tom, Gregg, Henry. Meeting tonight, Gregg’s place, 7:30 P.M. Sharpened the machete. Cleaned and oiled the carbine and signed up for practice at the range tomorrow before work. Filled the bike’s tires with air. Called the park service just to make sure the river is at normal level. If incidents occur at the autopsy hospital, we’ll take more serious steps.

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  *At the behest of the filmmakers and/or their estates, the titles of those movies based on true-life stories have been omitted.

  Acknowledgments

  First and foremost, thanks to Ed Victor for believing.

  To David, Jan, Sergei, Jacob, Alex, Carley, Sara, Fikhirini, Rene, Paulo, and Jiang for the translations.

  To Dr. Zane and his team for their field research.

  To James “The Colonel” Lofton for his strategic perspective.

  To Professor Sommers for the data.

  To Sir Ian for the use of his library.

  To Red and Steve for their help with the cartography.

  To Manfred for a look through an old museum’s basement.

  To Artiom for your honesty and courage.

  To “Joseph” and “Mary” for making a stranger feel welcome in their country.

  To Chandara, Yusef, Hernan, Taylor, and Moishe for the photographs.

  To Avi for the transcripts.

  To Mason for the footage.

  To M.W. for his illustrations.

  To Tatsumi for his time and patience.

  To “Mrs. Malone” for cutting through the red tape. (THANK YOU!)

  To Josene for the tour.

  To Tron for a drive by “the place.”

  To Captain Ashley and the crew of the Sau Tome for proving the point.

  To Alice, Pyotr, Hugh, Telly, Antonio, Hideki, and Dr. Singh for the interviews.

  To the boys (and girl) at the lab for “you know what.”

  To Annik for her brilliance with pen and sword.

  And, of course, to all those who have asked to remain anonymous. The lives you have helped to save will be your greatest credit.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Max Brooks lives in New York City but is ready to move to a more remote and defensible location at a moment’s notice.

  Text copyright © 2003 by Max Brooks

  Illustrations copyright © 2003 by Max Werner

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

  Published by Three Rivers Press, New York, New York.

  Member of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc.

  www.randomhouse.com

  THREE RIVERS PRESS and the Tugboat design are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Brooks, Max.

  The zombie survival guide : complete protection from the living dead / Max Brooks.

  1. Zombies—Humor. I. Title.

  PN6231.Z65 B76 2003

  818'.602—dc21 2002155370

  e-ISBN 1-4000-5080-4

  v1.0