A Love So Wrong: A Forbidden Romance

by Katerina Winters

  Dinner that night was quiet between them. Making pulled pork barbecue sandwiches, they sat in their seats, both turned inwards as they ate and watched TV. It was only when she was ready to climb into her bunk fully prepared to stare into the darkness and dissect every detail of that kiss did Gideon break his silence.

  "No," the deeply spoken word stilled her foot braced at the built-in step's ledge.

  Turning, she gave him a questioning look.

  With the privacy curtains drawn tight around the truck's front windows, Gideon stepped closer in the muted overhead light and pointed to his bunk.

  The silent command nearly stole the strength in her legs. Looking to his neatly made bunk, Jade shook her head. No, she couldn't sleep with him tonight, not after that kiss. She felt like she was going to explode. She needed the privacy of her own bunk to obsess over every detail of it, to delve deeper into her own reaction to it, and more importantly, examine why she wanted so much more.

  "Gid-"

  And for the second time that night, her words faded on her tongue as Gideon pulled his shirt from over his head. While she had felt that their new way of life had caused her to gain weight, she knew for certain not a damn thing had changed for Gideon. His morning calisthenics, combined with his frequent use of his gym membership, had kept his body hard and lean. Muscles rippled with each movement as he threw the shirt to the floor and stepped forward.

  "Get in bed," he commanded.

  With her eyes still trained on the hard rise of his pectoral muscles, she nodded like a fool. Shakily, she turned and pulled back the covers. Slipping into the cool sheets, Jade scooted over until she was pressed against the far wall. Unlike the handful of times before when she had slept in this bed, this time, her pulse drummed in her ears, and her stomach knotted with nervous fire. Taking hold of the covers, Gideon replicated her movements, and Jade could feel the soft material of his pajama pants slide against her bare leg as he laid down beside her.

  On either end of his bed, there was a small square window with rounded edges. Tilting her head upwards against his pillow, Jade could see the stars glimmering weakly through the window's black tint. An arm, heavy and strong, reached over her and flipped the switch on the wall, turning off all the lights within the vehicle. Darkness draped over them like a blanket. Gideon did not pull back his arm, instead, he let it rest across her waist before tightening around her and pulling her close to him. Jade involuntarily let out a small gasp. His body was so firm and hot beside her, she could feel every inch, every groove of his muscles pressing into her back.

  "Jade?" he spoke, his lips brushing against the shell of her ear and rustling her hair.

  She opened her lips and let out a shaky, "Yes."

  His arm tightened around, pulling her somehow closer, ignoring the second gasp that escaped her lips as he nestled her bottom into him. Jade's heart hammered in her chest as she felt the unmistakable ridge of his manhood.

  "Don't ever do anything like that ever again," he said harshly.

  Jade wanted to argue, she wanted to tell him she would, in fact, do that again if his life was at stake—but she didn't. It was the way his heart hammered into her back or the way he held her so tight against him she could scarcely breathe. She realized fully then and there that he had been truly afraid for her.

  Not willing to lie, Jade said nothing as she placed her hand on top of his where it covered her stomach.

  "I didn't mean to scare you," she whispered, closing her eyes, focusing on the puffs of his breath against her ear.

  His chest sent little vibrations through her back as he spoke. "Scare me? Jesus Jade, I nearly had a heart attack when I saw you appear behind that asshole. I know I have a streak of white in my hair because of that. I can’t get the image of your calm face out of my mind as you racked that damn gun. It was so damn sexy and horrifying all at the same time," he grunted.

  Jade's cheeks burned at that statement.

  "What kills me is that you think I wasn't two seconds from grabbing that guy's wrist and beating the shit out of him," he grumbled with exasperation. "In the future, please let me handle it. I’d honestly rather have gotten stabbed than have to see you put yourself in danger."

  She would not agree to that, she thought with a frown. Besides, she was the one with the gun, if anyone was in danger during that moment, it was him, but Jade kept her mouth shut.

  "Now tell me you love me and go to sleep, so I can purge that moment from my mind," he groused in her ear.

  Smiling, she hugged his arm tighter to her and replied obediently. "I love you, Gideon."

  He gave her a satisfied grunt before falling asleep.

  ~*~

  Jade was miserable. Looking over her shoulder, she glared at the tall figure running full speed on the treadmill. Wearing a sweat-soaked shirt and a pair of silver-blue basketball shorts, Gideon was the current crowning glory in Denver's Total Burn Fitness gym. Jade counted no less than twelve women ogling him as they pretended to work out conveniently near him. Disgusted, she turned back forward on her spin bike and peddled faster. She was sweaty, tired, and in pain. Why did she agree to come work out with him while she was on her period? She could have just sat in the truck in the parking lot and extended her earlier conversation with mom.

  Pushing herself straight up on the bike, she let her legs slow down to a stop, she knew why. Because she knew this would happen, and she told herself like the idiot she was that maybe her being there would somehow prevent Gideon's awesome aura from shining so brightly and pulling in these skanks like moths. Jade snorted as she got down from the bike. Yeah, right, she thought, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she had no idea how she deluded herself into thinking that. With her hair in a pitiful sweaty ball at the top of her head and curly tendrils sticking to the side of her face, she felt like a sweaty, bloated monster.

  Nope, she was done. She was far too tired and in too much pain to even continue this charade. Walking to the locker room, she staunchly ignored the pull to look Gideon's way. Inside she rounded the corner and went to her locker before carrying her things to an open shower stall. Peeling off her sweaty clothes, Jade stuffed them all into a mini plastic bag she brought before stepping into the hot spray. This was the one good thing about coming in, she thought with a sigh, a shower with no time limit. Unlike the seemingly hundreds of truck-stops she had visited over the past months, here she could stand under the hot water's spray for as long as she wanted. Taking the time to wash her hair, Jade tilted her head back as she rubbed the shampoo into her wet curls, allowing her mind to drift, and as expected, her mind drifted back to that damn kiss.

  It had been two days since that night and hundreds of miles since then, but Jade still couldn't push it out of her mind. Everything about it felt electrifying. It wasn't how he meant it, and she knew that, but her body didn't seem to give a toss. It was wrong how she obsessed over it, but she did anyway. There was something startlingly virile about Gideon at that moment. Standing before wrapped in anger, it was as if her brain was forced to wake up and fire different synapses pushing her to fully see Gideon as the man he was. That damn kiss, those damn glittering eyes as he lowered his face to hers, it was all embedded into her mind now, and she couldn't seem to shake it. It felt as if she had been thrust through a door and now couldn't turn back. Everything he did pricked at her awareness: every bulge of his bicep peeking out from under his sleeve, every yawn that exposed the strong column of his neck and that glorious bobbing Adam's apple. Heaven help her, even the way his groggy deep morning voice grumbled a good morning to her as he scratched his stomach, subsequently flashing his abs, killed her a little. Before they were all things she let slide past her awareness, now, now they were the nails in her coffin.

  With her hair scrubbed clean, Jade leaned against the wall and let out a groan. What in the world was she going to do?

  Hearing the sound of women's voices echoing off the locker room walls, Jade forced herself out of her worried thoughts and looked do
wn at the faint red swirls of blood going down the drain. First thing she was going to do was go to the store for more tampons. She had two left, and that just wouldn't work. Getting dressed, she sat down in an empty seat at the vanity and began blow-drying her hair. Behind her, two women undressing by their lockers began to giggle.

  "Oh my God, yes," the one woman with the pixie cut exclaimed. "He looked so good, I thought I was seeing things."

  "I know," her friend gave a dramatic groan as she pulled her towel from the locker. "Those curls make me want to just run my hands-"

  Jade's hand began to shake in anger. It didn't take a genius to know who they were talking about. Clicking the blow dryer to a higher setting, she drowned out their noise. Finishing up as fast as she could, Jade walked out of the locker room and out of the gym, not bothering to look around for Gideon. He was probably flashing that smile of his or showing off his fresh haircut he got that morning to some horrible woman anyways. A sharp pain in her stomach only soured her mood further as she stomped across the parking lot. Tossing her bag into the truck, Jade made her way to the grocery store across the street.

  The May weather in Denver was a bit brisk, but it felt great against her warm skin. All last night, she tossed and turned in her bunk going from burning hot to cold with every adjustment she tried to make. Maybe tonight she would crack open one of her bunk's windows, she thought as she pushed her cart down the aisle. Grabbing a tiny rack of ribs, big enough to fit in her Instant Pot, and a couple of bottles of barbecue sauce, she made her way down to the toiletry aisle. Grabbing a box of tampons, Jade paused at the aisle's end-cap display of dark chocolates. Jade smirked as she looked longingly at the box, these corporate marketing departments really knew what they were doing when they thought of where to place the chocolates. Finding the cheapest box, she headed to the register.

  The boy behind the cash register smiled awkwardly at her as he rang up the items. Jade remembered a time when she was younger and how self-conscious she felt buying pads, usually forcing the task off on her mom to do. Now, she was just too tired and in too much pain to care. Giving the boy a tired smile back, she held out her cash in one hand when he totaled it up. She froze. It was three dollars more than she had. Embarrassed, Jade looked back down in her wallet to see if she maybe missed a few dollars, all the while feeling the impatient stares of the people behind her waiting. Her heart sank as her empty wallet gaped back at her. Leaning forward, she pulled the little green foil box of chocolates back out of the plastic bag and handed it back to the attendant with shame.

  "Can you take these off?" she asked in a low voice, all the while praying he didn't need to call for a manager to do so.

  Nodding, the boy took off the item bringing the total down to what she had. Paying for the items, she took her bags and walked quickly out of the store, too happy to get away from that mortifying scene.

  She was lying in her bunk a half-hour later when the sound of the driver's door opening stirred her from the edge of a nap she was flirting with.

  "It smells good in here," Gideon announced, but Jade didn’t turn over in her bunk.

  When she got back to the truck, she had started the barbecue ribs on the slowest setting. It would be a few hours before they were ready.

  Making a grunting noise of acknowledgment, she stayed in her cocoon with her heating pad pressed firmly to her stomach. Jade was so uncomfortable she could scream—or cry, she couldn't be sure. Her stomach hurt, her back hurt, and she was cold and hungry, at this point, all she wanted to do was sleep.

  "You ready to go?" Gideon called out, and she could hear him fiddling with the controls on the dashboard and guessed he was in the driver's seat. "We need to pick up the load on Wallace street, and then we will be on our way to Utah."

  Knowing she needed to get up, Jade pushed herself upward from her warm cocoon and slowly climbed down to the floor, dragging her blanket around her shoulders as she went. Walking to her seat, she froze. Sitting in her seat was the little green box of chocolates she couldn't afford.

  Looking to Gideon, she stood there in silence as she looked at the back of his head. From her position, she could see the rise of his cheeks and knew he was grinning as he typed in the directions onto the GPS. He must have followed her to the store and saw that she had to put them back. Tears pricked at her eyes. Damn him for being so sweet. How did she stand a chance like this? How was she supposed to act like the sister he wanted if he was always going to be so considerate to her? Every month without fail, Gideon always sensed when she was on her period. She wasn't even sure how he did it. Was he counting her birth control tablets and realizing when he got to the dummy pills? She had no clue, but each time he went out of his way to accommodate her, whether it be random shoulder rubs, stopping for bathroom breaks more than usual, or this—buying her much needed chocolate.

  Realizing she hadn't moved or said anything, Gideon turned in his chair to look back at her, his grin falling a little as he caught her tears. Getting up before she could stop him, he pulled her into his arms, which only made her cry more.

  Sinking into his warmth, she hugged him back. Dear Lord, what was she going to do? She could feel her heart breaking and remolding itself in her chest as her love for him grew beyond the boundaries she and society had placed. She was sinking, and she knew deep down she didn't want to save herself.

  ~*~

  Leaning against the grill of his truck, Gideon yawned loudly as he listened to Ron, yelling on the other end of the phone.

  "It's my house and my family's money! I am the one fucking taking care of mom," Ron screeched through the line. "This allowance you set up isn’t working, she needs to be able to access more!"

  Pulling his attention from Jade's smile as she sat across the cement bench and laughed at something Toby said, Gideon stared off at the Salt Flats around them. They were still in Utah, but they were heading out towards Nevada tomorrow.

  "Well, that's funny," Gideon answered. "Because before mom handed you the phone, she told me she was doing just fine."

  "She is just saying that, but I'm telling you what she is too afraid to say," Ron shouted, not willing to let go of his argument.

  Bringing his gaze back to Jade, who was staring at her hand of cards with a level of seriousness no one should ever use at a game of spades, Gideon sighed. He needed to end this stupid phone call.

  "Ok, Ron, I understand you’re disappointed because now that you’re back in the house you were kicked out of, you realize it's in my name, and the accounts are controlled by me. Yeah, ok, I get that. But what you fail to realize is that Jade talks to mom once a week, and mom texts me more than that. Her doctor sends me an email after every check-up, as does her pharmacy after every refill. So, you see Ron, even though mom chose to side with you, I'm still taking care of her. So, do me a favor, just sit there and live rent-free and be the worthless piece of shit dad always thought you were."

  Gideon had hoped that the last barb would get the man to hang up in anger so he could go back to enjoying his day off. No such luck.

  "I'll make you regret that, you bastard!" Ron growled, and Gideon could just imagine the man's pinched face tightening in anger.

  Looking up from her game, Jade cast Gideon a questioning glance to which Gideon smiled back in return. Putting his other hand on the mic, he mouthed he would be over there in a moment. Nodding with a smile, she turned back to her game.

  Time to end this. Stepping off from the truck, Gideon rolled his stiff shoulders. "Look, brother," Gideon said the word with as much derision as he could muster. "I suggest you go back to the charade of being a good son. Because if I even suspect you're not taking care of my momma, I will have the sheriff's office doing random welfare checks at all hours of the day, every day until I make my way back, and when I get down there, Ron, there won't be enough officers to pull me off of you."

  The muted hush signaled to Gideon that the line was finally disconnected.

  "About damn time," Gideon mumbled as he pocket
ed the phone and made his way over to the other two.

  ~

  "I feel like we've been to nearly every damn state since we left home, and every single one of them looks the same," Gideon groaned as they passed another major off-ramp leading to yet another strip of concrete carved into nature filled with the same big-name chain stores.

  Jade grinned at that. In a way, he was right. Every major exit of any town located off the highway seemed to consist of the same stores over and over again. Even how they were positioned and which order they ran in from left to right was the same. Although, she mused as she stared off at the brightly lit Target parking lot in the distance, for all the similarities the states possessed, there was one signifying difference amongst them, and that was nature. From the southwest to the far east, drylands changed to wetter climates. From the south heading north, trees shifted from broad leafy canopies to narrow spurs of conifer. Miles and miles of endless grass changed to sepia fields of dirt and rocks. Hills rose higher and higher until great mountains emerged topped with untouched snow. Nature announced its difference, while uniform man-made structures strived for congruity.