Unspoken Words

by Latoya Chandler

  “That’s it right there.”

  Desirae and Xavier chatted for hours, entertaining each other through dinner. Xavier had an early flight back home the following morning. He and Desirae exchanged numbers, vowing to spend all the time they could to develop a solid friendship. Desirae couldn’t wait to call Naomi-Ruth to tell her all about Mr. Washington. And she knew Rosalind would drive her insane about it when she found out. Either way, Desirae was thrilled about getting to know Xavier. Everything about him differed from any of the men she had crossed paths with, specifically men in the church.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Let It Go . . .

  It was their first Sunday returning to the church as husband and wife. Naomi-Ruth was on cloud nine after spending the balance of the week and weekend honeymooning with Dexter. She was feeling extra good because Pastor Lewis didn’t burden her about her attire or her relationship with Desirae. There wasn’t any mention of either subject after their last disagreement.

  As Pastor Lewis took his bride by the hand, escorting her to the first pew where her mom used to sit, Naomi-Ruth beamed as she thought victoriously, Maybe, I got through to him, and he will see things differently. It’s just a matter of time.

  After she took her seat, Pastor Lewis headed to the pulpit as the choir ministered to the congregation. Once on the podium, the choir turned the service over to Dexter.

  “It feels good to be back in my Father’s house. God surely has been good to me.”

  “I’m sure he has. Ain’t God good?” the flock returned.

  “I want to get straight to the Word this morning. The Lord gave me something for you this morning. Turn with me in your Bible to Ecclesiastes 3:6. We’re going to do something different this morning. I am going to ask you to stand and read with me.”

  “A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away,” the church read in unison.

  “Before taking your seats, turn to your neighbor and tell that person, I don’t know about you, but I am letting it all go,” Pastor Lewis directed, and the congregation obeyed. “If I were to use a topic this morning, it would be ‘Let it go.’ Church, just because people had the approval to walk with you yesterday, it doesn’t mean they’ll have the same privilege to walk with you today. Sometimes, you have to get out, not just for yourself but for the individuals you’re connected to. Let it go for what’s locked up inside of you. Let it go. Leave the comfortable and the familiar. It might be uncomfortable for the moment, and weeping may endure for a night. However, joy will come in the morning. What you’re cleaving to is locking up your joy. Your destiny, your marriage, and your happiness are all imprisoned by what you’re holding on to. People of God, let it go,” Pastor Lewis concluded.

  Naomi-Ruth’s muscles tensed throughout the sermon. Her heart shred listening to Dexter use the pulpit to address the disagreement they’d had. Service could not have ended fast enough. Naomi-Ruth couldn’t hold back the tears during the benediction. She turned and stalked out of the sanctuary. Desirae saw the heartache in Naomi-Ruth’s face as she went by and rushed out after her. She caught up with her before Naomi-Ruth could make it to her car.

  “Nomi, what’s wrong? You can’t leave out of the service like that without greeting the people. You’re the first lady now.”

  “I am not in good enough spirits to talk to anyone today, Dez.”

  “You know your husband will have a fit. Does he know you’re leaving like this?”

  “Honestly, I don’t care what he knows right now. I need time to myself. It’s all too much for me at the moment,” she sniffled.

  “What’s the matter, Nomi?” Dez pulled her into an embrace.

  “I don’t want to talk about it here. I’m going to my parents’ house. Can you take me there? I’m so upset that I forgot I rode in with Dexter.”

  Levi and Vera had left their home to Naomi-Ruth. She hadn’t been back to the house since marrying Dexter. The only thing on her mind was to crawl into her old bed and cry herself to sleep. She declined to talk to Dez about what was troubling her because she required space to herself. Dexter and Pastor Lewis were two different men in Naomi-Ruth’s eyes. And for the first time since Pastor Lewis had become chief pastor of her father’s church, Naomi-Ruth realized she was having a hard time agreeing with him.

  Without taking off her Sunday attire, Naomi-Ruth climbed into bed and sobbed violently. Memories of her parents swarmed her mind, provoking her to cry harder. For the first time since their passing, Naomi-Ruth mourned their loss. She was feeling like everything was caving in on her, and she’d lost everything, including herself. Marrying Dexter was supposed to have added to her instead of taking away from her by Pastor Lewis. Naomi-Ruth was afraid to express her thoughts out loud, which was one of the reasons why she’d asked Dez to give her time with a promise that they’d talk later. To Naomi-Ruth, Dexter was loving, passionate, funny, and he made her relaxed. Pastor Lewis, on the other hand, gave her anxiety. He wanted to isolate her. He was demanding and wanted to control every aspect of her life.

  As sleep began to alleviate the nagging thoughts consuming her, Naomi-Ruth was frightened by pounding at the front door. She knew who it was by the three steady taps and pause because Dexter used that same rhythm each time. Although her mind told her to ignore him, she went to the door.

  “Please, just let me rest!” she shouted from the other side of the door.

  “Ruth, please, open this door. You’re not going to leave your pastor . . . I mean, your husband standing out here like this, are you?”

  “Yes, I am. I apologize, but I need time alone. Please give me some space, and we can talk another time.”

  “That’s not an option. We have to talk now. I am not one of your friends, Naomi-Ruth. I am your husband, and I am asking you to open this door, please.”

  “I can’t, Dexter. It’s important for me to have some space right now. Everything happened too fast. Please give me time to clear my head.”

  “This is not how it’s done, Ruth. You embarrassed me in church. Everyone was looking for you, and I turned around, and you were gone. I had to make up an excuse that you weren’t feeling well. I am not leaving until you open this door, Ruth.”

  “Sorry, but I cannot open this door. I have to keep the little bit of sanity I have.”

  * * *

  Pastor Lewis couldn’t imagine going home without Naomi-Ruth by his side. He slept in the car overnight. On her way to the kitchen in search of something for a headache, Naomi-Ruth saw Dexter’s car in the driveway.

  Why is he still here? I guess I have to get this over with. She exhaled and opened the door and invited him in.

  “Thank God it’s warm out, or I would have frozen in that car.”

  “You could have respected my wishes and gone home, Dexter.”

  “And you could have stuck around to work things out. You can’t run and hide at your parents’ place whenever something is bothering you. Do you mind telling me what happened? What’s wrong, Ruth?”

  “You’re not serious, are you?”

  “Did I miss something, Ruth?”

  “Dexter, you found a scripture in the Bible and preached an entire sermon on me letting go of my life for me to be happy. You don’t recall that?”

  “Ruth, it was the word God gave me for His people. It cuts and judges the hearts of the saved and unsaved. Do you really think I’d find a message to preach to the congregation about my wife?”

  “It’s also a two-edged sword, so while you’re cutting, you should deal with your own stuff. And, yes, I do believe you wrote your sermon about me, and that’s what you did. There’s no way God told you to get up there and say those things. In fact, that was the fastest sermon you’ve ever preached. You usually expound on the Word. That’s how I know God wasn’t anywhere in that message. If this is how it’s going to be, I want no part of this marriage. It hurts me to say this, but love doesn’t hurt. You’re supposed to love me the way Christ loves the church. Jesus wouldn’
t do me like this.”

  “Ruth, I will say it again. I gave my congregation what God gave to me. We vowed for better or for worse. Divorce will never be on the table. We’ll be together till death parts us. You cannot throw divorce in the air and run off whenever you’re emotional. We have to discuss things.”

  “There’s no talking to you, Dexter. You use the scriptures to chastise me and validate your warped way of thinking. I’ve come a long way, and I am not a victim. I won’t allow you to manipulate the Word and use it against me. My dad never treated my mom like this. You hurt me, Dexter.”

  “None of what you’re saying is true. It will take some time, but you will see that I am nothing like what you’ve described. We will get through this. I just need you to come home so we can make up and fix this.”

  “Right now, I ask that you give me time. I am not ready to go back there. For me to be the wife you need me to be, I have to take this time to get myself together. Please allow me this space, Dexter.”

  “I don’t believe in living separately. A man belongs with his wife. But I will give you time and space this one time only. Please don’t get used to this because I refuse to go through this a third time, Ruth. So, please, get whatever it is that you need out of your system and come on home.”

  “What are you talking about? We haven’t been together that long for this to be a second time, let alone a third time.”

  “It’s nothing. Just do what you need to do, Ruth. I need you home.” He made his way out the door.

  Naomi-Ruth was proud that she stood up for herself. She was still hurting, but she had to defend herself. Marrying Dexter was one of the happiest times of her life. Surprising her and putting everything together felt good . . . at the time. Dexter was the type of man that Levi raised Naomi-Ruth to believe God had for her. Levi didn’t want Naomi-Ruth to grow up and get married. He’d prefer she remained his little girl. However, after Pastor Lewis confessed that God had shown him Naomi-Ruth in a dream, Levi knew it was time to stress how he’d taught her a man was supposed to treat her.

  “Ruth,” Levi called her into his study.

  “Yes, Papa?”

  “How are things going with you?”

  “Papa, why did you ask me that? What’s wrong?”

  “You know your father, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I do, and when you ask how things are going, it means something happened, or I did something wrong. So, which one is it?”

  “You’ve been so busy with the boutique, the choir, and the singles’ ministry, but are you taking any time out for yourself?”

  “Papa, you’re talking in circles. You know I have girls’ night with Dez, and I go out with some of the women from the singles’ ministry. What is this really about?”

  “Are you dating anyone, Ruth? Are you thinking about it or interested in anyone?”

  Naomi-Ruth couldn’t help but explode in hysterics. “Oh my goodness, let me catch my breath. How hard was that for you to ask me? Your face went through so many expressions, Papa. That was hysterical.”

  “I’m glad you find your dad funny. But I am serious, Ruth.”

  “Honestly, right now, I’m not dating. I’m assuming the right man is on his way to come to find me, or you and Mom are stuck with me forever, ” she snickered.

  “That’s right, Princess. God will send the right man along. I’m sure some have already sought you, but they weren’t for you. That’s why you didn’t notice them. I want you to remember that Christ gave up His life for the church, and that is how a husband is supposed to love you. He has to be forgiving, gentle, and patient with you. Disrespect and control don’t love. I tried it with your mom, and she almost left me. Don’t put up with it. Trying to control another person is the spirit of witchcraft. Remember that, Ruth. Being submissive doesn’t diminish your voice. You can disagree and show honor and respect. I love you, Ruth, and I know God will send you someone like me, and when He does, you remember what I taught you. If we are like God, we have to love like Him. God’s love is patient, kind, and peaceful.”

  “I will never forget, Papa.”

  Thinking of the conversation she’d had with Levi grieved Naomi-Ruth. He had prepared her for the incidents in marriage. She just hoped she didn’t have to go through it. Naomi-Ruth didn’t know how long she planned on staying at her parents’ place. She just knew it was where she desired to be at the moment. Dexter’s sermon triggered an old wound that hadn’t healed. While in the locker room when she was 14, someone took advantage of her innocence and attacked her. Naomi-Ruth felt Dexter did the same thing. He attacked her with the Word of God, the only source of solace that Naomi-Ruth knew to aid her with making it into the next day.

  After Dexter left, Naomi-Ruth’s thoughts ran wild, causing her to feel paralyzed and overheated. Unable to calm herself down, she called Dez over to help her. The way Naomi-Ruth was feeling, she knew if she didn’t relax, she’d end up having to be rushed to the hospital for having a nervous breakdown or, God forbid, a heart attack.

  Chapter Eighteen

  A Grieving Spirit . . .

  The last thing Dexter wanted was a division between him and Naomi-Ruth. Separation, in his eyes, created barriers, something he could not imagine being in the way of him and the love of his life. Naomi-Ruth was his wife, and they’re supposed to be under the same roof. His marriage to Naomi-Ruth wasn’t like the one when he was 16, and he was forced to marry Tamariane as a form of discipline. To this day, he wasn’t sure how he felt about what he was forced to do back then. He and Tamariane were penalized, but at what cost? Dexter had no choice in the marriage or the scandal that resulted. If he had, he would have moved away because he didn’t like how Tamarian became the talk of the church in such a negative way. This is why Pastor Lewis was so resistant to Naomi-Ruth being at her parents’ house. He refused to allow anyone to speak ill toward them. Dexter’s nerves got the best of him. As the man of his house, there was no reason for him to be going through the same thing. One of the primary reasons Dexter had made sure he put everything in place before asking Naomi-Ruth to marry him was so he could control how they lived. Losing Naomi-Ruth wasn’t an option.

  He had found his good thing, and he’d done everything according to the scriptures. How could this be taking place? God wasn’t the author of a mess. Unable to calm his racing mind, Dexter asked G-ma Dye to come over because he respected her opinion. She had a way of getting through to Dexter even though sometimes, it took a little while to accept where she was coming from. Pacing back and forth, Dexter replayed the conversation he’d had with Naomi-Ruth. As he relived it, his anxiety heightened.

  The vibrations of the doorbell snapped him out of his thoughts.

  “Pastor,” G-ma greeted as she entered.

  “G-ma, you don’t have to call me that. This is serious.”

  “You sounded serious as usual whenever it’s church business.”

  “Not this time. Ruth left me.”

  “Dexter, what are you talking about? I thought you said she didn’t feel well, and that’s why she left immediately after service yesterday.”

  “She wasn’t feeling me, so she left.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I gave the Word as God had given it to me. Ruth thinks I preached the message concerning a disagreement she and I had.”

  “Son, God doesn’t cause any mess. Did you use the podium to shame your bride? I was praying you wouldn’t take up that habit from Bishop Livingston. You took up so many of his ways. He was an outstanding man of God, but I didn’t agree with using the Word to attack or punish his wife or the people of God openly. Don’t get me wrong. Some correction has to be done openly, but not every single thing.”

  “I disagree. Bishop did what God had instructed him to do. The Word says the Lord disciplines those whom He loves. The problem with His people is we can’t stand to be corrected.”

  “God doesn’t need you to do the disciplining for Him, Dexter. He has it under control. Don’t push the people o
r your wife away by trying to do God’s job. The Word is a two-edged sword, son. It isn’t just for the receiver, but it’s for the messenger as well. So, if you’re expecting anyone to let something go as you preached on Sunday, then you need to begin dropping some of that weight too, son. I thought the message was a little short yesterday, but I assumed you were too busy honeymooning, so I disregarded it.”

  “I gave what God gave to me. Right now, this is about getting Ruth to come back home.”

  “You are not receiving what I’m saying or just said right now. Pray and think about the things I’ve said and what your wife conveyed to you and fix it. I don’t want to know what your argument was about. I need you to do what you have to do to bring Naomi-Ruth home for good. Marriage isn’t easy. There has to be more giving than receiving sometimes. Pop Reg and I made it as long as we did because I understood who he was, and I didn’t try to change him. I didn’t agree with some of the things he did, but I forgave him and continued to love him in spite of it all. If you’re going to love Ruth the way Christ loves the church, you will have to sacrifice some things just like Jesus did. In this season, she needs to get to know Dexter, and you must become better acquainted with Naomi-Ruth. You’re familiar with Pastor Lewis and Sister Naomi, but you know nothing about each other outside of the church setting, son. Get to know your wife . . . and Dexter too while you’re at it. You’ve been a pastor since you were 16. Now, you have to learn how to be a man and a husband to your wife.”

  As the door closed behind G-ma Dye, Pastor Lewis descended to his knees. After his talk with his grandmother, Dexter was even more conflicted. He wanted his wife home now, but how could he get her home and keep the church out of his business? He knew it would take something significant to convince Naomi-Ruth to come home. The look in her eyes had told it all.

  “Dear Heavenly Father, please give me clarity. Speak to me, your servant, Dexter, Lord. I’m listening. I cannot move forward without you or Ruth at home here by my side. I need my helpmate with me. I’m losing members from preaching what I know is the truth. Help me, God. My heart and mind are heavy.” Tears streamed from his eyes.