Hidden Heart

by Amy Lane

  Belinda had been so touched, she’d asked about his three favorite things to eat—and had made him two of the three this last week.

  So they were in the middle of one of the best tamale pies he’d ever tasted when Preston asked him how Spencer was doing and Theo let loose.

  “How’s he doing? I’ll tell you how he’s doing. He’s a six-foot, four-inch colossal pain in my you-know-what, that’s how he’s doing.”

  Preston and Oscar exchanged careful glances, and then they both looked at Theo again like he might be a bomb.

  “What did he do?” Belinda asked, and Theo smiled at her gratefully.

  “I asked him to send me a selfie, because he was whining about being thin, and he refused.”

  “But he’s coming home soon,” Preston said, sounding boggled. “Why would you need a selfie?”

  Oscar—who was not conventionally attractive, but whose heart radiated such a pure warmth that Theo could see why Preston would crush on him so hard in high school—beamed at his curvy blond wife. “So he can look at Spencer when he’s gone and think nice thoughts.”

  Belinda smiled shyly back at her beloved. “And so you can feel connected, even when you’re apart.”

  Oscar’s homely face split into a wide grin, and they both blushed and concentrated on their food. Theo thought his heart might burst from their complete and total devotion to each other, and then he saw Preston scowling like a man putting things together.

  “I do have pictures of myself and Damien,” he said carefully and then looked at little Caden, who was busy stuffing SpaghettiOs into his mouth with a chubby fist, “that are inappropriate to discuss with a baby here. I use them to make sure Damien doesn’t stay away too long.”

  Theo checked out Belinda’s and Oscar’s expressions and saw that their eyes were very large, but other than that, they were unhorrified.

  “Brother,” Oscar said, his voice level, “remember how we talked about how some details you need to keep to yourself?”

  Preston nodded. “I figured that was one of them.” He looked at Theo. “I think having a picture of Spencer is a reasonable thing to ask,” he proclaimed. “It doesn’t have to be naked.”

  Theo covered his eyes with his hands, and Oscar and Belinda bravely kept any stray thoughts to themselves.

  “Thanks, Preston,” he said, his voice squeaky. “Can we talk about something else now?”

  “Sure,” Preston said. “Glen’s interviewing the new pilots in two days. He wants you to be in the room along with Damien and Elsie since Spencer can’t make it. He told me to tell you to be ready to leave with Damien that morning, bright and early. Are you okay with that?”

  “Yeah, sure,” Theo said, thinking about the helicopter pad on the far side of the property from the kennels. It was big enough for the Black Hawks—of which Glen had two—but so far, he’d only seen Damien fly a smaller four-seater in and out. His pattern was to leave for two days and come back for one or two, and Theo had the feeling that would be Spencer’s schedule as well. He could see how having two more pilots might make it easier for the four who worked for Gecko Inc. now to have lives.

  “Good,” Preston said. “Damien’s bringing the Black Hawk home tonight. Don’t be alarmed. It’s louder than the Hummingbird. It might freak the horses out.”

  “I’ll be prepared,” Theo said gravely, and Preston nodded.

  “I’ll go tell them you’ll be okay with that,” he said, and he stood and took his dishes to the sink. “Thank you, Belinda,” he said. “The meal was really good. If you tell Theo what to get when he goes into town tomorrow, he can do groceries for you.”

  Theo grinned at her, and she grinned back. “Chinese food,” she said happily before sighing. “And a grocery list. I’ll text you.”

  “No worries.”

  Preston left, and Oscar watched him go and then heaved a sigh of relief. “You all, remind me that I never, ever, ever want to look at Preston’s phone.”

  Theo broke into a chuckle, and then he clapped his hand over his mouth. “Deal,” he squeaked.

  And then Oscar blew his mind. “Spencer had all sorts of hookups before he moved here.”

  “Color me surprised,” Theo told him dryly.

  “We never knew their names,” Oscar said. “And I’m pretty sure he was only a pretty face and a rockin’ body to them. And now his rockin’ body isn’t in top form. Preston wouldn’t see it that way. I’m just saying—asking for the selfie was a good move. Maybe take one of the two of you the next time you see him.”

  “How would you know Spencer’s got a rockin’ body?” Belinda asked, a little amused.

  “Oh, sweetheart, we’ve known Spencer for a while now. I may not have a personal interest, but I can recognize the real deal when I see it.”

  She giggled and then winked at Theo. “Spencer’s sex on legs,” she said. “Anyone can see it. But the fact that he’s embarrassed now is a good sign.” Then she sobered. “And he’ll hate this, but did you set up a mirror in the PT room?”

  Theo groaned. “No! Dammit. Can we look one up after I do dishes?”

  “Sure!” she said. “Want to watch some TV with us?”

  “Yeah,” he told her. “Want me to bring out ice cream after you get your boy there washed off?”

  “Oh, Theo, you’re a blessing,” Belinda said, transported. Oscar stood and kissed her cheek.

  “Thanks, Theo,” he said. “I’ll go do the final rounds with the dogs. And she’s right. You’re a godsend. Spencer does what he can, but he’s gone as much as Damien. You being here, being part of our team—you make all the difference.”

  Theo’s face heated as he remembered all the times back in Sticky when he’d get home to an empty house, have a warm-up meal, and go to bed. He’d missed his mom, of course, but he hadn’t realized how isolated he’d been in ways that had nothing to do with living in a small town in the middle of nowhere. He wasn’t even living in a town here, but the three other people on this stretch of property had already decided he was one of their own.

  Now if only he could convince Spencer of the same thing.

  THE “hiring the new pilots” line turned out to be a trap.

  Damien had Theo strapped in the front of the Black Hawk, both of them with coms helmets on, when Theo asked him how many interviewees Glen had lined up.

  “Is that what Preston told you?” Damien asked. “Wow. Glen really is an asshole.”

  “What’s that mean?” Theo asked, confused.

  “That means that Preston doesn’t lie, and Glen knows that. And Glen also knew me and Preston wouldn’t be at the family dinner last night because we hump like bunnies on my first day back. So he told Preston a big old whopper to get you on the chopper with me today. He hired the damned pilots last week. Elsie can barely tolerate them, but she says she can deal for another seven months.”

  “What’s in seven months?” Theo asked, now thoroughly confused.

  “That’s the timeline the docs gave us before Spencer gets back up in the air. Around October.”

  “But he’s not even back from the hospital yet!”

  There was a silence, filled with the roar and dip of the helicopter as it sailed over the growing vineyards of Napa wine country, and Theo checked Damien’s face to make sure he wasn’t about to let them fall out of the air.

  “What?” he asked, feeling stupid.

  Damien—damn his beautiful arrogant soul—grinned.

  “What?” Theo repeated. “What am I missing.”

  “Yet,” Damien said, and Theo realized that he wasn’t flying in the direction of the hangar where Gecko Inc. was located. He was flying in the direction of Napa. Specifically, in the direction of the hospital.

  “Oh my God.” Theo’s heart leapt and he had to fight seriously against a burning in his eyes. “Really?”

  “Yessir, really.”

  “Does he know?”

  Damien gave an evil, evil chuckle.

  “He doesn’t know?”

  �
��Well, he probably does now, because Glen’s there with the truck, doing his paperwork.”

  “Oh my God!” Theo held his hand up to his chest, trying to slow his breathing.

  “Yep. Spencer’s coming home.”

  Jailbroken

  SPENCER was unprepared for Theo and Damien to come swaggering into his hospital room right when he was trying on the clothes Glen had brought from his apartment. Spencer and Damien used the place as a crash pad between short jobs sometimes. It felt cozy and familiar—but not like home. Not after a year of living out on the ranch.

  And the clothes were sort of the same way.

  “Where did my ass go?” he asked, looking at the sag in his jeans with dismay. “It wasn’t a huge ass, I admit, but it was an ass, and it seems to be missing!”

  “Are you trying to get me to compliment your ass, Spence? Because if you’re ass fishing for ass compliments, then I think the physical size of your ass is immaterial.”

  Spencer scowled at the cocky asshole. “Did you get laid last night, Mighty Lizard? I bet you got laid last night. Would you like to know the last time I got laid?”

  “Not particularly,” Glen said, eyebrows raised. Cash had invented the nickname, but after he’d used it once in front of the others, Spencer had adopted it and was the only one who’d kept calling Glen Mighty Lizard. Glen and Damien thought it was hilarious, so Spencer took liberties.

  “Well, you’re in luck because I don’t remember. I don’t remember when I got laid, and there’s a young man who is living in my house because of you and who keeps answering my texts when I probably sound like a raging fucking lunatic, and I’m on crutches with a leg brace, and I got no ass. I’m not a brain trust. I’m not a saint. I’m not that cute, and I’m not that funny, and now I got no ass.”

  Glen rubbed a finger in the place where his eyebrows met like he was trying to massage away pain.

  “To my knowledge, Theo has never seen your ass,” he said, all patience. “But if you open your mouth, I’m sure you can show it to him.”

  “Why would he want to see it now?” Spencer snarled. “That’s all I’m asking. Look at me, Glen!” His knees gave a wobble, and he realized that, even with the brace to support the still-healing leg, he was going to have to sit down. He sank to the bed, his absurdly loose jeans tugging down because that was what they did when there was nothing to hold them up. “How am I going to look that kid in the eye?”

  “Oh no,” Glen said, sounding perturbed, finally. “No. You are not doing this to me. Damien did this to me for a year and a half, but he didn’t tell me he was doing this to me, so all I knew was that my best friend had become the biggest pain in my ass. You don’t get to do this to me. I forbid it. Not after Damien. No.”

  “What did I do to you?” Damien asked, practically crashing the door to the hospital room.

  “You did the ‘Oh God no, Glen, my perfect heroic manliness has been damaged, and now I can’t go fuck the guy of my dreams, and I shall waste away in loneliness as a result!’ You remember that, Damien? A year and a half? Preston had to lock the two of you in an airplane for hours to snap you out of it, and a wall had to fall on me to help make that happen.”

  “You guys are going to have to tell that story in sequence one of these days,” Theo said, hard on Damien’s heels. “And nobody’s wasting away in loneliness.” Theo turned his scowl to Spencer, where it melted and became, well, sort of a dewy smile. The whole world held its breath, and Theo took a couple of steps toward the bed.

  “How you doin’, Spence?”

  Glen and Damien evaporated, leaving a couple of lingering comments about finishing paperwork like trails of gauze in the air.

  Oh, he was so bright and shiny. A shy smile on his face, his surprisingly wide shoulders filling Spencer’s vision. He looked happy and fit and tan—his brown hair even had some gold streaks in it from working in the sun, and Spencer’s hard-earned health seemed to shrivel and curl up on itself like a salted snail.

  But he remembered Glen’s words about honesty, and how he’d been there for Glen’s recuperation after an injury, and how when Cash returned for Glen, he had not seemed to give a shit that Glen was scrawny and recovering. Maybe, if he could manage not to be too much of an asshole, Theo could forgive him for not having an ass.

  “I am feeling puny,” he admitted.

  “Yeah, but Spencer, you get to come home,” Theo said, sitting down next to him on the bed, so close their arms were touching. This had happened over the last couple weeks. He’d held Spencer’s hand, brushed his hair from his eyes as he’d sweated out his fever, kissed his cheek. A slow, pervasive physical closeness had snuck in, giving Spencer moments of comfort he could barely remember from his childhood. But unlike those moments, which he’d come to realize had been conditional upon him being a perfect clone of his parents’ beliefs, these were… unconditional. Theo seemed to accept Spencer for being his foul-mouthed, prickly self and to still want to sit close enough to rest his chin on Spencer’s bony shoulder.

  And Spencer felt compelled to ask.

  “You like my home?” He felt more naked than even his scrawny bare ass, flapping in the tent that used to be his skinny jeans.

  “It’s a great home,” Theo said softly. “Me, Preston, Oscar and Belinda have dinner together most nights. Did you do that?”

  Spencer nodded. “When I was home. Sometimes I’d bring Belinda takeout—but not often enough. They work so hard.”

  Theo chuckled. “I took over where you stopped,” he said. “And I told Preston and Oscar to remember when I couldn’t.” He smiled, and a look of peace seemed to suffuse his face. “Good moms need lots of love.”

  Spencer “hmmd” noncommittally, but Theo never let him get away with that.

  “You wouldn’t know, would you?”

  Over the last four weeks, Spencer had steadfastly refused to talk family with Theo. His little speech to Glen had been as bare as he wanted his soul to be. But, dammit, they seemed to be on the same page about so many things. About living in the country, about hard work and service, about being kind to people who were kind to them. Maybe Glen was right.

  “I only thought she was a good mom,” he said softly. “Good moms don’t teach their kids to hate. Or that it’s okay for dads to use their fists. Belinda’s a good mom.”

  Theo nodded. “Yeah. She is. Who were you taught to hate, Spencer?”

  Spence shrugged. “Usual suspects. Anyone not straight, white, typical, or male. Boo-fuckin’-hoo, right?”

  Theo let out a little chuff of air, and then, surprisingly, kissed his cheek. “You don’t think that way,” he said. “Don’t worry about it. You’re fine.”

  That easy. Spencer turned his head and searched Theo’s warm brown eyes. “You love that family,” he said with a little bit of wonder.

  “You don’t?” Theo asked doubtfully.

  “No—I mean, yes, I do. I just… uhm, never, you know….”

  “Used words like a human. I get it.” Theo seemed to be laughing at him, but Spencer understood. To someone who communicated in ways besides posturing and braggadocio, acknowledging love and kindness was probably a walk in the park.

  Spencer managed a smile. “You sure you can deal with my sub-human grunts? You can… you know, have the place on the dog ranch and the job in the office if you room at Oscar and Belinda’s. I don’t think they’d mind.”

  “Oh, Spencer,” Theo said gently. “You haven’t even seen what I’ve done to your trailer and you want to get rid of me already?”

  Spencer was leaning into him—leaning on him, if truth be known, when he didn’t lean on anybody. “You… you can keep the family, Theo, if you decide that I was a bad idea. You know that, right? I mean….” Oh, he felt so good. So warm, so strong. Spencer remembered the way Theo had leaned on his shoulder on their little raft in the middle of the great void. Would he trust Spencer like that again after seeing him small and weak?

  “Spencer?” He was so close.

  “W
hat?”

  “This.” And Theo leaned in and kissed him, like he had when they’d been on the raft. Spencer closed his eyes, his uncertainty, his nervousness, falling away.

  This was kissing. He knew how to kiss.

  You opened your mouth and let your partner in.

  Theo came in firmly—but not too hot. Almost as though he was trying to gentle Spencer, to lure him, to tease him into committing. Spencer had never been that guy.

  He raised his hand to the back of Theo’s head and held him, taking over the kiss, plundering, drinking, like the month in the hospital had sapped his strength, his fire, and Theo was feeding him—water, flame, and blood.

  Theo’s hands came up to his shoulders, not to push him away but to touch, to knead, and when his palm brushed Spencer’s nipple through his T-shirt, the charge of electricity that ripped through him was urgent and unmistakable.

  And wholly inappropriate for a hospital room.

  Spencer tore himself away and paused, eyes wild, panting, Theo’s little whimper of need hitting him in the stomach with want all over again.

  “That,” he said, trying to catch his breath, “is very dangerous.”

  “That was awesome!” Theo breathed. “Oh, man. Kissing has been so underrated!”

  Spencer turned toward him helplessly. “That’s your takeaway here?”

  Theo gave him a dreamy smile and an enthusiastic nod. “Oh, buddy. You are so not getting rid of me now.”

  Spencer opened his mouth to give him all of the reasons he’d carefully formulated for why Theo needed to get rid of Spencer—leg brace, shitty childhood, bad deeds as an adolescent, no track record in a relationship, period—but what he got when he opened his mouth was a big blank.

  And that’s how Damien and Glen found them. Staring into each other’s eyes while Spencer gaped like a trout.