Sunshine and Second Chances

by Kim Nash

  ‘Oh, my dear.’ A little old lady who was walking past had stopped and put her hand on Debs’ arm. ‘That blue looks stunning on you. You have to buy it.’

  Debs’ had glowed and thanked the lady, and placed the top in her trolley. It was amazing how a stranger could say something kind and make you feel a whole lot better. Kindness costs nothing and compliments really can lift someone’s mood. Debs thought that the whole world would be a much nicer place if everyone would bear that in mind.

  She was really looking forward to seeing the girls again. Well, they were hardly girls. Two of them were already fifty and two were about to be. It had been years since they’d seen each other for more than an evening, and she wondered what on earth they’d think of her when they saw how big she’d become. The last few times they’d been due to meet up, she’d cancelled last minute because she hadn’t wanted them to see how she looked and couldn’t bear to see the pity or sadness in their eyes. But she just needed to put on her big-girl pants, get it over and done with and not miss out again.

  Four

  ‘I’m really not sure I should go, you know. I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do.’ Fiona’s voice cracked, and she screwed up the tissue that she’d been holding onto.

  She took her mum’s hand and her mum smiled at her, content in her own little world, not really taking in anything that Fiona had said. Fiona wondered if her mum even knew who Fiona was at that particular moment.

  ‘She’ll be fine here with us, Fiona, and it’s only for a week. Then Mum can come home with you again.’ Brenda, the care home manager, was such a kind lady and Fiona totally trusted her. She really liked the home, and the room that they’d put aside for her mum, but she couldn’t help but have mixed feelings.

  ‘She’ll be having a lovely little holiday herself and we’ll have a lovely time together, won’t we, Marion?’

  ‘Can we do some singing? I like singing. I used to play the piano, you know. Did you know I used to be a music teacher?’

  ‘Did you, my love? Of course we can do some singing. We can do anything you want.’

  Fiona smiled. As far as she knew her mother had never played the piano in her life and had never worked. She’d been a housewife, looking after her daughter until Fiona left home to go to university, and her husband Bill until he suffered a huge heart attack and passed away, leaving her bereft. At the time, Fiona had wanted to quit university and come home to her mother, but Marion had insisted that Bill would have wanted Fiona to continue her studies to make something of her life and go on to become a teacher. Perhaps that’s what her mother was getting muddled about now.

  Since Fiona had finally accepted what was happening to her mum, she had fought for a good while to get her mum’s diagnosis confirmed so that they could get the help they needed. She’d had her suspicions for a long time but when she started to get calls from her mother’s neighbours to say that she was walking down the street in her nightclothes, she knew something had to be done before it got any worse.

  A ringing phone turned her into a nervous wreck, having no idea what she was going to discover when she picked up.

  It hadn’t been easy. Numerous trips to the doctor, which were distressing enough for someone with Alzheimer’s, then a visit to the memory clinic, had been the final step before they could all move forward.

  Fiona had given up her job as a teacher, determined to look after her mum and spend as much time with her as possible. She’d immediately cleared out her mum’s bungalow and she’d moved in with Fiona and at first it had been OK. Manageable even. But being around her mum every day made Fiona realise just how much and how quickly she had been deteriorating.

  Fiona had taken her mum out for lunch recently with Samantha. Bearing in mind that they’d known each other all through childhood, when Marion asked Samantha who she was when she got in the car and then at the pub had asked her again, it hit Fiona hard that things were changing dramatically as well as quickly.

  However, she’d learnt over the last few months, with the help of a brilliant support group, that it was no good getting frustrated with her mum because she didn’t know what she was doing or saying. They helped her see the funny side of things where they could, too and that balanced the immense sadness she seemed to carry around with her most of the time.

  When she’d met Brenda at a social group that they went to every Thursday night, she’d found her so easy to talk to and ended up pouring out her heart, telling her that she’d been invited to a fiftieth birthday celebration in Portugal but couldn’t even consider it and didn’t know how to tell her friends.

  Brenda just happened to be the manager of Chase Lodge, a nursing home on the outskirts of Cannock Chase Forest, and just a couple of miles from Fiona’s house. She handed Fiona her card and asked her to call her and have a look round. It was a beautiful place, full of happy staff who really seemed to enjoy looking after the residents, and in principle it sounded perfect, but now it was only a few days away, she was getting more and more nervous.

  ‘It’s just a week’s respite for both you and Marion, my lovely. We’re going to have a super time and so are you, so please, stop worrying. She’s in good hands. And it’ll do you both good. Her spending a few days, and the odd night, here before you go, should put both your minds at rest. She’s quite familiar with the place now, and at least you can see that she’s settled and happy here.’

  She knew that Brenda was right but she felt so much guilt. Guilt that she was going to go off and enjoy herself. Guilt at leaving her mother behind. Guilt because as life evolves the child becomes the parent. And guilt at the fact that sometimes she wished it was all over.

  As she walked away from the room, she swallowed down a lump that was forming in her throat and sincerely hoped that she was doing the right thing. She wondered whether she’d ever be able to forgive herself if anything happened to her mum while she was away. She clutched her chest as the thought occurred to her – what if this was the last time she ever saw her mum alive? A tear rolled down her cheek.

  She glanced over her shoulder one more time and saw her mum turn to Brenda. In a very loud whisper, she heard her mum say, ‘She’s pretty. Who is that lady that just left?’ She smiled a sad smile. Alzheimer’s is a cruel disease, but you had to embrace it instead of fighting it to get through.

  Five

  ‘So there are some meals in the freezer in case you are too busy to cook. You just need to remember to pull them out each morning to defrost. There’s a list on the fridge to say which of the boys are doing what activities after school each day and what they should be doing at the weekend. And I’ve arranged for a cleaning company to come in on Monday morning to tidy up before I get back.’ Olivia went over to kiss the boys, who were both looking a bit shell shocked. Had they thought that she wouldn’t go through with her holiday?

  Seb looked so sad. ‘Do you have to go, Mum? Why can’t we come with you?’

  ‘Because I’m going with my friends and it’s an adult holiday, darling. No kids allowed.’ She tried a laugh, but felt a knot of guilt churn in her stomach. She had never been away without her family before, but she knew that it was something that she really needed. ‘I’ll be back before you know it.’

  Her older son chipped in. ‘Oh God, can you imagine going on holiday with Mum and her old crone friends? No thank you! I’d rather stay here and play on my Xbox.’

  Olivia opened her mouth to say that James shouldn’t be on it for more than a couple of hours a day, and then decided that George could parent as he saw fit. He wouldn’t let any harm come to them; he just wouldn’t do it the way that she did.

  She walked over to where George was sitting watching the sports news on the TV and kissed him on his bald head. He turned away from her. He clearly still had the severe hump with her.

  Hector, their tri-coloured English Setter, was curled up in his basket and when he saw her pick up her suede loafers from the shoe rack, cocked his ears and bounded over to her, thinking he was goin
g out for a walk.

  ‘Sorry, darling. But Steve from ChasinTails will be here to walk you in an hour. He’ll be in every day till I’m back, so at least I know you’ll have two decent walks every day and you won’t be hassling this lot.’ She ruffled the fur on Hector’s head. She adored him. The whole family had cajoled her for months on end to have a dog. They all promised to look after it and take it for walks. The novelty wore off in less than a week, and none of them could understand why he loved her the most, even though she was the one who made sure he was fed, watered and walked every day. After first feeling that the responsibility of a dog was a burden, she’d ended up embracing being a doggy mum and realised that getting out of the house for a walk was a godsend and took her away from the stresses and strains of her needy family.

  ‘Don’t look so glum, Pembertons! I’ll only be gone for a week. Love you all, bye-eee!’

  She grabbed her sunhat, popped her latest designer shades on, which completed the summery outfit of three-quarter-length jeans and a floaty white linen shirt, and went out to grab her Uber, leaving her family behind. She’d rather hoped that George might drive her to the airport, but once she’d told him she was going away he’d been very cool with her and was now sulking so much that he had stopped talking to her completely. She hoped that this holiday would make them all appreciate her and help them stand on their own feet a little more.

  Oh boy, she really needed this break.

  Six

  Cramming her small case shut, Samantha couldn’t believe that everything had fitted in it. They were staying in a villa, so she hadn’t packed too many dressy clothes, choosing instead cut-offs and vest tops, which she felt more comfortable in than anything. A couple of dresses for the evenings should see her through if they went anywhere nice. She felt too old for bikinis, so had opted for a couple of tummy-tucking swimming costumes. Not that she needed any assistance, as she was very proud of the fact that through careful eating and a great metabolism, she still had the same size-10 figure she’d had since she was a teenager.

  While browsing the book aisle in her local supermarket, she had treated herself to half a dozen paperbacks to take away. Reading was her favourite pastime and she couldn’t decide between quite a few, so she threw caution to the wind and bought them all. She liked an eclectic mix of genres from crime thrillers to romcoms – she loved a time-slip historical read too – and could while away hours between the pages of a novel. She smiled as she realised she hadn’t left any books out for her hand luggage, so she’d nothing to read on the plane. Clearly she’d subconsciously wanted to browse the airport book store and pick up another one for the journey.

  She hoisted the suitcase case off her bed, smoothing the cover, making sure it looked perfect for her return. One thing she always did before she went on holiday was to change the duvet cover and sheets, so she had a nice clean bed to come back to. The other thing she was quite habitual about was bleaching the loos! It was always the very last thing she did before she left. She and her brother used to roll their eyes when their mum insisted on doing these things when they were children, even before leaving for just a weekend away.

  Recalling this memory made her smile.

  She’d give anything to chat to her mum one more time. They’d had such a close relationship and used to do everything together. She’d been an amazing grandmother to Peter, helping Samantha through some really tough times. Even though it had been thirteen years since she’d passed away after a ten-year battle with cancer, Samantha missed her every single day and her heart still ached to reach out and hug her.

  The sound of a horn brought her back to the present, and she blew a kiss to the photograph of her mum, which was on the wall in the hallway. Just before Samantha opened the front door, she noticed the notebook sitting on the table at the bottom of the stairs and popped it in her handbag, then quickly fired off one last text. It was short and sweet.

  Off to Portugal today, will keep in touch. Would love to hear from you when you have the chance x

  She couldn’t do any more than she was doing. The last nine months had been really tough. She hadn’t realised quite how much she would miss him and she was incredibly lonely, not knowing what to do with herself.

  It was so hard to distance herself from that other life, but she had decided that she couldn’t sit wallowing day after day, wondering if he’d ever text her back. She needed to make some major changes and shake up her life, and now she’d got used to the idea, she knew that the trip to Portugal would be just the job to kick-start her into action.

  As the front door slammed behind her, she looked up at her house and realised that when she saw it next she’d have a plan for the future and, hopefully, a great suntan.

  Seven

  The last thing Debs wanted to do before she left for the airport was empty the fridge and put the bins out. God, she missed Dave more than ever when she had to put the bins out. That had always been his job. Along with cutting the lawns and cleaning the cars. But, she reminded herself, he had also always been a bit of a lazy one, and didn’t do a fat lot else around the house, so she wasn’t that much worse off being on her own.

  However, she missed him terribly in the evenings. They were the worst times for her. She was dreading the approaching autumn months, when the dark descended earlier and earlier, and curtains were shut and you felt barricaded in your house and it was as if you should really be going to bed at eight p.m. She had underestimated the complete and utter loneliness she’d feel once he left, and the silence in the house. It was really time to do something about it.

  What she didn’t miss was picking up his dirty boxers from the bedroom floor and wet towels from the bathroom tiles. And finding toenail clippings on the toilet seat. She shuddered at the memory.

  She was still furious with him from when she came home early from work one day last week to find him sitting on the lounge floor, watching TV. Cheeky bastard. He’d had the audacity to ask her what she was doing home at that time of the day. When she asked him what he was doing there, and reminded him that he didn’t live there any more, he said that he preferred this house because Penny was always cleaning everything away and he couldn’t relax there as much. He’d also put some washing in the machine, as he knew how to work Debs’ one better than the one at Penny’s house. What a shame he hadn’t seemed to know how it worked when he lived there. Debs had told him in no uncertain terms that if he didn’t shift his backside immediately, she’d be straight round to Penny’s house to tell her and she could see the horror on his face at the thought that PFP might find out.

  She opened to fridge to see if anything needed binning. The last thing she wanted was to come back to stinky old milk and mouldy bread. While she threw things away, she noticed a chocolate bar that she’d hidden from herself at the back of the fridge and scoffed it. When she returned, she was going to stock her fridge with healthy stuff only and it was going to be the start of her new regime. She was determined this time to lose this weight once and for all.

  Dragging the bins up the passageway at the side of the house, she cursed Dave’s workmanship when, in her haste, she snagged a nail opening the back gate, which was practically falling apart. He’d tried to repair it, but he wasn’t the best at handiwork, yet also refused to pay anyone to do it. Their house was therefore in need of a lot of tender loving care. She deserved to live in a nice home, she decided, so she was going to save up and get things done. Or she could even move house. She didn’t feel the same about this one now, anyway, and didn’t particularly want to see her ex-husband and his new girlfriend flaunting their life in front of her. Perhaps it was time to move on.

  Grabbing a nail file from a bowl on the kitchen worktop, she smoothed the nail until it looked as good as new. Walking past the hall mirror, she caught sight of herself and cringed. She was wearing a floaty flowery top over grey linen trousers and she looked huge. She’d stopped looking in mirrors years ago when Dave started making fun of her and her weight. He hadn’t reali
sed how hurtful his comments were and the more he taunted her, the more depressed she became and the more she ate.

  She hoped the clothes she’d chosen carefully to pack were appropriate for this holiday. She wore black trousers and a logoed T-shirt for her job at the children’s nursery. All the staff wore the same, so she didn’t really have to think about clothes too much. She hadn’t seen the girls for such a long time, and hadn’t a clue what their plans were for the time they were away, and didn’t want to make a fool of herself looking like mutton dressed up as lamb. She just hoped that everything still fitted her. She really should have tried it all on. She’d not worn some of the stuff since their disastrous holiday in Benidorm last summer when the problems in hers and Dave’s relationship really started to shine through. That was when she started to have her suspicions about Dave as he kept disappearing, and she’d caught him a couple of times chatting quietly into his phone and then making out that it was someone from work. She should have trusted her instincts back then.

  Oh well, it was all water under the bridge now. She couldn’t change anything that had already happened, all she could influence was the future, she thought as the taxi beeped its horn. She grabbed a flapjack from the side cupboard and shoved it in her handbag in case she needed a snack on the way. The driver came in and took the medium-sized black case from the hallway. As she shut the front door, she took a big breath and wondered how she’d feel on her return and what the future held.

  Eight

  ‘Just check again, please, that you’ve got my number, Brenda? You will call if there’s a problem, won’t you? I’ll just pop back into her room and say goodbye. Again.’