by Kim Nash
Bernardo held the door open for everyone to walk through into the bar restaurant and as Mikey walked past, he touched his hand. Mikey withdrew his hand immediately, acting as if an electric shock had gone through his body, because he saw that his father had clocked this action and he just didn’t know how to react. He immediately wished he hadn’t acted as he had when he saw the hurt on his lover’s face. Mikey was so confused, but he did know, more than anything else in the whole world, that he didn’t want to lose the love of his life and he knew that he had to do something about it. It had to be tonight.
The wonderful part about this casino was that there was a stage show while diners ate – and tonight’s performance was spectacular. A troupe of super-talented acrobats performed the most incredible stunts, which had the audience up on their feet despite the waiters trying to serve food around them.
The meal was delicious, the Portugese rosé flowed, the company was fantastic and the laughter never stopped. They all got on like a house on fire, Bernardo and Keith laughing all the way through dinner. Mikey was so happy that they were getting on and hoped it might make things easier once he dropped his bombshell later.
As the crowds flowed out into the main casino area, Mikey took a deep breath and asked if he could have a word in private with his parents. He nodded at Bernardo, who escorted the women through to the bar area and ordered a round of drinks.
‘Everything OK, son? This is all a bit serious.’
‘I need you to sit down and listen to me. Please don’t interrupt. I have something to say and I need to just come out and say it. This is something that’s really hard for me and, to be totally honest, I’m scared how you’re going to react. OK?’
His parents both nodded at him, sitting down on the sofa opposite.
‘Bernardo and I are partners.’
‘That’s wonderful news, darling. Has he given you shares in his company? He’s a lovely man. What a nice thing to do.’
‘No, Mum, not my business partner. My partner partner.’ He let out a deep sigh and his shoulders slumped.
His mum looked at him with a puzzled expression on her face.
‘But you told us Bernardo was married.’
‘Yes I did. Because I was scared to tell you the truth. Because if you thought he was married you might not realise what he really means to me.’
His mother’s face started to twitch. She looked at her husband, who was pulling the most expressive face and had started to cough uncontrollably. A waiter came over and placed a carafe of water and some crystal glasses on the coffee table between the two Chesterfield settees. Angela gave Keith a gentle thump on the back. When he got his breath back he pulled himself up straight and glanced at his wife. She nodded at him, before he looked his son once more in the eye.
‘Michael, do you really think that you’ve got this far through your life without us knowing that you’re gay? What do you take us for?’
Mikey’s mouth fell open. He couldn’t find any words. All this time, he’d thought they didn’t know. He’d thought they’d be disappointed with him, and that it would be a huge surprise to them, but here they were, saying that they already knew.
‘You never said anything though, Dad. Mum?’
‘And neither did you, son. If you weren’t going to bring it up then neither was I. I know I’m your father, but it’s not my business unless you choose to make it mine.’
‘I couldn’t find the words to tell you. I never came out to you. What will your friends say?’
Mikey’s mother walked round to his side of the coffee table before she spoke. ‘Michael, darling. We’ve known for years. I knew it before your father did and he didn’t believe me at first. But over the years, it became obvious. But we didn’t want to raise it because it might have been something you wanted to keep to yourself. You didn’t need to come out for us to know. I carried you inside my body for nine months. You are part of me. I know you better than you think I do. More than that, you will always be my darling son, no matter whether you are gay, straight or trans. Who cares? I couldn’t love you more and I could never love you less. I’ve seen the way you look at Bernardo. You love him. It’s clear for everyone to see. And who cares what people say? You are our son and you always will be. We adore you and that will never change.’
A tear slid down Mikey’s cheek and his breath caught in his throat. His emotions were all jumbled up. He’d kept this inside him for as long as he could remember. And all it had taken was a few words, put together to form one sentence, and it was done. He felt a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
Keith stood and opened his arms and Mikey stepped into them. His dad squeezed him so hard. ‘It’s OK, son, it’s really OK. I love you, you silly fool.’
Mikey’s body shook with the emotion that had been simmering away inside him since the moment he met his parents at the airport.
His father let go and his mother enveloped him within her arms. ‘I couldn’t love you more than I do right now, my darling.’
He hugged his mum so tight. Tears streamed down both their cheeks when they parted.
‘Right, go and wash your face and then we’d better get back to the others and put that gorgeous young man of yours out of his misery.’
He didn’t quite know how his mother did it, but she always managed to make him feel as if he was thirteen years old. Normally he found that annoying, but right now it felt good. She winked at him and he grinned as he went off to the gents.
Bernardo had understandably been on edge while Mikey was away. He had tried to include himself in the conversation with the ladies but kept looking up every time the door opened. He hoped that Mikey had the courage to go through with what he had promised to do tonight. If he didn’t, Bernardo didn’t know what the future held for the two of them. All he knew was that he didn’t want to go on hiding their love for each other away from the world. He didn’t want to be Mikey’s dirty little secret. It made their relationship feel sordid and unimportant. And Mikey was the most important person in his life.
His family had taken Mikey into their fold with open arms and he loved how comfortable he felt amongst them. It would be wonderful if they could have something a little like that with Mikey’s parents as well.
The door to the bar swung open and Keith, Mikey and Angela appeared, laughing as they came through. Bernardo looked at Mikey and Mikey nodded at him.
Bernardo stood and
Keith walked over to him and held his hand out and shook it. Then he pulled Bernardo close to him in a bear hug. ‘Welcome to the family, son.’ Bernardo welled up with emotion and couldn’t speak as Keith released him. Mikey grinned at him over his father’s shoulder.
Angela walked forward. ‘I have to say that my son obviously gets his fabulous taste in men from his mother.’
Bernardo laughed out loud and the atmosphere eased. Mikey walked over to his lover and hugged him.
‘Steady on, boys. There’s no need to flaunt it, you know.’
Angela thumped her husband on the arm for his joke, but there was so much love and laughter in the room at that particular time it didn’t matter.
The girls all watched on, as if they were in the audience of a movie. Liv felt very emotional and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. She knew how much it meant to Mikey to have the acceptance of his parents, and saw that he could not be happier as he looked across at her and beamed from ear to ear. She smiled back, delighted for him at how things had turned out. If he was one of her children, she would have reacted in exactly the same way as Angela and Keith clearly had. After meeting his parents last night, she’d thought that this was the exact reaction he’d get, but she was still pleased it had turned out that way.
Mikey walked across to Liv and kissed her cheek. ‘Thank you, Olivia. You encouraged me and gave me the strength to feel brave enough to do this. You will never know just how close I came to losing him. I don’t know what I would have done if that had happened. I’ve been so stupid.’
As she said those words, she knew that it was time for her to be big and brave about her life too.
Twenty-Three
Debs announced that spinning the roulette wheel was her favourite new pastime. She had already won over two hundred pounds and couldn’t seem to stop herself wanting more. It was easy to see how see how people became addicted to gambling.
Samantha had given herself twenty euros to play with and once she’d lost that she was happy to just watch everyone else. She’d seen her husband gamble for huge stakes for years and saw what an impact it had on their lives. It scared her to death, and she’d vowed she’d never get taken in like he had.
Fiona appeared hypnotised by the flashing lights, robotic music and the metallic clonking of coins hitting the pay-out trays on the slot machines, which taunted you to put yet another coin in. But she had also set herself a limit and wouldn’t go over it. Such restraint.
Liv loved watching her friends having a great evening. She’d been to many casinos with George and watched him win thousands and lose thousands. It was something she couldn’t get her head around, so had always steered clear of any of the gambling and had gone along for the experience more than anything. She loved to people-watch in a casino. She loved the glamour and the flamboyance of the clientele along with the plush surroundings and opulent art which adorned the walls. There were people playing for fun and people playing because they were desperate for money and only had this option to get it.
The croupiers and dealers looking super elegant in their designer suits, and the waiters and waitresses looked more like models, working the floor, taking drinks orders and being generously tipped, all added to the ambience and a fantastic night out, even though they all found it quite exhausting.
Her absolute favourite part of the evening, and a memory that would stay with her for ever, was when Mikey and Bernardo were standing next to each other leaning over a roulette table and Keith walked between the two of them, put his arms around their shoulders and gave them both a kiss on the cheek. Mikey and Bernardo linked hands behind Keith and the scene was perfection itself. Mikey had clearly been worrying for years over this delicate situation and Liv’s heart swelled with pride for this kind-hearted man who had taken his son for who he was. She wished that there were more people in the world like him. If more people just loved and accepted everyone for who they were, the world would be a much kinder and better place.
At twelve forty-five, even though the casino was still a hive of activity, they decided to call it quits. Mikey called for the cars to take them all home and the girls dragged Debs away from the roulette wheel which had totally mesmerised her for most of the evening, or rather the handsome young croupier working on it who had been flirting outrageously with her.
Shouts of ‘goodnight’ and ‘sleep well’ could be heard down the street as Mikey’s parents were dropped off at their gate and the ladies at theirs. Shattered, everyone headed for their bedrooms as soon as they got in. But after a while, when Liv realised that she couldn’t sleep, she grabbed her phone from the drawer beside the bed, tiptoed downstairs to make herself a cup of tea, and sat out on the main terrace by the pool. It was so peaceful, she could hear the sea gently lapping at the shore at the bottom of the garden, and the stars shone like fairy lights in the clear sky above, casting twinkles on the water. She loved it here. She felt more at home here than she did actually at home. She knew she had some changes to make and with only two more days and one night ahead, she had better work out what they were going to be and how they were going to happen.
Even turning on her phone made her feel sick. She knew what to expect when she did. And as she’d feared, another barrage of text messages came through, not one of them asking if she was having a nice time, but every single one asking where something was, or how they did something, or where had she put something. She had hoped that a bit of time away from her family might do them all good, that every parent should have time away to put everything into perspective. Although where she thought that her time away would be about her missing them, she felt the exact opposite and was loving being away. That worried her. A lot.
The final voice message from George was a make-or-break message.
‘Olivia, if you don’t phone me back within twenty-four hours of leaving this message, there will be serious trouble.’
At that very minute, she didn’t like her husband very much at all. Who did he think he was? And why couldn’t he see why she’d done what she’d done? Yes, she’d gone away and switched her phone off so he couldn’t get hold of her. But he wasn’t worried about her. He was more worried about the things that were going on at home. And that was what upset her the most.
She couldn’t think any more about it tonight. If she did, she might make a snap decision that she’d come to regret in time, so she pushed her worries to the back of her mind.
Fiona had been very quiet this week. Liv knew she felt guilty about putting her mum into respite while she came away, and that she kept going up to her room to do Facetime calls with Brenda to check on how her mum was getting on. She didn’t say much about Marion and Liv wanted to encourage her to share how she was feeling.
She would broach the subject over breakfast tomorrow and see if there was anything they could do to help her.
Debs was obviously loving spending time with Eduardo. She hadn’t really said a lot, but the glint in her eye meant that she didn’t need to. Liv was so happy for her. Goodness knows how that situation was going to pan out, but sometimes you just have to take a chance that’s given to you. Debs was a grown woman and could make her own decisions and whatever she did in life, her friends would help and support her all the way.
And Samantha? Samantha seemed to have come out of her shell more since she’d admitted what had been going on with her son, and talked about the things she wanted to do with her life going forward. It was amazing how stuck in a rut you can sometimes become, but with just a little encouragement, she seemed to have really turned a corner in her life, planning lots of things for when she got home.
She loved these ladies so much. She felt sorry for people who didn’t have friends like this. Friends who are not high maintenance in any way. Friends who you don’t see all the time, but you know are totally there if you need them.
She’d very much enjoyed this special time together. They’d made some lovely memories on the few days out; brunch at the marina, the day out at the market and playing golf, their evenings out and their evenings in too, chatting easily and amiably and helping each other to work out their issues.
Tomorrow, she was looking forward to a day lazing around the pool, topping up her tan and putting the world to rights with her wonderful friends.
Organising this holiday had been a mighty fine idea, if she did say so herself. She knew they’d all get on well once the initial awkwardness of all being in the same house again after all these years had passed. It had been lovely to get to know each other all over again as grown women. Even though they’d keep in touch with phone calls once in a blue moon, she really wanted to make more of an effort once they got home and try harder to meet up more often – she hoped that they would all want to do the same. Life does get in the way, but friendship is so important and it’s all about priorities.
When she thought about going home, the feeling of impending doom fell over her again. It was probably time for bed.
She grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen, and as she headed up the winding staircase, she heard low voices coming from Debs’ room. She smiled to herself, thinking that one of the others must have slipped in to have a chat. Perhaps she should join them.
Just as she raised her hand, and was about to knock lightly, she heard a deep voice say, ‘It’s OK, they have gone’ and a giggle from Debs. It obviously wasn’t one of the others then. They didn’t speak in a deep voice with a Portuguese accent. Liv smil
ed. Debs deserved some love and laughter in her life; she was really happy for her. She crept along the landing back to her own room and closed her door as quietly as she could.
When Debs had got to her room, she’d taken her off make-up and changed into a lovely long silk nightdress and slinky gown which she’d bought specially for the holiday because the lady in the department store told her that everyone deserved to look good in bedclothes. She went out onto the balcony to look at the view before bed, despite being shattered. Even in the dark, the view was stunning, the moonlit sky peppered with stars creating sparkles on the inky black sea, and the sound of the sea lapping at the shore at the bottom of the garden was so relaxing. She could stare at this view forever.
‘Pssst!’
Debs had looked around but could see nothing and had thought she must be imagining things. She turned to walk inside and heard it louder this time.
‘Pssst!’
She wandered over to the edge of the balcony and there on the side terrace was Eduardo.
She shook her head and placed her hand to her chest and in a loud whisper said, ‘What on earth are you doing here?’
‘I just wanted to say goodnight to you. I have been waiting for you to get back. I hope you had a wonderful evening. I just wanted to see you. I’m being quiet though. There is a light on downstairs and I think someone is on the terrace.’
Nothing like this had ever happened before to Debs. Romance like this was something she thought only happened in a Hallmark movie. Eduardo was a dream come true. And even if what they had was short-lived, she was determined she was going to bloody enjoy every single minute of it.
She giggled. ‘You’d better come up!’
Eduardo grinned and disappeared round the side of the house and, just as she thought he’d gone for good, appeared carrying a ladder. She had to put her hand over her mouth to stop herself laughing out loud. He shimmied up the ladder as if this was a regular occurrence for him and climbed over the balustrade. He leaned down and kissed her fiercely. He stood back.