by Kim Nash
‘You look…’
‘Stupid? Fat? Old?’
‘Beautiful.’
He took her hand and led her back inside. Debs tittered. They heard a noise out on the landing.
‘Sshh! Someone is there!’ she said, like a teenager who had been caught doing something they shouldn’t have been by their parents.
They waited for a minute and heard nothing more.
‘It’s OK. They have gone,’ Eduardo said.
He took her hand once more and led her to the bed, and showed her just how beautiful he thought she was.
Twenty-Four
‘You off for a run again, Liv? Can I come with you?’
Debs was hovering outside Liv’s door as she opened it.
‘Keen, aren’t you?’ she laughed.
‘I am. And I read somewhere that you have to make something that you really want to do a habit because if you give up easily, then it’s harder to start it up again. I think it might have been Ronaldo who said that in an interview he did with Piers Morgan.’
‘Oh, yes? And you do like a Portuguese man now, don’t you?’ Liv flicked her on the arm with her sports towel.
‘I think you’ll find that Ronaldo is from Madeira, actually.’
They both laughed as Samantha appeared from her doorway.
‘Oh, I’ve missed your facts, Sam. I want facts from you all day today!’ Liv laughed. ‘You would so be my phone a friend option for that quiz show on the TV!’
‘Facts all day, eh. Well, I’d love to be here for that that, but I’m off out with Eduardo again, aren’t I?’
‘I had forgotten that. You know, it’s funny. I dreamt last night that he was in your room.’ Liv stared at Debs who suddenly went bright red.
‘Oh no, not another hot flush. This bloody menopause. You just don’t know when it’s going to hit, do you?’ She started to fan at her face with her hands.
‘Debs, there really is no need to hide anything from us. We’re all delighted, and only a tiny bit jealous that you’re getting it on with the gardener.’ Samantha winked at her friend and Debs laughed. ‘But I am glad you’ll be back to come on the boat trip tonight. We would have really missed you. Where are you going on your day out? Come on, you can tell me about it while I fill our water bottles.’ Samantha veered off at the bottom of the stairs towards the terrace, flinging herself on the nearest sunbed, feeling a little worse for wear after all of that rosé wine last night. She was determined to just sit and take in that perfect view for a while and think about nothing else.
Their run that day was a little more energetic. Liv made Debs run a little further than the day before, and Debs found it slightly easier. She’d not drunk as much over the last couple of days and she’d been really careful with what she was eating too and already felt as if she’d lost a pound or two. Her leggings definitely felt a little looser on the waist this morning. She was determined that while she was on a roll she was going to continue to fight for her future self. Especially as she felt that she had something to fight for.
They had a light breakfast on their return from their run. Eduardo honked his horn at ten a.m. on the dot, and Samantha opened the door to him. He waited in the hallway, chatting about the weather, as Debs skipped down the stairs, dressed in a pair of cropped denim jeans, a pink strappy top and a pretty floral cardigan, stopping at the bottom to step into a pair of silver ballet pumps with jewels on the front. They completed her outfit beautifully. She was a little more prepared for a moped ride today.
Her skin was glowing and she couldn’t stop smiling. She was high on life. Eduardo leaned across and kissed her right on the lips. Fiona and Samantha giggled like little girls and she screwed her eyes up and tutted in mock annoyance but blushed in front of her friends. They shooed her out of the door and watched and waved as they rode off.
‘Right, who’s for coffee?’ Fiona asked.
‘Me!’ shouted Liv, who was fresh out of the shower. ‘I’m going to do nothing but lie in the sun and top up my tan today.’
‘You’d better make sure you have lotion on, lady! Stay safe and all that,’ Samantha warned.
‘Don’t worry, I will, but I do need to top up my vitamin D levels. I love to feel the heat on my body.’
‘Well, you’ll find me under the umbrella with my book and my notepad,’ Samantha said. ‘I’ve got lots to think about and organise. I’m so excited about the future right now, and it’s thanks to you guys. I can’t thank you enough.’
‘Seeing you planning all these things that you want to do is thanks enough, Sam, honestly. Life is for living. We’re only here once and you realise that more the older you get, I think,’ said Liv.
Fiona popped the tray of coffees onto the table and handed them round. Liv thought now was as good a time as any to try to tease some more information out of her.
‘So, Fiona, how have you found it being away from your mum for a few days? Has it been hard?’
‘Oh, Liv. I don’t know how I feel to be truthful. One minute it feels like a huge relief and the next I feel totally and utterly guilt-ridden. I’ve been talking to Brenda, such a nice lady.’ Liv raised her eyebrows at Samantha who mirrored her actions. ‘She’s been telling me about the home and what sort of activities they do and advising that when Mum gets to the stage where I feel like I can’t look after her any longer, then perhaps it would be better for her to be somewhere like that.’
‘And how long do you think it might be till that time comes? Do you have any idea?’
‘To be totally honest, I don’t think it’s that far away. I popped to the shops last week just to pick up a few bits. Mum seemed totally fine when I went out but when I got back I heard the smoke alarm going off. When I let myself in, she asked me who I was and what I was doing there. She was standing in the kitchen with a knife in her hand, and there was some toast in the toaster, which had burned and had set off the alarm. She said she didn’t even remember putting the bread in the toaster but she did wonder why she had a knife in her hand. Thank God it was a blunt one. I think she’s been getting progressively worse and I’ve been trying not to see it. But for her safety and mine it might be time to look at other options. I’ve put it off for this long but I think I need to make a plan. I can’t really leave her alone in the house any more without someone sitting with her and I think I’ve pulled in all the favours I can from our neighbours for a while.’
‘Oh, Fiona, that really is sad.’ Liv reached across and stroked her arm.
‘Coming away has been great, because it’s made me realise that perhaps it is the best thing for both of us. As Brenda said, if Mum’s in a home I can get back to being her daughter and the carers can look after her nursing needs. Brenda said that it’s important at this stage of her illness to make new memories and talk about old ones, and to just enjoy each other’s company.
‘I must admit that sometimes I do have to walk away from Mum because I lose my patience at the simplest things. Like when she can’t put her own knickers on and tries to put both legs down the same leg hole. Or there are times when she says that I’ve stolen something of hers and she doesn’t know who I am. Brenda says that it won’t be so frustrating when I’m only visiting and spending time with Mum. But I do have to get over the fact that I feel incredibly guilty that she may end her days in a home. It wasn’t what I would have wanted in an ideal world. What if she never forgives me?’
‘It must be hard, but Brenda sounds like she knows her stuff, so perhaps you should take note of what she’s saying. And I suppose you also have to think of what the alternative is. You’d have to have practically full-time help at home, wouldn’t you? How could you go and do any food shopping, or have any time to go to your own appointments and stuff, Fiona? You have to think about the practical side of things as well as the emotional,’ said Liv.
She knew that if it was her in the same situation, she’d be in a complete quandary too. She felt incredibly sorry for her friend for this huge life-changing decision that she would
have to make.
‘I know it’s not what you would have ideally wanted for your mum, but I don’t suppose you ever thought that you’d both be in this particular situation either. Things change, Fiona and sometimes you have to change your ideals to make the best out of a less than perfect situation.’
‘You are so right. And there are so many positives too. Families can still take residents out for the day, so I could bring her home every Sunday if she felt up to it. And they do organised trips where the families go along too and they have nursing and care support . It really does sound like the perfect solution for the future. I just don’t know how far away it is at the moment. That’s the bit that I’ve been trying to think about while I’ve been here. It’s done me so much good to come away from the situation and have some thinking time. It’s so full-on and all-consuming at home, it’s hard to get your head round. Thank you so much, Liv, for organising this break and sorting everything. I think you’re the only one of us who has an idea and just gets on with it and makes it happen. The rest of us just sit and ponder on how great it would be if it happened. You always were the most assertive one of us.’
Liv wondered how it was possible to be so assertive with things like this, but not in her own life.
‘Ah, it’s not been that difficult. I suppose I have plenty of time on my hands. And, to be honest, I just told Mikey what I wanted and he made most of the arrangements.’
Liv thought back to the initial phone call where she blurted out all her requirements to this person who had been recommended to her by one of the mums at school, a high-flying businesswoman who said that she couldn’t live without him. Liv had written a huge list of what she wanted in her ideal scenario, expecting him to come back and say he could do some of the things on the list but not others, but he had just said that none of it would be a problem. She’d adored him from that moment on. It was amazing what money could get you.
‘It’s been quite a life-changing few days for all of us so far,’ said Samantha. ‘But what about you, Liv?’ she nervously asked.
‘Oh God! Is it my turn now?’ she laughed bitterly. ‘I suppose I’ve dodged it for long enough, haven’t I?’ She inhaled and then exhaled slowly. ‘Well, I have come to the conclusion that I’m just an ungrateful cow. I have everything that I could ever want, and lots of things that others would love to have, but I’m not happy. What does that say about me?’ She wiped away a tear that was rolling down her cheek.
‘I don’t have to work, I have two beautiful children, a gorgeous husband who gives me anything I ask for, money if I want it, a fabulous house that most people would give their right arm for, and yet the only one in that house that loves me for me is the dog. My darling Hector. All I am to everyone else is a taxi driver, maid, secretary, cook… shall I go on? Now tell me that I’m not a selfish bitch.’ She sniffed away another tear.
‘I would never think that of you as that.’ Samantha came and sat on the end of Liv’s sunbed and handed her a tissue. ‘What would you say to us in this situation, Liv? I know exactly what you’d say. Sometimes you have to evaluate your life and think about changes, sometimes big and sometimes small, that you can make, to make things better. You know this. It’s what you’ve been helping us with while we’ve been here. And it’s something you’re brilliant at. Now you just need to do it for yourself. Let us help you, Liv, like you’ve helped us. Sometimes others can see things that you can’t see but are just within your reach.’
Liv nodded at her friend, knowing she was right.
‘Now I’m going to go upstairs and fetch a new notepad and a pen and we’re going to sit here and brainstorm some things which you could change or add into your life which would make you happy,’ said Samantha. ‘I read a feature in the magazine you get on the plane about someone famous – I can’t remember who it was now, and it doesn’t matter anyway – who said that you need to do things in life which bring you joy. So we’re going to help you to put the joy back into your life, the same way you’ve helped us.’
How did people cope without wonderful friends in their life? Liv thanked God that she was one of the lucky ones who was surrounded by them.
Twenty-Five
Eduardo steadily drove the moped on the twenty-minute journey from Vilamoura into Albufeira so that Debs could take in as much of the scenery as possible. As they entered the town, he found a parking space outside a hotel and helped Debs to dismount. It wasn’t her most elegant moment ever, and they laughed as she wobbled and caught her foot on the seat and nearly toppled the bike, Eduardo and herself to the ground. Being with Eduardo made her realise that she hadn’t laughed for such a long time. And it felt good to laugh. She felt as if she’d had a permanent grin on her face since the moment she’d stepped off the plane at Faro airport.
He took her hand and she righted herself and he leaned across and kissed her passionately on the lips. She loved the way he took every moment he could to do that and he made her feel as if she was worth a million dollars. She would miss him so much when she got home, even though she hadn’t known him for long. This short time had been so very special to her. It had changed her life and she would never forget it. Sadness started to engulf her, but she pushed it away. She was determined to make the most of every moment and have a fabulous day.
Wandering around the narrow, cobbled streets in Albufeira, which were packed with tourist shops on either side, and market stalls selling leather goods, jewellery and clothing, she didn’t know where to look first. They walked up a slight hill – amongst the busy families clearly on holiday, and snapping up cheap and tacky souvenirs – and through an archway to see the sea glistening in front of them, the waves twinkling prettily in the sunlight. Restaurants, bars and benches overlooked the sea.
A tall, rugged-looking man approached them and held his arms out to Eduardo. They hugged and he heartily clapped him on the back and a torrent of Portuguese words flowed from both of them. They were clearly good friends.
‘And this is my very good friend, Debs. Debs, this is an old family friend, Tito.’
Tito moved forward and shook her hand. ‘Good to meet a friend of this wonderful man. Come this way, my friends. I will show you to your table.’
They walked across a short wooden boardwalk, laid on top of the golden sand, towards a stunning building with very old brick walls and turquoise window frames. Palm trees in pots surrounded the entrance and rattan furniture was placed under parasols to create some shade from the already powerful rays of the mid-morning sun. They settled at a table overlooking the sea and the potent smell of baking hit Debs’ nose and she filled her lungs with the delicious smell.
Tito appeared with a large cafetière and two stoneware mugs coated in a beautiful azure blue glaze which matched the exact colour of the sea just in front of them, along with a plate full of warm, freshly baked pastries.
‘Tito is the most amazing baker,’ said Eduardo. ‘I’ve missed your pastries. And you too, of course.’ He grinned at his friend.
‘Then you should visit me more, minha amiga. You are too busy working all the time. You have to have some fun in your life too. Although maybe you are now.’ He winked at Debs.
She, in turn, looked at Eduardo who was watching her adoringly. She appreciated that they had spoken in English so that she could understand them, although as Tito turned to walk away, they reverted to their native tongue for a brief exchange.
‘I love the sea,’ said Debs. ‘I could sit and just stare at it for hours. It makes me feel at peace. I feel like it fills me up, if that doesn’t sound too silly. I feel like it fills my soul.’ A flush crept across her cheeks and she turned away from him and breathed in the salty air. A sailboat caught her eye, far out at sea. Eduardo smiled at her.
‘Thank you for bringing me here. I love Portugal. How have I never been here before? This view is incredible. And these pastries look divine.’
Debs was torn between wanting to try Tito’s baked goods and trying her hardest to resist them, but the sme
ll was so overwhelming that she couldn’t help but take one. She vowed to run a little bit further tomorrow to work it off. She closed her eyes and sighed as the soft, buttery pastry melted on her tongue and then the sweet jam hit her taste buds.
‘Mmmm! Just delicious!’
‘He is the best pastry chef I know. I wish you had time to try everything on the menu. Oh Debs. There is so much of my beautiful country that I want to show you. I hope that one day soon, you might consider coming back and letting me show you more.’ He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. ‘I wish you didn’t have to go home when we are just getting to know each other.’ He leaned towards her and sighed. ‘Tell me more about your life in England. I want to know everything about you.’
‘There is not much to tell you, to be honest. I lead a very dull life at home. I go to work, I come home. I watch TV. I have a few friends at work and we go out once a fortnight, to quiz night at our local pub, or to bingo, but to be honest that’s it. All very boring.’
As she said this, she realised that she didn’t have much of a life at all and that was perhaps why she’d jumped at the chance to come away when Liv had rung her to suggest it. She drifted off in her head and imagined how it would be to live somewhere like this town they were visiting. Somewhere you could just come and drink coffee by the sea and watch the world go by. It would feel so very different. Nothing like going to the local coffee shop by yourself really dreading the fact that you might bump into your ex and his new girlfriend, who used to be your friend.
Eduardo was very lucky to live somewhere with all this on his doorstep. Perhaps she should think about moving to the coast when she got home. She had always loved the sea, and now that she and Dave had gone their separate ways, there was no real reason to be landlocked in the Midlands. She felt a little frisson of excitement as she thought about this possibility of a different future. Perhaps she could take some time off work and visit a few places on the coast to see what might be possible. She’d chat to the girls about it tonight. She knew they’d tell her the truth. They’d either encourage her, or tell her that it was an unrealistic dream.