by Hayes, Lane
“Please don’t fuck this up.”
Levi pulled the door open and cocked his head. “Who are you talking to?”
“Myself. I’m always talking to myself. Can I come inside?”
He spread an arm open in invitation then locked the door behind me. “Did you need something?”
“Yes. I need to talk to you. Is someone here?”
“No. Rico and Kevin are shopping for spices, and Alicia won’t be in until three. The floor happens to be open. Take a seat of your choice. Do you want something to drink?”
“No, thank you.” I headed to a far corner table for two overlooking the garden and draped my bag over the chair before sitting down. I jumped up just as Levi sat across from me. I couldn’t sit still. I had to move and talk and—
“Geord, what is it?”
“I’m here.”
“I know.”
“No, I mean…” I closed my eyes for a moment and bit the inside of my cheek. “You told me you’d wait for me, and I appreciate that, but I don’t need any more time. In fact, I don’t want to waste another minute. I love you, Levi.”
He went completely still and then gave me a searching look before slowly standing. “You do?”
“I do. I’m madly, crazy, wildly in love with you, and I never want to let you go. And don’t ask me if I’m sure because I promise you, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. And I mean that. I don’t want your ex to have you, and I don’t want to dwell in the past. I want a future…with you.”
“Yes. I mean…me too, I—”
“Let me finish. I didn’t think it was possible to fall in love again, but it happened. You told me you’d go slow, and you did. You said you could be patient. You were. You didn’t worry about my sanity. You trusted me. And all the while, you put me back together.” I placed my hand over his and brought it to my lips. “You make me laugh. You make me feel strong and brave and beautiful. I want to do the same for you. If you’ll let me.”
Levi cupped his hand behind my neck and sealed his mouth over mine. Then he showered my face with kisses before pulling back slightly. He caressed my jaw and let his gaze roam over my eyes, nose, lips, like he was taking inventory or memorizing my features.
“I love you so damn much. You scared me, Geord. I thought I lost you, and it almost fucking killed me.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
Levi nodded. “I believe you, but I need you to be honest with me.…I’m nothing like him and—”
I set my hand over his mouth and shook my head. “I love you, Levi. You. I know who you are. No comparisons required. You are my heart. It’s that simple. And honestly, I don’t know how you’ll put up with me. I’m not patient or easygoing. I’m high maintenance and high impact.”
He furrowed his brow and rubbed his thumb over his chin thoughtfully. “Well, now that you mention it…”
I barked a quick laugh then launched myself into his arms again. “On the plus side, I know how to have fun and how to cook and sing.”
He kissed me and grinned. “What do you know about baseball?”
“Absolutely nothing.”
“That could be a deal breaker,” he teased.
“I can learn if I must. How hard can it possibly be to get a goal?”
“Oh, boy.”
I pressed a kiss on his lips then reached for my bag and pulled out an envelope. “I have something for you. I made it and it’s silly but…I figured you’d understand.”
Levi creased his forehead and gave me a funny look. He tore open the letter-sized envelope like a kid on Christmas morning and unfolded the contents. His eyes crinkled at the corners when he set the two sheets of paper side by side on the table. He traced the single letters and numbers and then chuckled.
“F 22 and F 23. What’s the font?”
“Lucinda Handwriting. It has just the right amount of panache—you know what I mean?”
“Unbelievably, yes…I know exactly what you mean. And I don’t think I’ve been given a better gift in my life. Thank you.”
“I love you, Levi, my love. Always.”
He pulled me close and kissed my forehead, my eyes, my nose, and then my mouth. We swayed together in a long embrace, reveling in our new beginning. We were far from perfect. We were both battle-scarred, bruised, and battered. But we were brave and more than willing to take a chance on the future and lean into forever.
Epilogue
“I know by experience that the poets are right: love is eternal.”—E.M. Forster, A Room with a View
An impressive array of pastel-hued Vespas were lined up outside the motorcycle shop. Baby blue, bubblegum pink, eggshell white. We walked behind the salesman, listening to his pitch about the versatility of the scooter and some exciting new features and body styles. I shared a discreet eye roll with Levi but gamely followed along.
“Your friend mentioned you like the classic style, sir. Let me show you the newest GTS,” the young man said with a twitchy smile.
Poor guy. I made him nervous. Perhaps I should have toned down my fabulous a notch, but I couldn’t help myself. Vespa shopping required a special ensemble. My red patent leather thigh-high boots clashed with my fluffy magenta coat, but it was Valentine’s Day and I wasn’t holding back. I drew hearts in shaving cream on the bathroom mirror for Levi, made heart-shaped pancakes, and sang sappy love songs to him all morning until he called “uncle.” Then he took me back to bed and expressed his deep affection for me in a physical sense before suggesting today was a fine day for scooter shopping.
His sister had reclaimed hers around the holidays when she relocated to the Bay Area. I wasn’t sure what to think about having family close by. I simply wasn’t used to it. But I adored Kara. She looked nothing like her brother, but she shared his sense of adventure and thankfully, his sense of humor. Levi’s mother and stepfather were lovely too. He’d insisted on taking me to Santa Fe after harvest season to introduce me to them. I gave him plenty of opportunity to change his mind, but he insisted. Thankfully, the visit went well.
Levi had wanted them to meet the man he loved and lived with who also happened to have ownership in the old family business. We assured his mother that she might recognize a few recipes from her grandmother’s cookbooks, but she wouldn’t recognize the diner. La Vid was a highly acclaimed new eatery with a beautiful ambience, friendly staff, and a kickass menu. I was extraordinarily proud of what my man had accomplished in a year.
More importantly, I was proud of us. We were partners, lovers, and the best of friends. We talked constantly about our future…what we wanted and where we were going. Together. Though a trip to a motorcycle emporium on Valentine’s Day was a bit of a surprise.
“…it’s a high-performing machine with a powerful engine. It comes in a wide selection of colors, but this one is usually a special order. Not everyone wants cherry red,” the young man said with a weak laugh.
“Obviously I’m a fan.” I kicked out my foot to show off my boots before adding, “And teensy correction time…he’s my boyfriend.”
“I—um…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you—”
“Oh please, honey. I’m not offended in the slightest. Tell me all about this one. I love it! Does it have an Italian name? You said the white was Bianca. What’s this one?”
The salesman stuck his hands in his sport coat pockets and shook his head. “It’s not a name really. It’s the color. This one is Rosso Passione.”
I gasped and covered my mouth. “I’m in love!”
Levi chuckled indulgently. “Can we take it for a test drive?”
Ten minutes later, we were on the open road. We were maybe three blocks from the dealership, but we were in the middle of wine country, surrounded by dormant vines. I tightened my arms around Levi when he accelerated and smiled like a fool. The speed and the feel of cool wind on my face while plastered to Levi’s warm body sent a rush of adrenaline through me. This is what it feels like to truly be alive, I thought as I
flattened my chest to his back.
Levi slowed when we reached an intersection then pulled over to the side of the country road and came to a complete stop. He turned in his seat and unfastened the borrowed helmet and gestured for me to hop off.
“What do you think?” he asked.
“She’s yar!” I gushed.
Levi snorted a half laugh. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means she’s lovely, and she handles well. I think it’s a nautical term so it probably doesn’t apply here at all, but I love the word. Katharine Hepburn used it in The Philadelphia Story. Don’t tell me you didn’t see that movie.”
“I didn’t see it,” he deadpanned.
“Ugh. If it wouldn’t ruin my boots, I’d lie down right here in utter desolation. How is it possible that I fell in love with a man who—what are you doing?”
“Stay still. There’s a giant bug on your—wait. Don’t move.”
“What kind of bug? Just swat it away.”
“I don’t want to get stung.”
“Stung? Oh, my God. Help me take off my jacket,” I said in a panic, hopping from foot to foot as I wiggled out of my plush coat. “Did it fly away?”
“I can’t tell. You better shake it. No…not like that. Do it side to side,” he instructed in a serious voice.
I waved my magenta coat like a madman then went still when I noticed the slight upturn at the corner of his mouth. “There’s no giant bug, is there?”
“No, you probably got it. It must have been attracted to your shampoo. Let’s see”—he made a show of inspecting the garment then smiled—“yep. Looks good to me.”
“You’re hysterical, Levi, my love.”
“I’m sensing sarcasm, but I’ve got a pretty good feeling you really do love me,” he singsonged. “Admit it.”
I chuckled at his comical expression and nodded. “I do. But I think we should switch jackets for the ride back to the dealership. Just to be on the safe side. We use different shampoos, so I don’t think you’ll attract any critters.”
“So let me get this straight. You want me to wear this pink, fluffy thing, and you’re gonna wear my leather jacket?”
“Yes.” I held out my coat and tried to keep a neutral expression while he grumbled good-naturedly. But when he shrugged the magenta coat over his shoulders, I burst into laughter.
He pulled me into a fierce hug and sealed his mouth over mine in a passionate kiss that left me reeling. We grinned at each other like fools then kissed again. Levi stepped backward after a minute or so and bit his lower lip.
“I love you.”
“I love you too. And I’m driving.”
He smiled then smacked my ass and gestured toward the scooter. “All righty. We’ve got wheels to buy, baby. Let’s go.”
My face was frozen in a wide grin as I navigated us back to town. Just the thought of how ridiculous we looked made me laugh. Me at the wheel in a leather jacket and Levi riding shotgun in a marshmallow fluff coat on a borrowed Vespa. The hum of the engine and the breeze were perfect background music in my current state. I was excited, yet content. Blissfully overjoyed, yet calm. This was how it was supposed to be.
I’d learned not to take anything for granted. Life could change at a moment’s notice. I had a job I adored, friends I called family, and an amazing man I loved with an open heart and mind. I hadn’t planned on this detour, but I was grateful for the chance to lean into forever with Levi.
Leaning Into The Holidays
This holiday short features Eric, Zane, and all the Leaning Into boys! This short was written as a weekly “extra” for my reader’s group to give everyone an updated glimpse of their favorite characters. Leaning Into the Holidays has been edited and now includes a brand new chapter. Enjoy!
Chapter 1
“I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time…as a good time: a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time…”— Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol.
Eric
The seven-foot tree in the middle of the living room needed immediate attention. It was out of place, crooked, and probably should have been placed in water. Or maybe it was already in water. I crouched low and squinted at the tree holder attached to the trunk under the lush branches of the Noble fir. I couldn’t be sure, so I slid on my stomach and dipped my hand inside and—
“Er, I got the box with lights, but I can’t find the ornaments and—what are you doing?”
I slithered out from under the tree and sat up on my knees, fixing Zane with a puzzled look. “I was checking the water but…what do you mean, you can’t find the ornaments? They should be right next to the lights. They’re color-coded. The box is red.”
“Yeah. I remember. Maybe we misplaced it. It’ll turn up. Let’s pop some popcorn and string it up with cranberries. The guys will help. It’ll be fun. Then we can buy some cheap bulbs tomorrow and finish up. What do you say?”
I stared at my handsome husband until he cracked. His pretty blue eyes crinkled at the corners, and a slow-growing grin took over his face before he burst into laughter.
“You’re hysterical,” I huffed as I stood and moved to inspect the green box he’d set on the coffee table in our living room.
“What makes you think I’m joking?” he asked, pulling me against him.
“Because you know me too well to suggest stringing popcorn and cranberries with a straight face. Besides, teasing me is your second-favorite pastime.”
“What’s my first?”
“Sex.”
“True.” Zane nuzzled my neck and then captured my mouth in a toe-curling kiss. He squeezed my ass and rocked his hips suggestively as he slid his tongue between my lips.
I was dizzy when we broke for air, and I honestly couldn’t remember what we were talking about. Oh yeah, the Christmas tree.
“So, where’s the other box, funny guy?”
“On the stairs.” He unbuckled my belt and threaded the leather through the loop. “Let’s forget about the tree, baby.”
“Mmm. The guys are going to be here soon.” I whispered a dirty promise in his ear, chuckling when he shivered theatrically.
“Fuck. I hope no one’s early. I’m hard. Maybe you can help me out a little bit.”
“I’ll help you out a lot after they leave,” I assured him with a smile.
I traced Zane’s jaw and stared into his beautiful eyes. Fuck, he was gorgeous. Inside and out. Sometimes it amazed me that this all-encompassing feeling of love and gratitude seemed stronger than ever. Four years ago I’d married my best friend, and it was easily the best decision I’d ever made. Sure, we were complete opposites, but we worked.
Zane was a professional sailor and elite boat broker with sun-streaked longish blond hair and a lean, swimmer’s physique. In many ways, he still resembled the sophisticated version of the surfer boy he’d been when we first met in high school. Of course, he was quick to remind me that we didn’t actually become friends until we met again at orientation during our freshman year at Stanford. The romance part came later but damn, I was grateful it did. I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. And when I thought about the journey we were about to embark on, I got a tingly feeling inside that made me want to pinch myself.
Zane sighed, then kissed my nose. “Fine. Who’s coming, and what exactly are we doing?”
“The guys…Nick and Wes, Josh and Finn, and Grant and Miles. And we’re supposed to be decorating this thing.” I pointed at the lopsided tree behind me. “I invited Geordie and Levi, but they had an event at the restaurant, and Ryan and Danny are closing at the winery tonight. So, it’s the original gang and our husbands…or fiancés.”
Zane, Nick, Josh, Grant, and I met in college and had formed a strong bond over the years based on shared experiences, respect, and friendship. We were like family. Closer than our actual families, in some cases. I was grateful we all still lived in the Bay Area and were able to get together often. And I was thankful our significant others fit i
n well too.
“Is it ironic that the only Jewish guy in our group of friends hosts the annual tree-trimming party?” I joked. I kept my gaze locked on Zane’s ass when he turned to fetch the box of ornaments. The guy made basic denim look like designer wear.
“You started this tradition after we got married. You insisted that we celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas, remember? It’s not necessary anymore, Er. We can stick to Hanukkah and let the other guys take over the tree stuff. Miles is good at decorating. Let him do it. And Geordie loves hosting and—” Zane furrowed his brow and cocked his head. “Uh-oh…why are you looking at me like that? What’d I say?”
I tossed an irritated scowl at him before opening the box of Christmas lights. “This is our thing. We’re keeping it and the Hanukkah dinner. Miles and Grant have the Greek feast, Josh and Finn do the cookie-decorating deal, and Nick and Wes have the holiday party Geordie and Levi host at the winery. Everyone has a special thing, and now more than ever, we need these traditions.”
“Now more than ever, eh?” Zane tugged at my elbow and pulled me close again, resting his forehead on mine. “So, what’s the plan? How should we tell them?”
“I don’t know.” I bit my bottom lip and swallowed hard. “I’m kinda nervous. Are you?”
“A little. It feels funny, but in a good way,” he said softly.
“A really good way,” I agreed. We shared a conspiratorial grin and kissed again. After a few moments, I stepped out of his hold and pointed at the tree. “We have to fix that thing. It’s leaning precariously. Do you want to move it in front of the bay window first?”
“Yeah, I can’t wait to move it to the bay window,” he snarked.