Just Trying To Stay Alive: A Prepper's Tale

by Michaels, Brian

  Climbing the fence was suicide, the sides of the building were a smooth brick surface, impossible to scale for anyone but a professional mountain climber or a daredevil, of which I was neither. Digging a tunnel held possibilities, but I didn’t have the tools, time or the energy.

  Besides, I was too weak to attempt anything like that now and I was becoming too weak to even think of any other way out.

  I said that there weren’t any major incidents since being attacked in the restroom tent, but today there was one incident that I would call serious.

  I had gone out to walk the fence line on our side of the yard again, hoping to see something that that I had missed before that would give me any kind of idea about what to do, but once again I came back without anything more than when I started. But as futile as it seemed, I had to keep trying as long as we were still alive.

  When I came back Logan was fighting with some tattooed guy that had decided that before he died, he wanted to have a little fun with Katie.

  I had returned in time to break up the fight and explain to the guy why he shouldn’t come around anymore, before anything serious happened.

  Logan ended up with a black eye, Katie ended up scared to death.

  I figured something like that would happen, with the desperate look in everyone’s eyes, and the feeling that the end was near, there was nothing left to lose. This kind of thing happening, and worse, was inevitable.

  I knew that my ability to keep the wolves at bay with a menacing look would only work for so long.

  I had a feeling that very soon, we could expect all hell to break loose. The place was a powder keg of nerves that would go off with the slightest spark.

  This evening, one of the things I had feared would happen, finally happened.

  The time that the soldiers usually passed out our rations, came and went. I could feel the tension running through the base and I sat nervously waiting for something to ignite the base into an uncontrollable free for all. But thankfully, I had been wrong, the soldiers finally came out to pass out the supplies near dark.

  I was about ready to go over to the distribution lines when I noticed four armed soldiers walking towards us.

  I waited and watched curiously to see where they were going. I hadn’t seen any soldiers out in the yard for weeks, not since they had come out to put braces on the fence.

  We hadn’t even seen the helicopter flying for at least a week now, so I was curious as to why they were out here now.

  As they came closer, I noticed Hank was one of the soldiers. I hadn’t seen him since the day we were brought to the safe zone. I stood and watched as they came closer, I considered running out to talk with him, but I was tired and decided what was the use. Any possibility of getting him to do anything for us was long gone.

  I had been going up to the guards every day asking to see Hank, but the response had always been the same, he wasn’t available. Why was he here now?

  When the soldiers reached our end of the building, they stopped, then Hank walked over to me.

  “Can I talk to you?” he asked.

  “I’ve been trying to talk to you for weeks,” I replied.

  “I know,” Hank said, his eyes looking down at the ground. “I’ve been avoiding you.”

  “Why” I asked.

  “I sort of guessed what you wanted,” he replied. “I knew I couldn’t help you, so I kept putting you off in the hopes that I would eventually be able to find a way to help.”

  “So are you here because you can help me now?” I asked.

  “Maybe a little,” he replied. “Can I talk to you and your wife in private?”

  “Emma,” I called out, she was in the lean-to lying down with Katie and Logan. She crawled out of the lean-to and slowly walked over to where I stood with Hank.

  When Emma approached, Hank said, “Follow me.”

  He walked about twenty feet away from our site, Emma and I followed, finally Hank stopped and looked at us.

  “I’m sure you realize that things aren’t going well,” he said. “We are distributing the last of the supplies as I speak, after tonight there won’t be anything left. The fence is going to give out any day now and we don’t see anyway we can stop the infected from overrunning the base.”

  “I’ve kind of figured that would happen soon,” I replied. “So how can you help us.”

  Hank hesitated for a moment and I could see him selecting carefully the words that he was going to say next.

  “We also only have enough fuel for the helicopter to make one more flight, you may have noticed that we haven’t flown anywhere for some time,” Hank said and paused again for another long minute before he continued.

  “What I’m going to tell you, you can’t repeat to anyone tonight,” Hank said looking nervous. “As you know, the helicopter can only hold around six people. Me and four other men have decided it is time we move on. We are unable to do any more here and there isn’t any reason all of us should die, so we’ve decided that we are going to leave tonight.”

  “Did you and your men draw straws to see who would leave, or is this going to come as a surprise to most of your men tonight when the helicopter takes off and leaves them all behind?” I asked.

  “We didn’t pull straws,” Hank replied.

  “You mean you are going to leave all of us and most of your men here to die?” Emma asked.

  “There is no way I can save any more than six people,” Hank replied. “It is going to be difficult to even save six people, but we are going to try. We don’t know where we are going to go, but we know we would all die if we stayed here.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” I asked. “You know if I ran over to the men giving out food and started telling them about your plans, you would never be able to get out of here.”

  “I know that,” Hank replied. “But I like you and I think you are a decent man. I also have a proposition for you.”

  “A proposition that is going to save us?” I asked.

  “No, I can’t do that,” Hank replied, “but I might be able to save one of you, Katie.”

  “What?” Emma asked.

  “I like Katie and so do the men going out with me,” Hank replied. “I have room on the helicopter for one more person, I am offering to take Katie with me. I would take good care of her. I can’t guarantee you that she will survive, that I can’t do. But this will give her a chance to survive, a chance she won’t have if she stays here with you. What do you say?”

  I felt my heart breaking at the idea, then I felt anger and frustration, I wanted to reach out and kick the shit out of Hank right now, but I also loved my daughter.

  I looked at Emma and saw the tears running down her face.

  I looked at Hank and said, “Give us a minute.”

  Hank nodded, turned and walked away.

  I turned back to Emma, she looked up at me and said, “You’re not thinking about letting Katie go with them, are you?”

  “I don’t like the idea one bit, I can only imagine the kind of life we would be subjecting Katie to,” I replied. “It could just be a trick to get Katie to leave with him. I don’t think Hank really has Katie’s best interest in mind here, but even if he did, I could see the next time things got tough he would just abandon her like he has abandoned everyone else, twice.”

  “We can’t let her go with these guys,” Emma said almost pleading, “I don’t trust them, Katie is just a child.”

  “But,” I hesitated, “We are all going to die, Katie is going to die if she stays here with us.”

  Emma looked at me as the tears continued to run down her cheeks.

  “I don’t like this at all, but I want my little girl to live and there isn’t anything I can do to save her,” I said.

  “What are you saying, Brian?” Emma asked.

  “What I am saying is that if there is a chance that she can survive, I don’t want to deprive here of this chance,” I replied. “I don’t think she should go, but I also feel it is our duty as p
arents to let her make that decision. How are we going to feel when the dead break into the base? How are we going to feel as we cower behind the building, watching everyone being slaughtered while we wait for the dead to find us and kill us too? At that time, I think we would both be willing to do anything if it meant our kids would survive somehow. That time is almost here and I’m desperate. I say we let Katie decide, she’s not a child anymore. I can’t die knowing that I condemned my daughter to die with us when there was a chance she could have survived. I just wish they had room for two more on that helicopter, so you could go with her.”

  “I would never leave you,” Emma said. “I would rather stay here and die with you than desert you like that. I would give my spot on the helicopter to Logan.”

  “And you know I would never leave you at a time like this,” I replied, “but I also want my kids to survive. I would be willing to do almost anything if it meant they would live.”

  After a long minute of sobbing, she looked up at me and nodded her head.

  “As long as it is her choice, I can live with that,” Emma said, “rather I could die with a clear conscious knowing we had given her at least a chance to survive.”

  I called Hank over.

  “Give us a second to talk to Katie,” I said. “this is going to be her decision, not ours.”

  “OK,” Hank nodded, “But please hurry. I can’t be out here much longer, I have a lot to do before I can leave.”

  Emma and I walked over to our lean-to and called for Katie to come out.

  She crawled out of the shelter and walked over to us hesitantly.

  “Did I do something wrong again?” she asked. “What do they want?”

  “Katie, I want you to listen to me carefully. What I am about to tell you is going to be very hard to hear, but I want you to understand what I am about to say,” I said.

  Katie nodded nervously, fear showing in her eyes.

  “Hank came to tell us that the base is out of supplies and that the fence isn’t going to hold out for much longer,” I continued. “When that happens, we are all going to die. If it doesn’t happen soon, we could all starve to death, but the bottom line is I’m afraid we could all die within the next day or two.”

  “I kind of figured that out,” Katie replied. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because Hank and four of the soldiers are going to fly out of here tonight to get away from here while they can,” I replied. “Hank came to tell me that he can’t save us all, but he has room for one more person.”

  “Why doesn’t he take us all home then come back for the other four soldiers,” Katie asked. “Why can’t he take us home, then he could come back and do what ever he wants?”

  “Because he said he only has enough fuel for one more flight,” I replied. “He is here offering to take you with him.”

  “Take me with him,” Katie said then asked, “but what about you, Mom and Logan?”

  “He doesn’t have enough room to take all of us,” I replied. “He only has enough room to take you.”

  Katie looked at me, “He wants to take me but the rest of you have to stay here and die.”

  I nodded my head.

  Katie started to cry and wrapped her arms around me and buried her head against my chest, sobbing.

  I put my arms around her and held her tight as Emma wrapped her arms around both of us, squeezing Katie between us.

  Finally, Katie looked up at me, her eyes red from crying.

  “Are you making me go with them?” she asked.

  “I would never make you do that,” I replied. “But as your dad who loves you very much, I want you to know there is a way you might be able to survive this. And I want you to live no matter what happens to me. I would never be able to live with myself, for however long that might be, if I didn’t give you this chance to live. But what you do with this opportunity is something that only you can decide.”

  “Then I don’t have to go with them?” she asked.

  “No, but if you stay with us, you are going to die,” I replied.

  “If you were me, what would you do?” Katie asked.

  “I’m not you,” I replied. “So I can’t answer that.”

  “What do you want me to do?” Katie asked, her eyes still red but the tears had stopped, and I could see her mind working as she looked at me.

  “I don’t want to influence your decision,” I replied. “I want you to make this decision on your own. All I will say is I would sell my soul to the devil if it meant you could somehow live through this.”

  Katie studied me for a few seconds.

  “You know that was a trick question?” she said.

  “I kind of thought it was,” I replied, knowing how her mind worked.

  “A trick question?” Emma asked. “What are you two talking about.”

  “Dad, I love you very much too,” Katie said as she leaned up and kissed me on the cheek.

  Emma looked at us, tears started running down her face again as she waited to see what Katie’s answer was going to be. I knew her heart would break regardless of what Katie decided to do.

  I squeezed Katie against me for a long second.

  Tears ran down my eyes as I held my daughter.

  “It had to be your decision,” I replied.

  “I know, thank you for being willing to let me go,” Katie whispered back.

  “Our daughter has made her decision,” I said as I looked at Emma.

  “What decision?” Emma asked. “I didn’t hear her make a decision.”

  “Your daughter says to go tell the soldiers,” Katie whispered as she turned her head and looked at her mother, “to go ask that tattooed bitch over with the creeps, I’m sure she would be thrilled to go with them, because I’m staying here with you and Dad. I could never leave you and be that shellfish, whatever happens, I want to be with you.”

  Emma started to cry.

  “You two have your own language, Sometimes I never know what’s going on with you two,” Emma smiled sadly.

  “I’ll go tell them,” I said.

  I walked out to where Hank and his men waited.

  “She isn’t going to go,” I said.

  “That’s too bad,” Hank replied. “I hate to see a girl like Katie die like this, it’s such a waste.”

  “By the way,” I added. “You don’t have to worry, your secret is safe with me. Just because I’m screwed is no reason to screw you, I’m not that kind of man.”

  Hank looked at me and smiled.

  “I thought you were an honorable man,” he said. “I guess I was right about you after all.”

  “I hope you make it,” I replied, “but if you will excuse me, I’d like to spend whatever time I have left with my family.”

  Hank stood and stared at me for a minute, he appeared to be thinking.

  “Is there something else?” I asked. “My family is waiting for me.”

  “Maybe there is something I can do for you,” Hank said as he thought. “I don’t even know if it’s possible, it is a long shot at best, but it might give you a chance.”

  “I’m listening,” I replied.

  Hank stood and talked to me for another few minutes, then he wished me luck.

  “You better be there before 0100 hours,” he said before leaving. “Because when that helicopter starts up, everyone is going to be out trying to figure out what is going on. When that happens, you will never make it.”

  Hank turned and walked away.

  I quickly returned to my family who was still hugging each other and talking.

  “What did he say when you told him Katie wasn’t going?” Emma asked.

  “He said he was disappointed,” I replied. “He said leaving Katie here was such a waste.”

  Katie looked confused for a second, then she looked angry.

  “That bastard,” Emma replied.

  “But he also told me something else,” I added. “I then went on to tell them about my conversation with Hank.”


  “Why didn’t he tell us about that in the first place?” Emma asked.

  “Because he wanted to take Katie with him,” I replied. “If he would have told me about that first, he knew he wouldn’t have had a chance to take Katie.”

  “Do you believe him?” Emma asked. “Maybe it is his way of getting back at us for Katie not going with him.”

  “I don’t know, but what he said sounds possible,” I replied. “I certainly don’t know of anything else we can try.”

  “If it’s there like he said,” Katie asked. “Do you think it will really work?”

  “I hope so,” I replied. “because when they take off in that helicopter, I believe all hell is going to break loose around here. I think the noise will rile up the dead and that fence can’t take much more, they will overrun this place in two minutes. I also think when the other survivors realize that they are all being abandoned, they will probably go crazy and start attacking everyone. Either way, we won’t last ten minutes.”

  Katie looked at me and I could see the fear in her eyes.

  “Don’t worry, I actually have a good feeling about this,” I added. “For the first time in the last month, I think we are going to be fine.”

  Katie seemed to relax.

  I had no idea if this was going to work, and I was sure Katie also knew that, but she was just looking for some reassurance that we would all be OK.

  I knew if nothing else, my lie had its intended result when Katie smiled at me.

  “If you think we will be OK, I’m sure it will all work out,” she said. “Dad, you always know the right thing to do to take care of us.”

  “I’m going to go scout out our exit route,” I said. “Pack whatever you want to take in your bags. As soon as everyone settles in for the evening, we’re leaving.”

  “But Hank said we had until one o’clock,” Emma said.

  “I think he is going to make a run for it as soon as he can,” I replied. “He was nervous, so we better get there before he panics and makes his move the first chance he gets, or we won’t stand a chance.”