by Mj Williamz
“Ronnie. Thank you so much for coming. I mean it, but you need to leave. You can’t see me like this. I won’t allow it.”
“Who else is visiting you? Who else have you told? I can’t stand the thought of you being here all by yourself.”
Monica was back and cleared Lana’s tray. She injected her pain medicine into her IV and told her good night.
“Jackie will be here to take care of you soon. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Good night, Monica.”
“Thanks for everything,” Ronnie said.
Monica paused at the door and looked from Ronnie to Lana and back, as if trying to gauge their relationship.
“You’re most welcome. Thank you for being here for Lana. She really needs that right now.”
After she left, Lana leaned back in the bed and closed her eyes.
“Did you hear that?” Ronnie said. “You need someone right now. Let that someone be me.”
“I don’t want to get your hopes up.” Lana kept her eyes shut. “And there’s no future for us now.”
“I accept that. But I’m not going to just walk out of your life. That’s not my style.”
Lana opened her eyes and looked at Ronnie. She could feel the pain meds kicking in and knew she’d be asleep soon. She had to get rid of Ronnie before she said or did something that wouldn’t be good for either of them.
“I’m going to rest now,” she said. “You should leave.”
Ronnie looked at her watch.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. The pain meds kick my butt.”
“Okay. I’ll go. But I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Ronnie. No. Please.”
“You can’t keep me away. Rest well.”
She kissed Lana’s forehead and left. Every nerve ending in Lana pulsated at the contact. She tried to be strong, but as soon as the door closed, she started crying.
Chapter Nineteen
Ronnie pushed herself hard the next day. She’d booked four models so she wouldn’t have any down time. She pushed her models hard and herself harder. At the end of the day, she was exhausted. She collapsed into a chair in the kitchen and opened a beer. Devon sat next to her with one of her own.
“So what’s the story with Lana?” Devon said.
“I don’t know. She’s still in a lot of pain and she keeps trying to push me away. I can’t leave her, though, you know? I mean, every time I look at her I’m reminded that it’s all my fault, but I still can’t stay away.”
“It’s not your fault, Ronnie. We all know it’s all on Whitney. Which reminds me, have they caught her yet?”
“Not that I know of. Even though she seems tired of me, I think Lana would tell me if the cops contacted her with news.”
“Yeah. I suppose you’re right about that. So were you ever going to make an honest woman out of Lana? Or was she just another of your conquests? Maybe this was for the best.”
“The best? How can you say that?”
“It kept you from breaking her heart.”
“You’re talking crazy.’
Ronnie took a good long look at her assistant. She was tall and thin with dark hair. Had Lana maybe seen her instead of Whitney that day?
“I’m just saying. Someone might have been protecting her from you.”
“No. It was Whitney. It had to be.”
“How can you be sure? You can’t, can you?” Devon said.
Ronnie buried her face in her hands.
“I can’t believe I let this happen to her. I should never have come into work that morning. I should have stayed home and protected her. Then none of this would have happened.”
“You don’t know that. Look, if someone wanted to hurt Lana or protect her from you, which they obviously did, they would have found a way.”
“I don’t know that I believe that. I don’t think she would have done it in front of me. I really don’t.”
“She might have doused you both with acid. And then where would you be?”
“You sound like Lana,” Ronnie said.
“I always thought she was a smart woman.” Devon grinned.
Ronnie felt sick to her stomach. Lana was lying there in the hospital in pain with no company but the nurses and here she sat drinking a beer. She chugged the remainder and stood.
“I need to get going. I’m going to go see Lana.”
“Tell her hey for me.”
“I will.”
Before she could leave, a security guard walked in.
“Hey, Joe,” Ronnie said. “What’s up?”
“Hey, Ronnie. I just wanted to tell you. You know that Whitney woman you told us to be on the lookout for?”
Ronnie felt her skin crawl.
“Yeah.”
“Well, she was just here. We caught her before she could get down the hall. She made quite a scene and raised holy hell insisting she needed to talk to you. We called the cops, but she was gone before they got here.”
“Thank you for keeping her away, Joe.”
“No problem. It’s what we’re here for. I stayed out in the parking lot until I was sure she was gone, so she shouldn’t be there to bother you when you leave.”
“Great. Thanks.”
Joe left with Devon right behind him. Ronnie locked up the studio. She walked past the security guards on her way out.
“You want me to walk you out, just in case?” Joe said.
“No, thanks. I think I can handle it.”
She walked to the parking lot, her eyes peeled for Whitney’s car. It wasn’t there. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed. She was glad she hadn’t seen the scumbag, but was almost disappointed. She would have loved to beat the crap out of her.
As she drove to the hospital, it hit Ronnie that, since Whitney had been at the studio, she was still free as a bird. She hadn’t been arrested yet. Ronnie’s stomach muscles tightened. She couldn’t believe Whitney was running around unharmed while Lana was in the hospital, scarred for life.
Lana was eating dinner when Ronnie arrived.
“Am I interrupting?” She poked her head in the room.
“Come on in, as long as you’re here.”
Lana didn’t sound too happy to see Ronnie. Not that she blamed her. Look where she was, and it was all Ronnie’s fault.
“How are you doing today?”
“I hurt and my neck and cheek look like hamburger. That’s how I’m doing.”
“I’m so sorry,” Ronnie said for the millionth time. The words sounded hollow even to her. But she truly was sorry. She wished she could make it up to Lana, but didn’t know how.
“Look, I’ll be going home soon I hope. When I do, I really don’t want you coming over, okay? I get lonely in the hospital. I admit that, but you need to step away, Ronnie. You need to find your way out of my life just like you found your way into it.”
“Not gonna happen. Who’s going to check on you once you’re at home?”
“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Now, don’t just stand there. Have a seat.”
Ronnie sat and rested her elbows on her knees. She placed her face in her hands and took a deep breath.
“You can’t just kick me out of your life, Lana. Please.”
“I have to. So I will.”
Ronnie looked up and met Lana’s gaze.
“Look, I get that you’re pissed. I would be too if I was in your situation. I let something horrible happen to you. But I swear, I’ll never do it again.”
“You need to stop that.” Lana went back to her dinner. “This isn’t your fault. None of it is.”
“Yeah, right. I’m the one who left you alone. I’m the one who slept with Whitney. This whole thing is my fault.”
“As I’ve said.” Lana sounded distant. “You couldn’t have known what would happen. I don’t blame you for any of this. Now, stop the pity party and just leave. I’m glad you came to visit me, but I really need to get used to my life without you in it.”
“Please. Let me make it up to you. Please.”
“Good-bye Ronnie. For good this time.”
Knowing from Lana’s tone that it was pointless to argue, Ronnie let herself out. She didn’t blame her at all. She’d let this happen. She’d let Lana down. And Lana had every right not to want to see her again. But Ronnie still didn’t know if she could stay away.
The next day was much the same for Ronnie. She woke up and texted Lana and asked if she could come by the hospital that night. There was no response, but Ronnie figured maybe she was sleeping. She could hope anyway. She took her shower and got ready for work. It would be another busy one with four shoots scheduled. She didn’t know how long she could keep up the pace but was determined to try to make it the norm. She had nothing left in her life but her job.
She got to the office early and set up the first shoot. She made coffee and sat drinking her first cup when Devon walked in.
“Any improvement on the Lana front?” she said.
“No. She kicked me out of the hospital last night. I can’t blame her. I’m the reason she’s there, after all. Still, it’s hard to believe she doesn’t want me in her life. Although maybe if I don’t see her, some of this guilt will subside. Maybe, but I doubt it.”
“Hey, I’m really sorry, Ronnie. You seemed like you were really into her.”
“Yeah I was. I still am. And I thought she was into me, too. It hurts on so many levels that we’re not together any more.”
Devon stood awkwardly, as if searching for something to say.
“It’s okay, Devon. I’ll recover someday. For now, I’m sure you have better things to do than watch me wallow away in self-pity.”
“Yeah. I’ll get to work.”
Ronnie was glad to have Devon. She was an excellent assistant. She fielded calls well and did a great job of scheduling the models for Ronnie. Still, Ronnie couldn’t get her words out of her head. What if Devon had done this to Lana to protect her in some twisted way?
Ronnie poured herself another cup of coffee as the first model of the day came in. Ronnie greeted her and told her to go ahead and get ready. And so another day began.
Ronnie pushed her models hard again that day, demanding perfection and receiving nothing less. She was halfway through her day when it was time to shoot Christina. She showed up late, and Ronnie had no tolerance for that.
“I told you if you continued to be late, I’d quit shooting you. This is your last warning.”
Christina fought tears as she walked toward the dressing room. She turned back to Ronnie.
“I’ve told you before. You’re not the only one who can make people miserable. Remember that.”
What the hell was that supposed to mean? Could Christine be behind Lana’s attack? She was tall and thin. But she was blond. Maybe Lana was wrong about the color of her attacker’s hair.
“Hey, Ronnie,” Devon interrupted her thoughts. “You were awfully hard on her.”
“She keeps showing up late. It throws my whole schedule off.”
“Still. You didn’t have to sound like such an asshole. Look, I know you’re going through a tough time, but don’t take it out on the models, okay?”
“Okay. I’m sorry. But I meant what I said.”
“Fair enough.”
Devon left her, and Christina came out of the dressing room.
“Okay Ronnie,” she said. “I’ll work my ass off for this shoot.”
“Sounds good. Let’s get to it.”
The shoot went perfectly, with Christina following every direction Ronnie gave. They even finished with a few minutes to spare.
“You did great,” Ronnie said. “Thanks.”
“Thank you. And I’ll be here on time next time.”
“Thanks.”
The rest of the day went off without a hitch, and Ronnie finished the day with a beer in the kitchen. Devon joined her.
“What are you doing tonight?” Devon said.
“I don’t know. I want to go by the hospital, but don’t think Lana would welcome me. Maybe pick up some takeout and go home.”
“I thought maybe you’d like to come over. We could order a pizza and play video games.”
“It’s been forever since I played a video game.”
“It’s just like riding a bike.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
“Okay then. Let’s go.”
* * *
Lana was waiting to be released from the hospital the next day. She had her salve, gauze, and pain pills in her purse. She was just waiting for Monica to come in with her discharge paperwork. The doctor had told her as long as she continued to care for her burns the way he’d instructed her she should be fine. And they’d talked about a possible skin graft plastic surgery in her future.
Monica came in and Lana signed the paperwork. Monica helped Lana into a waiting wheelchair, then wheeled her downstairs.
“Did you call someone to come get you?” she said.
“No. I’ll just call a cab.”
“I’ll have the nurse call for one for you.”
“Thank you. That would be great.”
“It’s been a pleasure caring for you, Lana. You take care of yourself.”
“Thanks for all you did. And don’t worry. I will.”
Monica walked off and Lana sat in her wheelchair waiting for the taxi. It finally showed up, and she gave the driver Ronnie’s address. She figured Ronnie would be at work at that hour in the morning.
She got to Ronnie’s house, and sure enough, her truck was gone. She let herself in the house and fought the tears that threatened as she walked through it one last time. She went into the bedroom and filled her suitcases and overnight bag, then took Ronnie’s key off her ring and set in on the kitchen counter. With everything packed, she loaded her rental car and drove home.
She was hungry when she got there. She’d gotten used to the regimented feeding schedule at the hospital. She didn’t want to go anywhere, though. Not looking like she did, with her face and neck all bandaged up. And knowing she had raw hamburger underneath the gauze didn’t help.
She ordered Chinese food and sat on the couch to watch TV while she waited. The driver arrived, and it was one of the regular waiters that Ronnie and she had had on their many visits to the restaurant.
“Are you okay?” His face showed genuine concern.
“I’m fine. Just had an accident.”
“I’m sorry. I would have thrown in extra fortune cookies if I’d known that.”
“That’s very sweet. And thank you for the food.”
She tipped him some more and he drove off. She took the food to her dining room and laid it out. She was sure she wouldn’t be able to eat it all, but it had all sounded so good when she’d ordered it.
She ate what she could and boxed the rest for later. It was time to tackle the reality she’d been avoiding. She unpacked her suitcases and hung her clothes in her closet. She set up her makeup on her dressing table. She was at least happy to have that back. Her stomach was sick as she unpacked. She knew how final it was. She would never see Ronnie again.
She was hurting by the time she was through, so she took some pain pills and lay down for a nap.
Her dreams were filled with Ronnie. Ronnie shooting her at the studio, making love to her, and lounging around the house with her. She woke up with a powerful need between her legs. She missed Ronnie something fierce. She slid her shorts and thong off and slipped her hand between her legs. She was wet with desire. And with no one to take care of it but herself.
She ran her fingers over herself, playing with her lips before going inside. She moved her fingers in and out until she was too close. She dragged her fingers to her slick clit and rubbed it until she came. She lay there catching her breath and then the tears came. She missed Ronnie so much.
She didn’t try to stop the tears. She sobbed long and hard, letting everything out that she’d tried so hard to keep in at the hospital. She knew her eyes
were swollen and her face blotchy without even looking in a mirror. But worst of all, she’d gotten her bandages all wet. She’d have to change them on her own. For the first time. Which meant she’d have to look at the burns.
She waited until she was sure the tears had stopped, then went into the bathroom to treat her burns. She carefully removed the gauze and, when she saw what lay under it, lost her lunch. She spent several minutes vomiting, but soon had herself under control. She steeled herself for what she had to do and straightened up and looked in the mirror. The hamburger flesh staring back at her made her want to cry again, but she didn’t. She stayed strong. She applied some salve and then the gauze. She thought she’d done a pretty good job. None of the burnt flesh was exposed. She brushed her teeth, got dressed, and went out to watch television.
She knew she’d have to decide what to do with her life now that her modeling career was over. Although, the idea of skin grafts and possible plastic surgery meant there was potentially hope. She was sure she’d have to go through all that if she ever wanted to look human again, but she knew she’d have scars. She feared she’d always have scars that would prevent her from working. She didn’t need to decide right then, though. She had plenty of money to live on.
She stared at the TV, not really seeing, until it was time for her pain pills. She ate a little more Chinese food then popped her pills. As she watched the television, she became drowsy. She dozed on the couch.
Lana woke up a short time later. It was dark outside. She knew she should go to bed but wasn’t looking forward to spending another night alone. She began missing Ronnie again. She wondered what she was doing and how she was. She wondered if she missed Lana at all, or if she was just overwhelmed with guilt. She wished she’d let her come by the hospital the night before. But she was too embarrassed. It was hard to have Ronnie see her that way. She was deformed beyond description and Ronnie didn’t deserve that. Ronnie deserved someone beautiful. That’s why she’d been with Lana to begin with. She’d have her pick of other models now, and although it pained Lana to think of Ronnie with someone else, she knew she had to let her go.
Lana washed her dishes, then went to bed. She was just slipping into her nightgown when she heard pounding on her front door.