‘Stay,’ she pleaded against his lips. ‘Stay with me tonight, Joshua!’
‘I can’t.’ He pulled away from her, holding her at arm’s length. ‘I’m expected, Joanna.’
There wasn’t even regret in his voice, just calm reasoning. Once again he was going from her to Angela. And there seemed to be nothing she could do about it. He desired her, he couldn’t deny his bodily response, but it wasn’t enough, it still wasn’t enough.
But she was seeing him again tomorrow. Maybe then he wouldn’t leave her at the end of the evening, maybe then he wouldn’t want to leave her again.
CHAPTER NINE
DUE to lack of sleep the night before, and the fact that she had worked so intensely during the evening, Joanna overslept the next day. Finally it was the ringing of the doorbell that woke her, and she crawled out of bed to stagger out of her room to answer the door.
‘Dan, I—Joshua!’ Her eyes widened at the fact that it was her husband standing in front of her and not Dan at all. She looked down selfconsciously at her nightshirt, feeling very juvenile in its masculine styling. ‘I—er—I overslept,’ she pushed back her hair. ‘I—What do you have there?’ she frowned as the front of his coat seemed to be emitting a strange sound, moving as she watched him.
‘A kitten.’ He pulled the tiny black kitten from the depths of his jacket, holding the tiny fluffy creature as it looked at Joanna with bright button-black eyes. ‘Do you mind if I—we come in?’ He raised dark brows.
‘Of course.’ She opened the door for him to enter, following slowly, still not properly awake. The reason for Joshua having a kitten was beyond her at the moment. ‘Where did you get it, Joshua?’ she frowned.
‘Don’t you like him?’ His expression was softened as he placed the tiny kitten on the sofa and began to play with him. ‘I thought he was rather cute. Of course he’ll need somewhere to sleep, and you’ll need some food too—’
‘I will?’ Joanna walked around to face him, forgetting her appearance for the moment, the fact that she looked like an eighteen-year-old again, her hair soft, her face completely free of make-up. ‘Joshua, are you saying you’re leaving this kitten here?’ She watched as it skittered across the sofa, trying to attack Joshua’s fingers.
He looked up at her. ‘Don’t you like him?’ he repeated. ‘I must say, it never occurred to me that you wouldn’t want him.’
‘I didn’t say that,’ she said irritably. ‘I’ve just never had a cat before.’
‘You had never had a dog either until you had Billy,’ he shrugged. ‘And look what a success that turned out to be.’
‘But how did you get him?’
‘Patrick bought him for Jonathan,’ he mentioned Tina and Patrick’s eldest son. ‘And ever since they’ve had him in the house his nose has been streaming. Jonathan’s, not the kitten’s,’ he added derisively.
‘He’s allergic to him?’ she frowned.
‘Right,’ Joshua nodded. ‘Of course I thought of you immediately they told me the problem. Billy was a birthday present for you, Sammy here was one for Jonathan. I didn’t think you would like the idea of Sammy going back to the pet shop. He might not have been bought again,’ he added pointedly.
Joanna doubted that this cute little bundle of fur and big eyes would ever have been passed over. He was about three months old, very cute, and he found the tassles on her curtains very interesting; he swung on them, his claws making tiny snags on the material.
‘He needs a home, Joanna,’ Joshua told her softly as she untangled the kitten from the curtains.
‘Does he like milk?’ She nuzzled her face into his soft fur.
‘Loves it,’ he nodded.
‘What did you say this name was?’
‘Sammy,’ he drawled. ‘Short for Samson.’
Her mouth quirked. ‘Someone has a sense of humour.’ The kitten couldn’t have weighed more than a few ounces at most.
‘Jonathan,’ he nodded. ‘Will you keep him or shall I try and find another home for him?’
‘I’ll keep him,’ she smiled. ‘I’ll just take him through to the kitchen and get him some milk. Would you like some coffee?’
‘Not for me, thanks.’ He stood up, buttoning his coat. ‘I started back at the clinic today in an advisory capacity. I’ll see you later.’ His lips claimed hers briefly. ‘You and Sammy take care of each other until then.’
Joshua’s surprise visit, his surprise gift, had started Joanna’s day off right, and she talked softly to the kitten as he followed her about as she did her work, seeming to like her company as much as she welcomed his. She hadn’t realised how alone she was, how much she needed someone or something to talk to, but it was amazing the warmth she felt when Sammy came to greet her as she came in from shopping for his food.
‘I hear your husband is back.’ James eyed her curiously later that afternoon as a gentle smile curved her lips.
She shot Dan an irritated glance, but he shrugged off the responsibility of telling the other man. ‘That’s right,’ she confirmed softly.
‘Do I take that to mean you’ll be having a change of address in the near future?’
‘No,’ she smiled at his method of asking if she and Joshua were back together.
‘No?’ he frowned. ‘Then the separation is permanent?’
‘James, I don’t think—’
‘At the moment they’re dating each other,’ Dan put in hastily, sensing she had been about to tell James to mind his own business.
‘We aren’t dating!’ She turned her anger on Dan now. ‘We’re going out to dinner this evening, that’s all. We’ve hardly had the opportunity to be alone, let alone talk to each other!’
‘Last night was hardly my fault,’ Dan snapped.
‘No,’ she accepted softly, knowing it had been her own lack of concentration that had made finishing the book such a rush at the end. ‘I realise that. James, about the fifth book…’
‘Yes?’ The publisher was instantly on the alert.
‘Could we delay it for a while? I need time to sort out my personal life.’
His mouth twisted. ‘I seem to remember a self-possessed young lady telling me her marriage would have nothing to do with her career.’
Joanna blushed at the taunt. ‘As my marriage stood then it wouldn’t have done. Now it’s a different matter completely.’
‘And what about Dan?’
She chewed on her bottom lip, knowing that she had a responsibility to Dan, that he was contracted to do her illustrations, that he often turned down other work to do them.
‘Don’t worry about me,’ he put in cheerfully. ‘I happen to be going away for a while myself.’
‘You do?’ Two pairs of eyes focused on him in total surprise. A Londoner born and bred, Dan thought anywhere farther than Brighton was a foreign country.
‘Carmella has a modelling contract in Japan for three months, she’s asked me to go along for the trip,’ he announced happily, ‘I didn’t think I’d be able to make it, but in the circumstances…’
‘You’re going to Japan?’ Joanna asked incredulously.
‘Why not?’ He raised nonchalant brows.
‘It’s thousands of miles away!’
‘So they tell me,’ he nodded.
‘But you hate travelling,’ she reminded him dryly.
He grimaced. ‘Not as much as I hate the idea of Carmella finding someone else while she’s away.’ He sighed. ‘Who knows, I might do some work of my own while I’m over there.’
‘You might.’ Joanna was completely dazed. Dan must really be in love to consider leaving his beloved London for three months!
‘Well, now that the two of you seem to have settled that matter between you,’ James put in with brittle sarcasm, ‘perhaps you wouldn’t mind telling me how I explain the delay to the public?’
‘You haven’t even published this fourth book yet,’ Joanna reasoned.
‘Nevertheless, the fifth one is scheduled to be on my desk, completed, in six month
s’ time.’
‘You’ll have it,’ she promised.
James frowned. ‘You’ll write it in three months?’
‘In three weeks if I have to,’ she nodded.
‘All right,’ he shrugged. ‘Make the arrangements between the two of you.’
‘He just wants the book on his desk in six months,’ Dan muttered as they left the building.
‘He has a point, Dan,’ Joanna sighed. ‘We left it a bit short notice to tell him we’re both taking three months off.’
‘I suppose so,’ he nodded. ‘Like to come and have a coffee with me somewhere?’
She shook her head. ‘I have to get back and feed Sammy.’
‘Sammy?’
She explained about the kitten. ‘He’s really sweet,’ she smiled. ‘He almost looked sad to see me go when I left earlier.’
The kitten was fast asleep on her bed when she got home, although he had knocked her box of tissues on the floor and ripped them to shreds before he went to sleep. With an indulgent smile at the gently breathing creature Joanna picked the shredded tissue up off the floor. Who knew, in a few months’ time she might have enough material for a mischievous cat story!
When the doorbell rang a few minutes later she knew it was Joshua; she sensed it even before she opened the door. Her smile deepened as she saw it was indeed him. ‘Why didn’t you use your key?’ she asked as they went into the lounge. ‘It would save you the trouble of waiting for me to answer the door.’
‘It would also be an invasion of your privacy,’ he drawled. ‘I just thought I would check how the kitten is?’
‘Asleep,’ she still smiled.
‘Has he settled down okay? He’s no trouble to you?’ he frowned.
‘None at all. I love him already. Have you come to cancel dinner?’ she asked anxiously.
‘No,’ he smiled. ‘I left the clinic early; I don’t officially take over again until next month. I thought I would just check on you and Sammy before I went home.’
Home. Once again she wondered where that was for him at the moment. But she didn’t feel confident enough with him to dare ask again. ‘As you can see, we’re both fine,’ she laughed as Sammy bounced out of her bedroom and ran straight up the curtains.
‘I don’t think the same can be said for your curtains,’ Joshua said dryly as he ‘rescued’ the balancing kitten from the curtain rail. ‘Here,’ he handed the unrepentant Sammy to her. ‘You have a nice home,’ he frowned. ‘I’d hate to think a kitten I gave you was going to ruin it for you.’
‘I don’t mind in the least,’ she assured him, absently stroking the kitten. ‘Billy was much worse than this.’
‘So I gathered,’ he nodded. ‘Well, now that I’ve ascertained that you’re both all right I’ll be on my way.’
‘Joshua—’
‘Yes?’ He looked at her with narrowed eyes.
‘Do you—Is there a telephone number where I can reach you?’ asked Joanna in a rush before she lost her nerve. ‘In case anything like last night ever happens again. Not that I expect it to, in fact I’m taking a short break from writing now that I have that book out of the way. I just wouldn’t like you to be inconvenienced again.’
Joshua buttoned his coat ready to face the icy February weather outside. ‘It wasn’t an inconvenience,’ he dismissed abruptly, making no effort to give her a telephone number.
Of course he wouldn’t want her telephoning him, she berated herself once he had left. What would Angela think—or say—if she should answer the call! How ironic that, for the moment—she refused to think it was permanent!—the wife should be the ‘other woman’.
But it wouldn’t remain that way, she was determined on that! Joshua was her husband, and although she hadn’t been willing to fight for him a year ago, she was desperate for him now.
She dressed with special care in the red dress later that evening, the height of her sandals giving her a look of elegance, every slender curve of her body flattered by the style of the dress, her make-up light and glowing, her hair soft and silky.
It was the latter Joshua complimented her on. ‘I always preferred your hair longer,’ he turned to smile at her as they sat side by side in the Rolls, Joshua driving them himself. ‘The way it was when I first met you. You looked a little like Alice in Wonderland then.’
‘I was a brat,’ she said abruptly.
He laughed at the disgust in her voice. ‘No, you weren’t. A little wilful, perhaps, but never a brat.’
‘Oh yes,’ she nodded, ‘I was. I saw something I wanted, and regardless of whether or not I was wanted in return, I was determined to have you.’
‘I didn’t put up much of a fight,’ he derided.
‘But you did!’ She turned in her seat to look at him. ‘You didn’t want to have anything to do with me, and you were so good about my pestering you too. I’m surprised you didn’t put me over your knee and spank me,’ she added ruefully.
‘I thought about it,’ he admitted. ‘But it wouldn’t have done any good, I would only have ended up making love to you afterwards.’
‘You would?’ Her eyes widened.
Joshua glanced at her with raised brows. ‘Did you doubt it?’
‘But I forced the situation on you, I forced myself on you,’ she persisted.
‘A man of thirty-two doesn’t let a girl of seventeen force herself on him. I wanted you too, Joanna, I thought you realised that,’ he frowned.
She moistened her lips, surprise and puzzlement reflected in the blue depths of her eyes. ‘You thought I was older, I lied about my age—’
‘And I knew you were nowhere near being the twenty you claimed to be. Admittedly seventeen was a little lower than my estimation, I would have said at least eighteen, but I certainly knew you weren’t twenty. I wanted you, anyway.’
‘I never knew that,’ she said breathlessly.
Joshua shrugged. ‘We’ve never spoken of it before, so how could you?’ he dismissed.
Joanna realised now that they had never really spoken about anything of importance in the whole of the five years they had been together, that she had come to know him better the last few days than in the years of their marriage.
‘Oh, before I forget,’ he put his hand into his jacket pocket, taking something out to hand it to her. ‘It belongs to Sammy. I picked it up from Patrick’s.’
She took the small toy mouse, not even realising she had put it in her evening bag. ‘This morning?’ she frowned.
‘No, this evening,’ he told her curtly.
‘But—’
‘I’m staying with Tina and Patrick at the moment, Joanna,’ he said abruptly.
‘Tina and—! But I thought—’
‘Yes?’ he prompted tautly.
‘Angela…?’
He seemed to stiffen. ‘What about her?’
‘You aren’t staying with her?’ She was tense as she waited for his answer.
‘I just told you, I’m staying with Tina and Patrick,’ he repeated patiently.
‘But if you aren’t staying with Angela why aren’t you staying with me?’ She drew in a ragged breath as she realised how demanding she sounded. ‘I mean, I have plenty of room. It would have been no trouble—’
‘It wouldn’t have worked out, Joanna,’ he sighed.
It wouldn’t have worked out. Why wouldn’t it?—she wanted to scream. But she already had her answer. Joshua didn’t want to live with her any more, and he had been trying to let her down gently.
‘Where is Angela?’ she asked dully.
‘Still in the States. She married a doctor out there two months ago.’
So she wasn’t even fighting a mistress any more, she was just fighting the fact that Joshua didn’t love her, that he had never loved her. Even the kitten had probably been a way of softening the blow, of giving her something of her own to love after he had gone. As if a kitten, no matter how cute and loving, could ever make up for losing the man she loved!
All the enjoyment in the e
vening had gone for her, and she just wanted to get home and lick her wounds in private. But she saw the evening through, even managed to make light conversation, although she saw Joshua shoot her several probing glances as their meal progressed.
What was she supposed to do, break down in front of him and cry? Maybe she would have done if she hadn’t known that all she would get from him would be pity. And she didn’t want his pity, she had known his passion, his compassion, his sympathy, his coldness—pity was the last thing she could accept from him now.
‘Would you mind if we called it a night?’ she said once he had driven her home, her nerves stretched to breaking point. ‘I had a busy day yesterday, and I-I feel tired tonight.’
‘Of course.’ He switched off the gentle purr of the engine and turned to take her into his arms.
‘It really is very late,’ she evaded his touch. ‘Sammy will want feeding, and he’s very young to be left on his own for so long.’
‘Joanna?’ Joshua frowned his puzzlement in the gloom of the car.
She managed a light laugh. ‘I’m just tired.’
‘If you’re sure that’s all it is. The lobster—’
‘Was delicious,’ she assured him. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not going to embarrass you by being sick like I was the last time I ate it.’
‘You didn’t embarrass me,’ he rasped. ‘And that particular restaurant thought twice before serving lobster to one of its customers again,’ he added grimly.
Her eyes widened. ‘You complained?’
‘I did more than that,’ he bit out. ‘I threatened them with a health inspector. You could have died!’
‘I was a little sick, but—’
‘You were very ill,’ he corrected harshly. ‘I wouldn’ want to sit through three nights like that again.’
‘No,’ she turned away. ‘Well, it isn’t that this evening, it’s just tiredness.’ She opened the door and got out of the car. ‘Thank you for tonight, Joshua, I had—Oh!’ Suddenly he was standing next to her on the pavement. She looked up at him unflinchingly. ‘I had a lovely time.’
‘Did you?’ His dark frown was clearly discernible in the lamplight.
The Failed Marriage (Presents Plus) Page 15