Life After Deaf

by Noel Holston

  Suddenly, I hear a rattling sound we’re hardwired to fear: Shhsssssssssssss.

  I jump forward, doing a silly, hyperkinetic dance like water hitting a hot griddle.

  I look for signs of a snake. I see nothing.

  I return to my shaded spot and start to photograph Marty and the horses again.

  Shhssssssssssssss!

  I jump instinctively again. Now I could be one of the Monty Python players doing a silly walk. I turn and look. Still no snake.

  I step back to my shady spot, this time looking straight ahead. I hear the sound again: Shhssssssssssss.

  I look up. Resting on my baseball cap is a dried palmetto frond. With the slightest movement of my head, it scrapes my cap, generating a sound that, to my implant’s limited frequency range, sounds like a rattlesnake.

  I laugh. After two surgeries, thousands and thousands of dollars, and hours of therapy, I can carry on a pretty decent conversation. But a palmetto frond, encountered for the first time, can still fool me.

  I have to laugh. And I have to be grateful.

  Snake or no snake, I can hear it.

  Postscript

  Dropping the Needle

  In The Shawshank Redemption, the enduringly popular 1998 prison movie based on Stephen King’s novella, Andy Dufresne tells his friend and fellow inmate Red how he kept sane while in solitary confinement. He says he had the music of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart in his head and his heart, safe from the clutches of the warden and the guards.

  With music embedded in his memory, imprinted, Andy could drop the needle on the record player in his mind whenever he felt the need. It’s a gift, a blessing, that I share. I have come to call it auditory memory. I may be terrible when it comes to remembering faces, but I’ve always been good with voices. People I hadn’t heard from in years would phone me, and quite often I would say, “Frieda!” or “Hi, Ronnie,” before they had time to identify themselves. Voices just stuck.

  Music was much the same. Unlike King’s protagonist, I’m not especially tight with Mr. Mozart and his classical cohorts, but I do know a few fugues and arias, some jazz, a smattering of Gilbert and Sullivan, a lot of Rodgers and Hammerstein, and commercial jingles for everything from Ajax “the foaming cleanser” to McCulloch chain saws. I didn’t just grow up around music, I was steeped in it. My family sang hymns on Sunday and at Wednesday night prayer meetings. Elementary schools still had music education for kids back then, so we kids at Pendorff Elementary were herded twice a week to the auditorium, where Miss Athalee Poole would lead us through “Hand Me Down My Walking Cane,” “Oh! Susanna,” and “Sweet Betsy from Pike.” My mom, Lucile, and her sister, Nell, had dozens of old 78, everything from Vaughn Monroe to the Andrews Sisters, from Artie Shaw’s big band to Spike Jones’s screwball combos.

  My folks listened to the Grand Ole Opry on radio, counted down the Top Ten every week with Snooky Lanson and Gisele MacKenzie on Your Hit Parade, and sang along with Mitch Miller, following the bouncing ball through the lyrics to “Heart of My Heart” and “I’m Looking Over a Four-Leaf Clover.” I started buying 45s and EPs when I was seven or eight years old—Disney theme songs like “Zorro” and novelty tunes like Sheb Wooley’s “Purple People Eater”—and my little brother and I played them over and over and over. We wore the grooves out, as the saying went. Later, I did the same with Elvis Presley’s post-Army singles, the Shirelles, Chubby Checker, and Gene Pitney. And when the Beatles conjured up a pantheistic pop-music renaissance, I began to absorb entire albums, not just the mop tops’ Rubber Soul and Abbey Road, but LPs by The Doors, The Who, The Kinks, Otis Redding, Joni Mitchell, Jimi Hendrix, and Carole King.

  It’s likely that I know at least a verse and the chorus of over five thousand songs, from “Ahab the Arab” to “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah.” I didn’t consciously commit all these songs and records to memory. It just happened. Call it osmosis. Call it sleep learning. I drifted off to slumber with an LP on the turntable. John Lennon announced that he was the Walrus. I was the Jukebox.

  Only a few weeks before my hearing crashed, I started working on a performance piece about this phenomenon. It was part memory poem, part song sampler; and at the time I was writing it, when I not only had hearing but also decent pitch, I could sing each title in tune, running them together into a sort of aural quilt.

  I am an old Victrola in my grandmother’s parlor

  And a cabinet full of scratchy seventy-eights:

  Benny Goodman & Doris Day, the Mills Brothers & Danny Kaye

  I am a little transistor radio shaped like a rocket ship

  I am a tan & white portable phonograph with a fat round spindle for forty-fives

  I am a frayed blue Methodist hymnal at a Wednesday night sing

  I am the blinking Wurlitzer jukebox at the Choo Choo Grill

  Full up with Marty Robbins and Jackie Wilson

  Sam the Sham and Brenda Lee

  I am the stereo with fat JBL speakers that helped me and The Who to rattle a dormitory

  “I Can See for Miles” ’cause

  “I’m a Believer” and “I Got You Babe,”“Baby Lets Play House of the Rising Sun,” son,“Sunday Will Never Be the Same”

  “Listen, People”:

  I have been to “Funkytown” and “St. James Infirmary”

  I have been “Sittin’ on Top of the World” and “Down in the Valley”

  “I Had Too Much to Dream Last Night”

  But “That’s All Right Mama”

  ’Cause I am still

  That old Victrola at my grandma’s house

  I’m that rocket-ship radio

  I’m that boxy portable phonograph and a pile of forty-fives

  I’m that frayed blue hymnal (please turn to Number Sixty-Eight, “The Old Rugged Cross”)

  I’m that throbbing, grinning jukebox at the Choo Choo Grill

  Full up with truck-driver songs and Roy Orbison operas

  Skeeter Davis keening about “The End of the World,” Van Morrison buzzing ’bout his “Brown Eyed Girl”

  I’m that stereo system with the big-ass speakers that rattled a dorm

  I am CDs of Muddy Waters and Alison Krauss, Marty Winkler and Steely Dan

  And when I go deaf—and I am doing just that—I will still hear it all

  Nothing that went in one ear came out the other

  I will still hear it all

  Acknowledgments

  Many friends, family members, journalistic colleagues, and medical professionals helped to make this book a reality, providing everything from moral support to astute suggestions about the manuscript to simply putting up with me and my hearing disability.

  I thank Andrew Harris Salomon, Horace Newcomb, Cindy Gary, John Habich, John Huey, Kathleen Ryan, Tim Holston, Ann Holston, Angela Catherine Winkler, Amy Winkler, Mary Padgelek, Michael C. and Melissa Steele, Robin Hardin, Kelly Claas, Dr. Ronald Leif Steenerson, Dr. Karen Hoffmann, Dr. William Slattery, Dr. Dawna Mills, Dr. Eric Robach, David Bianculli, Downie Winkler, Clair Etzold, Xan Holston, Zinnia Larsen Holston, Cam Swiger, Damon Holston and Alice Kirchhoff, Nell Damon, Madeline Van Dyke, Mary Whitehead, Michael Chorost, and Lee Leslie.

  Special thanks to Eric Myers, my agent, who got what I was attempting to say, thought it was valuable, and found my publisher, Skyhorse.

  Appendix

  The US Food and Drug Administration’s website—www.fda.gov—has pages devoted to the benefits and risks of various medical devices, including cochlear implants. I did not know this until long after my second surgery. The risk portion is especially telling, covering among other things the loss of taste that I experienced for a while after my first surgery. It would not have made me choose not to have surgery, but it would have been good to know. The FDA speaks to the issue of objective information I mentioned earlier. The agency encourages information seekers to consult its website for updates.

  Here’s the full FDA list, reprinted with permission from the FDA:

  WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF COCHLEAR IMPLA
NT?

  Hearing ranges from near-normal ability to understand speech to no hearing benefit at all (italics mine).

  Adults often benefit immediately and continue to improve for about 3 months after the initial tuning sessions. Then, although performance continues to improve, improvements are slower. Cochlear implant users’ performances may continue to improve for several years.

  Children may improve at a slower pace. A lot of training is needed after implantation to help the child use the new “hearing” he or she now experiences.

  Most perceive loud, medium and soft sounds. People report that they can perceive different types of sounds, such as footsteps, slamming of doors, sounds of engines, ringing of the telephone, barking of dogs, whistling of the tea kettle, rustling of leaves, the sound of a light switch being switched on and off, and so on.

  Many understand speech without lip-reading. However, even if this is not possible, using the implant helps lip-reading.

  Many can make telephone calls and understand familiar voices over the telephone. Some good performers can make normal telephone calls and even understand an unfamiliar speaker. However, not all people who have implants are able to use the phone.

  Many can watch TV more easily, especially when they can also see the speaker’s face. However, listening to the radio is often more difficult as there are no visual cues available.

  Some can enjoy music. Some enjoy the sound of certain instruments (piano or guitar, for example) and certain voices. Others do not hear well enough to enjoy music

  WHAT ARE THE RISKS OF COCHLEAR IMPLANTS?

  GENERAL ANESTHESIA RISKS

  General anesthesia is drug-induced sleep. The drugs, such as anesthetic gases and injected drugs, may affect people differently. For most people, the risk of general anesthesia is very low. However, for some people with certain medical conditions, it is more risky.

  RISKS FROM THE SURGICAL IMPLANT PROCEDURE

  Injury to the facial nerve—this nerve goes through the middle ear to give movement to the muscles of the face. It lies close to where the surgeon needs to place the implant, and thus it can be injured during the surgery. An injury can cause a temporary or permanent weakening or full paralysis on the same side of the face as the implant.

  Meningitis—this is an infection of the lining of the surface of the brain. People who have abnormally formed inner ear structures appear to be at greater risk of this rare, but serious complication. For more information on the risk of meningitis in cochlear recipients, see the nearby Useful Links.

  Cerebrospinal fluid leakage—the brain is surrounded by fluid that may leak from a hole created in the inner ear or elsewhere from a hole in the covering of the brain as a result of the surgical procedure.

  Perilymph fluid leak—the inner ear or cochlea contains fluid. This fluid can leak through the hole that was created to place the implant.

  Infection of the skin wound.

  Blood or fluid collection at the site of surgery.

  Attacks of dizziness or vertigo.

  Tinnitus, which is a ringing or buzzing sound in the ear.

  Taste disturbances—the nerve that gives taste sensation to the tongue also goes through the middle ear and might be injured during the surgery.

  Numbness around the ear.

  Reparative granuloma—this is the result of localized inflammation that can occur if the body rejects the implant.

  There may be other unforeseen complications that could occur with long term implantation that we cannot now predict.

  OTHER RISKS ASSOCIATED WITH THE USE OF COCHLEAR IMPLANTS

  PEOPLE WITH A COCHLEAR IMPLANT:

  May hear sounds differently. Sound impressions from an implant differ from normal hearing, according to people who could hear before they became deaf. At first, users describe the sound as “mechanical,” “technical,” or “synthetic.” This perception changes over time, and most users do not notice this artificial sound quality after a few weeks of cochlear implant use.

  May lose residual hearing. The implant may destroy any remaining hearing in the implanted ear.

  May have unknown and uncertain effects. The cochlear implant stimulates the nerves directly with electrical currents. Although this stimulation appears to be safe, the long-term effect of these electrical currents on the nerves is unknown.

  May not hear as well as others who have had successful outcomes with their implants.

  May not be able to understand language well. There is no test a person can take before surgery that will predict how well he or she will understand language after surgery.

  May have to have it removed temporarily or permanently if an infection develops after the implant surgery. However, this is a rare complication.

  May have their implant fail. In this situation, a person with an implant would need to have additional surgery to resolve this problem and would be exposed to the risks of surgery again.

  May not be able to upgrade their implant when new external components become available. Implanted parts are usually compatible with improved external parts. That way, as advances in technology develop, one can upgrade his or her implant by changing only its external parts. In some cases, though, this won’t work and the implant will need changing.

  May not be able to have some medical examinations and treatments. These treatments include: MRI imaging. MRI is becoming a more routine diagnostic method for early detection of medical problems. Even being close to an MRI imaging unit will be dangerous because it may dislodge the implant or demagnetize its internal magnet. FDA has approved some implants, however, for some types of MRI studies done under controlled conditions.

  neurostimulation.

  electrical surgery.

  electroconvulsive therapy.

  ionic radiation therapy.

  Will depend on batteries for hearing. For some devices new or recharged batteries are needed every day.

  May damage their implant. Contact sports, automobile accidents, slips and falls, or other impacts near the ear can damage the implant. This may mean needing a new implant and more surgery. It is unknown whether a new implant would work as well as the old one.

  May find them expensive. Replacing damaged or lost parts may be expensive.

  Will have to use it for the rest of life. During a person’s lifetime, the manufacturer of the cochlear implant could go out of business. Whether a person will be able to get replacement parts or other customer service in the future is uncertain.

  May have lifestyle changes because their implant will interact with the electronic environment. An implant may set off theft detection systems.

  set off metal detectors or other security systems.

  be affected by cellular phone users or other radio transmitters.

  have to be turned off during takeoffs and landings in aircraft.

  interact in unpredictable ways with other computer systems.

  Will have to be careful of static electricity. Static electricity may temporarily or permanently damage a cochlear implant. It may be good practice to remove the processor and headset before contact with static generating materials such as children’s plastic play equipment, TV screens, computer monitors, or synthetic fabric. For more details regarding how to deal with static electricity, contact the manufacturer or implant center.

  Have less ability to hear both soft sounds and loud sounds without changing the sensitivity of the implant. The sensitivity of normal hearing is adjusted continuously by the brain, but the design of cochlear implants requires that a person manually change sensitivity setting of the device as the sound environment changes.

  May develop irritation where the external part rubs on the skin and have to remove it for a while.

  Can’t let the external parts get wet. Damage from water may be expensive to repair and the person may be without hearing until the implant is repaired. Thus, the person will need to remove the external parts of the device when bathing, showering, swimming, or participating in water sports.

 
May hear strange sounds caused by its interaction with magnetic fields, like those near airport passenger screening machines.

  Song Credits

  Paul McCartney, “Tug of War,” © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

  Paul McCartney, John Lennon, “Eleanor Rigby,” © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

  Billy Hayes, Jay W. Johnson, “Blue Christmas,” © Universal Music Publishing Group, Demi Music Corp., D/B/A Lichelle Music Company

  Ross Bagdasarian Sr., “Witch Doctor,” © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

  Jerome J. Garcia, Philip Lesh, Robert C. Hunter, Robert Hall Weir, “Truckin’,” © Universal Music Publishing Group

  SONGS EVOKED BY TITLE IN THE POSTSCRIPT

  Peter Townsend, “I Can See for Miles,” © T.R.O. Inc.

  Neil Diamond, “I’m a Believer,” © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group.

  Sonny Bono, “I Got You, Babe,” © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

  Arthur Gunter, “Baby Let’s Play House,” © Music Sales Corporation, BMG Rights Management.

  “House of the Rising Sun,” traditional.

  Terry Cashman, Gene Pistilli, “Sunday Will Never Be the Same,” © Universal Music Publishing Group.

  Ernestine Madison, Frank Wilson, Frank Edward Wilson, “Listen

  People,” © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

  Steve Greenberg, “Funkytown,” © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

  Joe Primrose, Irving Mills, “St. James Infirmary,” © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group, Downtown Music Publishing, Spirit Music Group, BMG Rights Management.