Twice Shy

by Aurora Rey

  Amanda shook her head.

  “I’d love it if you didn’t.”

  “I would, too.”

  Technically, that could have settled the matter, but she owed it to Amanda, to herself, to make the invitation clear. “Will you stay the night?”

  Amanda smiled, and for all her boldness only a moment before, blushed. She nodded.

  “Would you, um, like another drink?”

  She shook her head.

  Even as a ball of anticipation lodged in her chest, she knew it was her turn to take the lead. “Would you like to move to the bedroom instead of making out on the couch like a pair of horny teenagers?”

  “That sounds like a fantastic idea.”

  That, too, should have settled it. But she couldn’t shake the cloud of nerves that felt almost as big as her desire. “I don’t mean to ruin the moment, but…”

  When she didn’t finish, Amanda looked into her eyes. “What is it? Talk to me.”

  She frowned. “It’s just, well, it’s been a while.”

  Amanda’s worried look turned quizzical. “A while since what?”

  Oh, God. Maybe she shouldn’t have said anything. Floundering would be better than talking about it. “Since I…you know.”

  “Had sex?”

  Yep. Definitely would have been better if she hadn’t said anything. “Yes.”

  “But haven’t you been dating constantly for the last year?”

  Quinn closed her eyes. “Dating. Fix-ups. Not relationships.”

  “Oh.” Amanda let the word drag out. Understanding, yes, but Quinn couldn’t tell if there was sympathy or judgment or something else there with it.

  “I don’t know. I wasn’t ready, I guess? Or there was no spark? Or maybe both?” Stop rambling. It’s only getting worse.

  “But you feel a spark with me?”

  Air rushed out of Quinn’s lungs. “Have I not made that obvious?”

  Amanda’s eyes danced. “I’d say you have. And do you want to be here, with me, right now?”

  “I do.” She couldn’t remember the last time she’d wanted something so badly.

  “Okay. See, that wasn’t so hard.”

  Ha.

  “Do you want to take me to bed?”

  “If you’re not completely turned off by how badly I’m fumbling this, yes.”

  Amanda’s smile was slow. In it, desire and invitation and reassurance. “Then that’s what I think you should do.”

  Was it as simple as that? Obviously, it was. It could be. Should be. She was just so fucking out of practice. “Okay.”

  She took Amanda’s hand and stood. The bedroom wasn’t far, so she held on for the short distance. She’d left the lamp in the corner on, just in case. It cast a soft glow over the room. A compromise really, since candles felt presumptuous.

  “Quinn?”

  The way Amanda said her name sent a tingle up her spine. “Yes?”

  “If you’re not ready, or at any point change your mind, it’s okay. I get that it’s a big deal because I’ve been there myself. Recently, as a matter of fact.”

  Amanda was giving her an out, one she could take and maybe not blow any chance they might have at a next time. The funny thing was, she didn’t want an out. Or rather, the funny thing was Amanda’s offering it confirmed an out wasn’t what she wanted. “I won’t change my mind.”

  “Still, I want you to know you can and I—”

  Rather than letting Amanda finish, Quinn pulled her into a kiss. It started gentle but took on all the heat and urgency that had been pumping through her veins a moment before. The desire that had been clanging around inside her for weeks. “I want you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since we met.”

  “You don’t have to say—”

  Once again, Quinn silenced her with a kiss. “Let me show you.”

  Amanda’s mouth under hers tethered her to the moment and quieted the voices, the questions, in her mind. Not questions about whether she wanted this, but the ones that needled her about being so out of practice. Amanda’s hand slid up her back, her nails scratched lightly at the back of Quinn’s neck. Again, just the encouragement she needed.

  She threaded her fingers into Amanda’s hair and used the gentle grip to angle Amanda’s head. She took the kiss deeper, exploring Amanda’s mouth with her tongue. Amanda let out this tiny moan, like she knew it was exactly the sort of sound that would drive Quinn crazy. It gave her the confidence to slip her hands under the hem of Amanda’s shirt, ease it up and over her head.

  The result—Amanda standing in front of her in a lacy bra and with messy hair—was the sexiest thing she’d seen in as long as she could remember. Now being nervous didn’t matter. All that mattered was this moment and making Amanda feel half as good as she made Quinn feel, even before having sex.

  She trailed a line of kisses down Amanda’s neck, across her collar bone, and down to the edge of her bra. She traced the lace with her tongue, letting her hands creep up to cup Amanda’s breasts from underneath. She grazed her thumbs over Amanda’s nipples. The way they hardened under her touch made her throat go dry.

  “So beautiful.”

  She could sense Amanda’s head shake and looked up. Amanda held her gaze for only a second before looking away.

  “Surely, you don’t think otherwise.” She wanted to see the rest of Amanda, touch her everywhere. Show her exactly how beautiful she was. She tugged at the bow holding Amanda’s skirt in place and stepped back to watch the fabric slither to the floor. Amanda’s panties, a soft green lace, matched her bra. “Not beautiful. Stunning.”

  Amanda crossed her arms over her stomach. “You’re going to make me bashful.”

  The moment of vulnerability took her by surprise. She wrapped her fingers around Amanda’s wrists and gently pulled her arms away from her body. “Stunning.”

  Before Amanda could protest, Quinn kissed her again. And again after that. Or maybe, technically, she didn’t stop kissing her. Still gripping Amanda’s wrists, she walked slowly toward the bed. Amanda followed her lead wordlessly. She didn’t know exactly what she expected Amanda to be like in bed, but tractable wasn’t it. The surprise was as much a turn-on as the idea of being in charge. “Do you want to tell me what you want, what you like?”

  Amanda bit her lip and shook her head without breaking eye contact.

  “Are you being shy or do you like someone else running the show?”

  An extra gleam appeared in her eyes as she nodded.

  Just when she thought it impossible to be turned on any more. “Yes? To both?”

  Another nod. “I don’t have to be, if—”

  Quinn pressed a finger to her lips. “I want you to be exactly what you want to be. You just have to tell me if something isn’t good, okay?”

  This time she smiled. “Okay.”

  Even though it was their first time, she trusted Amanda to be honest. And being able to do things her way, at her pace, gave her confidence. She eased Amanda onto the bed and joined her. She continued kissing her, taking breaks here and there to explore her neck, the line of her shoulder, the swell of her breasts peeking over the top of her bra. Amanda sighed and made more of those perfect little noises.

  Amanda’s hands roamed, tugging the hem of Quinn’s shirt and fussing over the buttons. “Why are you wearing so many clothes?”

  She chuckled and eased just far enough away to shed her shirt.

  “More.” Amanda pointed to her belt. “Here, I’ll help.”

  “For being compliant, you sure can be bossy.”

  Amanda laughed. Like, really laughed. But instead of killing the mood, it gave it a playful edge. Since she had a tendency toward the reverent, the lightness was a welcome addition. Amanda pulled at her belt, then her pants. She slid Amanda’s panties down her legs, then backtracked to dispense with her bra.

  Pressing her body to Amanda’s, skin to skin, seemed to calm the fire in her and stoke it at the same time. As she pulled Amanda’s taut nipple into her mou
th, she forgot about how long it had been or how nervous she’d felt when they started. All that remained was this gorgeous woman and a mountain of shared need.

  She trailed her fingers along Amanda’s ribs, across the softness of her stomach that she’d tried to hide, and over the tops of her thighs. Amanda shifted, opened for her, in silent invitation. Well, not entirely silent. Without words, she gave Quinn every encouragement she could have asked for. And Quinn couldn’t resist.

  Quinn slid over her, thinking to start slowly, give them both a chance to get used to the new intimacy. But Amanda was so wet, so slick and soft, she couldn’t hold her hand still. Up and down, small circles. The feel of Amanda under her was hypnotic.

  And the sounds. Those sweet, sexy, pleading sounds. Did Amanda know how much they drove her crazy?

  Amanda’s nails grazed Quinn’s back lightly as her hands roamed. Like the noises, it sent her senses haywire. It made her want to touch and taste everywhere at once. It made her ache to be inside Amanda, connected to her in the most intimate way possible.

  As though reading her thoughts, Amanda opened her eyes and looked into Quinn’s. “More.”

  That one word made Quinn’s breath hitch. It ratcheted up her own desire but made her want to give Amanda everything. She eased a finger into her and everything else—the sounds, the sensations, the wants—blurred. Every cell of her being focused on that connection, that perfect feeling so unlike anything else.

  “More.” Part command, part plea, Amanda’s request just about made Quinn come undone.

  She added a second finger. Amanda’s hips arched to meet her. Amanda’s body took her in, molded around her fingers like they were made for each other. They moved together in perfect rhythm, like they’d done this a thousand times before. It was, in short, perfection. Why had she been nervous, again?

  Amanda arched and held; she convulsed around Quinn’s fingers. Heat poured from her, dripping over Quinn’s hand. She had been wrong before. This, this exact moment, was perfection.

  She kissed Amanda’s forehead, her cheeks, her eyelids. When Amanda’s trembling finally stopped, Quinn kissed her mouth. Amanda continued to shudder, and each tremble sent a ripple of pleasure through her. She wouldn’t have said Amanda was the woman she’d been waiting for, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that it had been worth the wait.

  She settled herself next to Amanda, overwhelmingly content. Her own desire, while not sated, became more of a simmer than a rolling boil. A strange sensation, but one she would happily revel in the rest of the night.

  Before she could say so, Amanda squirmed away and rolled over. Quinn frowned. “Hey. Where are you going?”

  “Don’t think you’re going to get away with being one-sided.” Amanda slinked down Quinn’s body.

  “I don’t want you to feel—”

  She finished neither the sentence nor the thought. Without any hesitation or buildup or anything else, Amanda’s mouth closed around her. Quinn bucked, the sheer intensity of it lifting her off the bed.

  Amanda softened her movements, but she didn’t stop. Quinn’s body responded, following her lead and settling into a hypnotic rhythm. Quinn fisted her hands in the sheets, grasping for purchase against the torrent of sensation. It was as though Amanda knew her body, knew what to do and exactly how to do it.

  The orgasm cascaded over her like rain, effortless but leaving her drenched. Amanda let out a contented hum and she came again, the second orgasm spilling into the first.

  As her body continued to quake, Amanda crawled up the bed, kissing a line all the way up her torso to her mouth. Quinn blinked a few times, trying to get her eyes to focus. She wanted to say something of significance, but when she opened her mouth, all that came out was, “Wow.”

  Amanda smiled. “I was thinking the same thing.”

  “You’re amazing. And I’m pretty sure it isn’t just because I haven’t had sex in a really long time.”

  She smirked. “Maybe a little of both.”

  “No, no. I remember how it goes and that was spectacular.”

  “I guess I can’t argue since I agree.”

  Something about the comment made her chuckle. “Good.”

  They stayed like that for a long while—Amanda stroking between her breasts and her fingers sliding lazily through Amanda’s hair. “Are you good? Do you need anything?”

  Amanda patted her chest and offered her a sleepy smile. “So good. Thanks for inviting me over.”

  She reached over and shut off the light. Amanda settled right back against her. If more than half her brain cells had been working, it might have freaked her out how perfectly they fit together. But at this point, she could barely keep her eyes open and couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this content. “If you need something in the night, wake me up, okay?”

  Another pat. “I won’t, but okay.”

  Before she could argue, Amanda’s breathing evened out with the transition to sleep. Quinn, for all her tendencies to think and wonder and worry, wasn’t far behind.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Amanda walked into the house to the sound of laughter and the smell of cinnamon. Neither seemed par for the course for her kids at nine in morning. “Hello?”

  “In here, Mom.” Cal’s voice came from the kitchen.

  Daniella and Cal sat at the island, unusual only because of the time. But when she stepped the rest of the way into the kitchen, she stopped dead in her tracks. Standing at the oven—in boxers, a Cornell shirt, and a pair of oven mitts—was Mel.

  “Uh.”

  “Good morning.” Mel turned to her with a big smile and pan of what appeared to be cinnamon rolls, like it was the most common thing in the world.

  “M came over last night to watch a movie and decided to stay over,” Daniella said.

  Mel set the pan down on the stove. “In the guest room, I promise.”

  She nodded slowly. “Okay.”

  “I hope you don’t mind.” Mel gave her best innocent puppy face. “I was texting with Daniella and she mentioned you were out and asked if I wanted to do movie night like old times.”

  “Oh.” She’d never begrudge Mel and the kids a night of hanging out. And, honestly, she didn’t mind that it was at her house. But it meant Mel knew she’d spent the night elsewhere. Her kids were one thing, but she certainly didn’t owe her ex an explanation.

  “How was the date?” Mel asked.

  Fuck. There went that. “It was good, thanks.”

  She expected a jab or maybe a suggestive look, but Mel offered neither. “Coffee?”

  “Sure.” She’d had a cup with Quinn, but perhaps another shot of caffeine would make this whole situation a little less bizarro.

  “I got it.” Cal hopped down from his stool and went to the coffee pot.

  Mel opened the packets of frosting and started squeezing them over the rolls. “None of us had anywhere to be first thing, so I popped out for breakfast. They’re nothing compared to yours, of course, but us mere mortals have to make do the best we can.”

  Cal handed her the coffee. “I said we could do cereal, but M said we should at least aim for the middle.”

  “Good life lesson, right?” Mel bumped her hip lightly to Amanda’s as she passed with the pan of now-frosted rolls.

  Amanda chuckled in spite of herself. “In some instances.”

  “Will you join us?” Mel asked.

  “Yeah, Mom. Join us.” Daniella, who’d been mostly quiet, got up from the island. “We can sit at the table even.”

  Part of her wanted to start laundry and do yoga so she could drive out to the bakery before lunch. It was such a small ask, though. And it might help things with Mel get back on an even keel. She didn’t want hard feelings, but even more, she didn’t want Cal and Daniella to pick up on any weird energy between them.

  She agreed and moved to grab plates, but Mel waved her away. Daniella got napkins and Cal snagged utensils from the drawer. In under a minute, they sat around the table with coffee
and breakfast and she’d not lifted a finger. That might be as strange as all of them having breakfast together in the first place.

  “They really aren’t as good as yours.” Mel licked her fingers and offered Amanda a wink.

  “They’re not bad, though,” Cal said.

  Daniella rolled her eyes. “That’s because you’d eat anything.”

  “True.” Cal nodded affably. He turned to Amanda. “How was last night? We were all talking about how crazy it was for you to stay over somewhere.”

  There was a thump under the table and Cal let out an “ow.” Amanda lifted an eyebrow at Daniella, who’d clearly been the instigator. “It was nice. And I’m going to leave it at that.”

  Daniella let out an exasperated sigh, but Cal grinned. “You know this means you’re not going to be able to say, ‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do’ anymore when it comes to girls.”

  Despite sitting at the kitchen table, surrounded by her kids and her ex-wife, her mind flashed to the night before. She’d seen a different side of Quinn and the truth of the matter was, the more she saw, the more she liked. “How about, when you’re my age, you can do whatever you want.”

  Cal laughed, but Daniella scowled. The latter gave her pause. Daniella had seemed okay with, if not keen on, the idea of her dating. But something had changed. She didn’t know if it had to do with Quinn specifically, but she clearly wasn’t happy. Amanda filed the detail away. No way in hell was she having that conversation in front of Mel.

  Before they finished eating, Cal put in a request for real cinnamon rolls before he left for college. Daniella concurred and invited Mel to join them. Mel offered a playful shrug and, when Amanda didn’t protest, accepted. The whole thing gave Amanda a sense of unease. Less the invitation itself and more because Daniella seemed so pleased by it. She’d have to do some digging the next time they were one-on-one.

  But today was not that day. With breakfast done and everyone sufficiently amped up on sugar and caffeine, the day ahead took on a new level of urgency. Despite her reflexive tendency to join the bustle, if not direct it, she remained seated. Dishes were loaded into the dishwasher, the last of the coffee found its way into travel mugs, and everyone scattered to work or shower or whatever else beckoned.