Twice Shy

by Aurora Rey

  “I’m thinking how good you feel. Like, a little bit ago, but now, too.”

  “I like that.” Quinn kissed the top of her head. “And ditto.”

  “I’m also thinking how long it’s been since I’ve done that, but how perfect it was.”

  Quinn grinned. “Like riding a bike?”

  “Way, way better than riding a bike.” And pretty much anything else she could think of.

  “Okay, I’ll give you that. Absolutely.”

  She nuzzled in closer. “Thank you for not thinking me too forward earlier.”

  Quinn’s expression turned serious. “About that.”

  Despite her generally blissed out state, Amanda’s stomach flipped uncomfortably. “Too much?”

  The serious morphed into exasperated. “I’ve already made it clear it was both welcome and incredibly sexy. I was thinking more about myself.”

  “What about you?”

  Quinn took a deep breath, blew it out. “Being with you, is…”

  Amanda waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. “Is?”

  Another deep breath. “It’s amazing. Let me lead with that. It’s also, I don’t know, kind of a wake-up call.”

  “How so?”

  “Like, I haven’t been myself lately and you reminded me of who that person is.”

  Not unlike her feelings about her brief affair with Mel. She could appreciate the sentiment—like, a thousand times over—but the parallel left her uneasy. What if Quinn’s wake-up call woke her up to a thousand things that weren’t her? “I get that.”

  “So, like, I’m not going to turn into some super intense alpha butch or anything, but I think I might have come across as more timid than I really am.”

  Oh. Oh, that was interesting. “Is that an apology or a warning?” She bit her lip and let her gaze linger on Quinn’s mouth. “Or a promise?”

  “At the risk of sounding wishy-washy, may I ask if you have a strong preference one way or another?”

  She tucked her tongue in her cheek, trying decide how best to answer.

  Quinn didn’t give her the chance to. “You know what, never mind. I need to be authentic here. So, it’s kind of all three, but mostly the last one. I can keep it in check, to a certain extent. Like I said, I’m not some swaggery alpha and I don’t like being the center of attention. But I’m bolder than I’ve let on so far and I think it’s fair for you to know it.”

  Just when she thought her night couldn’t get any better. “Out of curiosity, what exactly might that look like?”

  “Well—”

  “You could tell me or, if you’d rather, you should show me.”

  Quinn’s gaze raked over her. “I’d very much like to show you.”

  “Then, by all means.”

  “Don’t mind if I do.” She shifted, sliding her arm out from around Amanda. She trailed fingers down Amanda’s arms, encircling each of her wrists. She pinned Amanda’s hands over her head, gave Amanda a look that threatened to set her insides on fire, and then she proceeded to do exactly that.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Amanda flipped the switch on the coffee pot and puttered around the kitchen, humming to herself. When Quinn appeared, gorgeous and rumpled in the doorway, she couldn’t suppress a smile. “Good morning.”

  Quinn ran a hand through her hair, only making matters worse. Or, in the context of rumpled and gorgeous, better. “Morning.”

  “Coffee?”

  Quinn nodded. “Oh, yes.”

  She readied cups, taking pleasure in knowing how Quinn liked her coffee at this point. “It’ll just be a minute.”

  Quinn crossed the room and put her arms around Amanda, pulling her close. “How are you this morning?”

  A string of clichés and a few sexually explicit responses danced through her mind, but she settled on, “Really good.”

  Quinn loosened her grip but didn’t let her go. “I swear I’m not the woman who needs a lot of feedback in the sex department, but could you maybe be a tad more specific?”

  She laughed, given what had been on the tip of her tongue.

  “I said specific.” Quinn made small circles with her index finger. “That could be read a lot of different ways.”

  “It was amazing.” She kissed Quinn. “Perfect.” She kissed her again. “So exactly what I wanted.” Another kiss. “Needed.”

  “See, that’s better. Although I don’t want you to think I’m fishing for compliments.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t. And, for the record, the laugh was because I was thinking about a dozen inappropriate comments about how good the sex was and I refrained.”

  “Inappropriate, huh?”

  It was the first time she’d seen Quinn look truly smug and, to be honest, it was a good look for her. “Trust me on this one.”

  She poured the coffee and handed Quinn a cup. Quinn stared at it for a moment, then leaned in and breathed in the steam wafting from it. “Okay. You hand me coffee and I’ll go along with pretty much anything you ask.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind. What can I make you for breakfast?”

  Quinn took a sip of coffee and let out a sigh. “You don’t have to make me breakfast, you know. I mean, I love your cooking, but that’s not what I’m in it for.”

  “Is that so?” She sipped her own coffee and indulged a passing thought of how easy it would be to get used to mornings like this.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “So, do I get to ask what you are in it for?”

  “The sex.”

  She said it so casually, Amanda couldn’t help but snicker. “It’s good to know what I bring to the table.”

  “Don’t get me wrong. Your cooking is literally the best I’ve ever had. Don’t tell my mother I said that.”

  Amanda laughed. “Your secret is safe with me.”

  “I’m just saying that so you understand exactly how next level the sex is.”

  She didn’t disagree, even if it felt strange to say so out loud. “I’ll still make you breakfast.”

  “A woman of many talents. I love that about you.”

  Quinn insisted she didn’t want Amanda to go to any trouble, so they settled on a vegetable omelet and toast. They sat at the island, side by side, bumping shoulders and playing footsie while they ate. It made her feel goofy and far younger than her forty-nine years.

  When the conversation turned to getting together again, she found herself saying, “Would you be interested in coming to dinner if my kids were here?”

  Quinn, to her credit, didn’t seem taken aback. “Absolutely, but I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

  “I don’t feel obligated. But same. If that feels like a big deal and you’re not ready to go there, it’s totally fine.”

  Quinn shook her head, but then said, “I’d like that.”

  “Do I get to ask why you were shaking your head then?” She wanted Quinn to be honest, because as much as she liked the idea, it wasn’t some pressing thing. At least not yet.

  “Just the fact that my sister was poking at me about when she’d get to meet you.”

  As much as she liked the prospect of Quinn meeting Cal and Daniella, she liked the idea of Quinn telling her family about her even more. “And what did you tell her?”

  “First, I told her she was nosy and pushy, because she is. But then I told her soon, assuming things continue to go well.”

  Amanda laughed, at both the honesty and the authenticity of the statement. “Fair assessment.”

  “Right? You’d think it would be less complicated at our age.”

  “Ha.” She had a flash of coming home after their first night together, to Mel making breakfast.

  “I’m glad we’re on the same page, though.”

  An excellent point. “So, which should we do first?”

  “Your kids. Definitely.” She angled her head. “Just don’t tell my sister I said so.”

  Amanda tapped a finger to her lips, then pointed at Quinn. “You realize that’s the second s
ecret you’ve asked me to keep from your family this morning.”

  She covered her mouth with her hand. “It is, isn’t it? That’s not good.”

  “Since I’m pretty sure you’re only half serious, it’s more cute than concerning.”

  “Less than half. My mother is lovely and my sisters—well, one in particular—harass me on principle. But we’re all very close and the harassment is a sign of affection.”

  “That’s sweet. I always wanted siblings.”

  Quinn’s eyes narrowed. “Wait. You’re an only child? But you’re Italian.”

  She shrugged. “I know, right? I thought it was against the rules or something, but here I am.”

  “Your parents realized they couldn’t improve on perfection?”

  Amanda laughed. “It was more that my mother didn’t want to sacrifice her career. She was too much of a traditionalist not to have any children, but one was enough.”

  “What did she do?”

  “Chemist. She’s retired now. My parents moved to South Carolina a couple of years ago.”

  “Whoa.”

  “I know, right? She was the only woman in her graduate program and one of only a few in her undergraduate class.”

  “That’s awesome.”

  “She was horrified when I announced I wanted to go to culinary school.” It had been difficult at the time, but now she could smile at the memory.

  “Did you ever win her over?”

  “It helped when she learned professional baking is a very male-dominated field.”

  Quinn chuckled. “Of course.”

  They finished breakfast. They showered. They might have tumbled back into bed for an hour before getting dressed and Quinn reluctantly left for work. Amanda couldn’t remember the last time she’d had such an indulgent morning.

  She liked that Quinn brought this out in her. The sexual energy, sure, but it was more. Quinn helped her slow down, focus more on the moment than her running to-do list. It helped that she was taking essentially a month-long vacation, obviously, but even then, old Amanda would have found a thousand things to do for the kids or around the house. She thought of the million or so times over the years Mel told her to just fucking relax already. And yet it was Quinn, without commanding it once, who actually got her to do it.

  * * *

  Quinn drove into town and pulled into the small lot next to Ithaca Bakery. Inside, business people and college students and senior citizens milled around, looking at menus and peering to see what bagels were still available. She turned at the sound of her name and found Jacob coming in the other entrance.

  She gave him a big hug, convinced he was still growing, despite turning nineteen that spring. “How’s summer treating you?”

  “Not bad. Working my ass off, but making decent money, so I can’t complain.”

  He’d spent every summer since he was old enough at one of the local nurseries. She knew the owner and, by extension, knew he was worked hard but paid well. “That’s the spirit. Gotta do it while you’re young.”

  He rolled his eyes. “You say that like you’re ancient.”

  “It’s relative, my man. It’s all relative.”

  “I know Mom’s only a few years older than you, but you seem way younger.”

  “It’s the single and childless thing. It fools people.”

  He laughed. “I’ll have to keep that in mind.”

  She thought about where she’d been a few hours prior. “Relationships have a lot to recommend them. I’d like to go on the record saying that.”

  He gave her a quizzical look. She hadn’t confided the extent of her broken heart and collapsing marriage, but he was old enough—and sensitive enough—to pick up on how bad it had been. “You got a bae, don’t you?”

  The question, delivered in millennial or Gen Z or whatever he was speak, made her laugh. “How about you let me buy you lunch and maybe we’ll talk about it?”

  He nodded affably. Like his mother, he was curious but not pushy. They ordered sandwiches and took the number placard to an empty table. Not that she wouldn’t talk about Amanda at all, but she was much more interested in what he had going on. “Looking forward to the fall semester or no?”

  He shrugged and looked down. “Kinda.”

  “Not very convincing, there.”

  He lifted his gaze, eyes full of worry. “I’m just…I think I might change my major.”

  “Okay?” She let the word dragged to show her confusion. “Is that a bad thing?”

  “I don’t want you to be mad that I might not stay in architecture. Or disappointed or whatever.”

  It never occurred to her he’d worry so much about her opinion. It made her smile and gave her a pang all at the same time. “Jake, you should do what makes you happy. Always.”

  “But I was going to do an internship with you and it was going to be so cool.”

  They had discussed that possibility, and she relished the prospect of having him work with her. But it was because she loved spending time with him and wanted to help him get a leg up professionally. “You figuring out what you want to do, and doing it, is way more important than an internship with me.”

  He frowned but looked more relaxed. “Yeah.”

  “So, any contenders? Or do you just hate architecture?”

  “I don’t hate it.” His tone was equal parts defensive and apologetic. “It’s just, like, a lot of math.”

  “I warned you about that.”

  “I know, I know. I used to like math?”

  That he phrased it as a question made her chuckle. “What happened?”

  He blew out a breath. “Calculus.”

  She could empathize. She’d gotten the grades she’d needed to advance to the upper level courses, but she hadn’t hit it out of the park by any means. “No argument there.”

  “I took this lit class for one of my electives and I really dug it.”

  “Lit, huh?” She did not see that one coming.

  “The professor was amazing. This southern chick. Gorgeous, but that’s not why I loved her class. She was so excited about Eudora Welty. She made me want to read all these books and, I don’t know, maybe write one.”

  It was hard to decide what part of this delighted her more—the idea of her nephew becoming a writer or having a pretty good idea who the inspiring professor was. “Dr. Bennett?”

  His eyes got huge. “You know her?”

  “A little. Her wife is a contractor I work with a lot.”

  “You can’t tell her I said she was gorgeous.”

  The genuine fear in his voice made her smile. “Your secret is safe with me.”

  “I signed up for her creative writing seminar in the fall. It’s just an intro. You don’t have to be good to take it or anything.”

  She had no intention of telling Olivia, or Joss for that matter, that her nephew had a crush on her. But she would pick Olivia’s brain for things she might do to encourage him along the way. Things completely out of her wheelhouse. “Have you told your parents?”

  “Yeah, yeah. They’re cool. I was more worried about telling you.”

  “Aw. You know I’ll support you no matter what.”

  “Yeah.” He blushed and looked relieved when their food came. “Thanks.”

  “Always.”

  He picked up his sandwich and took a huge bite. Mouth full, he lifted his chin at her. “Tell me about your girl.”

  She laughed, both at his interest in her love life and his use of the word girl, not because he was being condescending but because he was relating to her as a peer. “Well, she’s a baker. And she’s gorgeous.”

  He nodded his approval. “That’s lit.”

  Between time with her nieces and nephews and context clues, she was pretty sure lit meant cool and not the kind of lit they’d been discussing a moment before. “It kind of is.”

  They finished their sandwiches and she bought him a box of cookies to take to work that afternoon. “You going to bring her to a family thing soon
?”

  “Has Aunt Kiera been feeding you lines?”

  “Huh?”

  He looked genuinely confused, so she slapped him on the shoulder. “Kidding. She’s been needling me about the same thing.”

  “Oh. Ha ha. Yeah. That sounds like her.”

  The simplicity of the statement made her laugh. “What about you? Any girls? Boys?”

  He lifted a hand. “Pretty sure it’s girls, but no.”

  She hung her head and shook it dramatically. “Not an architect and straight. What am I going to do with you?”

  He winced. “You’re sure you’re not mad about that?”

  “No. I’m proud of you for following your heart, on both counts.”

  “All right.”

  “I can’t wait to hear about your class with Olivia.”

  It took him a second to realize who she meant. “I can’t believe you know her. And that you call her Olivia.”

  “You should probably still call her Dr. Bennett.” She winked at him. “At least for now.”

  The idea of calling her anything else seemed to mortify him, which she found endearing. They hugged in the parking lot and went their separate ways. Quinn headed to work, thinking a bit about the bank branch plans she had waiting for her, but mostly about Amanda and the prospect of meeting each other’s families. She’d expected the prospect to give her pause, but it didn’t. Perhaps, when it came down to it, her hesitation to get involved with someone again had less to do with getting involved and more to do with the person in question.

  Chapter Twenty

  Quinn strode up the walk, telling herself not to be nervous. It didn’t do much good, but she told herself anyway. Who would have guessed meeting a girlfriend’s kids would prove more daunting than meeting her parents? The adventures of dating in middle age.

  Amanda greeted her at the door with an encouraging smile. “Thanks for coming.”

  She didn’t seem nervous, just happy for Quinn to be there. That unspoken energy did more to calm her nerves than any reassurance could have. “I brought ice cream, as instructed.”

  “Excellent.”

  Amanda took the bag from her. Quinn leaned in and kissed her cheek. That was okay, right? Based on Amanda’s smile, yeah, it was okay.