Twice Shy

by Aurora Rey

  “May I come in?”

  She nodded more vigorously than was probably necessary and stepped back. “Please.”

  “So, Daniella called you?”

  Based on what Daniella had said, she had every reason to be hopeful. But rational thought stood little chance against anxiety in full bloom. “She did.”

  “It was quite the day.” Quinn smiled, but shook her head.

  “I want to hear everything or, at least, everything you’re willing to share. Can I get you something? Tea? A glass of wine?” Part of her wanted a drink to smooth out the edges, but her stomach wanted nothing to do with it.

  “I’m okay. Do you want to sit?”

  She nodded again, feeling like a bobble head doll. “Sure. Yes.”

  They settled on the sofa, close but not quite touching. Quinn gave her a sideways look. “How much did Daniella tell you?”

  How much Daniella told Quinn felt like a more relevant question, but she resisted turning it around before giving her own answer. “I think pretty much everything she told you.”

  Quinn shifted on the couch to face her. “Good.”

  “I’m sorry for all this. It isn’t what you signed up for and it isn’t—”

  Quinn lifted a hand. “You don’t need to apologize. Other than your kids, you never did anything to make me believe you had priorities or entanglements elsewhere.”

  It wasn’t untrue. Even though she hadn’t told Quinn about it, she was done with Mel before they’d had a real date. “Still, I could have been a lot more direct with Mel and maybe prevented some of this.”

  “Maybe.” Even as she conceded the point, Quinn sighed. “But if I’d been less worried about being in her shadow, I could have prevented some of this, too.”

  Amanda frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I think I alluded to it before, when Cal had his appendicitis. I’m not the big personality who commands attention the second I walk in the room.”

  But Mel was, in spades. “I don’t find that attractive. It isn’t what I want.”

  “I believe you. It’s just…” she paused, making Amanda wonder if she didn’t know what to say next or how to put it nicely. Eventually, she continued with, “Mel is that person. And I know you don’t want to be with her, but she—”

  “Swoops in and sucks up all the oxygen.” How could she have not seen that?

  Quinn lifted a shoulder and angled her head. “I don’t like to think I’m one to constantly compare myself to other people.”

  “But the last few weeks have made it pretty impossible not to.”

  She offered a half smile. “Something like that.”

  “What can I do to make it up to you? Or to make it so you don’t worry about that anymore.”

  Quinn sat up straighter. “I’ve realized I’ve been an idiot, so there isn’t anything you need to do.”

  “You haven’t been an idiot.” If anyone had, it had been her.

  “I have, because I let insecurity get the better of me. But I’m not that person. I know what I have to offer.”

  She couldn’t help but smile at that. “I like what you have to offer.”

  “I know. And same, for the record. I like everything about you.”

  “Even the fact that I have an obnoxious ex and a tendency to be bossy?”

  “Your ex is of no consequence and I like that you’re bossy.” Quinn angled her head slightly. “I like it even more when bossy you lets me boss you around.”

  The comment sent a burst of heat right through her. It settled somewhere south of her stomach. Something about Quinn had changed. Not changed, maybe, but shifted. Something she’d gotten glimpses of here and there—when they were hiking, or in bed. It took her a moment to find the right word, but when it hit her, there was no mistaking it. Quinn Sullivan was confident. So different from Mel’s self-assured charm, this was subtle, like Quinn herself. But it was there and it was clear and it was sexy as fuck.

  “What?”

  They were supposed to be having a heart-to-heart. Admitting her mind had steered in the direction of bed probably wasn’t the best course of action. “Nothing.”

  “Come on. We just cleared the air. You can’t hold out on me now.” She said it in kind of a joking way, but not. That confidence again.

  She cleared her throat. “I was thinking how much I like this side of you. How good it looks on you.”

  Quinn merely raised a brow. She seemed to be enjoying watching Amanda squirm. How delightful was that?

  Amanda shook her head. She was going to have to own it. “It’s sexy, okay? This side of you is sexy.”

  Quinn’s smile was slow, and it upped the sexy factor about tenfold. “Is that so?”

  “I know. I know. We’re talking about relationships and making it work and I’m thinking about getting in your pants. It’s terrible.”

  “I wouldn’t say terrible.” Her eyes danced with humor.

  “You can stop making fun of me anytime.”

  “Who’s making fun? An interesting and robust sex life is an essential component to a healthy relationship. At least in my book.”

  “Right.” Maybe being teased about how much she wanted Quinn wasn’t the worst thing.

  “I mean, since we sorted out the emotional details, it seems like we should probably tend that part of our relationship, too.”

  Amanda swallowed, her desire ratcheting up in earnest. “Well, if it’s for the good of the relationship.”

  Quinn stood and extended her hand. “Let me take you to bed?”

  She’d phrased it as a question, but there was no question about her intention or who was going to be in charge. A seemingly impossible mix of emotions swirled through her: desire, love, but also something more. Quinn somehow managed to make her feel safe but bold, reckless even. A heady mix for someone so used to playing by the rules and worrying about everyone and everything but herself.

  Maybe one day she’d find the right words to explain it, to let Quinn know what a magical gift she’d given her. For now, words weren’t necessary. She tucked her hand in Quinn’s and allowed herself to be led upstairs.

  * * *

  With Amanda nestled in the crook of her shoulder, Quinn felt about a thousand times better than she had a few hours before. But there was still something hanging between them. Something she’d not been brave enough to say. “I didn’t say something earlier that I should have.”

  Amanda’s hand, that had been stroking her chest, stilled. “What’s that?”

  She shifted and rolled over so she could look Amanda in the eye. “Before I do, I need you to know it’s not the afterglow talking.”

  Amanda laughed and shook her head. “Noted.”

  She took a deep breath. “The reason I asked for a break, said that I wanted us both to sort things out, was because the stakes felt so high.”

  “I get that. I really do. And I hope you know I backed off because I wanted to respect what you needed, not because I didn’t love you.”

  “Um.” All the ways Quinn imagined telling Amanda how she felt, having Amanda beat her to the punch hadn’t been one of them.

  Amanda’s eyes narrowed but she didn’t speak.

  “Oh, God. I’m sorry. I said ‘um’ because I was about to tell you I love you and you saying it first totally caught me off guard.” So much for being smooth and confident. Since the ship of saying the right thing had sailed, she took a deep breath and prepared to keep going. Only Amanda didn’t let her finish. Instead of answering with words, she placed a hand on either side of Quinn’s face and pulled them together.

  Amanda’s lips felt like sunshine and promise and happily ever after.

  The kiss, more a statement than anything else, stopped the inane flow of words. She was as grateful for that as much as the kiss. But when Amanda’s mouth angled, taking them deeper, all she could be grateful for was Amanda.

  When Amanda eased back, she looked at Quinn with expectant eyes. Right. Because in all her drivel, she’d neglected the
three most important words. Or, since Amanda had gone first, four. “I love you, too.”

  “Oh, good. I was worried there for a second you were rethinking the whole thing.”

  Quinn laughed. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I think I started falling in love with you the moment you approved my plans.”

  Amanda laughed, too. “Don’t be silly.”

  She shook her head. “I mean it. You enchanted me from the beginning, but connecting with you like that, sharing a vision. I was a goner.”

  “I was so worried I’d messed everything up.” Despite laughing a second before, her eyes shone with tears.

  “You couldn’t possibly.”

  “Don’t try to downplay it now. You had serious doubts.” A tear spilled over. “Because of my actions. Or maybe inactions.”

  How had she managed to make such an amazing woman fall in love with her? Even now, it hinted at magic. “I did have doubts, but they were as much my doing as anything else.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t give up on us.”

  “You’re not something I wanted to lose.”

  Another smile. Another tear. Quinn kissed this one away. “You’ll stay, right? Tonight?”

  “Well, if you insist.”

  Amanda angled her head. “I’d prefer it if you stayed tonight, tomorrow, and the day after that. And maybe the weekend.”

  God, she loved this woman. “So bossy.”

  This time, Amanda lifted her chin. “You knew what you were getting yourself into. I’m pretty sure we literally just discussed it.”

  “No complaints, merely an observation.”

  “Right, right. And you like bossy me.”

  Quinn shifted, bracing herself over Amanda. “I do.”

  Amanda bit her lip and looked at her with as much desire as their first night together. “Because then you get to turn the tables.”

  She kissed Amanda’s neck, her jaw. “This is true.”

  “I love when you do. Really, I love all the things you do. In bed, out of bed. All of it.”

  “Well, that’s convenient.”

  Amanda arched beneath her, pressing their bodies together in the most perfect way. “How so?”

  “Because I love everything about you.”

  “I’m a very lucky woman.”

  She thought about all the bad dates and misfires, the lonely nights and wondering if she’d fall in love again. She hadn’t used the term unlucky, but it had certainly felt that way. And now all that had changed. “No luckier than me.”

  “I love it when we agree.”

  So far, they didn’t disagree about much. She wasn’t naive enough to think it would always be that way, but she had a good feeling about their ability to navigate whatever came up. “Agreed.”

  “Hey, Quinn?”

  She also loved how Amanda said her name. “Yes?”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Amanda smiled. “I’m really glad.”

  Quinn kissed her lightly. “So glad.”

  And then she kissed her with all the care and longing and passion and playfulness Amanda had awakened in her. Things she’d lost sight of, forgot she possessed. Things she never wanted to be without again.

  Epilogue

  The following spring.

  Quinn drummed her fingers together. “Are we ready?”

  Amanda buckled her seat belt and gave Quinn a questioning look. “I’m not sure. I don’t know where we’re going and you seem really stressed.”

  She blew out a breath. “Sorry.”

  Amanda reached over and squeezed her hand. “Don’t apologize. Talk to me.”

  Amanda’s concern went a long way in calming her nerves. “I’d rather show you. Is that okay?”

  Amanda moved her hands up and down, indicating herself. “I’m here. Completely in your hands.”

  The trust gave Quinn the shot of courage she needed. She put the car in gear and pulled out of Amanda’s driveway. “It’s not far.”

  “All right.” Amanda’s smile was a mixture of encouragement and amusement. She probably thought Quinn was a little off her rocker.

  In some ways, she was. She and Amanda had talked about moving in together, about the appeal of finding a place they could make their own. But the idea of starting from scratch added a whole extra layer of complexity. And time. And possible disagreement. Still, she’d not been able to shake the idea. And when this piece of land came on the market—only a couple of miles outside Kenota, in the direction of Ithaca—it felt like a sign from the universe.

  Taking Amanda there, suggesting they build a house from the ground up, would have been a pretty big deal. The ring burning a hole in her pocket? That was another matter entirely. But in some ways, the two were inseparable. She wanted to build a life with Amanda, in every sense of the word.

  She turned off Route 96 onto Otter Creek Road. Corn field gave way to forest on one side. The road pitched upward, opening up a view of rolling hills. They were too far from either lake to have a glimpse of water, but she didn’t mind. Everything else about the location was perfect.

  “Are you taking me to see a house?” Amanda turned to her and beamed. “Is that the surprise?”

  “Not exactly.” It wasn’t a question, but her voice did a lilt at the end like it was. She cleared her throat. “Not exactly.” There. That was better.

  Amanda frowned, but more confused than irritated. “What does that mean?”

  She was spared having to answer by their arrival. She pulled into the gravel driveway that had been started, but only went for about ten feet. “You’ll see.”

  She cut the engine and tilted her head, indicating they should get out. She rounded the front of the car and took Amanda’s hand. Amanda smirked. “Now I see why you told me to wear practical shoes.”

  They picked their way through tall grass and low brush. About fifty feet from the road, trees gave way to the large clearing that would be more than enough room for a house. Quinn stopped walking but didn’t let go of Amanda’s hand. “What do you think?”

  “It’s beautiful.” Amanda looked around, then at Quinn. “Do you get to build a house here?”

  “Maybe. If I play my cards right.”

  Amanda frowned again. “Is this one of those super intense and demanding clients who’s making you jump through hoops even before you get the job?”

  Quinn bit her lip and resisted the urge to laugh. “I wouldn’t categorize her that way.”

  “Why are you being so weird today? What’s going on?”

  Amanda’s cluelessness was about to make this whole harebrained scheme either a lot more fun or horribly awkward. “I was hoping you might be my client.”

  “Me?”

  “Well, technically we.”

  Finally, realization dawned. “You want to build a house for us.”

  “I’ll hire experts to do the heavy lifting, of course, but I do want to design it and I’m hoping we can both get our hands a little dirty along the way. Makes it so much more personal, don’t you think?”

  “You bought this property for us.”

  She’d been sorely tempted, but she’d resisted. “Not yet. I think it’s perfect, but it’s also the kind of decision we should make together.”

  Amanda brought both hands to her cheeks and looked around again. “You want to build me, us, a house.”

  She swallowed and reminded herself to breathe. “I do.”

  “I can’t think of a better way to start the rest of our lives together.”

  Okay. This was it. Now or never. “I don’t entirely agree on that front.”

  “What—”

  Quinn got down on one knee. She’d not done that when she and Lesedi decided to get married, but something about Amanda made her want to go the traditional route. It had the added bonus of being closer to the ground and making it less likely she’d keel over and pass out. “I want a future with you—a home and a life and a forever. But I’d be so much happier if you would d
o it as my wife.”

  Amanda didn’t move. She didn’t speak, either. She just stared at Quinn. Then the ring, the antique emerald cut diamond Daniella had helped her pick out. Then Quinn again. “I…”

  Waiting for her reply was utter torture. Probably fewer than ten seconds passed, but each one felt like an eternity. “I’m not sure if it will influence your answer, but I feel like I should tell you I talked to both Cal and Daniella about this. Not that you need their permission, but I wanted them to know I was hoping for the whole family, not just you.”

  Amanda nodded. It started slowly but picked up steam. “Of course you did.”

  It wasn’t a no, but it wasn’t a yes, either. And being on her knee only exacerbated the ticking seconds and the fact that Amanda had yet to answer. “It seemed like the right thing to do, but please don’t think for a second it’s anyone but you I’m proposing to. I love you, Amanda, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  “I love you, too. More than I thought possible. And I love who I am when I’m with you. That’s been maybe the most magical part of all this.”

  Quinn’s heart, already at a persistent thud, began to race. “That, too. Absolutely.”

  “I can’t imagine wanting to spend my life with anyone else.”

  “So, is that a yes?” Please, let it be a yes.

  “Oh.” Amanda’s eyes got huge. “Yes. A thousand yeses. A million.”

  For as sure as she’d been Amanda would say yes, she’d never been so relieved in her life. She freed the ring from the cushion in the box and slid it onto Amanda’s finger. “Just to be clear, you can say yes to this and no to the land. I want you to love where we end up.”

  Amanda took a second to admire the ring before grabbing Quinn’s hands and pulling her to her feet. “Yes to all of it.”

  “It’s really okay to think about it for a couple of days.”

  Amanda placed a hand on each of her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “Are you trying to talk me out of it?”

  She laughed. “No. Absolutely not. But they’re two separate decisions and I don’t want the excitement of one taking over the significance of—”