Trust Me, I’m a Personal Trainer

by Sam Derbyshire

  Rachael didn’t know which piece of information to deal with first. Rex was such a prat; she could just imagine him stirring it with Callum.

  “How do you know he was with this other woman?” Rachael asked. “Did he tell you?”

  “I stalked him,” replied Maggie, slowing down as the traffic lights turned red. “I sat in a restaurant near his office; he met her for lunch and then went to a hotel nearby. I took photos, I’ll show you later. It was actually quite exciting, although I would have been a crap spy. I almost lost it, but I was on the phone to Myles and he kept me calm.”

  “Oh my god,” gasped Rachael, “I don’t think I could do that. What if he’d seen you?”

  “I was in disguise,” replied Maggie. “He wouldn’t have recognised me.”

  “In disguise?” replied Rachael, trying to picture the scene. “Are you joking? What on earth were you wearing?”

  “A blonde wig and dark glasses. I called Myles and he said I probably looked like a hooker. I think the waitress in the restaurant thought I was too. That was a bit embarrassing.”

  Rachael snorted. “I seriously cannot believe you did that, well actually I can, I wouldn’t put anything past you. So, what did she look like?”

  Maggie once again relived the moment that Callum had kissed her on the cheek.

  “No,” she sighed, “she isn’t actually, and she isn’t what I imagined. I didn’t think she was anything special; a bit on the plump side from what I could see. I couldn’t really see her face but, to be honest, it would have been easier to take if she was a glamorous as he’s obviously seeing her for her personality rather than her body, which actually hurts more. Her name’s Emma Balfour, I found that out because Myles knew the passcode on his phone and I read his emails. She’s some sort of financial advisor I think. Unfortunately for me though, he didn’t meet her until July which means I was unfaithful first. I know he’s trying to catch me out but I’m not caving in yet so, to be honest, if he thinks I’m fornicating with my personal trainer it will keep him on the wrong track.”

  Rachael didn’t know what to say; it made her evening seem very tame. It was hard to believe how much had happened in the space of a week and she was in no doubt that this was merely the tip of the iceberg. Hopefully the ship that she and Maggie were presently on would manage to steer them safely to shore. But she was well aware that one wrong move could result in them both floundering to stay afloat.

  “Oh well,” she sighed, as Maggie turned into the sports club car park, “at least this will take our minds off things for half an hour.”

  Maggie drew into a parking space and turned off the engine. As the car went quiet, Rachael patted her affectionately on her Lycra-clad thigh. “Come on, love, you don’t get the ass you want by sitting on it do you?” And, with an unconvincing high-five, they both climbed out of the car and headed for the gym.

  * * *

  The class was busy and Rachael recognised some people from the Thursday class. She looked around for Kyle. As she raised her arms to remove her sweatshirt, Marnie dug her in the ribs. Rachael jumped.

  “For god’s sake, Marnie, don’t do that,” snapped Rachael. With so much on her mind and hot flushes, she was feeling tetchy this morning. “Bloody hell, you look awful,” she continued as Marnie took a swig of her water.

  “Thanks,” said Marnie, “I feel awful. I’m definitely still pissed.”

  “God, I can smell you from here,” said Rachael, grimacing, “I hope you didn’t drive. What time did you get to bed last night?”

  “I haven’t been yet, we ended up at some friend of Shazzer’s. You know Shazzer, she works in the beauty department; funny eyebrows. We crashed a friend of her daughter’s party. Her daughter’s a model and what a laugh we had. We had to bribe Jackie’s son to get up and drive us this morning, and I’ve got Jackie’s stuff on. These trainers are a size too small, I can hardly bloody walk. God, I think I might throw up.”

  “Well this is really going to help,” sighed Rachael. “And please don’t throw up. Why don’t you just go home? This isn’t going to wipe out ten vodkas and a kebab, is it?”

  “I wish it was only ten,” muttered Marnie as Thor began. He took a quick head count. His classes were getting busier; he must be doing something right. He’d been right to resist the wine and he’d learnt his lesson last night. There was absolutely no point in trying to pretend that his relationship with Jess could ever work. It was definitely over this time.

  “Right, anyone here for the first time, please raise your hand,” he said, putting Jess and his wasted Friday night to the back of his mind.

  As four newbies raised their hands, Kyle was taken by surprise as one of them waved at him. It took a few seconds to register, but as she smiled and waved again, he realised that it was Gemma, the girl on the till from the supermarket. Embarrassed, he smiled back. Then, as Thor had a brief chat with Gemma and the other newcomers, Kyle awkwardly shuffled towards the other end of the studio and stood beside Rachael.

  “Hi,” said Rachael, smiling encouragingly. “Here we are again, pet. Good luck.”

  “Thanks,” replied Kyle, “I went to the gym last night too; my legs are killing me. Do you think we’ll get to a point where we don’t hurt anymore?”

  “Probably not. I’m still aching from Thursday, but I’m an old bird.”

  “Rubbish,” interrupted Maggie, listening in, “don’t start that nonsense. In a few months’ time you’ll be feeling ten years younger.”

  “Or dead,” muttered Rachael. Kyle smiled to himself. He wondered what his mum would be like if she was still alive. He hoped that she would be like these two, not giving up on life and giving it a go with a sense of humour. Sadly, she hadn’t had much of a life. He couldn’t really remember her doing anything. Cancer had taken her early and savagely quickly. He didn’t want to go the same way. Placing himself safely between Maggie and Rachael, Kyle mentally noted the location of Gemma before they began the warm-up. A week ago, he might have been interested; he’d been desperate for a date. But, sadly for Gemma, she wasn’t Kelsey. Kelsey, he’d decided, was the Holy Grail and the reason he was here; while there were even the tiniest flashes of hope, Gemma wouldn’t stand a chance.

  “Right, are we ready?” said Maggie resolutely, looking down the line at Kyle and Rachael. “We can do this.”

  Rachael wasn’t so sure. As far as she was concerned, it looked just as bad as last time. Still, she consoled herself with the thought that as she never noticed whatever anyone else was doing, no one probably noticed her either. She also wasn’t the oldest or the largest. “I’m becoming a better me,” she whispered to herself as she picked up the skipping rope.

  “Keep your eyes on the prize,” muttered Kyle to himself, visualising Kelsey as he took a deep breath and gripped the rope tightly. Thor turned up the tunes and, as the beat reverberated around the hall, Rachael turned the rope and began to count her way to a new body.

  CHAPTER 23

  Monday

  It felt chilly as Rachael got out of her car on Monday morning; autumn was definitely just around the corner, and she shivered at the thought of leaving the warm sanctuary of the gym and training outside. She wondered what Thor had in mind; she hoped he wouldn’t go too mad as she was feeling quite fragile, having spent the last few hours tossing and turning, worrying about what lay in store and the possibility of wetting herself again. Training at 6.30am had some advantages though, it was still pretty dark; hopefully she would blend into the shadows and no one would notice her. Locking the car door, she walked towards the entrance, taking a sip of icy water from the fancy new, environmentally friendly water bottle that Amy had bought her. It had been refreshing having her around. They’d spent a lovely afternoon shopping and had even managed to watch a video together as Rex had spent Saturday night over at Davie’s. Davie’s new woman had obviously been away for the weekend. Sadly it wasn’t a permanent arrangement but it had been a welcome relief having him out of her hair for a while.
/>   As she got to the door, she wondered whether she had actually managed to lose any weight over the last week. She’d certainly made a huge effort and Amy’s vegan offerings over the weekend had definitely helped and been surprisingly edible. Sweet potato and chick pea Curry had certainly been tasty and she’d even produced linguine with avocado, tomato and lime which had been delicious. She would need to practice as she had every intention of trying to keep going when Amy left. Rachael sighed. Maggie would no doubt have lost loads. Sometimes it wasn’t easy keeping up with her.

  “Morning,” said Thor, smiling. “I obviously haven’t scared you off then.”

  “Yet,” replied Rachael, grinning at him. “I can hardly move and I’m dying of starvation but, yes, I’m still here.”

  Rachael took off her jacket in anticipation of the weigh-in and sat down. Thor smelt very fragrant this morning but she tried not to think about it. The last thing she needed was to get a crush on her personal trainer, especially as she knew it was absolutely pointless. Not meaning to, she let out a heavy sigh and waited for her weigh-in.

  “That was a big sigh,” said Thor, taking out his iPad and looking at her. She didn’t seem quite so perky as last week. “Are you OK?” Rachael returned his gaze; he had lovely brown eyes and, surprisingly, he appeared to be genuinely concerned.

  “Oh, I’m fine,” she replied, trying not to look at his thighs again. “I’m just tired. I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment but I won’t bore you with it.”

  “I won’t be bored,” replied Thor, “getting yourself back on track isn’t just about diet and exercise, you need to get your head in a good place too. Come on, let’s do the weigh-in and then we can get outside and you can tell me what’s going on. We won’t go mad today, you’ve made a great effort this week, we’ll take it a little easy.”

  “Thanks,” said Rachael, stepping on the scales and looking at the screen hopefully. “I hope I’ve lost something; my daughter Amy has had me eating vegan stuff all weekend. If I haven’t lost anything, I’ll be well pissed off. I never knew what a chick pea was till this weekend and I’ve eaten so much bloody fibre, I can’t tell you what’s been going on in my bowels.”

  Holding her breath in the hope that it would make a difference, Rachael looked down.

  “Look straight ahead,” said Thor.

  “Well?” said Rachael eagerly.

  “Well, what?” replied Thor, inputting the figures.

  “Oh please don’t do this to me. If I haven’t lost any weight you had better have some good positive chat up your sleeve because I might actually cry. I’ve had a shit week. I’ve eaten chickpeas and bloody bone-dry falafels, or whatever they’re called, while my prat of a husband has been stuffing himself with Rogan Josh, beer and pepperoni pizza and I haven’t been anywhere near a glass of wine. Please stop winding me up and put me out of my misery.”

  “Two kilograms,” replied Thor, keeping a straight face.

  “Two kilograms,” whispered Rachael. “Is that up or down? Why aren’t you smiling? Please don’t tell me I’ve put on weight.”

  “Down,” replied Thor, winking at her, “Two down. Well done, Rachael, that’s a great result for your first week. I’m proud of you.”

  Rachael breathed a sigh of relief and stepped off the scales.

  “Thank god for that. If I’d put on weight, I would have told you to go stuff it.”

  “Would you?” replied Thor, taking out the body fat monitor. “Has it really been that bad this week?”

  “Of course it has,” said Rachael, taking the monitor and holding it out in front. “Christ, I’ve had to drink peppermint tea and eat bloody grapes and carrot sticks at break time while Marnie, the kebab queen, sits there with her double choc muffin and cappuccino. And then, when I get home, I’ve had salad and boiled eggs when all I really want is scampi and chips. And I’ve even resisted the wine, which was the only bloody thing that was making living with my husband bearable.”

  Thor went to speak, but Rachael was on a roll.

  “I’ve been dragged to your bloody classes by Maggie, where I’ve had to finally admit that I’m no spring chicken, which is a terrifying thought when you’re about to divorce your husband and put yourself back on the market. And, to top it all, I’ve started to get hot flushes. To be honest, Thor, sometimes it’s shit being a woman.”

  Rachael looked at the monitor. She was trying not to cry. As the monitor beeped, she handed back to Thor “Is that any better?”

  “Yep,” replied Thor, writing it down and closing his notebook. “A slight improvement, which means we’re moving in the right direction. Right, get your jacket on and grab some water.”

  Rachael suddenly felt a little more upbeat. Thor hadn’t dismissed her rant, he’d actually listened. She wasn’t used to a man that listened. Rex pretended to listen but then childishly dismissed and ignored everything she said. Washing her hands as she looked at herself in the mirror, she realised that the three sessions she’d booked were not going to be enough. She’d book more sessions before she left today. If she was going to change her life, she needed help. She couldn’t do it on her own.

  * * *

  Having intermittently run and walked to the park, Rachael was already beetroot as Thor offered her water. A warm-up was a ridiculous thing to call it, she was absolutely roasting. As she tried to get her breath back, she looked around. It was getting lighter and she was surprised to see that the park was quite busy for this time of the morning with head-phoned joggers and sleepy dog walkers. She’d never given a second thought before to getting any fresh air before work. This was a whole new world.

  “OK, let’s do some stretching,” said Thor. “Then we’ll get you moving again.”

  As Rachael desperately tried to touch her toes, the thought of moving again was decidedly unappealing, especially as she knew that she still had to get back to the gym.

  “So, what’s going on then?” asked Thor as Rachael remained silent.

  Rachael smiled. She liked a bit of banter. He was very appealing when he teased her.

  “Oh I don’t know,” she replied. “My husband’s doing my head in. I want a divorce but it’s like talking to a kid in primary one. Whatever I say, he’s not listening, he’s never been able to take anything seriously. He just gets pissed so he doesn’t have to face the fact that I want him to fuck off.”

  “Right,” said Thor. He wasn’t sure what else to say.

  “But underneath, although I hate him, I’m also worried about him because he is so bloody useless and I’m scared he might just drink himself to death. Maggie says I need to leave him, and she’s right, but I’m also worried that I might not find anyone else because I’m not getting any younger. It’s alright for her, she’s already found someone. He’s very handsome and bloody minted.”

  Thor let her offload her insecurities and the numerous frustrations of an unhappy marriage. He was getting used to it; it seemed to be part of the job.

  “So, what are you going to do about it?” he asked, handing her the water bottle. “If you don’t like it, change it.”

  “Oh come on, you make it sound so easy,” sighed Rachael. “You’ve no idea what Rex is like, he’s a fucking idiot most of the time. He’s like a boomerang, I throw him out and he keeps coming back.”

  “Trust me, I know it’s not easy,” replied Thor, opening his rucksack and taking out some boxing gloves and pads. “But the fact is, you’ve already lost weight and you’ve turned up to classes and you’re here again this morning, despite every muscle in your body aching. That’s a huge achievement, Rachael, you just have to keep going, get a positive attitude and change will come.” Thor handed her the boxing gloves. Rachael looked bemused.

  “Put them on then, I’m not your bloody mother,” he teased.

  Cautiously, Rachael put them on as Thor placed the pads on his hands and raised them in front of her.

  “See these pads,” he continued, as Rachael nodded. “Imagine they’re Rex and just give it
all you’ve got.” For a moment she looked at him; she’d never punched anything in her life.

  “Come on, punch me.”

  Slowly, she began to punch. “I don’t want to hurt you,” she replied.

  “You won’t hurt me, come on, punch, and again, come on, harder.”

  “I’m trying.”

  “No you’re not.”

  “I fucking am,” said Rachael, already breathing hard.

  “Come on, Rachael, is that it? Is that all you’ve got?”

  “I can’t,” gasped Rachael.

  “Come on, girl, get it off your chest. Punch like you mean it, punch it out!”

  And as Rachael unleashed the fury of nineteen wasted years upon her substitute husband, Thor hoped that she would stick it out. He liked her and she deserved more. Hopefully he could keep her going and she’d trust him to help her turn things around.

  CHAPTER 24

  Jess looked at her phone. No messages. She hadn’t heard from Thor since Friday night. He obviously meant it this time. Missing him, she’d typed several messages, then deleted them. She finally sent one which simply said: “Hi”. She wasn’t prepared to say sorry, she didn’t think she was to blame. She knew he’d read it but he hadn’t replied. She had to accept that it was over. Sighing, she switched on the kettle. She’d arrived at work early this morning; she hadn’t slept well and the lure of a chocolate croissant from the bakery next door to cheer herself up was very appealing. Thor wouldn’t approve; comfort eating was a slippery slope as far as he was concerned. He was so bloody sanctimonious. As the kettle switched itself off, Jess checked her phone one more time and then, sighing, added a spoonful of instant coffee to the Hamish the Highland Cow mug that Thor had bought her on her birthday weekend trip to the Highlands. They’d argued on that trip too.