Susan

by Patricia Pacjac Carroll

  John laughed. “You’re right there.” John chuckled and then felt guilty for making light of Ed.

  Susan folded his hand over the pencils. “Do what you can with them. A gift from Dan and me.”

  John wanted to grab her and kiss her lips, but he didn’t. Wouldn’t. She was Dan’s queen. The woman he loved and wanted to take care of. For Dan, John would watch out for her. Keep her safe. Make her smile.

  Susan looked in the back of the wagon. “I see what you did. It’s great. Thank you, John.” She came back around and took his hand. “You’ve been so kind to me.” She was nervous around him.

  Looking up, she pointed. “We’re almost to the bluffs. Ed said we’d stop there for the night. He said after we go through the pass, we can see the Rocky Mountains in the distance. I can’t wait.”

  John put a hand to her cheek. “I’m sure it will be beautiful.” But he wasn’t talking about the mountains. He was talking about her. What was he going to do?

  Chapter 11

  Susan had to admit that John’s hand on her cheek had sent waves through her. Waves of what, she wasn’t quite sure. Excitement, delight, and a dose of fear. She wasn’t used to being around men. None had approached her back home.

  She’d waited. Wondered how one went about getting a man to notice her, but for whatever reason, it never happened. Perhaps because things had gone so wrong with the wicked fever that had taken so many people from the area.

  Susan herself had had her share of loss, and if not having anyone else to love meant she couldn’t lose another person, then that was safe to her. But after a time, she was so alone. With no prospects of marriage and no place to live once the bank took her farm, she’d had little options.

  Dan’s ad in the newspaper had caught her attention. She’d answered, and soon she was on her way. Susan sighed at the memory. At first, she’d been excited. Delighted with a dose of fear. The same feelings she had with John’s touch.

  She backed away from him and brought out the bedrolls. There was a chill in the air. “I think I’ll sleep in the wagon. Thank you, John.”

  He smiled and nodded. Then he looked around as if looking to see where Ed might be.

  Susan took down the tailgate and stepped into the wagon. It would feel good to be walled off from the men. Ed and Laine on one side and John on the other. Usually, she slept underneath the wagon.

  Tonight, she relished the idea of being able to sleep unhindered by snoring on either side. Not to mention, feeling so vulnerable amidst the men. Though neither one had even attempted to court her, the intention was there.

  She saw it in their eyes. Especially John’s. But he kept back as if he were afraid. Of the two men, she did like John the most. Because he was the most likable. He laughed. Told jokes and stories.

  Ed, he kept to himself. Although, he had opened up a bit since Laine had come into his life. She chuckled to herself. They could be related, those two. The same angry scowls if things didn’t go their way. Quick-tempered and ready to fight.

  Yet, when they were together, Susan saw a kinder side of Ed. He cared about the boy, and it was clear to see that he was trying to keep Laine from going down the hard life he had lived. For some time now, Ed had taken him to the teacher.

  And Laine seemed to come alive. It was as if he had something to live for. He even talked to her and told her about things he’d learned. Places and history. The teacher was opening the world to him.

  For that, Susan was grateful. That’s what she found intriguing was God’s gentle hand on each of them. Even her. All her life, she’d worked to live. Never really thinking about what she wanted out of life.

  Survival had been her key to living. Now, because of Dan and Ed’s gracious offer, she was on a wagon train to Oregon. Free land. Two men that she would choose from to marry. And lately, she’d considered that she didn’t have to choose either one of them.

  Sam might be angry. Ed would surely be mad. John, she wasn’t sure if he cared if she married him or not. But for the first time in her life, she felt as if she had choices.

  She’d begun praying more. A lot of that was because of Anna’s influence. Her friend had told her countless stories of how God had reached out to her in various ways. In fact, Susan had begun to look for the goodness of God along the trail.

  It might be a flower one day. Seeing antelope and knowing that Ed and Laine would be bringing back meat for them and the wagon behind them as well as sharing it with others. Game seemed to be plentiful.

  The scouts had warned it might get scarce as they went along, but for now, there had been plenty of antelope, prairie chickens, even some turkeys along the way. Water was the scarcest commodity.

  Good water anyway. Soon, Ed said they’d reach the Sweetwater and to make sure to fill up their barrels. Some of the water she’d tasted made her wonder how they didn’t all get sick. But she followed Anna’s way and prayed over the water before filling the cups.

  Today had been a harder day of walking. She could feel the ground level increasing. The faint purple mountains to the west a testimony that they were making progress. Time and miles were ticking by.

  Which brought her back to her dilemma. Ed, John, or neither? It gave her a feeling of power to throw in the last option. So far, neither of the men who laid claim to her had impressed her.

  She glanced at John. He was rubbing Big Red’s ear. He seemed to like the big ox, and they got along well. Still, she didn’t know much about John. He kept his private feelings to himself and instead would tell her a story.

  Half the time, she wondered if they were of his life or something he’d made up. But John never let on which it was. He kept as guarded with his feelings as Ed did.

  Yet, in John, she saw a gentleness. The easy way he had to talk to anyone and make them feel as if they were a friend. Except, of course, with Ed. The two of them remained apart. As if they didn’t trust each other.

  But John wasn’t one to push a fight. He backed down just about any time someone pushed him. At the water hole, he waited while everyone else finished their chores. Taking the oxen out, he was always last.

  Mr. Stanby once pushed John away from the morning meeting. She saw it and wondered why John didn’t fight back. Yet, the man didn’t even try to get into the center to see what was going on.

  Chickens, she thought to herself. They all had their pecking order. She remembered back home how Royal Red was the queen of the flock. Not a hen bothered her. And all the hens set up their place in the flock.

  Poor Sally had been the last. She waited until all were fed before she would peck out the leftovers. Never complained. Never challenged the others. Yet, all the hens knew she was last. Sally knew it the most.

  That’s what John reminded her of. As if he felt he had no right to challenge anyone. Perhaps because he’d been abandoned and left on his own with no one to look out for him. She wondered if the love of a good woman could coax John into standing up for himself.

  Then there was Ed. The scrapper. No one was going to tell him what to do or get in his way. And the men knew it. He walked to the meeting, and men parted ways to let him pass. He was a natural leader.

  Perhaps he’d been meant to lead others into greatness, yet he’d chosen the crooked way. Fighting, shooting his way through the land, he’d garnered a reputation, but not one others looked up to. No, the men respected his fist and gun, but not his character.

  Could she live with such a man? Would love change him into becoming a leader for good? What’s more, did she want the responsibility?

  It wasn’t as if she’d led a life where she challenged others or even herself to be better. To make a new land something to be proud of. Would she just settle to survive another day until she drew her last breath?

  And what of the children she would bear? If she chose John, would they be lazy and fun-loving like their father? Wander aimlessly around and not take the world by the horns and make good their opportunity?

  And if she chose Ed, would her sons be
in constant trouble? Fighting, learning to shoot like their father. Angry and wild, would she even see them as they grew up and left to wander the land in search of something they didn’t even know?

  Susan sighed. The questions were too much for her. The responsibility too weighty and bowing her shoulders. It had been so much easier to come west to marry Dan thinking it was her only chance at a new life, and that was all she had to do.

  Now, she had a choice. Her choice. She could no longer be content to let circumstances force her into situations. This was her chance. But she had no idea which one was the right and best choice.

  She stared at John’s back. He was strong. Broad shoulders. He could be someone if he wanted.

  Then she saw Ed riding toward the wagon. Proud and fierce, he came toward her. But could he ever be the kind of man she could love and be loved by?

  Her knees felt weak. She said a silent prayer and asked God to help her decide.

  Chapter 12

  Ed had a hard time sleeping the night before. Old dreams, nightmares really, plagued him. Gunfights that he’d been pushed into. The dead men’s faces haunting him. He never wanted to kill anyone.

  But signing on as a Texas Ranger, he’d learned to shoot fast. Not to take anything off anyone. And soon, his quick draw shoved him to a place he hadn’t wanted to go. After a couple years of riding hard, fighting harder, and living wild, he’d stopped in a small Texas town and quit the rangers.

  The town’s deputy had just been killed in a gunfight in the saloon. Ed had ridden in and seen it all. He’d stopped the killer and taken the man to jail. The sheriff threw a badge at Ed and signed him on.

  There was a woman he met. He’d become interested in her. She liked him. For a moment, he thought his life might turn normal. He might be able to settle down. Yet, he still felt the wildness in his heart.

  He stayed a year in the little town. Met out justice where it was needed. Fought off gunslingers who’d heard of his name. And the girl, she loved him. But she wanted him to change. Give up his gun and badge and work on her father’s ranch.

  Ed tried. For a month, he rounded up cattle. Tried to find peace, but it had escaped him. He felt as tied down as the pet goat they used to eat the grass around the house. Each day, they’d stake him out to a different area.

  Kept. It was how Ed felt. Soon, Saturday nights, he’d ride in with the hired hands. He suddenly craved the wild life that he’d never really liked before. Maybe he was just letting her know that he wasn’t a goat to be kept to eat grass.

  Maybe, he’d been telling himself that.

  Regardless, it was inevitable that his reputation would catch up to him. They came in the likeness of Bill Bardy. A gunfighter he’d faced in San Antonio years ago. Ed had shot the man in the shoulder and ended his gunfighting career.

  At least, Ed had thought, he hadn’t killed the man. But he cursed Ed and said he’d be back to finish him off. It was one dark night. He’d had a fight with his girl. Her father had threatened to fire him.

  And he’d ridden into town with the hired hands. The wind had kicked up, thunder rumbled, and lightning split the sky, letting them know things were going to change. Ed had walked into the saloon, and the first thing he saw was Bill.

  The man’s left arm hung loose as if it were a dead limb but refused to fall away. The fire in his eyes was hate-filled. And Ed knew this was a night of reckoning.

  Just as he reached for his gun, fiery pain slammed into his back, cracking a rib. Warm blood wet his shirt front and back before he fell at Bill’s feet.

  Ed never knew what happened to Bill and his brother. It took Ed a month to recover. The boys had hauled him up the stairs to a room where the doc had saved his life. He never saw his girl again. He received word to stay away from her and the ranch.

  The hired hands told him he was fired and gave him the pay he was owed. And that was the end of his days as a deputy in the small town.

  Angry at the girl who wouldn’t even consent to see him, he rode off. And kept riding. Dan had sent him a letter, and it had found him in the small town. After reading it, he didn’t answer but rode to meet Dan in Missouri and see if he could go west with his brother.

  Now, Dan was dead. Sometimes, Ed wondered if the bullet had been meant for him, and the killer had mistaken Dan for him. Whatever the cruel reason, Dan was killed the day before Ed reached the town.

  He stared back at the wagon. John kept the oxen going. He was a good man and didn’t complain about always being left to guide the oxen. Today, they’d reach Fort Laramie. Everyone on the wagon was excited.

  Everyone but him. Towns meant the chance someone would recognize him and try to gun him down. Just thinking of it caused the scar in his back and chest to ache. He wanted no part of shooting or being shot.

  But he’d go into town just to make sure Susan was safe. It wasn’t a place for a woman alone. He knew that much. Men in the west got wicked hungry for a woman. Ed wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

  As for Laine, he worried the boy would get into trouble. The only way Ed could see to keep him out of trouble was to make him stay with Susan. Ed would stay his distance just in case someone wanted to challenge him.

  It was bad enough that Dan was dead, he’d not take a risk that Susan or Laine would catch a bullet meant for him. He thought about asking Sam to watch out for them, but the wagon master had too much to do.

  There was John, but Ed had seen him in action. The man would run. He had no backbone in him at all. Affable and friendly, John wasn’t about to fight. For anything.

  Ed looked ahead and saw the fort. Indian Teepees lined the area in front of it. Most of the Indians were inclined to trade. The ones still fighting stayed away from the fort. Ed felt sorry for them and admired them at the same time. But their way of life was ending. He knew it. The army knew it, most of the Indians knew it.

  But those still in the hills raided the white settlers and wagon trains. They were hanging onto a way of life that had passed them by. Ed felt it too. All his years of riding wild were coming to an end.

  Could he settle down? It seemed it was the choice he had in front of him. That or go the way of the other gunfighters and be buried in Boot Hill. Ed had to choose. He was a man who struck out and took life the way he wanted it.

  Could he change? Take a wife. Susan. Work a ranch. Stay tied down to one place. One woman?

  Maybe.

  ***

  Susan looked at the fort with excitement. Although, it wasn’t much to look at but the promise of stores and being able to buy something new was enough to give her hope. She and Anna were going to go into the fort together.

  They’d already figured in the woman-starved west, they needed to show a fortified front to the men who lingered around the fort. She could see them now.

  They reminded her of the men she’d seen in the town where she’d gone to meet Dan.

  A shiver ran down her spine. Then she put her head high and told herself she only needed one good man. John fit that, but she wasn’t sure if he’d work or not. Ed, well, he was still the mystery. Oregon was an unknown yet, she knew the west was man rich and woman poor. She could have her pick, she supposed.

  However, a niggling warning in the back of her mind told her she needed to choose between John and Ed and not run from the choice. She needed to make a stand. Something she’d never done before.

  Anna came from behind her wagon. “Are you ready to go? Nick said he’d be in later after he takes care of the animals. He thought we’d be safe with all the other people going into town.”

  “I’m ready.” Susan grabbed her shawl, and the two of them walked the trail to Fort Laramie.

  As they neared the town, Susan noticed Anna was closer to her as they went between the Teepees. Most of the Indians looked sad, and she felt for them that their proud ways had turned to a life of begging.

  Susan tugged Anna’s arm. “Maybe I’ll buy a blanket from them on the way back.”

  Anna nodded. “They are c
olorful. Not that I need a blanket. It’s been hot enough to cook dinner without a fire.”

  Susan laughed. Soon they walked through the gate and headed toward the store. She didn’t have to remind herself that she didn’t have much money to spend. She’d grown up that way. Still, it would be fun to look.

  They were picking through the material when she heard a commotion outside. Susan looked out and saw Laine shoving his half-brother.

  Anna had turned and motioned for her to go outside. “We better keep Laine from trouble. I wonder where Ed is. Those two are rarely apart.”

  Susan was wondering the same thing. She went outside and saw Laine about to punch his brother. “Laine! Stop it.”

  Laine heard her and dropped his fist. “Miss Susan.”

  “Where’s Ed?” Just as she said the word, Laine’s brother hit him square in the nose.

  Laine went down, holding his bleeding nose.

  Susan ran to him and pulled out her handkerchief. She glared at Cal. “Why did you hit him?”

  “He was going to hit me.” The kid looked up, his eyes grew wide, and he ran off.

  Coming from nowhere, Ed galloped to them and stepped down from his horse and held out his hand. “Looks like you took your eyes off your man.”

  Laine nodded. “Susan called out to me.”

  Ed darted a gaze to her. “Well, you did right to stop. A little bloody nose never hurt anyone for along.”

  “Hope not.” Laine looked at him. “But it’s hurting now.”

  Susan put an arm around him. “Oh, come and let me take care of it.”

  Laine looked at Ed as if for permission.

  Ed nodded and left them.

  Susan took Laine to the water and dipped the handkerchief. “Hold that against your nose, and we’ll just sit here until it stops bleeding.”

  “Can’t believe he smacked me.”

  “From what I saw, you were ready to hit him.”

  “True. But still. He’s never fought back before.”

  “Well, good for him. There are times when people need to learn when to hit back.”