Why We Fight (At First Sight Book 4)

by TJ Klune

  “Yes. And the fact that you even suggested I go running with you is probably considered a crime, so you should apologize immediately.”

  “Never,” he said. “Maybe we could make it a thing. One day a week, we jog to work.”

  I sniffed haughtily. “Have fun with that. At least it would save me a good forty minutes each day from having to listen to what you consider music.”

  “Hey! I told you that you could bring your own CDs if you wanted to listen to something different—”

  “Who the hell still buys CDs?” I demanded. “Do you realize what year it is? You have music on your phone! It can connect to your slut machine!”

  “His what now?” Robert asked, looking confused.

  Jeremy scowled. “That’s what Corey calls the Jeep. Says it’s what a promiscuous sorority girl would drive.”

  I patted his hand. “Not that there’s anything wrong with promiscuity. I’m sure your sisters at Alpha Chi Omega love it just as much as you do, Kristy.”

  “Ooh,” Robert said. “I like you.”

  Jeremy scoffed. “You can keep him. Nothing but trouble.”

  It wasn’t until later that I realized Jeremy had put his arm behind me across the back of the booth, and that it stayed there for the rest of the meal.

  WE LEFT the restaurant and stood out front on the sidewalk. Jeremy had his keys out and was twirling them on one finger. Robert and Charlie stood side by side, Robert with his cane and Charlie holding on to him gently at the elbow.

  “What a lovely day,” Robert said, turning his face toward the sun. “Charles, would you care to accompany an old man to the park? I think I’d like to sit out next to the small lake that’s there.”

  Aha. So they did go to the park! I bet they strolled so hard.

  Charlie nodded. “Sure. That sounds—oh. Shit. Wait. I need to give Corey a ride home. I picked him up today.”

  “I can do it,” Jeremy said. “I’m headed home anyway. I’ve got the produce from the market in a cooler I need to get in the fridge.”

  I was uncomfortable. “It’s no big deal. I can just take the bus—”

  “Of course not,” Robert said. “You live right near us. It wouldn’t be a problem.” He looked concerned. “Unless I’m taking time away from you and Charles. Forgive me, Corey. I never intended to do that.”

  “No,” I said quickly. “It’s fine. You guys go to the park. I know Charlie would love nothing more.”

  “Thank you,” Robert said. “Today has been such a good day, and I’d like to continue it as long as possible. When you get to be my age, you start to see all the things you’ve taken for granted. I would love nothing more than to spend time with—how did you refer to it, Charles? Ah, yes. With my gentleman.”

  Yeah. I was so going to tell Sandy and Paul all about this.

  “That’s fine,” Charlie muttered.

  “You should get your hat out of the car,” Jeremy said. “Keep some of the sun off you.”

  Robert sighed. “Always the worrywart. But you’re right. I’ll go with you to get it. Give Corey and Charlie a moment to say goodbye.” He smiled at both of us before following his son toward the parking lot.

  “You okay with this?” Charlie asked me.

  I nodded. “It’s fine. It’s not like Jeremy hasn’t ever driven me home before.”

  “I know that. But it’s… you know. Different. A little.”

  I squinted at him. “What do you mean?”

  Charlie looked confused. “That was always a work thing. This is outside of work. And I know how you feel about him.”

  I gaped. “Excuse me?”

  Charlie frowned. “Sandy said that you… you know.”

  Oh, how quickly I could feel murderous. “Sandy said what, Charlie?”

  Charlie started to backpedal. His eyes were wide, and he glanced from side to side as if looking for someone to save him from the grave he was digging for himself. There was no one. He was trapped. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don’t know what I’m talking about. Must be all the heat. Rattles the brain.”

  I narrowed my eyes as I took a step toward him. “There’s nothing to talk about. It’s no different than any other day.”

  “Keep telling yourself that, kiddo. You know what? Before you start getting worked up more than you actually are, you need to remember something: I sat through this bullshit with Paul and Vince, and then again with Sandy and Darren. If you really think I’m going to just ignore it the third time around, you’re sorely mistaken.”

  “There’s nothing to ignore because there’s nothing to talk about!”

  He snorted as he shook his head. “How can you all be so damn dense?”

  I ignored him. “And even if there was something to say, it wouldn’t matter.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he’s thirteen years older than I am!”

  He cocked his head. “Why does that matter?”

  I was panicking. Everything felt flimsy and loose. “And he’s my boss. In a position where we’re both dealing with children. That’s makes anything you’re thinking not only improbable, but also unethical.”

  “And if he wasn’t?” Charlie asked.

  “It doesn’t matter because he is,” I snapped. “And I’m fine with that.”

  “It’s temporary, though, isn’t it?” Charlie asked. “Robert said it’s only for the summer.” He held up a hand as I started to growl at him. “Okay, I get it. Consider the conversation over. I shouldn’t have crossed that line. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, more so than Paul or Vince did when they were your age. And I know your future is important to you, as it should be. I shouldn’t have suggested anything that could put that in jeopardy. I’m sorry.”

  And because I couldn’t not, I reached out and wrapped him in a hug. He made a grunt of surprise before his arms came up and held me tightly. “It’s fine,” I mumbled. And then, only because he made me feel safe, I added, “It sucks. A little. But I’m working through it.”

  I felt him nod against my cheek. “Can I give you a piece of advice?”

  I sighed. “Like I could stop you.”

  I felt the deep laugh as it rolled up through his chest. “Life is short, Corey. Far shorter than you think it is when you’re twenty-three. Don’t let it pass you by. You don’t want to find yourself an old man filled with regrets from all the chances you didn’t take.” I started to protest, but he hushed me. “I’m not saying this is something you’ll regret. And even if it was, take the opportunity to learn from it. But you need to remember that sometimes, everything you’ve ever wanted could be right in front of you. Paul realized that. Sandy did too. You’ll get there, kiddo. And when you find your happiness, you’re going to deserve every single second of it. I can’t wait to see how much you’re going to change the world as much as you’ve already changed mine.”

  I sniffled against him. “You asshole.”

  “Everything all right?”

  I pulled away to see Jeremy and Robert standing near us on the sidewalk with matching expressions of concern. Robert had put on a tan fedora. Jesus Christ, he looked amazing. I wiped my eyes hastily. “It’s nothing. Charlie’s just making me have feelings I never asked for.”

  Robert smiled. “He’s good at that, isn’t he?”

  “The best, really.”

  Charlie glowered at us. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You old fuddy-duddy,” Robert said cheerfully. “I can’t believe you expect us to believe that. Shall we, my gentleman?”

  Charlie nodded. He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “You going to be at the show tonight?”

  I shrugged. “Probably. Sandy added a couple of new songs. He wants us to see them. Also, he said something about a backwards crab walk, and I don’t know if I’m scared or need it more than anything else in my life.”

  Charlie sighed. “That queen is going to be the death of me.”

  I was surprised when Robert hugged me. He was stronger th
an I expected. “It was lovely to see you again,” he whispered in my ear. “Don’t be a stranger, all right? Especially now that I know we live so close together. I wish to keep you, if I might. You keep Jeremy on his toes. He needs someone like that, I think.”

  I was speechless as he pulled away.

  Charlie shook Jeremy’s hand and then held out his elbow for Robert. Robert slid his hand through Charlie’s arm, and off they went down the sidewalk. I stared after them until they disappeared around the corner.

  “Ready?” Jeremy asked.

  I smiled tightly.

  I WAS shocked when Lady Gaga started pouring from the speakers of the slut machine. I turned slowly to stare at him, but he was staring resolutely forward.

  “Do I even want to know?” I asked.

  “I was recently told my musical tastes could use some work. So I asked a couple of the kids at Phoenix House what I should be listening to.”

  “You bought a Lady Gaga CD.”

  He frowned. “You should have seen the look on the girl’s face at Zia’s when I told her no, it wasn’t for my daughter.”

  I gaped at him. “You went to an actual record store to buy a Lady Gaga CD.”

  He frowned harder. “Where else was I going to buy it?”

  “On Amazon like a normal person!”

  “Zia’s is a local business that needs support! Amazon is a conglomerate hell-bent on taking over the world, and I won’t be assisting them in such a pursuit.”

  “Oh my god,” I said faintly. “You went to an actual record store to buy a CD of Lady Gaga after asking teenagers what they liked to listen to. You went from Coldplay to Lady Gaga.” I reached out and squeezed his arm. “Are you okay? Do you feel ill? I know she’s not a white man named Chris, but still. Do you need medical attention?”

  “Trouble,” he muttered. “Always trouble.”

  I hid my smile as I looked out the window.

  I DIDN’T know why I did it. I didn’t know what I was thinking. One moment I was getting out of the Jeep and the next I turned around and blurted, “Do you want to come to the drag show tonight? I can get you into the Queen’s Lair. Like, no one gets up there, but you can. Helena would be okay with it.”

  He was quiet for a moment before shaking his head. “I can’t.”

  Right. Of course not. It was stupid of me to even ask. “Okay,” I said quickly. “That’s fine. Just… the invite is there. You know. If you ever want to. I should—”

  He looked like he was reaching out for me but curled his hand into a fist before dropping his hand back to his lap. “It’s not—” He let out a huff of air. “I have plans tonight already, and for the next couple of Saturdays. It’s this… thing. I’m doing.”

  Probably a date. Of course it would be. He probably had a date with a Super Gay, and they were going to go out to dinner at a restaurant that charged thirteen bucks for a glass of water and then fuck face-to-face on top of six-thousand-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets before smoking cigars under the mounted heads of exotic animals they killed while on a safari. It was about then that I realized I didn’t know what Super Gays were like. I was okay with that.

  “Great!” I said, trying not to show him that killing zebras made him a monster. “Have fun with that. See you—”

  “Maybe when I’m free in a few weeks?” he asked, sounding strangely hopeful. “I’d really like to see Sandy perform. I haven’t been to Jack It in years.”

  I nodded furiously. “Oh yeah, sure. Sounds perfect. Just, ah, let me know. Bye!”

  I slammed the door and did a weird walk-run toward the house. I managed to stay upright as I got inside, slamming the door behind me.

  I was safe. I was home. I was—

  I was watching Sandy make sex face as Darren did a weird twist with his wrist from where they were fucking on the floor in the living room.

  I screamed.

  Sandy screamed.

  Darren… well, he didn’t scream. He just grunted at me and sighed, the sweat on his considerable chest glistening, for fuck’s sake. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that it was all just a bad dream.

  “Did you have a good lunch with Charlie?” Sandy asked, sounding hoarse.

  “Jesus Christ,” Darren muttered.

  Chapter 8: Well, That Certainly Changes Everything (Goddammit)

  IT WASN’T a date that Jeremy had.

  No, it wasn’t a date at all.

  And thanks to Charlie, I found out exactly what it was.

  I DIDN’T ask Jeremy about it the next week. It was none of my business how he spent his Saturday nights. If he wanted to go on dates with Super Gays and fuck them, then he was free to do so. It didn’t bother me in the slightest.

  And so what if I was thinking about it more and more, almost to the point where I was getting obsessive. Jeremy didn’t owe me a single thing aside from the professional relationship that we already had. And if we’d cultivated a kind of friendship on the side, that was nobody’s business but our own. It didn’t affect anything at Phoenix House.

  He’d be there bright and early every weekday morning in his Jeep. (And no, I didn’t continue to watch him as he jogged by our house, no matter what Sandy said; I got up earlier now only because it was better to give myself time to start my day.) He’d grin at me and ask me if I was ready when I came out of the house.

  And we’d go to work, where someone in his position should have spent most of his time in his office. Instead he preferred to take work home with him so he could be out front, greeting whoever came to Phoenix House like they were long-lost friends. Hell, even Kai had warmed up to him. He was one of the few people, aside from Diego, who could get a smile out of them.

  Marina loved him and told me she was going to push for him to stay. “He says he won’t,” she told me over lunch one day. “And I’m actively looking for a replacement, but not too hard.”

  “That’s great,” I said weakly. “But he does love teaching.”

  She sighed. “I know. And I’m probably not going to get anywhere with it, but I have to at least try. Too bad you haven’t graduated yet. I’d be trying to push you just as much if you had. Maybe someday, right?”

  I was absurdly touched. “You think I’d be good at something like that?”

  She nodded. “You would be. I think you’ve got the stamina for it, and the kids respond to you really well.” She frowned. “But we might not even be open that long.”

  That didn’t sound good. “The funding search not going too well?”

  She sighed. “It’s… complicated. You would think a city this size would be all for having a dedicated space for the LGBTQI youth. I thought that I would be able to avoid the same problems the previous center had before they closed, but it’s getting harder. The political climate is… strange right now. I don’t know how to explain it. People are distracted, and money isn’t given out as freely as it could be toward a charitable cause.”

  I knew what she meant. It was toward the end of June, and the conventions for the Republican and Democratic nominees for president were next month. I didn’t know what the fuck people were thinking with that orange choad. Hopefully it would turn out all right in the end. I had more faith in humanity than what was currently on display. “Do we need to start worrying?”

  She shook her head. “Nah. Not yet. I’ve got a few more tricks up my sleeve, some favors I can call in.” She smiled at me. “We’ll be all right. You’ll see.”

  I hoped she was right. Because if I had to follow Sandy’s ridiculous eighties movie plot to life and fight to save the youth center, I was never going to hear the end of it.

  IT WAS a normal Friday afternoon following the weekend in which I ate cheesy tots in front of Jeremy, something I certainly hadn’t planned on doing. I was looking forward to the end of the day. I was going to put on sweats and not move from the couch for the entire weekend. Nothing was going to change that. Absolutely nothing.

  My phone vibrated in my pocket. I looked away from the speaker we’d
brought to talk to the kids. His name was Will, a trans man who worked with the Southern Arizona Gender Alliance. He was winding down on his presentation and was taking questions from people when I pulled out my phone to look at it. It was a text from Charlie.

  We need to talk.

  I frowned. What the hell was going on now? What’s up? Are you okay?

  I gnawed on my lip while waiting for a reply. My mind was racing with a billion different things, running a spectrum from amazing to terrible. Charlie was getting married! He lost his leg in a fight with a pirate! Nana had gotten arrested for drug trafficking!

  I really hated my brain sometimes. I blamed Paul and Sandy. And Ty too.

  My phone buzzed again. Nothing bad. I’ll come by the house tonight. That okay?

  I couldn’t see why not. Paul and Vince were coming over to watch bad horror movies with us and drink fruity cocktails. Darren said he wasn’t coming because he had better things to do, but he was a liar and a fat mouth, and I expected him to be there too. Sandy was very persuasive.

  Sure. All of your kids will be there. That okay?

  Yeah. Makes thing easier. I’ll text when I’m on my way.

  Kk.

  “Everything okay?” I heard Jeremy whisper.

  I looked over. We were standing in the back of the main room while the speaker gave his presentation. “Yeah, sorry,” I whispered back. “Charlie needed to ask me something.”

  Jeremy nodded before looking back toward the group in front of us.

  It was probably nothing. Everything would be fine.

  “WHAT IF he’s dying?” Sandy wailed. He’d been going on for at least ten minutes, his cries of anguish briefly cut off as he sipped a cocktail with a bright umbrella sticking out of it. We were sitting in the living room in our pajamas. Paul and Vince were on one couch, Vince lying back with his legs in Paul’s lap. Wheels was at his feet, gnawing on a bone that was bigger than he was. Sandy and Darren were on the other couch. I’d told Darren when he arrived that I knew he was going to show, that he might as well stop acting like a little bitch who thought he was better than us. The Homo Jock King had given me a look that I was sure had slain many a twink, but since I’d seen him tackle Sandy and profess his love, I was immune to his glares.