Why We Fight (At First Sight Book 4)

by TJ Klune

  Which is totally something a friend could say, because that’s why Jeremy was here. To be friends.

  “This is Jeremy?” Nana asked. She glanced back at me, and I would forever be haunted by the glint in her eyes. “Strange how things make much more sense all of a sudden.” She turned back toward Jeremy. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand and reached out with his other to grasp Nana’s. He brought it to his lips and kissed the back of her hand. “Oh my. Yes. I approve. Of everything that’s happening.”

  “Geraldine,” Jeremy said, smiling warmly. “It’s lovely to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you, I feel like I know you already.”

  “Whatever you were told is most likely true,” Nana said. “Even the bad parts. And I do have to say, had I known we were going to be color-coordinating, I would have tried just a little harder. Unless that’s just a you-and-Kori thing. And you can call me Gigi.”

  “Oh boy,” Charlie said as he looked back between Jeremy and me.

  Embarrassingly, I didn’t get what was happening at first. It wasn’t until Jeremy looked at me and grinned that I understood.

  The blue of his outfit matched the blue of mine almost perfectly.

  God fucking dammit. This was Sandy’s doing. I didn’t know how he’d done it, but it was easier to blame him than think of some kind of cosmic interference. Which was just ridiculous.

  I stood up, brushing the wrinkles from my dress, trying to stop myself from running in the opposite direction. It was a close thing.

  “Would you look at that,” Jeremy said quietly. “Kori, you look wonderful.”

  The bray of laughter that crawled out of my mouth was a sound I’d never made before. I didn’t know where it came from, but it sounded as if I’d been an evil circus clown in a past life. I slapped a hand over my mouth to stop it from shattering the windows.

  “Whoa,” Nana said. “What was that?”

  Thankfully, Robert decided to prove he was my favorite. “Such a lovely home,” he said smoothly. “And I know we were told not to bring anything, but when one receives an invitation, one must simply provide a gift for the hostess.” He took the bottle from Jeremy, who seemed to be distracted by me. “For you, Gigi.”

  “Wow,” Nana said, looking down at the bottle. “That looks expensive. I hope you don’t think we’re fancy. We drink wine from a box most days. Did you know it even comes in little cans? What will they think of next?”

  “Perhaps you could show me,” Robert said. “Charlie, be a dear and lead the way.”

  And just like that, Jeremy and I were left alone.

  I needed a new family.

  Jeremy took a step into the living room, never taking his eyes from me. “You look nice,” he said quietly. “The dress. Is it new?”

  I nodded, averting my gaze. “Sandy got it for me.”

  “He has excellent taste.”

  I felt my skin warm. “It’s not much. Nana wasn’t kidding when she said we’re not fancy.”

  Jeremy took another step toward me. “I don’t think you need to be.”

  I looked back at him. “Really?”

  He shook his head. “It’s better than that, I think. You are.”

  What the fuck was happening? “Thank you.”

  He took a deep breath. “I think we should—”

  “Intruder!” Johnny Depp screamed. “There’s an intruder in the house! Kill Paul first!”

  Jeremy’s eyes bulged as he stumbled back. “What in the fuck is that?”

  “I hate you so much,” I growled at Johnny Depp.

  He shuffled on his perch. “Save me! Save the children! Sacrifice Paul!”

  Which, of course, brought Wheels barreling into the living room, barking his fool head off, cart squeaking behind him. He immediately went to Jeremy, running in circles around him.

  “What the hell is going on?” Jeremy asked, staring down at Wheels.

  “The reason we’re not fancy,” I told him, feeling strangely hollowed out. “Aside from all the other reasons. Welcome to the Auster house. If you leave now, you might still escape with your life.”

  MEN, AS it should be known, are comfortingly predictable. Oh, they come in all shapes and sizes and socioeconomic backgrounds. They can be gay or straight or somewhere in between.

  But the chances are, if there is a grill with meat on it, men will congregate around it with beers in hand and talk about technique.

  Which is why we were sitting on the patio chairs and staring as Larry, Vince, Darren, Jeremy, and Charlie stood around the grill in the Austers’ backyard doing exactly that.

  “It’s like testosterone-filled moths to a coal flame,” Sandy muttered as Darren told Larry that woodchips made meat taste better. “It would be embarrassing if it weren’t so erotic.”

  “I feel weirdly emasculated,” Paul said. “Should I be up there offering tips? I don’t know the first thing about grilling. And beer is disgusting.”

  “You make a terrible man,” Sandy said. “You need to hand in your man card.”

  Paul frowned at him. “What’s your excuse?”

  Sandy shrugged. “I’m a drag queen.”

  “You can’t just say that and have it mean something. It has nothing to do with anything!”

  “And yet I do,” Sandy said. “Because it’s true.”

  “I like the way Larry handles his tongs,” Matty said rather aggressively.

  “Mom,” Paul groaned. “We have guests. You can’t act like that. You’re going to scare Robert away.”

  “Nonsense,” Robert said as he sipped his glass of wine. “I also like the way Larry handles his tongs.”

  “See?” Matty told her son.

  Paul looked at Robert like he’d been betrayed. “That’s my dad.”

  “I can see where you got your good looks from,” Robert told him.

  Paul opened and closed his mouth soundlessly.

  “I’m going to keep you,” Nana decided. “Before you leave, I am going to get your phone number. Be prepared for calls in the middle of the night when I need a ride.” She narrowed her eyes. “And you can’t ask questions.”

  Robert smiled at her. “I look forward to it.”

  “We’re so happy you and Jeremy could be here,” Matty said. “It’s nice to finally have us all together.”

  “We appreciated the invitation,” Robert said. “I’ve been on Charlie to do something like this for a time. And when Kori told Jeremy you were already having the get-together, I thought it would be a perfect time.”

  “Right,” Matty said slowly. “Because that’s exactly what happened.” She glanced at me and winked. “This was already planned and wasn’t a last-minute thing at all.”

  I coughed roughly.

  Robert looked amused. “Is that so? I, for one, couldn’t tell either way. You’ve put on a wonderful spread, Matty.”

  “This was planned?” Paul asked, sounding confused. “Then why did Kori sound panicked when she texted—ow. Mom! Why the fuck did you kick me?”

  “Language!” Larry called over.

  “Sorry,” Matty said. “My foot slipped. I had a spasm. You know how it is.”

  “No, I don’t,” Paul muttered, reaching under the table to rub his leg.

  Matty rolled her eyes. “I’m sure you’ll survive. And Robert, know that the invitation is open. You and Jeremy are always welcome here.”

  Robert nodded. “Thank you. I haven’t socialized as much as I used to. I fear I may have started to become a bit of a shut-in. Thankfully, Charlie came along.”

  “It seems to be going well,” Sandy said, a question without actually asking a question. “You and Charlie.”

  Robert seemed game for it. “It is. He’s a good man. And while I believe that it comes from within, I can’t help but think it also stems from the people he surrounds himself with.”

  “Flatterer,” Nana muttered. “Good. You know what’s up. They eat that up here. Keep going.”

  “It keeps you young,” Robert continue
d. “And while I’ve made my peace with aging, the fact that someone like Charlie can make me as happy as I am is no small feat.”

  “Oh my god,” Paul said. “You are delightful.”

  Robert chuckled. “You’ll learn what I mean in time. As long as you and Vince are kind and honest with one another, you’ll find yourselves looking back at a long and happy life. It’s not as common as you might think either. Sometimes the happiness you find is there when you least expect it, and much later than you ever thought possible. I wasn’t looking for it, but it was there all the same.” He glanced at me. “Funny how that works, isn’t it?”

  “Happiness doesn’t need to be that kind of love,” Nana said. “Look at me. I’m single and ready to mingle, and yet I still have what I do.”

  “Of course,” Robert said. “Our lives and homes are what we make of them. Familial love can be just as strong as romantic love.”

  Nana grinned at me. “All these couples, eh, Kori? You, me, and Jeremy should probably have our own table.”

  I sunk lower in my seat. “I think I’m okay with staying right here.” I looked out at the grill. The men were all staring down at it as Larry flipped a burger. The others clapped Larry on the back, congratulating him for the perfect flip. God, they were so stupid.

  “Were you ever into leather?” Matty asked Robert, and I wished I’d never been born. “Is that something I can even ask? I don’t know if it’s rude or not. Did Jeremy get that from you? Larry had chaps once, but he didn’t like how they didn’t have anything that covered his bottom. I thought they made his tush look cute, but I expect it’s up to what you’re comfortable with.”

  “Oh dear god,” Paul mumbled. “Why. Why. Why.”

  “No,” Robert said, shaking his head. “That… didn’t come from me. I respect those who are in the community, and I’m proud of what Jeremy has accomplished, but it’s not something I ever really thought about.”

  “Charlie’s into it, though,” Nana said. “That’s got to be some kind of weird Freudian transference.”

  Kill me. Kill me now.

  “Hoo boy,” Sandy said. “That’s not something you should have said out loud.”

  “Nothing quite so oedipal,” Robert said easily. “Though I can see why someone might think that.”

  “Good,” Nana said. “Because we’re weird, but we’re not that weird.” She paused, considering. “At least I don’t think we are.”

  “I respect it,” Robert said, “because it’s important to him. And to Charlie. While I don’t think I’ll ever see myself wearing something like they do, I can appreciate how our differences make us unique rather than divide us.” He smiled at me. “What about you, Kori? Jeremy tells me that you were there to support him. What did you think?”

  I didn’t know why I’d ever thought he was a congenial elderly gent. He was a villain, and I felt like I was going into battle.

  When Jeremy had picked me up last Monday morning, I thought things were going to be a little strange. My friends and I had, after all, shown up mostly uninvited to something important to him. And even though we’d talked after, I still thought there was going to be awkwardness.

  But Jeremy hadn’t acted like anything was wrong, and I realized that it was just on me. It certainly didn’t help that he’d been dressed as he normally was for work, not a piece of leather in sight. And the fact that I kept thinking about all that leather certainly didn’t help.

  The only awkwardness came from the fact that I was awkward. Not the best realization to come to on a Monday morning.

  “It was different,” I said slowly. “The people there were nice and mostly welcoming for people they called tourists. But I felt a little bit like a fraud, I guess.”

  “Why is that?” Robert asked.

  I shrugged. “It’s… hard to explain. I wasn’t uncomfortable, but I wasn’t not. If that makes sense.”

  “It does,” Robert said. “And I won’t push. I just know that Jeremy was pleased.” He sighed. “It’s nice to know he had friends there.”

  I thought of Griffin. “Oh, I don’t think you need to worry about that. He seemed like he was in good hands as it was.”

  Robert smiled. “How curious. Because all he spoke of was you.” The smile widened. “And the others, of course.” He looked over at Sandy and Paul. “It was wonderful of you all to show.”

  “I got worshipped,” Paul said, sighing as if his life was incredibly difficult. “Apparently I’m a chub, and everyone there wanted to get up on my business.” He sniffed daintily. “It’s so hard being the center of attention all the time.”

  Sandy rolled his eyes. “I don’t even know how you survived.”

  “Hey!”

  “Charlie said people get spanked at the leather bar in the back room,” Nana said to Robert. “He’s taught me how to wield a paddle. It doesn’t always have to be about sex. I can show you later, if you want. But only if you want, because consent is important.”

  “Why don’t we eat first and see how it goes?” Matty suggested. “You can’t spank anyone on an empty stomach.”

  Nana scoffed. “Shows what you know.”

  “Sorry about this,” Paul said to Robert. “They don’t know how to filter anything.”

  Robert tilted his head back and laughed. “Be thankful for that. Oftentimes we don’t say what’s in our hearts and minds because we think we won’t be heard, or for fear of rejection. The fact you can speak so freely here is something to be cherished. Even if it’s about getting spanked.” He closed his eyes. “It’s what makes a house a home. And I, for one, enjoy the home you’ve made.”

  I watched as Darren and Vince jostled Jeremy. He was chuckling, his eyes bright.

  And as if he could feel me looking at him, he turned his head toward me. His smile softened, and he winked at me before turning back to the brothers.

  He looked like he belonged.

  Like he fit.

  I was in so much goddamn trouble.

  IT WENT better than I thought it would. It was loud, of course, because we didn’t know how else to be. Conversations crossed over each other, coming together and then breaking apart into something smaller.

  Jeremy sat next to me, and Nana was on the other side of him. Every now and then she’d lean over and whisper something in his ear, and he’d smile and nod or laugh and shake his head. She was enjoying him, and I was relieved. I knew she would, but it was still a weight off my shoulders.

  For how crazy she could be, she was still the matriarch of this family and fiercely protective. She had, on quite a few occasions (and much to Larry’s consternation), announced that she didn’t like it when outsiders fucked with her people. I was told that she immediately adored Vince, and saw with my own eyes how she’d been initially wary of Darren. She trusted us enough to make our own decisions but was there to point out when they were wrong, even if we didn’t want to hear it. The rub was that she was usually right, even if she told us by way of interventions.

  But Jeremy had already passed whatever test she’d put in place. Her arthritis had been acting up lately, and when she’d tried to hold a knife to cut into her burger, it’d clattered onto the table. She frowned, and I was about to reach over and cut it for her when Jeremy beat me to the punch. Without skipping a beat in the story he was telling, he picked up her knife, pulled her plate closer to him, and cut her food. When he finished, he pushed it back in front of her and went back to his own plate. Nothing was said about it.

  She had stars in her eyes.

  I did too.

  You could tell the merit of a person by how they treated animals, children, and the elderly. I saw daily how he was with the kids at Phoenix House. And while he’d been initially taken aback by Wheels and Johnny Depp, he was scolded by Paul for sneaking a piece of burger down to Wheels, who was under the table.

  And he wasn’t placating Nana. He listened to her as she talked his ear off.

  Robert was right.

  We’d made a good home here.


  And it seemed our family was going to grow by two more.

  And that was the most important thing of all. I could deal with it.

  I had to.

  I WAS in the kitchen, suds almost all the way up to my shoulder. Darren, Larry, and Vince were scraping the grill, and Sandy and Paul were clearing the table, letting the others relax. Matty had tried to argue, but we’d poured her another glass of wine, and Larry told her that she had done most of the work and therefore had the rest of the day off.

  I heard someone walk back into the kitchen and assumed it was Sandy. “I don’t know how the hell you put two hamburgers away,” I told him. “You’re going to upchuck it all over the floor at the show tonight. And you know what happens when you spit something on someone at the bar. You have to marry them. You better aim for Darren or he’s going to be pissed.”

  “Is that how it works at Jack It? I’ll keep that in mind. And I don’t think I want to spit anything on Darren. He’s… vascular.”

  That wasn’t Sandy.

  I squeaked as I jerked. And because I was a walking disaster, I managed to get dish soap in my eye. “Holy fuck! Oh my god, it burns.” I blinked against the soap, but that only made it worse. I was about to reach up and rub at it but remembered my hands were covered in soap. I couldn’t see to find the tap or a towel. It was literally the worst thing that had happened to anyone ever.

  (Yes, I was aware that tragedies occurred the world over on a daily basis, but soap in your eye had to be up there with the worst of them.)

  “Shit,” I heard Jeremy say, and he was standing right next to me. He was quicker than I expected. I didn’t know why that surprised me. “That was my fault. Let me—would you stop moving? You’re going to hurt yourself.”

  “I’m going blind,” I growled at him. “I’ll never see out of this eye again! I’ll have to wear an eye patch like a pirate or a space captain in charge of a mixed group of rebels!”

  He chuckled. “I don’t think that’s how it works.” I startled when his hand cupped my chin, thumb just underneath my bottom lip. My throat was suddenly dry, and I was frozen.