Why We Fight (At First Sight Book 4)

by TJ Klune

  “Thank you, Brad,” I said calmly. “Brad Renner, is it? You’re in real estate.”

  He blinked. “How did you—did Jeremy tell you that?”

  I shook my head. “No. He didn’t say a word. I’ve seen your face plastered all over town. Billboards. Bus benches. You’re pretty successful. Kudos. I would hate to think what would happen if word got out just what kind of person you are. I mean, can you imagine what would happen if someone posted a review of you online and it came to light you were transphobic?” I sighed as I shook my head. “Gosh, that would be damaging, wouldn’t it? Especially if it got back to your employer or clients. I wonder if you could consider donating to a specific cause that would go a long way to keep that from ever happening.” I gasped. “Oh! I know. Like Phoenix House. That’s why we’re here, right?” I smiled at him magnanimously.

  “Are you blackmailing me?” he asked, incredulous.

  I laughed. “Brad. Brad, Brad, Brad. Of course not. Blackmailing implies I would financially benefit. Isn’t that right, counselor?”

  “That’s right,” Stephen said, and even though I didn’t look at him, I could tell he was trying to keep a smile off his face.

  I nodded. “So you see? It’s not about me. It’s about giving back to this community that you’re part of. Can you imagine the publicity you would get? Especially if you got your agency involved. Not only would it be a tax write-off, it would show that you are a kind and giving person employed by kind and giving people who care about the future of queer kids, no matter what their pronouns are.” I looked pointedly around the table. I didn’t miss how the others slunk farther down in their seats. “That goes for all of you. Think of it as an investment.” I grinned at Adam. “The steak isn’t dry. I was just giving you shit.”

  He sniffed, his eyes sparkling. “Of course it’s not. Only the best, of course.”

  “Of course,” I agreed. I clapped my hands. “This is fun. I’m having fun. I’ll make sure we have our accountant get in touch with all of you next week. Please keep in mind that while our operating budget isn’t high, the more you can give, the better off we’ll all be. Now isn’t the time to be cheap. ’Tis the season of giving, after all.”

  “It’s July,” Chase said faintly.

  I grinned at him, razor-sharp. “I know.”

  “I know our firm was looking for a new charity to get involved in,” Stephen said slowly.

  I winked at him. “How fortuitous. I mean, you’re probably getting well compensated from certain clients as it is. You probably just have stacks of bills lying around that we could take off your hands. Now, then. Thank you for hearing our pitch for Phoenix House. It was shorter than I expected, but I see you’re all men who prefer bluntness rather than platitudes. That’s enough business, don’t you think? I’m suddenly ravenous.”

  Dinner was mostly silent after that.

  It wasn’t until later that I realized I hadn’t moved my hand from Jeremy’s thigh. And his arm never left the back of my chair.

  ADAM AND Stephen walked us to the door. The others were having drinks in the parlor, but I thought it was best if we made our escape while we still could, especially since Brad kept looking at me like I was the devil.

  “Well, this has certainly been an evening to remember,” Stephen said dryly.

  Now that my anger was ebbing, I was starting to feel guilty. I hated that I did, but it was still there. They didn’t deserve my guilt. “I didn’t mean—”

  Adam shook his head. “You did. And it was the right thing to do. Sometimes it takes a sledgehammer to break through the layers of bullshit.”

  I groaned as Jeremy laughed. “Oh, would you look at that. Sledgehammer. I wonder where we’ve heard that before?”

  “Shut up,” I muttered as Adam and Stephen look confused. “You’re in so much trouble, you don’t even know.”

  “I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes,” Stephen told him. “Corey is certainly… determined when he needs to be.”

  “You have no idea,” Jeremy said.

  Adam patted my shoulder. “I wasn’t lying when I said you’re welcome back anytime you want.”

  “You’re probably going to regret that,” I said. “It’s becoming apparent that I shouldn’t be allowed in public at all.”

  “Nah,” he said. “It’s… refreshing.”

  “That’s one way to put it,” Jeremy muttered.

  Adam frowned. “And….” He shook his head. “I’m sorry for what happened in there. I know it’s easy to judge one by the company they keep, but I have a feeling that things are going to change in this house in the near future. Please don’t think I—we—condone anything that was said. We don’t. We never have.”

  “You’re right,” I said bluntly. “It is easy to judge. Brad is still here, after all.”

  Adam nodded but didn’t say anything more.

  Stephen wrapped his arm around Adam’s waist. “I knew you were someone special,” he said. “I just didn’t know how special. Jeremy, email me the proposal as soon as you can. I’ll give Marina a call next week and let her know what the plan is. And I’ll make sure the others stick to their word.” He cocked his head at me. “Have you given any thought to returning to Phoenix House after you graduate?”

  I smiled weakly. “I haven’t really thought that far ahead.”

  “Consider it, Corey. That place needs someone like you. Hell, give it a couple of years and I can see you as the director. You’d be perfect for the job. Any recommendation I could give, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

  I was touched. “You’re not so bad, I guess.”

  He laughed. “That’s good to hear.” He sobered. “And I’m sorry you had to find out about the whole… Andrew Taylor thing like you did. I can’t imagine what this must be like for his sons. I don’t see how they’ll need to be involved, but I’ll do my best to make sure that doesn’t happen, regardless.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re not going to give him up as a client, though.”

  He didn’t look away. “No. I’m not.”

  I nodded. “Didn’t think so. I just hope you understand the type of person he is. And you’ll have my thoughts and prayers when you lose the upcoming trial. Regardless, I’ll take your—meaning his—money anyway. I’m not picky like that. Maybe you could even tell him what it’s for—”

  “And that’s our cue to leave,” Jeremy announced and began to pull me down the walkway toward the slut machine. “Thank you, Stephen, Adam. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “Bye, Brad!” I shouted toward the open door. “It was lovely to meet you! Have a good life!”

  “You just have to get the last word, don’t you?” Jeremy growled.

  Damn fucking right I did.

  And that was how I blackmailed the Super Gays out of their money to save the youth center.

  Fucking eighties movies.

  Chapter 13: I’m So Fucking Screwed (Semi-Porn Edition)

  I WAS hyped the fuck up. I could barely sit still as we drove out of the foothills and back into the valley. “I mean, did you see the looks on their faces? I thought Brad was going to throw the first punch. Which would have been fine because I’m a scrappy motherfucker when I need to be. I mean, sure, he’s bigger than me and we were outnumbered, but I would have fought dirty because it would have been awesome. Go for the throat or the balls right away. Always.”

  Jeremy glanced over at me, headlights from oncoming cars flashing over his face. “I appreciate you withholding your… scrappiness.”

  I laughed wildly. “No problem, man.” I was pumped. I felt slightly crazed. It was all adrenaline, and I’d probably crash soon, but I was riding that wave for all it was worth. “Why the fuck are they friends with that asshole?” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Why are you friends with him?”

  “I’m not. Brad is… an acquaintance. Nothing more.”

  I was relieved. “Good. Because I’d almost feel bad talking shit about him if he was your friend.”

  “Almost
?”

  I grinned at him.

  He shook his head. “That went… differently than I expected.”

  My smile faded. There was the guilt again. “Fuck. I’m sorry.”

  His eyes widened. He reached over and squeezed my leg before pulling his hand away. “No. You have nothing to apologize for. In fact, I should be the one apologizing to you.”

  He wasn’t wrong. “Nah. It’s fine. I get that people like Brad exist, and it sucks, but I’m not worried about him. I know who I am, and no insults will change that. I’m stronger than that. Stronger than him. In the end, I get to be exactly who I’m supposed to be, and he’ll still be a dick who gives us his money. And hell, he’ll probably qualify it in his head that he’s doing it by his own choice. It’ll make him feel good about himself.”

  “You still want to leave that review, don’t you?”

  I groaned as I rubbed a hand over my face. “So bad. You have no idea. But I won’t. So long as he holds up his end of the bargain.” I looked back out the window. “It would have been good to know about the Andrew Taylor thing, though.”

  Jeremy sighed. “I didn’t…. Vince and Darren? Really?”

  “Crazy, right?”

  “They’re so… not him.”

  I snorted. “That’s because they escaped his crap. Darren was raised by his mother, a badass nurse who lives in Phoenix. And Vince… well. Vince didn’t let his parents break who he is. They hurt him, especially Taylor, but Vince found a place where he belongs. He got a family that accepts him. He’s not a prop to be trotted out for a photo op. He’s not a sound bite.”

  “They don’t talk to their father?”

  I shook my head. “Darren doesn’t give two shits about Taylor. Vince… after his mom died, I think he saw Taylor at the funeral, but that was it. Why would you keep people in your life that cause you nothing but heartache?”

  “He’s still their father,” Jeremy pointed out, and before I could retort, he continued. “Not that I’m advocating for Andrew Taylor in any way.”

  “Blood isn’t everything,” I reminded him. “You of all people should know that.”

  “I do,” he said as he loosened his tie. “It just threw me for a loop, hearing that. They never mentioned him. At least not when I was around.”

  “They don’t talk about him a lot. That’s what happens when your parents do more harm than good. It all comes down to choice. And why the hell would you choose to continue to subject yourself to someone like him? They don’t need Andrew Taylor. They have their people. We can be ridiculous, and we fuck up a lot, but we’re always going to have each other’s backs.”

  “You’d do anything for them,” Jeremy said. It wasn’t a question.

  “Fuck yeah I would. They’re my family. And no one fucks with my family.”

  He laughed quietly. “I’m starting to see that.” I looked over at him as he began to smile. “We did it.”

  “Damn right we did!” I crowed into the warm night air. I threw up my hands. “We’re fucking amazing. I gotta let Marina know. She’s gonna flip.” I pulled out my phone from my pocket and began typing furiously.

  It only took her a couple of minutes to respond, a text filled with smiley faces and rainbow emojis. We went back and forth for a bit, with me promising to fill her in on the details later, and I only looked up again when the Jeep came to a stop and Jeremy turned off the car.

  I blinked when I saw where we were. “What are we doing here?”

  Jeremy got out of the Jeep, stepping onto the sidewalk in front of Phoenix House. I jumped out of the slut machine as Jeremy headed toward the front door, keys jingling in his hands.

  “Forgot my laptop here earlier. Might as well get it so I can send Stephen the proposal right away. Give him as much time as possible over the weekend to review it.”

  That made sense. I walked up behind him as he opened the door and flipped on the lights just inside. It was strange how quiet the building was. Normally music was blasting and people were laughing.

  Jeremy glanced back at me. He was smiling, looking softer than I’d ever seen him before. The tenseness that had been in his shoulders all day was gone. He looked loose and happy. It was contagious. I couldn’t help but smile back at him.

  We walked down the hallway toward his office. Before we reached the door, his phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket, frowning as he swiped the screen. He typed out a quick response before shoving it back in his pocket.

  “Everything all right?” I asked as he held the door to his office open for me.

  He shook his head. “It’s… nothing. Remember that guy from the leather bar? Griffin?”

  I almost tripped over my own feet but managed to keep myself upright. “Uh, yeah. Seemed like a nice guy.” I hated everything about him.

  “He is,” Jeremy said as he rounded his desk. “Just… persistent.”

  The blood was rushing in my ears. “Oh? About what?”

  Jeremy didn’t meet my gaze. He flipped open his laptop. “The usual.”

  How infuriatingly vague. I laughed weakly. “I don’t know what that means.”

  Jeremy huffed out a breath as he typed on his laptop. “Just….” He looked up at me with an inscrutable expression. “We’re friends, right?”

  For better or worse. “Yeah, Jeremy. We’re friends.”

  Jeremy stared at me for a moment before nodding. I barely kept from fidgeting. “He asked me out. That night. After the competition.”

  Yeah, I figured it was something like that. “That’s great!” I said brightly. “You guys would… you’d make a great couple. All that… leather.”

  Jeremy shook his head as he looked back down at his laptop. “Yeah, I guess.”

  Something was off. I could hear it in his voice. “What’s the problem? Is he that bad?”

  “No. It’s not that. It’s….” He closed the laptop again. The only light came from a lamp in the corner. The room was covered in shadows, and everything felt surreal. “It is what it is.”

  “I don’t know what that means,” I admitted. Coming here was a mistake. I wished he’d taken me home. I didn’t want to be having this conversation. Not now. Not after the night we’d had.

  “It doesn’t feel real,” Jeremy blurted, looking surprised at his own words. “It’s… like Sandy.”

  What the fuck was he talking about? “Sandy?”

  He was frustrated. His mouth was curved downward, and he was tapping his fingers on the desk. “When he’s Helena, it’s… a show. It’s a performance. It’s not who he is.”

  “It’s part of him,” I corrected gently. “It doesn’t define him.”

  “What does Darren think?”

  “Darren loves Sandy for Sandy. Not because of Helena. If Sandy decided to never perform again, it wouldn’t change anything for Darren. He sees Sandy for who he really is.”

  Jeremy nodded slowly. “It’s the same. For me. The whole leather thing, it’s… not everything about me. I’m not entrenched in that life like others are.”

  I had no idea what was going on. “Okay. What does that have to do with Griffin?”

  “He only sees me as one thing. He doesn’t get the rest.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was going to say next. “How do you know that? Have you tried to find out?”

  Jeremy scowled at me. “I know the type.”

  “Then just tell him no. It’s not that hard. Or say yes, and maybe you’ll be surprised. Either way, you’ll know.” I swallowed thickly, but I pushed on. “And if it’s not him, it’ll be someone else. You’ll see. You’ll find someone, and it’s going to be awesome. You deserve it.”

  The silence that followed was deafening. The only sound came from the building creaking around us.

  Then, “A lot of people don’t see me for me.”

  “I know,” I said quietly. “Trust me, I get that.”

  He nodded. “You do. Maybe more than anyone I’ve ever met. Why?”

  I shrugged. “It’s about expe
rience, I think. Everything we’ve gone through. People see me as a man and think, oh, there’s this guy. And then the same people will see me as a woman, and it confuses them. They see the color of my skin and expect me to be a certain way. But I’m not here to satisfy whatever curiosity they have. I’m biracial. I’m bigender. And I’m proud of both those things, and yet I’m more than that. And that’s what some people don’t get, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t need their validation. I thought I did once. But I learned that the only people who matter are the ones who don’t give a flying fuck about those things.”

  “I see you,” Jeremy said. “For everything you are. For everything you’re not.”

  I started to back away toward the door. “Hey, that’s great. Thanks. It’s nice of you to say. And don’t worry about Griffin or people like him. They’re a dime a dozen. It’ll all work out. You’ll see.” I turned toward the door, and my hand was on the doorknob when he spoke again.

  “Do you see me?”

  I hung my head. I didn’t know what was going on. I’d heard what he said to Marina. He’d made his thoughts perfectly clear. And yet here we were, and it was confusing. My heart felt like it was stuck in a vise being twisted tight. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t like being fucked with.

  “Yeah,” I said hoarsely. “I see you. Christ, I see you.”

  I didn’t hear him move. One moment I thought he was still at his desk, and the next his hand was on my shoulder. I tensed, and even as he pulled me gently to turn around, I still thought about pulling the door open and—

  Kissing Jeremy Olsen wasn’t a revelation. It wasn’t an explosion of light in a dream that I never wanted to wake up from. It was his beard scraping against my chin. It was our teeth clacking together. It was awkward and dry until we turned our heads just right. It was his hand on the back of my neck, the sharp breaths through his nose. He opened his mouth slightly, and I felt the swipe of his tongue on my bottom lip.

  It was real. All of this was real.