Why We Fight (At First Sight Book 4)

by TJ Klune

  Uh-oh. “But….”

  “But we need to do this right,” he said. “Because I don’t want to mess it up. It’s too important to me. You’re too important. So I think what we need to do is take some time to figure this out. We need to have clear heads and realistic expectations going forward. This summer has been a bit of a bubble. We’re both going to be starting school again, and you’re going to be busier than ever. I don’t want to take away from that.”

  “You won’t,” I said quickly. “I can—”

  He shook his head. “Just… listen. Okay? I need time to figure out how we’re going to do this. Because I want to do this. With you. Don’t ever doubt that. But I have to make sure I get this right. If, after all this, you still want to be with me, I have to make some choices. The university has to know. I can’t take the chance that either of us does anything that will put us in jeopardy. I don’t think you’d want that either.”

  I shrugged, because even though he was right, I was still feeling reckless about it all.

  He shook my arms a little. “Hey, come on. You know I’m right.”

  I looked down at our feet and voiced the one thing that kept echoing through my head. “What if you change your mind?”

  He let go of my hand and pressed a finger under my chin to lift my head. He was smiling quietly. “All that stuff you said to Paul and Vince? About it maybe being a little more than just caring. It’s the same for me. Of course it is. How could it not be? You’re you. And that’s all I could ever want.”

  And then he kissed me.

  It was chaste and sweet, the barest press of his lips against mine. Neither of us tried to deepen it, and it was over really before it began. But there was a promise there, one that caused a bright spark to burst in my chest.

  He pulled away and took a step back. He looked as affected as I was. “So.”

  I reached up and brushed my fingers against my lips. “So.”

  “We do this right.”

  I nodded.

  “Because this is real.”

  “The realest, even.”

  He grinned at me. “I can’t wait for us.” He jerked his head toward the door. “Let’s go back inside, okay? Let everyone know you’re okay. They were worried.”

  I nodded, and even though I wanted nothing more than to take his hand in mine, I didn’t. There would be a time in the not so distant future where I’d do just that, but for now, his words and the taste of him on my lips was enough.

  Mike was pacing angrily on the gravel in front of the trailer. His eyes narrowed as we walked out. “Are you two finished? Because Helena said if I interrupted you, she would murder me. You better not have been fucking in there.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Because no one has ever done that before.”

  “Fuck off,” he muttered. “And you tell Helena she owes me. Again.”

  “Why don’t you tell her that? I’m sure she’d love to hear it from you.”

  He paled. “Or maybe we can just forget about all of it.” He shoved us out of the way as he climbed back into the trailer, grumbling under his breath. We started back toward the bar when we heard him say, “What the hell is this? Is that… is that an egg? Why is it purple? Oh my god, why is it wet? It’s all over my hands! What the fuck is this! Corey! Corey!”

  “Oh shit,” I breathed. “Jeremy, we need to run.”

  And we did as Mike screamed his rage behind us.

  Chapter 16: Why We Fight

  ON A hot summer day toward the end of August, my phone buzzed on the desk in my office. I looked over from my laptop to see a text message.

  I’m here.

  I smiled down at my phone. “Looks like we’re a go.”

  Marina laughed as she looked over from her desk. “He actually came? From the way you were talking, it didn’t sound like he’d show.”

  I shrugged as I stood from my desk. “He’s nervous.”

  “You tell him he doesn’t need to be. We’re so happy to have him. I know the kids are too, and I promise they’ll be on their best behavior.”

  I stood from my chair, stretching my arms over my head. “Only because you threatened them.”

  She snorted. “When dealing with teenagers, sometimes threats are the only things that work. You should know that by now.”

  She stopped me before I reached the door. I turned and grunted in surprise when she hugged me tightly. I patted her back amiably. “What’s this for?”

  She squeezed me once before letting go. I was shocked to see her eyes were wet. “Just… for being you. I warned you I was going to be getting sentimental on your last day. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I look over and you’re not there.”

  “I’m going to come back in as much as I can,” I told her. “Maybe not as much as I’d like, but I promise I’ll still be here. I can’t leave this place behind.”

  She wiped her eyes as she nodded. “I know. And once you get closer to graduation, we’ll talk, huh?”

  “Of course. I’ve got a lot to think about. Some decisions need to be made before too long.”

  “Good. I’ll let Jeremy and the others know we’re ready. Why don’t you make sure your friend isn’t getting mauled?”

  That made me move.

  Phoenix House was as noisy as it’d ever been. The kids and the case managers were finishing setting up chairs in the main room. There was a banner overhead painted with a rainbow. On it were the words WELCOME CHARLIE! He was going to get a kick out of it.

  I waved at Diego and Kai. Diego waved back. Kai nodded at me. I was touched. That was a lot, coming from them. “We’re ready!” I called over my shoulder as I pushed open the door to the center. “Everyone take a seat!”

  “You don’t have to push me,” Charlie was grumbling on the sidewalk. “I’ll go in when I’m good and ready.”

  “I don’t know why you’re so nervous,” Robert said, eyes twinkling. “They’re going to love you almost as much as I do.”

  “I’m not nervous,” Charlie snapped. “I’m taking my time. There’s a difference.”

  “Charlie!” I said cheerfully. “Welcome to Phoenix House. We’re all ready for you.”

  His eyes widened. “What do you mean all? How many people are in there?”

  I hugged him. “Thousands,” I said.

  He hugged me back. “I don’t know why I ever thought you were nicer than Paul and Sandy. You’re just as bad.”

  He let me go, and I hugged Robert.

  “Everyone here?” he whispered in my ear.

  “Yep. He doesn’t know?”

  “No idea.”

  “What are you two gossiping about?” Charlie asked suspiciously as Robert and I stepped away from each other.

  “Nothing for you to worry about,” Robert said. “Let’s go inside, shall we? This heat is more than I can handle.”

  Charlie hesitated, but only for a moment. Then he squared his shoulders and jutted out his chin. “Okay. I’m ready now. Let’s go talk to the youngsters. I’m going to give them a piece of my mind.”

  Robert snorted as he threaded his arm through Charlie’s. “Tough guy.”

  “And don’t you forget it.”

  I led the way into Phoenix House. Everyone turned to stare at us, then immediately turned to whisper to each other as they saw Charlie and Robert for the first time. I glanced back, wondering what they saw. Charlie was in black jeans and a black shirt and had leather cuffs on both wrists and a leather strap hanging from a chain around his neck.

  Robert looked dapper as always in a wide-brimmed hat and a striped button-down. The tip of his cane bounced off the floor with every step he took. “Would you look at that,” he said softly, taking in the crowd and the sign. “All for you, dear. How wonderful.”

  Charlie was speechless as he took in the center. There was an empty row of chairs in the back, but his eyes were on the sign. “That for me?” he grunted.

  “Oh no,” I teased him. “That’s for the other guy named Charlie coming in today
. Just ignore it. We didn’t have time to make another sign for you.”

  Robert chuckled as Charlie shot me a look. “Over my knee, Corey. I don’t care if we have an audience.”

  The kids started whispering even louder.

  I winced. “Maybe not talk about that part.”

  Charlie rolled his eyes. “At least they know I’m to be respected now.”

  “I’ll leave you to it,” Robert said, leaning over and kissing his cheek.

  Charlie wasn’t happy about that. “Maybe you should just stay with me. Just in case.”

  Robert laughed. “You’ll be fine. I see a chair with my name on it. Going to take a load off.”

  Charlie protested, but Robert ignored him as he walked toward the row of empty chairs.

  I saw Marina peeking her head around the corner. She winked at me as I led Charlie to the front of the room. There were two chairs set up for us near the windows. Charlie held his head high as he walked by the kids. He looked like a badass, and I loved him all the more for it. Most probably couldn’t tell he was extremely nervous, but I could see it by the way he clenched his hands.

  “Okay,” I said in a low voice as we reached the front. “One chair for you and one for me. I’ll be up here with you the whole time, as a moderator of sorts. And trust me when I say that they’re going to have questions. When you’ve had enough, let me know and I’ll wrap it up.”

  “Thanks,” he said gruffly. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

  “For you? Always. Ready?”

  He sighed. “As I’ll ever be.”

  “Okay. Go ahead and take a seat. I’ll get us started.”

  He sat down as I turned toward everyone watching us. I was pleased to see not a phone in sight. Even Kai had put theirs away. And even better was the fact that there were a few parents of some of the kids in the audience. Not many, but still. The fact that they had come down was important.

  “All right,” I said cheerfully. “Thank you all for coming today. I know that school is starting up soon and you’re probably really excited about it—”

  Every teenager in the room groaned dramatically.

  “—but I appreciate you taking time away from your preparations to be here. Today we’ve got our last guest of the summer. His name is Charles Malone, and he is a dear, dear friend of mine. Which means I expect everyone to be on their best behavior and give him your undivided attention lest you face my wrath.”

  They groaned even louder.

  I should have been offended. Instead I laughed. “Yeah, yeah. But before we begin, a little history.” I took a deep breath. “You all know me. You’ve heard part of my story before. But something I haven’t shared with all of you is who my family is. You probably know already that like a lot of you, I was brought up in the foster care system. And I had a rough go of it. Being biracial and bigender in a home that didn’t know how to deal with me meant that I had to figure a lot out for myself. But I was luckier than some because I found a family where I belonged. People who saw me for who I was and loved me for it. Charlie was one of those people. He taught me how to stand up for myself and to not take crap from anyone. But I wasn’t the only one he taught that to. Guys, could you come out now?”

  Marina stepped out from around the corner. Jeremy followed behind her.

  And then came Sandy. And Paul, dragging a barking Wheels on his leash. And Vince and Darren. And Nana and Matty and Larry. They were all smiling as they sat down in the empty row next to Robert. Jeremy stood behind his father, putting his hands on his shoulders.

  I glanced over at Charlie.

  His mouth was open, and even though he would most likely deny it later, I saw a tear trickle down his rough cheek.

  “I know you saw these people earlier and probably had questions,” I said. “This is our family. Mine and Charlie’s. And in one way or another, we’ve all helped shape each other. And Charlie has had a hand in that. We may not all be related by blood, but that doesn’t matter. Because we’ve made ourselves a home with these people, who love us despite our faults.”

  “I love you, Charlie!” Matty yelled. “You’re my favorite out of everyone, including my sons!”

  “Hey!” Paul and Vince and Sandy and Darren all said at the same time.

  Charlie laughed wetly as he wiped his eyes. “You dolt,” he said to me. “You did this on purpose.”

  I shrugged. “You’ll never be able to prove it.” I turned back to the crowd. “Now I’m going to get out of the way and let Charlie have his say. And if you have questions, you can raise your hand and wait to be called on. And you will keep them clean and polite.”

  “Dammit,” Nana muttered. “There goes every question I had.” She began ripping up a sheet of paper I hadn’t seen her carrying. She threw the pieces on the floor, grumbling to herself.

  I sat down in the chair next to Charlie. He reached over and took my hand in his, and for the hour we sat in front of these people, he never let me go.

  “Okay,” he said. “So. I guess I—”

  “Little louder,” I told him.

  He cleared his throat and started again. “I guess the first thing I want to say is thank you for letting me come here. It warms an old man’s heart to see a place like this exist. I didn’t… I didn’t have anything like this when I was your age. Hell, I didn’t have anything like this when I was even older. Things might have… been different. But then things back then weren’t like they are now. It wasn’t until I met a drag queen named Vaguyna Muffman that I was able to realize who I really was. She taught me that it was okay to step out of the shadows. And even though I was probably more trouble than I was worth, she never gave up on me.” As he spoke, his voice became stronger. “And it took me a long time to realize that. Because I wasn’t… comfortable with myself. I had lived a life that, while I wouldn’t change it for anything, it wasn’t true. To myself. To others. I made mistakes. Lord knows I made a bunch of mistakes. And I hurt people in the process. But I was scared, because I didn’t know how else to be.”

  I looked out at the crowd. Every single person in the room was watching him with rapt attention.

  “This world we live in now,” Charlie continued, “it’s one that can still be scary. Things are happening that I never thought I’d have to see again. But I’m a different person than I was before. I’m stronger. Braver. And I have people behind me that, while I don’t know that I deserve, won’t ever let me go.”

  “Damn right!” Larry shouted.

  “Language,” Paul said. “For fuck’s sake, Dad.”

  “And that’s important,” Charlie said. “It may not seem like it now, seeing as how many of you are so young. I won’t pretend to know what your life is like. What happens to you when you leave this place. But if I could have you remember anything, it would be this: you are important. You are special. It doesn’t matter if you identify as a man or a woman or somewhere in between. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay or bisexual or queer or ace. You are exactly the way you’re supposed to be. And no one can take that away from you. There may be rough days ahead. I won’t lie to you about that. But even if things don’t go the way we expect, you can’t ever give up. Because we are stronger together than we will ever be alone. This is why we fight. To have our voices heard and to let everyone know we won’t be taken lightly. They don’t know who they’re messing with. They want a war? Bring it. Because we are going to be fierce and fabulous, and they’ll never see us coming.”

  He was startled when everyone in the room began to cheer.

  And then he smiled as wide as I’d ever seen him. The lines around his eyes and mouth were deep and craggy, but he was transformed into something so beautiful, I could barely breathe.

  As soon as the applause began to die down, Charlie began again. “I want to tell you about where I came from. And how proud you all make me for being who you are. If I think about it, it really started when I was fifteen years old….”

  CHARLIE WAS surrounded by a gaggle of teenagers a
ll demanding answers to their questions. He looked like he was handling himself okay, so I left him to it. I found Robert standing by himself off to the side as the crowd broke up for light refreshments.

  “That went well,” Robert said as I stopped behind him.

  “It did.”

  He tapped his cane against my shoe. “You sound relieved.”

  “I was more worried about him than everyone else,” I admitted. “I sort of felt like I was forcing him to come down here.”

  Robert shook his head. “He may have put up a good fight, but I could tell he was excited. I think he was flattered you even asked.”

  “He’s the best.” I laughed when Kai reached up and tugged gently on the leather strap hanging from the chain around his neck, asking him where he got it because it looked so cool.

  “He is,” Robert said fondly. “We’re all very lucky to have him in our lives.”

  I glanced at Robert. “You think he knows that?”

  “Oh, I’m sure he does, though I don’t think it’s just needing to hear the words. It’s how you all include him. He may grumble about a lot of things, but I’ve seen the way he lights up when one of you texts him or when he tells me a story about some ridiculous situation you’ve all found yourselves in.” Robert chuckled. “You’re a very lively bunch.”

  “You don’t know the half of it,” I said honestly. “We’re pretty weird. I don’t even know how we’re still alive.”

  “I like it. Keeps me on my toes.” Robert hesitated. Then, “May I be forward with you?”

  I waggled my eyebrows at him. “Won’t Charlie get jealous?”

  Robert grinned at me. “Oh, I highly doubt you could handle me.”

  “That’s… strangely comforting. Seriously. What the fuck. Go ahead. Hit me with your worst.”

  “You love my son. And I think he loves you.”

  I gaped at him.

  “I thought as much,” he said as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb on my head. “Close your mouth, my dear. Someone will take it as an invitation.”