The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders

by Daniel Defoe

could beremoved.

  Robin replied, that was business for the master and mistress of thefamily, who where not to be taught by one that had so little judgmentas his eldest sister.

  It ran up a great deal farther; the sister scolded, Robin rallied andbantered, but poor Betty lost ground by it extremely in the family. Iheard of it, and I cried heartily, and the old lady came up to me,somebody having told her that I was so much concerned about it. Icomplained to her, that it was very hard the doctors should pass such acensure upon me, for which they had no ground; and that it was stillharder, considering the circumstances I was under in the family; that Ihoped I had done nothing to lessen her esteem for me, or given anyoccasion for the bickering between her sons and daughters, and I hadmore need to think of a coffin than of being in love, and begged shewould not let me suffer in her opinion for anybody's mistakes but myown.

  She was sensible of the justice of what I said, but told me, sincethere had been such a clamour among them, and that her younger sontalked after such a rattling way as he did, she desired I would be sofaithful to her as to answer her but one question sincerely. I toldher I would, with all my heart, and with the utmost plainness andsincerity. Why, then, the question was, whether there was anythingbetween her son Robert and me. I told her with all the protestationsof sincerity that I was able to make, and as I might well, do, thatthere was not, nor ever had been; I told her that Mr. Robert hadrattled and jested, as she knew it was his way, and that I took italways, as I supposed he meant it, to be a wild airy way of discoursethat had no signification in it; and again assured her, that there wasnot the least tittle of what she understood by it between us; and thatthose who had suggested it had done me a great deal of wrong, and Mr.Robert no service at all.

  The old lady was fully satisfied, and kissed me, spoke cheerfully tome, and bid me take care of my health and want for nothing, and so tookher leave. But when she came down she found the brother and all hissisters together by the ears; they were angry, even to passion, at hisupbraiding them with their being homely, and having never had anysweethearts, never having been asked the question, and their being soforward as almost to ask first. He rallied them upon the subject ofMrs. Betty; how pretty, how good-humoured, how she sung better thenthey did, and danced better, and how much handsomer she was; and indoing this he omitted no ill-natured thing that could vex them, andindeed, pushed too hard upon them. The old lady came down in theheight of it, and to put a stop it to, told them all the discourse shehad had with me, and how I answered, that there was nothing between Mr.Robert and I.

  'She's wrong there,' says Robin, 'for if there was not a great dealbetween us, we should be closer together than we are. I told her Iloved her hugely,' says he, 'but I could never make the jade believe Iwas in earnest.' 'I do not know how you should,' says his mother;'nobody in their senses could believe you were in earnest, to talk soto a poor girl, whose circumstances you know so well.

  'But prithee, son,' adds she, 'since you tell me that you could notmake her believe you were in earnest, what must we believe about it?For you ramble so in your discourse, that nobody knows whether you arein earnest or in jest; but as I find the girl, by your own confession,has answered truly, I wish you would do so too, and tell me seriously,so that I may depend upon it. Is there anything in it or no? Are youin earnest or no? Are you distracted, indeed, or are you not? 'Tis aweighty question, and I wish you would make us easy about it.'

  'By my faith, madam,' says Robin, ''tis in vain to mince the matter ortell any more lies about it; I am in earnest, as much as a man isthat's going to be hanged. If Mrs. Betty would say she loved me, andthat she would marry me, I'd have her tomorrow morning fasting, andsay, 'To have and to hold,' instead of eating my breakfast.'

  'Well,' says the mother, 'then there's one son lost'; and she said itin a very mournful tone, as one greatly concerned at it.

  'I hope not, madam,' says Robin; 'no man is lost when a good wife hasfound him.'

  'Why, but, child,' says the old lady, 'she is a beggar.'

  'Why, then, madam, she has the more need of charity,' says Robin; 'I'lltake her off the hands of the parish, and she and I'll beg together.'

  'It's bad jesting with such things,' says the mother.

  'I don't jest, madam,' says Robin. 'We'll come and beg your pardon,madam; and your blessing, madam, and my father's.'

  'This is all out of the way, son,' says the mother. 'If you are inearnest you are undone.'

  'I am afraid not,' says he, 'for I am really afraid she won't have me;after all my sister's huffing and blustering, I believe I shall neverbe able to persuade her to it.'

  'That's a fine tale, indeed; she is not so far out of her sensesneither. Mrs. Betty is no fool,' says the younger sister. 'Do youthink she has learnt to say No, any more than other people?'

  'No, Mrs. Mirth-wit,' says Robin, 'Mrs. Betty's no fool; but Mrs. Bettymay be engaged some other way, and what then?'

  'Nay,' says the eldest sister, 'we can say nothing to that. Who mustit be to, then? She is never out of the doors; it must be between you.'

  'I have nothing to say to that,' says Robin. 'I have been examinedenough; there's my brother. If it must be between us, go to work withhim.'

  This stung the elder brother to the quick, and he concluded that Robinhad discovered something. However, he kept himself from appearingdisturbed. 'Prithee,' says he, 'don't go to shame your stories offupon me; I tell you, I deal in no such ware; I have nothing to say toMrs. Betty, nor to any of the Mrs. Bettys in the parish'; and with thathe rose up and brushed off.

  'No,' says the eldest sister, 'I dare answer for my brother; he knowsthe world better.'

  Thus the discourse ended, but it left the elder brother quiteconfounded. He concluded his brother had made a full discovery, and hebegan to doubt whether I had been concerned in it or not; but with allhis management he could not bring it about to get at me. At last hewas so perplexed that he was quite desperate, and resolved he wouldcome into my chamber and see me, whatever came of it. In order to dothis, he contrived it so, that one day after dinner, watching hiseldest sister till he could see her go upstairs, he runs after her.'Hark ye, sister,' says he, 'where is this sick woman? May not a bodysee her?' 'Yes,' says the sister, 'I believe you may; but let me gofirst a little, and I'll tell you.' So she ran up to the door and gaveme notice, and presently called to him again. 'Brother,' says she,'you may come if you please.' So in he came, just in the same kind ofrant. 'Well,' says he at the door as he came in, 'where is this sickbody that's in love? How do ye do, Mrs. Betty?' I would have got upout of my chair, but was so weak I could not for a good while; and hesaw it, and his sister too, and she said, 'Come, do not strive to standup; my brother desires no ceremony, especially now you are so weak.''No, no, Mrs. Betty, pray sit still,' says he, and so sits himself downin a chair over against me, and appeared as if he was mighty merry.

  He talked a lot of rambling stuff to his sister and to me, sometimes ofone thing, sometimes of another, on purpose to amuse his sister, andevery now and then would turn it upon the old story, directing it tome. 'Poor Mrs. Betty,' says he, 'it is a sad thing to be in love; why,it has reduced you sadly.' At last I spoke a little. 'I am glad tosee you so merry, sir,' says I; 'but I think the doctor might havefound something better to do than to make his game at his patients. IfI had been ill of no other distemper, I know the proverb too well tohave let him come to me.' 'What proverb?' says he, 'Oh! I remember itnow. What--

  "Where love is the case, The doctor's an ass."

  Is not that it, Mrs. Betty?' I smiled and said nothing. 'Nay,' sayshe, 'I think the effect has proved it to be love, for it seems thedoctor has been able to do you but little service; you mend veryslowly, they say. I doubt there's somewhat in it, Mrs. Betty; I doubtyou are sick of the incurables, and that is love.' I smiled and said,'No, indeed, sir, that's none of my distemper.'

  We had a deal of such discourse, and sometimes others that signified aslittle. By and b
y he asked me to sing them a song, at which I smiled,and said my singing days were over. At last he asked me if he shouldplay upon his flute to me; his sister said she believe it would hurtme, and that my head could not bear it. I bowed, and said, No, itwould not hurt me. 'And, pray, madam.' said I, 'do not hinder it; Ilove the music of the flute very much.' Then his sister said, 'Well,do, then, brother.' With that he pulled out the