by Kay Harris
That would be just one street over from his mom and grandma. It was the perfect compromise.
“That’s great. I’m happy for you.”
“How about you? Are you happy? You and Darius are a thing now, yeah?”
She suppressed the instinct to downplay her relationship with Darius. Instead, she told the whole truth. “Yes. We are. It’s going really well.”
“Is he the one?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure if I know how to know.”
“Well, here’s a start: do you love him?”
Alice took three measured breaths. Kyle waited. Her gaze darted toward the kitchen. She couldn’t see Darius, he was behind the partition making them both lunch. The truth was right there, on the tip of her tongue, on the edge of reason.
“Yes.”
Chapter 13
Darius watched Alice’s careful movements. The graceful way her body flowed had always intrigued him. But what was a natural talent he’d recognized in her when they were young had been honed and molded and was now nothing short of perfection.
“Tommy, you don’t have to kick your leg that high,” Alice said.
“But I can,” the eight-year-old proudly replied.
“I know. And that’s great, but it won’t help you if you fall over, right? Remember to move mindfully…that’s it.”
The gathering of adorable children grouped around Alice as she taught the martial arts class was so damn sweet it was giving Darius a toothache.
“You’re clearly smitten.” The mom sitting beside him on the hard bench at the back of the room smiled.
“I am,” he admitted.
“Alice is something else. I’m a huge fan.”
“Me, too.”
The mom giggled and turned to whisper something to the woman on her other side. Darius focused his attention back to Alice. He could imagine watching her with their own kids, kids they’d adopted together. His future with Alice stretched in front of him like a very good dream.
And that’s what it was. He was suffering from a lifelong crush on a beautiful woman who had good reason to be hesitant to jump into a serious thing with him. They hadn’t talked about their feelings for each other yet. They hadn’t even made love yet. And to top it all off, he was imagining spending his life with a woman who would probably never want to be in the same room as his brother ever again.
A feeling of hopelessness crawled up his spine as he watched Alice with her class of mini-warriors. It was just the way it had always been. He wanted Alice, but he’d never really have her.
****
Alice examined the side of Darius’ face. Something was off with him. When he’d picked her up at her place that morning, he was his usual happy, funny, laid back self. But sometime between breakfast at their favorite café and her martial arts class at the rec center, he’d changed. Now they sat in the hard seats at the ballpark side-by-side, and Darius felt a million miles away.
“Hey.” She nudged his elbow with her own.
He turned his stark blue eyes on her. “Hey.” He seemed to soften like butter in front of her.
“You all right?”
He tipped his head. “I’m with you. Why wouldn’t I be all right?”
She shrugged.
Darius put his hand on her cheek. “Are you all right?”
“Well…I was wondering…”
The crack of a bat sounded through the stadium, followed by a loud cheer. They both turned to see the shortstop from the home team running for first. Alice and Darius cheered on their man, and when he was declared safe they slumped back in their seats and grinned at each other.
“What were we talking about?” Darius asked.
“I don’t remember.”
“Yeah, you do. You said you wondered something. The reason you were asking me if I was all right.”
“I wonder if you’re satisfied with this. With us.” Alice had no idea what had propelled her to make such a massive confession.
And, obviously, Darius wasn’t expecting it either. He gaped at her, speechless. She was saved from whatever he was going to say by another base hit. This time, it was made by an impossibly hot southpaw named Roger Breck-Smith, who Everett had recently befriended, though Alice wasn’t entirely sure how they knew each other. All of the Bay’s baseball hopes rested on this young man, so there was a lot of commotion around his hit.
When they sat back down, Alice begged Darius to leave the conversation for later and flag down the guy with the soft pretzels. And when they hit the seventh inning stretch, and she was stuck with conversation time again, she fiddled nervously with her fingers. To her relief, Darius didn’t go back to her strange outburst.
“I talked to my mom on the phone yesterday and I told her we were dating,” he said.
Alice was surprised he hadn’t told his family sooner. But she also understood that his family was a bit of a minefield when it came to them. “What did she say?”
“She was basically thrilled out of her mind. She loves you. Always has.”
“To be fair, she doesn’t really know me anymore. I’m not the same girl I was at sixteen.”
Darius tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and his soft gaze touched her. “No. You’re not. You’re even more incredible.”
“See, when you say stuff like that it makes it hard to leave you and go out on a date later tonight with number thirty-seven on the spouse list.”
“Very funny.”
“You think I’m kidding. See, Trudy is very committed to the spouse list. I can’t just abandon it because—”
Darius stopped her with a kiss.
****
Darius had been waiting for the perfect moment to bring up Alice’s strange statement at the ballpark. So, instead of heading back to the car and the endless line waiting to get on the freeway after the game, he suggested they take a walk along the Bay and let it clear out.
The night was dark, the stars obscured by low hanging clouds. There was the typical bite of cold in the air, characteristic of a San Francisco summer. Alice huddled in Darius’ old coat, one hand in her pocket, the other tucked in his grasp. She’d surprised him when he picked her up that morning by coming to the door of her apartment in the old letterman jacket he’d had in college. He clearly remembered giving it to her that night six years ago. She’d kept it all this time. And now every time he looked at it his heart skipped.
As they moved away from the chaos of the ballpark, the night got quieter. The lapping of the water could just be heard over the other city sounds. Darius pulled the collar of his bomber jacket tight around himself. “So. What makes you think I’m not satisfied with us?”
“Oh. I was hoping maybe you forgot about that.” Alice looked out at the Bay as she responded to him.
“Not likely, Alice.”
“I’m not sure what to say.”
Darius tugged on her hand and she came to a stop. She looked up at him. He could just barely make out her features in the dark. Her mouth was turned down, though, he could see that. “Are you dissatisfied with us?”
“No,” she said quickly. “I’m not.”
“And why do you think I would be?”
“We’ve been moving slowly. I’ve been non-committal.” She shrugged. “And other stuff.”
“First of all, we agreed to move slow. I have no problem with that. Have you been non-committal? I kind of thought we were exclusive. Please tell me if I’m wrong.”
“You’re not wrong. There’s no one else,” she said.
“Okay. So that brings us to number three. What’s the other stuff?”
There was long pause. Alice swung their hands between them. “We haven’t had sex.”
“Don’t care. Alice, I want you. If it takes years for you to trust me enough to make love with me, so be it. I don’t mind waiting.”
“It’s not a matter of trust.”
“Doesn’t matter what it is. I’m not in a hurry. I just want to know what’s between us.” He moved his fre
e hand between her chest and his. “I want to know that this is going somewhere. Is this going somewhere?”
There was another long pause. “I sure hope so.”
Darius took a deep breath. That would have to do for now. He began walking again, Alice kept up with his slow stroll.
“I have a question.” Her voice was suddenly stronger.
“Shoot.”
“Where do you see yourself in five years?”
He chuckled. “Is this a job interview?”
Alice bumped against him. “Answer the question.”
“Here, in the Bay Area. I think I’d like to have a foundation and work on that. Give money to good causes. I’d like to be with you. Maybe we could live together by then.”
There was another long pause. His heart pounded in his chest.
“I would like that, too,” Alice said.
“Yeah?”
“Why do you sound so surprised?”
“Because I guess I’m not so sure how you feel about me.”
This time it was Alice who stopped their forward motion. She tugged on his arm, and he turned to face her. She looked up into his eyes. “Darius.” She took a deep, measured breath. “I’m in love with you. I think I have been since that day you fed me ice cream in your parents’ kitchen when I was sixteen-years-old.”
****
Alice liked that Darius’ only response to her confession that she loved him was to scoop her up and kiss the breath out of her. Alice then demanded he take her back to his place as quickly as possible. Darius still had a high-rise apartment in the City he hadn’t sold yet. It was just a short drive from the ballpark. So rather than go back across the Bay Bridge, they went there.
Alice had never been to this apartment. As Darius ushered her inside and took her coat, she examined the place closely. Unlike his condo in the East Bay, this one had obviously been decorated by a professional. Instead of the family pictures and homey paintings that hung on the wall of the condo, this apartment had artsy pieces that matched one another and were sterile and unrelated to Darius himself. The only nod to the owner of the apartment was a set of football-themed photos along the far wall of the living room.
“You don’t like it.” Darius walked up beside Alice and wrapped an arm around her waist. “I can tell by the look on your face.”
“It’s just…it’s not you.”
Darius kissed her neck. “No. It’s not. When I left football, I had to find myself again. I think the East Bay place is a little bit of that, you know?” He spun Alice around and pulled her close to him, crossing both of his arms behind her back. “You’ve helped with that, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. Alice, you have grounded me so much.”
She ran a hand up his chest. “Grounded you, huh?”
Rather than getting an explanation of what exactly that meant, she got a kiss instead. As their kiss slid from sweet to sensual, she was overwhelmed by the emotions of the day. She’d gone from being afraid Darius was pulling away from her to telling him she loved him.
But even as her heart swelled, her fear grew. Darius hadn’t told her how he felt about her, not in terms she understood, anyway. She needed to know he wouldn’t leave. She needed to know he was in this with her despite the massive hurdles they had to jump through.
By the time Darius had gently shifted her so she was beneath him on the couch, her passion was being eclipsed by terror. “Darius.” Her voice sounded distressed as she pushed on his chest.
Darius moved away from her, his eyes wide, hand over his mouth. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, Baby, yeah.” She sat up and put her hands on his face. “I’m okay.”
His shoulders slumped, and he took a breath. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No. I just…I need a minute.”
Darius sat back on the couch. “You can have whatever you need.”
Alice stood and walked slowly across the living room to the set of large windows. Up here, in this fancy apartment on the forty-second floor, she had an incredible view of the City.
They didn’t speak. Alice didn’t turn to look at Darius, but she knew he hadn’t moved from his spot. The tiny balls of light from the buildings and street lamps were still, like she and Darius, while the moving orbs of yellow and red from the cars on the street below drifted by like the things left unsaid between them.
“Do you want to get married some day? I remember you said you wanted a family. Tell me about that.” Alice’s voice seemed to echo in the sterile apartment.
The leather of the couch squeaked as the big man moved. Then footsteps, muted by the soft carpet, made their way toward her. “I’m not one of these people who had a picture in my head of what my future would be like, you know? I remember a lot of guys I went to college with, they’d talk about how after they got drafted in the NFL or after they were in and established, they’d get married. Then a few years later they’d start having kids. They talked about having a wife to take care of the kids during the season and the family trips they’d take in off-season.”
Alice wanted Darius to touch her, so she leaned back into his arms and pressed her back to his chest.
“But you didn’t participate in these little fantasy sessions?” she asked.
“No. I’ve always been a one-step-at-a-time kind of guy. How could I imagine a family life when I hadn’t found the person I wanted it with first? I knew I wanted kids. And at some point I decided I wanted to adopt. But I’ve never had any solid plans about that.”
“No wonder you thought my marriage pact was so crazy,” Alice mumbled.
Darius continued as if he hadn’t heard her. “But you changed all that, Alice.” A large hand slid up one of her thin arms while the other rubbed gently at her belly. “When I saw you in that grocery store, all the fantasies kind of locked into place for me.”
Alice turned in his arms and craned her neck back. He leaned down and touched his nose to hers.
“What does that mean?” she asked.
“It means I love you. I want to be with you. I’m scared shitless about it because there are so many reasons for you not to want to be with me. But I can’t stop this. Any of it.”
Alice put her hands on either side of his face. “I want to be with you.” She didn’t feel the need to bring up any of the baggage at their feet. Right now she just wanted it to be the two of them, free of burden and in love.
And this time when they kissed, she felt only the good things. She reached up on her tiptoes, gripped the hair at the back of his head in her fist, and plunged her tongue into his mouth.
Darius moaned. His hands slid down her sides and cupped her ass. Then she was floating as he picked her up. Alice’s legs wrapped around his waist as he moved them through the apartment. She was vaguely aware of a hallway dotted with framed paintings, then a door, then a spacious room with a massive bed. Darius laid her out on a fluffy duvet and crawled over her.
“Alice. I’m crazy about you. Let me get you naked and give you an orgasm or three,” he breathed.
In the face of his sincere expression, she couldn’t help but giggle. He frowned down at her, so she tugged at his shirt and pulled it over his head. Then she sat up and pulled off her own shirt and bra. She lay back down with a smile.
Darius’ looked as if he were in the fourth quarter and about to make the most important play of his life. He bent over and slowly kissed and licked his way from the spot just below her earlobe, down over her sternum, between her breasts, and down to her belly button.
Alice didn’t need to help him with her leggings. He had them off in no time, along with her panties. And as slowly as he’d made his way down there, he was just as quick about settling his shoulders between her legs and getting to work on her first orgasm.
Alice gripped his hair and ran it roughly between her fingers as she cried out. Showing the determination that had taken him to the division championship, Darius didn’t stop until she’d climaxed twice.
“Pl
ease, Darius, come here,” she begged.
Finally, he moved up for a long, sensual kiss. Then he rolled them both over. Alice rested her body on top of his much bigger one and stared down at his perfect grin. “Pleased with yourself?”
He nodded, and it reminded her of the sweet neighborhood boy she’d crushed on years ago. She pulled his jeans and boxer briefs halfway down his thighs, trapping his legs in the fabric. Then she shifted so her own legs slid around his waist, and the entrance to her body lined up with the hardest part of his.
The grin left, and Darius sucked in a deep breath.
“I know you’ve been mine for a while,” she said, an unfamiliar sense of power overtaking her.
“Yes,” he breathed.
“So have you had a test since…before.”
“Yes. I’m good.”
Alice wiggled, eliciting another moan from him. “Me, too.”
His voice cracked as he asked, “Birth control?”
“Yep. IUD.” She wiggled again. He moaned. She put her lips beside his and whispered. “Make love to me, Darius.”
A large hand pressed on her hip as he arched upward and surged inside her in one smooth movement.
“Oh God.” Alice’s voice was unrecognizable to her own ears.
Darius paused. His other hand came up and brushed hair off her cheek. His bright blue eyes penetrated her soul the way his body penetrated hers. “I love you, Alice. I love you.”
She answered with a searing kiss and a long smooth movement that coaxed a deep groan from Darius. Their bodies rolled as their mouths stayed fused together. As they moved faster and more frantic, Darius panted deeply.
Suddenly, he pushed gently at Alice’s shoulders and moved her to a sitting position. She gazed down into his eyes as she straddled him.
“I need you to come, Baby.” Darius snuck a hand between them and pressed on just the right spot.
Alice’s head shot back and she cried out. Darius’ other hand on her hip moved her so they resumed their rhythm, faster, harder, until Alice came apart, followed closely by Darius.