Losing You

by Corina Eichholz

  “So, how was your date?” he asked finally and I felt my body stiffen. “What?” he asked, his face paling and eye brows creasing in concern. “What happened Mick?” he asked again.

  “Nothing, it was fine,” I told him but when he clearly wouldn’t accept that answer, I divulged a little more. “It wasn’t a date,” I clarified first. “It was going fine and we were having fun and then Derek kissed me,” I stated, unable to meet his eyes, I felt so embarrassed. James lifted my chin to meet his eyes. His facial expression scared me, it was one I’d never witnessed on him before.

  “Did he hurt you?” he asked through gritted teeth. “Did he do anything you didn’t want him to do to you?” he continued, before I even had a chance to answer. I could feel him shaking in anger beneath me.

  “No James, Derek would never!” I exclaimed shocked he would even think such a thing. “It was just a kiss.” I explained, “I just don’t feel that way about him.” James’s arms around me loosened and he exhaled in relief. I felt uncomfortable with this conversation and quickly turned it around on him. “So, you were with Laura.” I stated.

  “She wasn’t here long,” he said, rubbing my arms soothingly. “We just needed to have a talk that was long overdue,” he told me cryptically. I nodded, unsure what he meant by that. I looked up into his warm, dark hazel eyes and found myself mesmerized in their golden earthy depths. He lowered his head so that his lips were only millimetres away from mine and I could feel his warm breath against my skin. I inched myself closer to him and his lips, feeling a magnetic pull. It was excruciating not making the slightest movement forward so that our lips could be pressed to one another, when I wanted it so bad, but he wasn’t mine to take.

  “James.” I uttered, my bottom lip accidently brushing against his as I spoke, sending tingles shooting straight to my core, my body heating up in yearning. “We can’t,” I whispered defeated and started to move back. “Laura,” I mumbled in agony.

  “Mickey, I broke up with her today.” He smiled happily.

  “You did?” I asked in shock. “Why?” I was confused but so relieved. His smile only grew and I could see laughter in his eyes.

  “Because she’s not you, Mick.” he stated, moving his head closer to mine, “There’s no one but you, there never has been,” he continued, making me turn to mush in his arms. I met his lips and kissed him with all the passion I’d been holding back for the past three years. The kiss was hot and steamy, sizzling as it seared my lips, leaving my body needing more. James kissed me back with just as much passion, the kiss was hard at first but then it slowly softened as his mouth opened to mine and our tongues met and danced together, something they had never done. We took our time exploring each other’s mouths, it was like we were meeting for the first time and getting to know each other, and in a way, I guess we were. James’s hands travelled down to my waist and slipped under the hem of my shirt to hold me close, his warm hands caressing my sides, as I wove my fingers through his soft hair. There was nothing I wanted more in that moment, it was perfect, he was perfect and it all felt so right.

  “I love you Michaela,” he said to me, breaking the kiss, his voice husky.

  “I love you too James,” I told him, relieved to say the words out loud and finally get it off my chest. He smiled wide at me, his eyes twinkling.

  “I want you Mickey, nothing but you. You’re all I ever wanted.” He declared and kissed me again hungrily. Consumed in our lust, we kissed passionately on his bed, exploring each other mouths and bodies some more. Coming up for air we broke the kiss, both sharing the same silly smile on our faces and dreamy look.

  “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he smiled wide with happiness and then kissed my lips again.

  “Well, you could’ve fooled me.” I giggled. At that he pulled me even closer to his chest, so that our bodies were completely pressed against one another.

  “I’ve been in love with you since I first saw you Michaela,” he whispered in my ear, melting my heart even more. “I knew when I was five years old that you were the one for me and that when you felt it too, that I’d make you mine.” I felt a tear slip down my cheek. I’d never known he’d felt this way about me and for so long, because I’d tried so desperately to separate those feelings and pretend they weren’t there. He rubbed away the tears on my cheek, replacing them with kisses. I moved my fingers under his shirt and up his hard muscles, feeling out his defined six pack of abs and hard pecs, they hadn’t been there when we were close and they felt amazing now. I wanted more; I peeled off his shirt with a little help from him and truly admired his beautiful, well chiseled muscular body. He was absolutely stunning and I couldn’t help but wonder why he picked me when he could clearly have anyone. I moved my gaze off his spectacular body and to his face, I could tell he was nervous.

  “You’re so beautiful,” I told him and his cheeks pinkened as he tried to suppress a huge smile. It was adorable how shy he was being but I understood, with how new this change in our relationship dynamic was for the both of us. Admiring his body, I traced my fingers across all his new hard planes, which I’d never touched, before I took his hand and put it to the hem of my shirt, showing him he was welcome to do the same. He gulped audibly and I couldn’t help but grin as I helped him raise my shirt up to my ribs.

  “Mick,” he started, his voice strained. “I don’t want to take this too fast,” he said, surprising me as he let go of the hem of my shirt. I was speechless and I didn’t understand, I could tell James saw the confusion on my face, so he continued, “I’ve wanted this for so long, just to be able to hold you and kiss you like this, I can wait longer before we go any father, I don’t want to rush through this,” he told me and stroked my cheek gently. “I want to do this right,” he said at last. I felt so touched by his words, no one had ever made me feel so special in my life, it warmed my heart and touched my soul. I held his face in my hands and looked into his eyes as I spoke.

  “You don’t have to take this slow for me.” I smiled, sure of myself. “I want you, I’ve been waiting for you and now we finally have each other, I don’t want to wait anymore.” He didn’t smile at my words like I thought he would. “I know you have lots of experience and you’ve been with lots of girls but I don’t care James, I don’t care about any of it,” I told him honestly, I meant it, it didn’t matter at all to me, as I thought it might have. “All I want is to be with you, and it will be special, because it’s you, James.”

  James

  Michaela didn’t know how much her words meant to me, all of them. But that didn’t change the fact that I wanted this to be special for the both of us and I wanted to savor every second of her. I stroked her cheek as her magical blue-brown eyes looked deep into mine. I gulped before I said what I had to say next, no one knew this and it was a secret. One I’d kept hidden well.

  “Mickey…,” I paused, finding it hard to continue. My cheeks heated, “I’ve never been with anyone before,” I told her. She looked at me confused and remained silent. “I’m a virgin too.” I gulped.

  “How?” she asked and then laughed at her choice of words. “I mean, I just thought with Ali, Laura, and all the other girls,” she continued, making me blush with embarrassment. “I’d heard so many rumors,” she stated.

  “Yeah, I never went all the way. I was waiting,” I told her, unable to look into her eyes. “For you,” I said, staring at her soft, tiny waist. My fingers brushed against it subconsciously and it was just as warm and soft as it looked.

  “I didn’t know,” was all she had to say, still in shock. I smiled at that.

  “No one knew, I made sure of it.” I explained, “I went out with those girls as a distraction from you and because it was expected of me and I needed to maintain a certain image. But none of it mattered to me and nothing happened,” I promised. Mickey grabbed my face and kissed me deeply.

  “If you want, we can take it slow, but when you’re ready so am I. I know I want you James; there’s no doubt in
my mind,” she said; entrancing me. We continued to lose ourselves in our kiss and familiarize ourselves with one another’s body and for once everything in the world felt right, and I couldn’t remember ever being happier, then when I had her perfect body fit curled into mine.

  The next week passed in a blur. Mickey and I spent every waking moment we possibly could together and it was just like old times, only now it was even better. Not only was our friendship renewed but it was stronger than before and now everything was out in the open. All our feelings that we’d once repressed, we were now able to act on and it was beyond amazing. Everything felt so right and neither of us had ever been happier. Even my family was over the moon with joy that we were finally together and Mickey spent more dinners at our house than she did her own, which was a relief for the both of us. At school we always ate lunch with her friends, who I’d grown to like as well. Derek wasn’t even so bad, once you got to know him and get over the fact that he’d been trying to get with Mickey. But who could blame the guy, he’d be crazy not to want her and go for it. The only thing that mattered was that she’d chosen me. I avoided my old group, and especially Cody, who still thought this was all part of that stupid list and that I was just playing Mickey. I was terrified if I went anywhere near them, they’d say something stupid and let it slip. I knew I should have told her the truth, that the only reason everyone was leaving us alone was in fact, because they thought it was all part of some prank, that this was all a game to me. Our relationship was still so new and everything was going so great I didn’t want to risk it and ruin what we had going on.

  Mickey and I walked home, hand in hand, as per our new usual. We were laughing when my phone vibrated in my pocket, I didn’t have any real friends besides Mickey, so since I knew it wasn’t her, I got both curious and anxious at who could be messaging me. I assumed it must be June, we’d started talking more recently since Mickey wanted me to try to move forward from everything. When I saw it was Gert, my stomach sank. This could only be trouble.

  “You okay?” Mickey asked, giving my hand a small squeeze as my light and airy mood disappeared.

  “Yeah, I’m good,” I said quickly, hoping she bought it and wouldn’t read too much into it. She didn’t pry which was just another thing I loved about her, she’d let me tell her if I wanted to and I was thankful for this, because I didn’t want to tell her Gert was demanding I meet her tonight and threatening to ruin me if I didn’t.

  Mickey stayed for dinner which was nice, I was quiet but no one seemed to notice as they all talked to each other. I walked Mickey home after dinner, stopping at her front door.

  “Tomorrow after school, I’m going to Gran’s for the weekend,” she said and I felt my stomach clench at the thought of being without her for the whole weekend, “Would you like to come and stay with me?” she asked, her eyes twinkling with excitement.

  “I would love that!” I said enthusiastically without hesitation. I’d missed her Gran, she was always a riot. Plus, the idea of having Mick to myself every night, not to mention being far away from Gert was too good to pass up.

  “Great, she’ll be so happy to see you!” she told me, overjoyed. I was really excited as well. I kissed her goodnight, never wanting to let her go, and watched as she walked up the stairs. I knew she was planning on showering before bed so I waited outside for Gert to come down, so that we could talk while Mickey was in the shower. Gert came down, her hair pin-straight and hanging loose, she wore nothing but a crop top and a pair of denim shorts, which not only looked ridiculous in this weather but did nothing but disgust me, the opposite of the effect she’d been trying for.

  “Oh James, James, James,” she purred, running a finger down my chest. “What are we going to do with you?” she asked, licking her lips.

  “What do you want, Gertrude?” I asked, stepping back from her touch repulsed. She cringed, hating being called by her full name.

  “You may have everyone fooled into thinking that you’re only seeing Michaela because of the list, but I know the truth,” she said, trying to seem threatening.

  “And?” I asked, not knowing where she was going with this. Soon they were all going to know, it wasn’t going to be a secret.

  “And!” she shrieked incredulously, hurting my ears with her awful pitch. “You and I are supposed to be together!” she shrieked again, painfully.

  “That’s never going to happen,” I told her bluntly, “You fooled me once into hurting Mickey but I’ll never let it happen again. Mickey and I are finally together and happy, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.” I stood my ground, not letting her bully me or ruin this.

  “Either you break up with her and complete the list like everyone thinks you’re doing or I’ll tell everyone the truth and ruin you. You’ll never be part of us again,” she threatened but it was just music to my ears.

  “Good! Tell everyone!” I shouted at her happily, it would save me the trouble. I lowered my voice, not wanting Mickey to hear, “I don’t want to be part of your stupid group, I never did.” Gert stomped her foot like a child and shrieked, her face all contorted in anger. I’d never seen her look so hideous before but this was her true face and I wouldn’t forget it, like I had all those years ago.

  “Then I’ll make it my personal mission to make her miserable and ruin your relationship with her,” she sneered. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut, the thought of all the nasty things Gert would do to Mickey because of me, hurt me at my core. I didn’t want any of that, but I’d promised Mickey I’d never leave her again and I was going to keep that promise, we’d get through whatever Gert had planned together.

  “If you do anything to her!” I shouted, getting in her face, my anger boiling over. She glared at me, a smirk forming on her lips.

  “You’ll do what?” she baited me, her nose high in the air. I remained silent, knowing she had me there, I was helpless.

  “Exactly.” She grinned, “You’ve been warned James, I expect this thing between you two to end now,” she said and walked back into the house, leaving me outside shaking in my fury. I was not going to lose Mickey again, that wasn’t an option.

  The next day, I tried to act normal around Mickey but it was hard with such a big secret hanging over my head, especially with Gert keeping close and watching our every move. But I wasn’t about to let Gert win. I was so relieved we were going away for the weekend together and we’d be away from everyone at school and Gert. The drive to her Gran’s was long but surprisingly, Mickey only had to stop twice and it felt like it went by fast, as we listened to music and sang along off-key, laughing all the while. I wished I could have driven Mickey but I was still waiting to get my licence back, I’d have it soon and I really couldn’t wait.

  “Just a warning, Gran is sick,” Mickey said, ending the cheery mood we’d been in. My breath got stuck in my chest, I guess there was lots we hadn’t had time to talk about yet. “She’s still full of life but she has lung cancer and she’s a little slower than she used to be.” I reached out and gave her thigh a squeeze, this was awful to hear.

  “I’m sorry, babe,” I said getting her to look over to me with a smile on her pretty face. I’d never called her anything like that before but it felt so right. I only wanted to call her by terms of endearment and get that small blush I loved so much to creep over her cheeks.

  “She’s tough,” she said, trying to brush her fear away, but I could tell she was in fact, quite scared. I kept my hand on her leg, rubbing it soothingly.

  “Well, I’ll always be here for you, babe,” I told her.

  “I know,” she nodded simply, her cheeks adorably pink.

  We arrived at Gran’s cute, yellow, two story house. It was adorable with its white door and shutters, complete with a white picket fence. Her house was perfect, I’d always loved it and felt completely at home here. We went in through the heavy wooden Dutch door and were greeted by Gran in all her spryness.

  “James, my dear!” she cooed, giving me a big hug
. I carefully hugged her frail body back, just as happy to see her. “I am so happy to have you here, I’ve missed you,” she continued, kissing both my cheeks.

  “I missed you too, Gran,” I told her, meaning every word. She let go of me to hug Mickey.

  “I’m just so happy I lived to see this day.” She chuckled.

  “Gran!” Mickey scolded, making both Gran and I laugh. Mickey and Gran went straight to baking, leaving me to sit, watch, and sample batters and frostings. This was the life and it couldn’t get better. While the goodies baked in the oven, we all sat drinking tea and playing cards, it was nice to have a chance to do this again, even if I was rusty and kept losing. Mickey opened the over door and the smell of freshly baked blondies hit me.

  “That smells amazing,” I told her, salivating from the smell.

  “Let’s hope it tastes just as good,” she said in her sing song voice.

  “I know it will.” I smiled, excited to chow down on her delicious treats. The wait for them to cool was excruciating but well worth it, they were terrific! Warm, sweet and gooey, with just a hint of vanilla and orange, my favourite. I moaned in delight as I ate my blondie.

  “I am one lucky guy,” I told her. She blushed while Gran merely laughed. “Just don’t let me get too fat,” I joked.

  “Don’t worry, dear, you can afford to put on some weight,” Gran told me, giving me a playful swat.

  “It’ll just be more to love.” Mickey chuckled at me but I knew she meant it and would love me no matter how much I weighed or how I looked.

  We ate dinner and then all watched a movie together in the living room. Gran was very hip, she loved to watch all the latest movies and stay with the times as she liked to say. At 9:30 the movie ended and with a yawn, Gran said, “Goodnight love birds, I’m off to bed. Sleep well.”