“Mickey, are you excited for prom?” mom asked Mickey, as we all ate dinner together. Mickey ate most of her dinners with us now, she’d even come over early and help mom do all the cooking. Mickey shrugged and I felt my eyes go wide. I still hadn’t asked her to prom! I had been planning on doing it months ago and even had bought her ticket already, but I felt pressure to ask her in a special way and I hadn’t come up with anything, and now I just looked like I had forgotten.
“I guess, I still don’t know what I’m doing yet,” she answered unenthused.
“What?” June piped in confused. “You should be so excited! Prom is amazing, over rated but still a rite of passage,” June continued. Mickey nodded along.
“Yeah, I want to go. I just haven’t planned anything,” she said softly and then quickly looked over to me shyly.
“James, have you even asked Mickey to prom?” June asked incredulously. I felt my face heat, under all their gaze and by the truth.
“No, but—” I started but all their gasps cut me off, Mickey’s silence was the worst, she merely looked down with pink cheeks. “I already bought your ticket,” I said aloud.
“You haven’t even asked her! What if she doesn’t want to go with you?” mom asked, making me even more embarrassed and nervous now. I gulped as dad smacked me lightly in the shoulder.
“Not cool, son,” he said quietly.
“Seriously James!” June chirped as well.
“I was planning on asking you! I thought you knew we were going to prom together,” I rambled out, feeling awful. Mickey laughed at me then.
“Is that your way of asking me to prom James?” she smiled.
“Yeah, I guess so,” I said lamely, wishing this conversation had never happened and I could have thought of a memorable way to ask her.
“Okay, yes, I will go to prom with you James.” She smiled widely now. I felt myself relax, even though I was pretty certain that she would never reject me.
“I’m sorry, I just wanted it to be memorable when I asked you. I shouldn’t have waited so long,” I told her sheepishly.
“Oh, it will definitely be memorable.” June laughed at me. I fought the urge to kick her under the table.
“So, you still need to go dress shopping!” mom exclaimed with excitement.
“Yeah, I guess so.” Mickey smiled at me.
“Can I go with you?” mom asked her, looking thrilled by the thought.
“Oh, me too, me too!” June said, just as thrilled.
“Of course!” Mickey said, looking relieved. She hated shopping and would have much more fun if mom and June were there.
“I guess that means we’re going shopping for a suit,” dad said looking at me, a grin on his face.
“I guess so,” I answered, happy everything was working out.
After dinner, Mickey and I went up to my room.
“I’m still really sorry about how I asked you to prom. I really did want to do something to make it special,” I told her honestly.
“James,” she sighed, “When will you understand, I don’t need you to try to make things special for me. All I need is you, that’s special enough.” She smiled and then kissed me deeply. I was reminded once again how lucky I was to have her. I just had to stop screwing up like this.
Spring Break was finally here and it was nice to have a break from everything and time for Mickey and I to get away alone. It was also great because I was finally allowed to drive again and my licence was reinstated. I’d been dying to drive and was so grateful to be able to drive my car again and not just be allowed to watch June borrow it. I’d missed this freedom and independence. I felt more like a man, being able to take Mickey out on our dates and chauffeur her wherever she needed to go. We had decided to go on a small road trip once I got my licence back, we had the time to do it and I’d been dying to really get behind the wheel. We had decided to drive down to Disney, neither of us had ever been and we’d always wanted to go. With my hand on the wheel and my arm around my girl, the music blaring and our off-key singing, nothing could get better. I was so thankful for the short break from school and, more importantly, from Gert and her gang. Gert was dead set on driving me mad. Every time any of them were near me, they’d call me chubby chaser, dork, loser, or poser. I had thick skin but it really sucked. At least before I had joined the group, I’d been invisible to them, now there was a target on my back and on Mickey’s. When school was done, I was relieved I’d never have to see any of those assholes again. Until then, I took it one day at a time and focused on what really mattered to me and she was sitting right beside me.
“I’m so excited!” Mickey cried out as we parked at the hotel.
“Me too,” I told her, chuckling at her excitement, she was too damn cute, like a little kid at Christmas. I knew already this was going to be a great Spring Break.
Michaela
I’d had the most amazing five days with James at Disney! I knew Disney was supposed to be for kids but I had loved every minute of it and wasn’t ashamed. The entire place had been magical and I think it was the best vacation I’d ever been on. We’d had so much fun, on the rides, just walking around the park and then when we went back to our hotel. It had all been too perfect. Now we were headed back to reality. Gert greeted me as I came in the house, a scowl etched across her face. She’d been treating me worse ever since James didn’t back down and leave me. I went to pass her and she purposefully bumped into me, making me drop my duffel bag.
“I don’t understand what I ever did to make you hate me so much,” I told her feeling very frustrated.
“You never had to do anything,” she said coldly. “You always just got everything,” she continued. I had no idea what she was talking about.
“What?” I asked incredulously. Was she for real?
“You had your dad wrapped around your finger, and then you had James wrapped around it too, every one always chooses you,” she said angrily. I wondered how long she had been feeling this anger and resentment towards me.
“Dad and James? You’re jealous that they care about me?” I asked in utter disbelief.
“Care about you no, that they worship the ground you walk on!” she all but shouted, “You were always perfect little Michaela, you could never do wrong in their eyes.”
“Gert,” I said softly, “Dad cares about you too,” I told her and her face softened for a fraction of a second before it hardened just as fast. “He may have shown it more with me, but he never really had much of a choice when none of you ever did,” I told her honestly. “And as for James, he and I have always had strong feelings for each other. We’ve known each other since we were five, but we could have all been friends, only you chose to make that impossible,” I finished and walked away, there was nothing I could do; I’d said all I could say. I felt like I understood Gert a lot better now. She had always disliked me the most out of all the evils, and went out of her way to bother or torment me. Now I realized it had all been fueled by jealousy. I had never imagined her being jealous of me, she was beautiful, popular, she had more than me and we came from the same home. The one thing she didn’t have were any strong male bonds or relationships. Her parents were divorced and their father only saw them four times a year if they were lucky and as for any boyfriends, they were short lived and her relationships revolved around one thing. I guess seeing dad favor me and James treat me so well and actually have a happy and healthy relationship, just made her resent me for not having that herself. It was a shame she had chosen to treat me like this and self sabotage, because maybe we could have all been friends and maybe things would have worked out differently with dad and Alyssa.
Prom was a little over a month away now. Mrs. Kirk and June were taking me dress shopping and I was happy to have them here, when I couldn’t have my mom.
“Is there anything in specific you’re looking for?” Liz, Mrs. Kirk, asked.
“No, I really have no idea where to even start.” I sighed, feeling slightly overwhelmed by all t
he racks of different dresses and the variety of styles and colors.
“Let’s just try a bunch and see from there,” June suggested.
“Sounds like a plan,” I agreed. From there we all went through the dresses, putting them into a large pile for me to try on. I’d never done anything like this before or tried on so many clothes. Dad wasn’t a big shopper, Alyssa and my step sisters never invited me to go shopping with them, so this was all new to me.
“You look amazing!” Mrs. Kirk stated smiling, June nodded smiling too. I looked myself over, standing in a dark blue, curve hugging dress, and it did look pretty good, I smiled at my reflection. This dress looked better than the countless other dresses I’d tried on.
“You look really good, but I just don’t feel like it’s the one,” June said, undecided. I felt like I looked good in it and I felt comfortable in it, but I trusted her judgement.
“Okay.” I nodded.
“There’s another store we still haven’t gone into just down the block,” she told us.
We headed to the next store, still on the search for the right dress. When we walked in, the store was not at all what I was expecting, it wasn’t like the other ones we’d been in that had been dedicated to prom dresses, this store was all white and chic and looked like it held exclusively wedding dresses.
“I don’t think this is the right store,” I said, feeling uncomfortable by all the white surrounding me. Both June and Mrs. Kirk, smiled at me, not sharing in my discomfort in the least.
“No, I’m sure there will be some stuff here,” June said and went to go look through a few racks.
“I don’t know about this,” I muttered mostly to myself as both she and Mrs. Kirk disappeared into the racks. I looked around, not finding anything, lost in thoughts of wedding bells and the dress I would wear then.
“We found the one,” June squealed delighted and bought me to the changing room, where an ivory silk dress hung.
“It’s a wedding dress,” I said, not understanding why they would pick this.
“Just try it on,” Mrs. Kirk smiled brightly. I wanted to say no but I couldn’t let Mrs. Kirk down when she was so excited.
“Okay,” I sighed unenthused. I slipped into the cool silk dress, loving the soft feeling of the silk as it hugged and glided down my body. There was no mirror in the stall, so I had to wait to see what I looked like in the viewing room. The second I stepped out both Mrs. Kirk and June stopped talking. June’s mouth dropped slightly and Mrs. Kirk’s eyes began to water.
“It’s perfect,” Mrs. Kirk said simply, wiping at her eyes.
“You look beautiful, Mick.” June nodded. I stepped in front of the mirror, shocked to see what was staring back at me. They were right. The dress was beautiful, everything about it looked and fit perfectly on me. From the thin spaghetti straps, that went down into a V-neck to the open back and tight waist that flared out just subtly to the floor, it was the dress. But it was still a wedding dress.
“It’s a wedding dress,” I protested, at a loss for any other words.
“It looks like it was made for you,” one of the sales associates said coming up to us, smiling widely at me. “It comes in other colors if you prefer,” she added.
“What colors?” June asked thrilled.
“White, ivory, cream, blush, and peach.”
“Blush!” June and Mrs. Kirk exclaimed in unison. I laughed as the sales lady left to go find it for me. I tried on the dress in the pale pink colour and came out.
“This is the one.” June decided. I looked in the mirror and nodded in agreeance. The dress was now appropriate for prom and it was perfect. It was romantic and sweet with the V-neck and light pink but it was also sexy with the open back and being all silk.
“It is.” I smiled happily, excited to see James’s reaction.
“You got mail,” Alyssa said to me when I came home. Things had been more uncomfortable between us since her and dad had decided to divorce. She wasn’t any meaner to me but her indifference to me was even more clear than it ever had been.
“Thank you,” I said, taking the thick envelope from her. It was from the school in New York that I had applied to. It felt heavy in my hand, like it weighed a ton but I knew that was just my anxiety. I’d already been accepted to the school in Paris, which I was so ecstatic about. I still hadn’t told anyone though, that would make it even more real and I was waiting to get my letter from New York before I told anyone. Alyssa walked away and I fled up stairs to open it alone in my room. I carefully peeled open the thick paper and pulled out it’s contents.
“Congratulations! I am pleased to inform you that you have been accepted as a student…”
I sighed deeply, this just made everything more difficult. Deep down I was hoping I wouldn’t be accepted and wouldn’t have to make the choice. It had always been Paris, but now it could be New York. New York would be easier for my relationship with James, but it wasn’t what I’d always dreamed of and it would mean I would hardly get to see dad and I missed him so much already. I had a tough decision to make and I was going to have to decide soon.
“How are you doing, honey?” dad asked over the phone, he called me at least once a week to check in.
“I’m okay, Liz and June took me dress shopping for prom and I found one, I really like it,” I told him, I was actually feeling excited for prom now and couldn’t wait to see what James thought of my dress.
“That’s great honey, I’m happy to hear,” he said, sounding relieved. “Have you heard back from any of the schools you applied to?” he asked casually, but I knew he was dying to know.
“Yeah, actually I have,” I started, “I’ve been accepted to both. Now I just have to choose; New York or Paris,” I gulped.
“Excellent! That’s fantastic, sugar!” he exclaimed. “I’m so proud of you no matter which you choose.”
“Thanks dad.” I smiled into the phone. It was nice to hear.
“Just remember make this decision for you, it’s a big one,” he reminded me before getting off the phone. He didn’t need to tell me twice, I knew how big it was and I knew how hard it was to make it. First, I still needed to tell James.
I went to the Kirk house for dinner which had become part of my daily routine. I felt a little anxious all dinner, knowing I had to talk to James about my acceptances to both programs and the choice I now had to make. We’d both been pretending this day wasn’t coming but it was here and I had to bring us back to reality. In a few short weeks we’d be graduating and I’d be leaving. How it would go from there I had no clue.
“Babe,” I began, when we were alone in his room, “I need to talk to you about something,” I told him, getting his attention off the TV screen in front of us. He held me tighter and looked at my face with a serious expression, his carefree attitude gone. “I got my acceptance letters to both schools,” I told him. His serious face vanished and he broke into a giant grin.
“That’s amazing! I told you, you had nothing to worry about!” He beamed at me. It was nice to have his enthusiasm but I knew I was going to be losing it soon.
“Yeah, thanks,” I smiled before I continued, “I’ve decided I want to go to Paris.”
James
I felt like a bucket of ice water had been thrown on me. Paris. She was leaving me and going to Paris. I knew it was a large possibility but a big part of me hoped that she would pick New York or somewhere closer. This was what I had feared most. We only had a few weeks before graduation and then she’d be leaving, to Paris! I didn’t know how to react and process this information, I was feeling too much.
“Paris,” I repeated feeling numb and then tried to smile.
“I know you were hoping I’d choose New York but it’s always been Paris for me,” she said softly. I knew it had always been her dream and now I was literally the one thing getting in the way of it.
“I know,” I mumbled, feeling at a loss already.
“I’m sorry,” she said, looking close to tears now. Shit!
I didn’t want to be what was upsetting her, when she should be overjoyed and celebrating. This was her dream and she was going for it, I wished I had a dream and determination like her.
“Don’t be sorry!” I said fast and gave her shoulder a squeeze, “This is great! You’ve always wanted this,” I encouraged. I might feel like I’m dying on the inside but she didn’t have to know. “We should celebrate! I’ll take you out this Saturday.” I added. She smiled brightly at that.
“That sounds great, thank you so much for being supportive. I know this kind of sucks,” she said, still looking apologetic.
“No, this is great,” I told her, lying through my teeth. It was great; for her, but for us, yeah it really sucked.
Classes were slowly coming to an end and I was relieved. I couldn’t wait to be out of high school. It had only gotten worse since I started dating Mickey. Gert had done everything in her power to make me miserable but it was useless when I had Mickey on my arm to look at and share my bed with at night. She was worth all the torture and more. The guys mostly ignored me now and so did anyone who had once acted like my friend. They were all posers, just because Gert had decided Mickey would never be cool and would always be an outcast, my dating her was taboo and I was too now labelled an outcast, much as I had been before. It was actually nice in a way. I didn’t have to worry about what I wore, or how I did my hair and how I looked. I didn’t have to worry about not being up to their standard and trying to fit in. I could be myself again and the people that I actually enjoyed spending my time with were happy with what they saw. Cody was picking on Brent again, teasing him about being a lame Trekkie, when really, he was into Star Wars.
Losing You Page 17