“That was amazing,” she breathed out, as I rolled onto the mattress beside her, bringing her small body against mine.
“It was incredible.” I agreed, holding her close as the waves of pleasure continued to course through me. If I’d thought I was addicted to Mickey before, I didn’t know the half of it because I was addicted to her in a whole new way now. We made love multiple times that night and again the next morning, addicted to the pleasure and how perfectly our bodies fit together, with no space or separation. There could never be enough when it felt this good.
Michaela
James rubbed my inner thigh, his finger lightly brushing against my core teasingly. He couldn’t seem to get enough of me and I was thoroughly enjoying every second of it. I was so happy we had both waited to share our first time together, it made it that much more special. As far as first times went, I thought ours was perfect. The pain in the beginning had been sharp and searing and unlike any pain I’d ever felt, white hot and blinding, but it didn’t last too long and morphed into unimaginable pleasure. And after the first time, it only got better and the pain became a distant memory. I’d always wondered what all the fuss was about but now I fully understood. James continued to tease me suggestively but I needed a break, even though I wanted him all over again more than anything.
“I’m too sore,” I told him, apologetically.
“Oh my God! I’m so sorry! I wasn’t thinking,” he said quickly, feeling awful, “Are you okay, babe? We shouldn’t have done as much as we did. I’m such an idiot!”
“Babe, I’m fine. I loved all of it, I just need a little break,” I smiled and stroked his cheek lovingly, he was too adorable. “Once I’m all recovered down there, then there will be no stopping.” I grinned and he grinned back, just as excited.
Both of us were sad to leave the campground and head back to reality but we had to sometime. This place would just be that much more special to us now. I drove home feeling on top of the world after our amazing weekend and the new level of intimacy we shared. I was also looking forward to dad retuning, he’d been gone longer than I had expected. James brought my bag to the door and then kissed me deeply before we parted ways. Dad was already home which surprised me.
“That’s new.” Dad gestured towards the window, where James was leaving.
“Dad!” I exclaimed, running up to him and hugging him. I hadn’t gotten the chance to tell him about James, and felt slightly guilty. “I’ve missed you!” I told him.
“I’ve missed you too.” He smiled and then looked back out the window. “So, things with you and James have evolved, I see,” he said, his expression blank.
“Yes, dad. James and I are dating now,” I told him, unsure how he felt from his vacant expression.
“I was wondering how long it was going to take, but all the same I’m still shocked it’s happened so soon,” he stated and then smiled. “You’re happy, honey?” he asked. I nodded my head enthusiastically; he had no clue. “Good, that’s all I want for you, sugar.” He smiled looking happy for me as well.
“How was your trip? You were gone so long!” He’d said he was going for two weeks but it had turned into over a month.
“It was busy,” he sighed, looking stressed again, just as he did when he left.
“How long are you back for?” I asked, not wanting him to leave again. “You’ll be here for Christmas?” I asked, needing him. His forehead creased into a frown.
“Honey, I need to talk to you about some things,” he said making me nervous.
“Okay,” I answered as he led me to sit on the couch in his office. He sat down beside me looking grim, his hands clenching and unclenching fists. Whatever was coming, I knew it wasn’t good, the only thing I didn’t know was how bad it would be.
“Honey,” he started and then paused, having trouble getting the words out. “Alyssa and I have been having some problems lately,” he stated, shocking me. Alyssa? That was why he was so unnerved? I never thought they had an amazing relationship, not like mom and Miguel but they always seemed to make it work and they never seemed truly unhappy with each other. “We’ve decided to get a divorce,” he said at last.
“What?” I asked in utter shock. “Is this because of me?” I questioned him suddenly. Alyssa had never been a huge fan of me and there had been more drama then ever at the house concerning me. I felt guilt and sadness hit me in a massive wave, I didn’t want to be the cause of dad’s unhappiness.
“No, sweetheart!” he exclaimed, putting his arm around me and squeezing me tight. “We’re just not a good match,” he decided, choosing his words carefully.
“Oh daddy, I’m so sorry,” I told him, returning his embrace just as strongly.
“It’s okay, sugar. Some things just aren’t meant to be,” he tried to smile but wasn’t quite able to. “But things are going to be changing now,” he stated, the same words he’d said before he left, only now I understood them. My eyes widened in anxiety, what was going to happen now? I was never a fan of Alyssa and the evils but I’d never imagined them not being part of my life before, they’d been a part of it for the last eight years. “We’re going to be selling the house.”
“What!” I exclaimed in horror. Our house? Dad and I had lived here forever, before they had even been a thought. I loved our house and being so close to James and now we were going to lose it.
“I know this won’t be easy.” He nodded, “But we’ve decided to wait until you and Gertrude graduate before we move. That way it will be easier for you two and you can still graduate from your school with all your friends,” he explained. I was shell-shocked by it all.
“Where will we live after? Why can’t we stay here?” I asked feeling numb.
“I’m going to be working almost exclusively out of Europe starting next month. Once you graduate, I’ll get you an apartment in Paris while you’re in school and then you can see where you want to be when you’re finished.” I felt like my world was unravelling. Not even an hour ago, I’d been the happiest girl in the world after the most amazing weekend of my life and now that was just a distant memory and everything had turned upside down.
“But I still haven’t decided if I’m going to Paris,” I whispered, speaking almost to myself.
“Why wouldn’t you go?” he asked confused. “It’s always been your dream.” He was right it had been, but things were so great with James and if I went to Paris what would happen then? We’d end no doubt, how could we last almost three years, separated by so much distance?
“My friends are here,” I said lamely.
“It’s because James is here. Isn’t it?” dad asked, seeing right through me. I nodded slowly, tears in my eyes.
“Honey,” dad said softly. “Don’t base life changing decisions on a boy. I know how important James is to you, and I understand. But I promise you, if it’s meant to be, it will be,” he told me, rubbing my shoulders. “If you don’t want to go to Paris anymore for you, that’s okay and we will plan around something else but if it’s because of James, you’re making the wrong decision. You don’t want to end up resenting him because you feel you missed out, or blame him for making a decision that you didn’t really want to make,” he finished. I listened and understood what he was saying and knew he was right, everything he was saying was true. It was also hard to hear. I nodded understandingly.
“I’ll be here for the next few days but then I’m leaving to get my apartment set up in London. I’ll be working out of there mostly until the fall,” he explained and I felt my stomach sink even further if that was possible.
“But Christmas…,” I said in disbelief. He nodded, looking equally distraught.
“I know, darling,” he empathized. “I want to be here, but I don’t think it will go well between Alyssa and I,” he explained.
“But what about me?” I asked in a small voice.
“I think you should spend the holidays as much as you can with Gran and the Kirks.” I was so disappointed, dad had never missed a C
hristmas in the past eleven years.
“And after the holidays, then where do I go?” I asked, feeling so small and alone. Dad held me close, tears hiding in his eyes.
“This is your home, you get to stay here,” he affirmed.
“But they hate me, it’s not home without you.” I teared up, one tear glistened down dad’s cheek and he pulled me into him, hiding my face in his chest and out of view.
“I’m so sorry honey, I wish things weren’t this way,” he said, his voice rough. “It will only be a few months and I’ll come for a few short visits to see you and check up on things and I’m always a call away,” he promised. I felt sad, angry, and a huge array of other emotions, but mostly sad and angry. I was angry this was all happening, especially when I was finally happy again. Now, I was going to lose it all: my home, a piece of my family, dad and maybe even James too. I’d never been overly happy to have Alyssa and the evils in my life but I’d considered them family and it hurt me all the same to be losing them. And dad leaving me with them until the house sold! How could he just abandon me like that! That made me the most upset. But I felt so bad for him and was angry that I couldn’t even be angry with him because I had no idea how he must be feeling and I felt so bad for the pain he was in. I knew he was hurting and that alone hurt me. Things had been going so well, I should’ve known it was all going to go downhill and somehow blow up in my face, it always did. I left dad’s office and escaped to my room, needing some alone time to process all this information and sort through all my emotions. James’ lights were off in his room and I briefly thought of calling him but I was too much of a wreck, I wouldn’t have even been able to form a coherent sentence if I tried. I took a long hot shower, getting off the sweat and grime from the weekend and trying to help soothe my nausea but unfortunately, the water did nothing for my aching stomach and chest. I saw James in him room once I returned to my room. He smiled and drew his blinds, saying hello. I waved, unable to respond in turn. He could tell something was wrong and called me instantly.
“Babe, are you okay?” he asked, worried. I had trouble getting the words out.
“No,” I stated simply, unable to get out anymore. I felt exhausted from everything happening around me and all the change that was to come.
“Okay, I’m coming right over,” he told me, hanging up.
I relayed all the information to James and he held me close to his chest, cuddled up on my bed.
“It’s going to be alright, babe,” he whispered, rubbing my back. “I’m here and you can stay at my place anytime. Hell, I’m sure mom and dad would let you move in if you wanted to!” he laughed weakly, trying to lighten the mood. I wished I could crack a smile, but it was all too much still.
“What’s going to happen to us?” I asked fearful, “After we sell the house, how will we work if I’m in Paris?” It didn’t seem possible.
“We’ll find a way. And you haven’t decided if you’re going to Paris yet, there’s other pastry schools, how about New York? We could for sure make things work from there, I could even go to college there,” he stated positively, smiling at the idea. New York? I hadn’t thought about that before, the dream had always been Paris but I guess it was a possibility.
The next day I stayed mostly at James. Alyssa and dad had told the girls and then they were sorting things out between themselves. So, we all made our escape from the house. James and I played badminton in his back yard, I didn’t want to mope around all day and he had suggested we play and get out minds off the impending doom. I had thought it was a great idea. We were playing and I was focused and determined on beating him, when I heard some shouts coming from my house and the opened window.
“All I ever was to you was someone to look after Michaela and a trophy wife!” Alyssa shrieked at dad. I lost my focus, missing the birdy heading straight for me, it bounced off my chest and landed on the ground but I was too busy listening to the angry words between Alyssa and dad.
“You were never a trophy wife! Trust me,” dad said coldly, “and as for Michaela, you were supposed to be a mother to her! But you never acted like it or showed her a care in the world!” he shouted furiously. It was hard hearing these things and hearing dad talk so angrily, I’d never heard this side of him before.
“You cared enough for her, for the both of us! You always put her first, before me and the girls! You two had your own little club that none of us were part of!” she continued to yell.
“So, you were jealous that I love my daughter! That’s why you treated her so horribly?” dad asked incredulously.
“You always loved her more than me!” Alyssa cried then.
“Of course I did! She’s my daughter, the kids always come first,” dad shouted. “Maybe if you had cared for her even half as much you do yourself or your own girls, things might have worked,” he finished. And then all was silent, except for the slamming of doors.
“Come on, let’s go inside,” James said, leading me into his house as I stood frozen with my eyes wide in surprise by their argument.
I cuddled up to James in his bed as he gently caressed my back. He was strong and solid, grounding me but how long would I have him?
“James, I honestly don’t know what going to happen now,” I whispered.
“Shh,” he said softly, “Everything will be okay. We have until graduation before anything needs to change, let’s wait until then to worry.” I nodded, he was right, we still had loads of time before graduation and I didn’t want to waste the time we had left together being down. Like dad said, if we were meant to be, we would work. I just really hoped we were meant to be.
It was uncomfortable going back to school once the holidays ended. Gert and her gang were trying to make James miserable now that he had left them for me and hadn’t completed the stupid list. I was just thankful that we’d had our holiday to put some space between them after that horrible incident at lunch. I was still hurt and angry with them. Where did they get off, enjoying other people’s pain? Tiffany had followed me to the bathroom during Science, we were alone when she spoke to me.
“Hey, I’m really sorry about the whole James thing, before break started,” she said sincerely.
“Why do you guys even do that stuff?” I asked, not understanding at all what could motivate someone to be so cruel. She sighed and shrugged her shoulders.
“I don’t know. I just kind of follow along, it’s easier,” she her voice small. I could see that. It was easier to put a target on someone else, to avoid having one on yourself but it didn’t make it right or okay.
“You’re better than that,” I told her and she made a face.
“I wish I was,” she said and then turned to leave. “I’ll try to get them to leave you guys alone, but it might be hard with Gert. She really has it against you guys,” she told me before leaving me to myself. Why did Gert hate me so much? What had I done to her, that made her so set on hurting me?
At lunch, Lloyd joined us. Tara had finally gotten up the courage to ask him to prom and he had said yes! They were hanging out more now and I got the feeling that the feelings were mutual and Lloyd was just shy. If they were going to be anything more than just dates for prom, Tara was going to have to initiate it. So far, Em and Tara both had dates to prom. Em was going as friends with Steve, a nice guy that I didn’t know too well. I was the only one who seemed to be going alone, me and Derek, but for him it was by choice. I assumed James and I would be going together, we were dating after all, but he never once mentioned prom or even said if he was going and the topic had come up multiple times. I felt shy asking him now, after I’d had so many chances but I really wanted to know what was going on. Both Em and Tara just kept telling me to ask him, since he hadn’t done it already but I felt slightly uncomfortable, what if he didn’t want to go to prom and felt like he had to for me? I was going to have to find a way to get his opinion on the subject and soon.
James
Michaela and I had enjoyed our holidays together, all things considere
d. When her dad and Alyssa announced they were getting a divorce, all the girls took it pretty hard, especially Paix. Mickey was doing a little better since they broke the news and the shock had worn off. She was mostly just missing her dad, who had pretty much run away and left her in that house of evil until we graduated. I still couldn’t believe Mr. Lesage had just left her like that, especially at Christmas. Mickey spent the holidays mostly with Gran and the rest of it with my family, it was the best Christmas ever for me, I just wished her dad could have been there too. Who knew when he was coming back to check on her. We were both looking forward to our upcoming spring break, but that also meant we were that much closer to graduation and the big question mark that came afterwards. Mickey had applied to pastry schools in both New York and Paris, and I had applied to University in New York but I knew it was going to be a stretch for me to get accepted. For now, we were just enjoying ourselves and pretending that there wasn’t going to be a huge shift in our relationship in the next few months and that the clock wasn’t ticking.
Losing You Page 16