The Thing About the Truth

by Lauren Barnholdt

  Rielle’s eyes meet mine, confused. I never told her about Isaac kissing Marina. No way she needed to know that. She would have just gotten even weirder about him, and about how I wasn’t ready to start dating anyone.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rielle says, shifting her gaze back to Marina. “But I do know that I’ve decided to ignore you now.” She turns to Chloe. “I’m Rielle Marsh,” she says. “From Concordia Prep. Checking in.”

  “You cut the line,” Chloe says apologetically. “We’re not really supposed to be letting people do that.”

  “Are you going to write my name down on that list or not, Chloe?” Marina demands.

  “Give it up,” Rielle says. “She’s busy.” She steps in front of Marina, and as she does she kind of elbows her in the side, muscling her out of the way. So then Marina pushes Rielle back even harder. It must take Rielle by surprise because she stumbles backward into Anna.

  “Hey,” Anna says to Marina, stepping in front of Rielle. “Get your fucking hands off of her.”

  Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod. This is definitely not good. This is definitely not good at all. I take a step toward the chaos, hoping I’ll be able to defuse it. But before I can say anything, Marina pushes Anna. “Don’t tell me to get my fucking hands off anyone,” she screams.

  And then, in the blink of an eye, Michelle and Anna both descend on Marina, pushing her into the table. Chloe stands up, and all the name tags fall to the ground. A couple of girls I don’t recognize get involved, trying to pry everyone apart, but before they can, Marina grabs Michelle’s hair and pulls hard.

  “Guys, guys, guys,” I say, stepping in front of the table. I put my arms around Marina and try to pull her back, but she struggles, and as she does her fist connects with Michelle’s shoulder.

  “Don’t touch her,” Anna yells, then reaches out and slaps at Marina’s face.

  “Get off me!” Marina screams. She leans backward, trying to shake me off of her, and as she does her heels slip on the floor of the gym, and she falls on her butt. Hard. She sits up, looking a little dazed.

  “Oh my God,” I say, kneeling down next to her. “Are you okay?”

  “I don’t know,” she says. “I feel a little faint.” And then she kind of swoons and falls back onto the gym floor.

  Isaac rushes over and pulls her off to the side of the gym, and a couple of other kids from our school go over there to see if everything’s okay. “It’s all right,” I hear Isaac saying to Marina. “Just take a deep breath.” He’s going to have to get her to the nurse to make sure she’s okay. I mean, she hit her tailbone really hard, and you never know what could—

  “Wow,” Rielle says, coming up behind me. “Who was that psycho bitch?” She shudders like she can’t believe how crazy Marina is, and then smooths back a strand of hair that’s escaped from her French braid.

  “Rielle,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest, “what the hell are you doing?”

  “Relax,” she says, rolling her eyes. She must have rescued her name tag from the floor, because she’s holding it in her hand. She peels the backing off and slaps it onto her shirt.

  “I told you not to bring Michelle and Anna,” I say.

  She shrugs. “It wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be to keep people out.”

  “It wasn’t as easy as you thought it would be to keep people out?” I repeat incredulously. Is she kidding me? She knew how important this was to me. She knew I really needed this day to go well.

  But I don’t have a chance to question her further, because Anna and Michelle come over, asking her if she’s okay. Neither one of them says a word to me. Then the three of them head up the bleachers, where they sit down next to each other, chattering and giggling about what just happened.

  I look over to the other side of the gym, where Marina’s being led out of the gym toward the nurse’s office, flanked by two girls I don’t recognize.

  “Jesus,” Isaac says, walking up to me and shaking his head. “What the fuck was that?”

  “I have no idea,” I say. I take a couple of deep breaths, trying to slow my heart rate down.

  “That’s your best friend?” Isaac asks, sounding incredulous that anyone who could start as much drama as Rielle just did could be my friend.

  “Yes,” I say. “Well, she used to be, at least. Now I’m not so—”

  But then I stop talking.

  Because the kids from Concordia Prep are starting to file into the gym. And one of them is Rex.

  My face gets all hot, and there’s a rushing noise in my ears, and for a second I’m afraid Marina’s not the only one who might faint. But then I take some deep breaths and tell myself that’s ridiculous, that I’m not going to faint just from seeing Rex. I mean, that would be crazy.

  He meets my eyes across the gym, and I’m nervous he’s going to come over and say something to me. But then he just gives me a dirty look, his face narrowing into a scowl, and moves up the bleachers, where he disappears into the crowd.

  “Who was that?” Isaac asks, his voice sharp.

  “That was Rex,” I say, my stomach flipping. I feel a little nauseous.

  “What the fuck is he doing here?” Isaac asks. He looks like he’s about one second away from going after him.

  “I don’t know,” I say. “I told Rielle not to let him in.” I grab the sleeve of his shirt. The room feels like it’s spinning, and I think maybe I’m having a panic attack.

  “Hey, hey, hey,” Isaac says. He puts his arms around my waist and leans his forehead against mine. “Relax.”

  “Relax?” I ask. “How can I relax? The news crew just got footage of a girl fight, and now Rex is here.”

  “Ehhh,” Isaac says, “we can spin the stuff with the girls, like, ‘Oh, look, they were fighting when they got here, but when they left, they were friends.’ And as for Rex, just ignore him.”

  I nod. He’s right. I’ve worked too hard to let a few mishaps ruin this day. I need to get it together. So once everyone is settled into the bleachers, I make my way up to the microphone that’s set up in the front of the gym, and speak into it in a loud, clear voice. “I’m Kelsey Romano,” I say. “Welcome to Face It Down Day.”

  • • •

  After I give my welcome speech, we break up into groups and sit down on the folding chairs that are set up throughout the gym. We each have an index card with a question printed on it, and the plan is for each person to go around the circle, read their question, and then have everyone answer it. The point is to be as honest as possible.

  In my group there are two guys from Concordia Public who I don’t know, and a freshman girl and a sophomore girl from Concordia Prep who I also don’t know.

  We all stare at each other and play with our cards, looking around the circle awkwardly.

  “So, I guess I’ll go first,” I say. I don’t really want to go first, since that’s kind of embarrassing. But I am in charge, so I guess I have to. Also, if I read my card first, does that mean I have to actually answer first? Hmm. I really should have made the rules of circle time a little more clear. “Oh!” I say. “Actually, maybe we should go around and introduce ourselves first.”

  It doesn’t take long. The kids from Concordia Public are Jensen and Max, and the girls from Concordia Prep are Eva and Claudette. Well. Okay, then. Guess I’ll just jump right in.

  “‘What is something about you that, if they knew, would shock your fellow students based on how you think they perceive you?’” I read off the card.

  Then I give everyone a friendly, welcoming smile, hoping it will inspire at least one of them to talk. I’ve decided the least they can do is go first. I mean, I planned the whole damn day.

  But everyone just looks at each other shyly, not saying anything. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Brianna and her crew making their way around the gym.

  “Well,” I say, clearing my throat, “I guess I’ll start. Um, well, a lot of people think that I’m totally in control because
of how I present myself. I always keep my grades high, I study, I seem like I have it all together.” I take a deep breath. “But if I’m being completely honest, I never feel in control. I always feel like I’m a second away from losing everything.”

  Claudette nods. “I know what that’s like,” she says. “I mean, not the control part, but to have everyone perceive you to be different than what you really are. Everyone thinks that I’m so popular, and that I’m so lucky because I have a lot of friends.” She looks down at her hands and twists them in her lap nervously. “But the truth is, my friends aren’t really all that great. I have a lot of friends, but not a lot of close friends.”

  We continue around the circle, and actually get a pretty good discussion going about perception, high school, and how weird it is to spend so much time with people who are convinced they know who you are, when really they have no idea.

  We’re getting ready to move on and have someone else read the question on their card, when I hear a commotion coming from the other side of the gym.

  I look over to where it’s coming from, and I see Isaac stand up. His folding chair goes clattering to the ground. I can’t really hear what he’s saying, but I think it’s something about shutting your mouth. He sounds angry.

  I stand up so that I can get a better look at what’s going on. And that’s when I realize that Isaac is in the same group as Rex. What? Why? Why, why, why would he put himself in the same group as Rex? But even as I’m asking myself the question I already know the answer. He did it because he was looking out for me. He wanted to keep an eye on Rex, to make sure he could keep him away from me so that I wouldn’t get upset.

  “Dude, knock it off,” Rex says. “Why are you getting so fucking worked up?”

  “Because you’re a fucking liar,” Isaac says. He takes a step toward him, looking like he wants to punch him in the face.

  What are they talking about? I wonder. And then that nauseous feeling comes back to my stomach. Because I’m remembering something. The question Marshall came up with. The one about sex, and how it can complicate things, and if it’s ever complicated a situation for you, even if it was because you decided to wait.

  Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no.

  I rush over to the other side of the gym, hoping I can get there in time.

  “Kelsey,” Isaac says when he sees me. “Tell him I know the truth, that he can’t lie to me.” His eyes are flashing.

  “This is your boyfriend?” Rex asks, his eyebrows folding into a V. At first he looks angry, but then his face relaxes into a look of arrogant amusement. “Did you tell him how you went psycho bitch and wrecked my car?”

  “Don’t call her that,” Isaac says. “Don’t you say anything to her!” He takes another step toward Rex, and I step in front of him, putting my hand on his chest and pushing him back.

  “Stop,” I say. “Please, just stop.”

  “Oh, I get it,” Rex says. He stands up and grins. “You thought you were the first one to sleep with her. Sorry to burst your bubble, pretty boy, but I already took the prize.”

  And that’s when Isaac steps around me and punches Rex in the face.

  • • •

  After that everything becomes kind of a blur. Marshall rushes over with a couple of guys from the football team and pulls Isaac off of Rex, who starts freaking out about his face, saying that he needs an ambulance. The nurse comes to the gym. The principal comes to the gym. A bunch of teachers come to the gym. A couple of freshman girls start crying.

  All the kids are out of their groups now, milling about, chattering excitedly.

  I’m looking around trying to find Isaac, but I’ve lost him in the chaos.

  “Hey,” Rielle says, coming up to me. “Ohmigod, what the hell was that?” Her eyes are shining excitedly. “How cool is this?”

  “How cool is this?” I ask her. “Are you fucking crazy?” She looks taken aback, probably because I’ve never talked to her like that before. “How could you let Rex come here when I specifically told you not to?”

  “Kelsey,” she says, sighing. “I told you it was going to be hard to keep certain people away.” She shrugs. “I wasn’t even in charge of it. Kristin was—you know that.”

  “You could have warned me,” I say. I’m starting to cry now. “You could have told me that he was going to be here.”

  “Told you he was going to be here?” she says. “Why would I do that when you kept talking and talking about how over him you were?”

  “I never said that!”

  “Yes, you did.”

  “No, I didn’t. I told you that I didn’t want him to come.” But now my thoughts are all a mess, a mixed-up tangle of emotions. I can’t figure out what I told her and what I didn’t. I know I was going out of my way to make her think that I was over Rex, because I didn’t want her to think that I was crazy. And I am over Rex, but that doesn’t mean that I wanted him—

  Out of the corner of my eye I see Isaac angrily pushing his way through the crowd toward the door, and I leave Rielle standing there and start running after him.

  “Isaac!” I yell. “Isaac!”

  I push past Brianna, who’s interviewing one of the students from Concordia Prep about what just happened. But I can’t worry about that now. I have to get to Isaac.

  He’s pushing through the front doors and out into the parking lot. I run after him. He’s going too fast, though, and my high heels are making it hard to catch up. So I reach down and pull them off.

  “Isaac!” I yell. I keep running, in my bare feet, finally catching up to him at the edge of the traffic circle.

  “Is it true?” he asks, not stopping.

  I think about lying. I want to lie, I do. But I can’t. I keep running, trying to keep up with him. “Isaac,” I say, “please, can we go somewhere? Let’s leave, let’s talk, I can explain. It wasn’t—”

  He stops and looks at me, his eyes angry and hurt. “Is. It. True?”

  “Why does it matter?” I try. It’s a stupid thing to say, but I’m desperate. “You’re not a virgin.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” he says. But then he shakes his head like I’m trying to confuse him with the semantics of it. Which I am. “I mean, I don’t care if you slept with him or not. I care if you lied about it.” He looks at me, waiting for me to deny it. But I don’t. “Did you?” he asks. “Did you lie?”

  I still don’t say anything. There’s the sound of an ambulance wailing in the distance, probably coming for Rex.

  “Did. You. Lie?”

  “Yes,” I whisper.

  “I’m going to walk away now,” he says. He starts to walk, and so do I. And then he turns around. “Do not,” he says quietly, “follow me.”

  And so I stop. And watch as he walks to the student parking lot, gets in his car, and drives away.

  The Aftermath

  Isaac

  Kelsey’s still talking when Dr. Ostrander’s secretary comes out in the hallway looking for us. “Dr. Ostrander wants to know if you’re coming back in,” she says. She looks kind of nervous, like if we don’t come back in, Dr. Ostrander’s going to take it out on her.

  “Yes,” I say, giving her what I hope is a reassuring smile. “We’ll just be one more second.”

  She disappears, and I stand up. “We should go back in,” I say to Kelsey.

  She nods, then stands up, looking disappointed. She’s been talking for the past fifteen minutes, trying to explain to me why she didn’t tell me about her and Rex, telling me it was because she’d just wanted to forget the whole thing happened. Which makes sense. And I know now she’s hoping I’ll say something, that I’ll forgive her for lying. And the thing is, I want to forgive her. I do. I want it—I want her—more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. But how can I be sure she won’t lie to me again?

  “I wouldn’t have cared,” I say to her. “It wouldn’t have made me want you less. I wouldn’t have looked at you differently.”

  “I know,” she says, “which is why
it’s stupid that I even lied about it in the first place, I just . . .” She shakes her head. “I didn’t know how to deal with it. I just wanted to forget that whole part of my life, pretend that it didn’t happen.”

  “But it did happen,” I say. “And me and you were together, and you should have—”

  The door to the office opens, and Dr. Ostrander sticks his head out. “Are you two finished?” he asks. “This sort of behavior is completely unacceptable, making me wait during a disciplinary meeting.”

  “Yes,” I say. “We were just finishing up.”

  I start walking back into the office, Kelsey following behind me.

  The Aftermath

  Kelsey

  I’m following Isaac back into Dr. Ostrander’s office, and when I get in there, it becomes completely obvious what I need to do.

  And so as soon as the door shuts, I take a deep breath, look Dr. Ostrander right in the eye, and say, “Dr. Ostrander, this whole thing was my fault. Isaac had nothing to do with it.”

  Dr. Ostrander raises his eyebrows.

  “Seriously,” I say. “You should send him home.”

  Isaac shakes his head. “No,” he says, “it’s not her fault. I’m the one who hit Rex, and I’m the one who started the whole thing with Marina.”

  “But I lied to you,” I say to him. “Dr. Ostrander—”

  “Enough,” Dr. Ostrander says, holding his hand up and silencing us both. He looks at the clock and sighs, then takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes like he can’t believe what he’s dealing with. “It’s getting late. I need to think about this and talk to your principal. I’ll let you know what the next steps will be tomorrow.”

  That’s it? That’s it? We spent hours here talking about all this stuff, and now he’s going to let us know about next steps tomorrow?

  “No,” I say, shaking my head emphatically. “I think Isaac should go home, and you and I should keep talking.”

  “There’s nothing left to talk about,” Dr. Ostrander says. His face is drawn, and his eyes look tired from the time we’ve spent sitting in this office. “The two of you can’t seem to agree on anything, and when it comes down to it, I’m not sure the specifics matter.”