by Kira Hillins
BEN LED ZOE to his bedroom. She still wasn’t sure she wanted to go anywhere. With the need to be locked inside her apartment gone, she wanted to stay here. She loved this house. She loved the rose garden. Hopefully, she’d get to see the pink blossoms on the trees this spring.
“I’ll leave you to it.” He smiled and then shut the door behind him.
Her heart sank as she dressed. Ben was an amazing man. A gentleman. She wasn’t afraid to be alone with him. She trusted him, which was something she’d never experienced with anyone before. So why was she scared to leave the house?
It wasn’t any different from when she was home. She’d spent two years locked inside her apartment, afraid to leave without someone beside her. Maybe it was time to face her fear. Go out with Ben. Enjoy being with him no matter where they were.
A light knock came to the door. She opened it to find him standing in the hall, holding a dark green winter coat.
“Sheron said you can borrow this.”
Zoe took the coat from him. “Thanks.”
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” She slipped her arms inside the sleeves of the jacket. “Why?”
“Ever since the bathtub incident, you’ve been…distracted.”
“I’m not distracted.” She zipped the zipper and then focused on the bedroom door. “Let’s just go out.”
“Hey.” He brushed his palm across her cheek and gazed into her eyes. “If you don’t want to go, we don’t have to. There’s plenty we can do around here.”
She drew in a deep breath. “I’m just a little tired.”
“You have nightmares that wake you at night.”
Uh-oh. Had she talked in her sleep? Screamed too loud? Renji had woken her from a nightmare before. She’d scared the life out of him with her shrieks.
“Everyone has nightmares,” she said.
“I have them too.” He leaned his temple against hers. “I can tell something bad happened to you. I’d never intentionally hurt you. You know that, right?”
What in the hell had she said in her sleep? He knew something had happened, but did he know what? She had to believe no. He was fishing for answers she wasn’t prepared to give yet.
“I want to go on this trip. Some fresh air might do me some good.”
“You’re trembling.”
She swallowed hard. “I’m just—”
“I know. Tired.” He flashed a half grin. “I’ll tell you what. When you’re ready to come back here, just say the word. Okay?”
She nodded. A little more at ease, she followed Ben out to the living room and into the garage. When she hopped in the Jeep, she inhaled a deep breath. She let it out slowly through her mouth, hoping the great outdoors wouldn’t be too overwhelming.
Chapter Thirteen
When they reached the summit, Zoe’s ears had popped, plugged, and then popped again. Ben veered the Jeep off the road and parked near the edge of what seemed the highest spot in the world.
She gazed out the window. Mountaintops stretched like white pyramids across the horizon. A mass of clouds sat below their snow-covered peaks and then cleared in the valley below.
“Wow,” she whispered, leaning forward. “It’s so beautiful.”
He opened the door and got out. Without pause, she followed and met him in front of the Jeep, near the guardrail. Though warm in her hoodie and the winter coat Sheron had lent her, she shivered.
He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “There’s a coffee shop there.” She followed the point of his forefinger to the tiny town in the valley. “Thought we could stop and have a cup, if you’d like.”
“Yes.” She loved the way he held her. She closed her eyes for a brief moment before looking again at the unbelievable view. “I haven’t been out of Kansas since I was ten. I was with my dad on a mountain just like this one.”
He turned her to face him. “You’ve mentioned your mom before, but never much about your dad.”
She palmed his smooth cheek. “I don’t talk about him.”
He brought her hand down near his chest and held it there. “You don’t talk about him? Or won’t?”
“I haven’t in a long time.”
“Still painful?”
“Sometimes. But you really don’t want to hear about it.”
He swiped a lock of blonde from her eye. “I want to know everything about you, Zoe Kearny. The good. The bad. Everything.”
Maybe it was the moment, standing on this high mountain overlooking the world’s most beautiful scenery. The sexiest guy in the universe stood before her, inviting her to open her heart. She couldn’t help being drawn in. “It’s a sad story. I might cry.”
He pulled her tighter against him. “I have a comfortable shoulder with a lot of padding.”
She sighed, not knowing exactly where to begin. It’d been a long while since she’d dredged up the memory of her dad. Her heart broke every time she heard his name. It was breaking now—and she hadn’t even said a word.
“My dad…accidentally shot and killed himself on my sixteenth birthday.”
“Oh, Zoe. That must’ve been difficult for you.”
Zoe’s throat tightened. She leaned against Ben’s chest a little more, blinking back tears. This was harder than she thought.
“Dad promised he’d buy me a car when I turned sixteen. The morning of my birthday, he asked me to wait a little longer because he’d spent part of the money on an engagement ring. I was pretty angry.”
“He broke his promise,” he said softly. “It’s understandable you’d be upset.”
“I told him I hated him and his girlfriend, and then I gave him the silent treatment for the rest of the day. Even during the birthday party he’d thrown for me.” She shook her head, remembering the resentment she’d had for him. As guilt swept through her, she shuddered, and then all the pain she’d buried came out in a mess of tears. “Those were the last words I said to him. I was a terrible daughter.”
“You were a teenager.”
“Ever since I was a little girl, I’d always reminded him to check the chamber of his guns before cleaning them. I didn’t that day.”
Ben pressed his lips against her temple. “I’m sorry.”
“If I could just see him one last time to apologize.” She sniffled and then lowered her head. “Oh. I’m ruining our fun with my awful story.”
“I’m glad you shared that with me.” He curled his finger under her chin and then lifted. “You can tell me anything. Okay?”
She drew in a deep breath. “What about you? You’ve never said anything about your parents. Do they live around here?”
“Nah. They died when I was six. Plane crash near the state park. Chase was sixteen, so he dropped out of school to take care of me. I think that’s what drove him over the edge. Too much responsibility.”
“That’s so sad,” she whispered.
He put his arms around her and gave her a quick squeeze. “Maybe it’s time to put this depressing conversation aside and go get coffee. Then we’ll head up to the cabin.”
On the way down the mountain, a serious calm swept over her. Ben was alone in the world. So was she. He was easy to talk to, especially when he held her in his arms. It’d be great to continue this every day, if they didn’t live so far away from each other.
* * * *
The quaint little coffee shop, charming and aromatic, reminded her of the bakery. The only thing missing was the smell of breads and pastries baking in the oven.
Two older women, gray hair netted and tied up in buns, stood behind the counter. Both were friendly and seemed to know Ben well.
Zoe sat at the bar on a round, padded stool made for a fifties diner. Baby-blue top cushions on the stools coordinated well with the pumpkin walls. White swirls of steam rolled above giant posters of coffee cups, giving the place a nice warm touch, perfect for a getaway during the cold season.
“Here you go.” Ben set a cup in front of Zoe. “Dark-chocolate mocha for the
lady.”
“Thank you.”
Zoe sipped out of the widemouthed lime-green coffee cup that looked much like the picturesque cup on the wall. Whipped cream and chocolate drizzle sweetened the drink that was warm on her cool lips.
Ben’s leg touched hers under the bar. His elbow nudged hers. He leaned close enough to steal a kiss.
“Come here often?” she said shyly, loving the way this felt. She’d often seen cute couples sitting in the corner of the bakery, drinking coffee and sharing a doughnut, but never did she imagine she’d join the ranks.
“Several times a month.” He pressed his lips above the corner of hers. “Whipped cream,” he whispered.
Weak, melting like the cream swirling around the hot liquid in her cup, she set the heavy mug down on the bar. He kissed her lips. Her eyes closed. When his tongue gently touched hers, her heart quickened.
When he leaned back, she couldn’t open her eyes. She just sat and smiled and prayed she wasn’t dreaming.
“You okay?” he whispered in her ear.
She drew in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “I think so.”
“Dizzy?”
“In the clouds right now.”
He chuckled. “It’s the elevation.”
When she opened her eyes, she caught his gaze. “Something on your mind, handsome?”
“Besides you?” He kissed her lips again. “I’m working on a solution to our long-distance…problem.”
“Any ideas?”
“A few. But I’d love to have some input from you.”
Zoe picked up the napkin and wiped the corners of her mouth. All the time she’d worried about if they’d see each other again, she’d never given much thought to a solution on how.
“We could take turns,” she said. “You fly to see me. I’ll fly to see you.”
He nodded. “Or we could meet halfway.”
The thought of traveling on weekends, even halfway down a straight stretch road, didn’t seem appealing. She didn’t own a car. Flights were expensive. But she couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing Ben.
Her stomach knotted, just like this morning when he mentioned the blossoms on the tree. “What do you mean by halfway? There aren’t many places to stay between here and my house.”
He cleared his throat. “Well. My band plays in Goodland once a month.”
“Goodland, Kansas?” She turned her body to face him, shocked that he’d never said anything about it before. “You’ve played there and never told me?”
“You’re not mad at me, are you?” He cringed. “I would’ve said something, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to meet anyone yet.”
“I wouldn’t have come unless you invited me.”
“Oh, Zoe, baby.” He lifted her hand and pressed his lips to her wrist. “You’re invited to everything I do. Anything you want that I have—my garden tub. My roses. My blueberry-pancake mix. Just name it, and it’s yours.”
She laughed. “You’re crazy.”
He gave her a peck on the lips. “Crazy about you.”
Warmth spread through her veins. It wasn’t what he’d said that kept her smiling. It was that she felt the same way about him.
She lifted her hand to his face. He leaned his cheek against her palm. His solemn grin sent her heart fluttering.
He stared into her eyes. Breath still, she anticipated his kiss. He was so close. His warm breath on her lips made her shiver. Every fiber in her body relaxed as his lips slowly moved against hers. His mouth parted over hers, and his tongue gently glided against hers.
Caramel and dark chocolate mingled as if they were meant to be together. This was by far the best feeling in the world. Right now he could take her to the end of the earth, and she’d jump over the edge with him. It was an unnerving way to feel. She’d paid a heavy price letting her guard down with Nicholas, and promised she’d never do that again. But this—this was too amazing to fight.
* * * *
After coffee, they headed farther down the mountain. At the end of the small town, he took a right on a dirt road and drove up a winding hill. They came upon a small log cabin. Tall trees hung over the house, creating shadows that moved on the snowy ground. A chill shimmied up her spine as she followed Ben inside the cabin.
The carved wood decor reminded her of an old Swedish log home she’d seen once in a magazine. Near the front window sat a wooden rocking chair. A high-back bench stretched along the far wall next to the dark hallway. A unique coffee table made of curved lacquered driftwood stood in the center of the room near a brown couch that didn’t quite fit in with the rest of the furniture.
How she’d love to own a house like this instead of the tiny apartment she called home. Home just didn’t appeal to her anymore. After everything she’d seen here with Ben, how could she possibly return to her boring life of microwave meals and pastries? At this moment, she never wanted to go back, but make a life for herself here with him.
This troubled her. She’d never envied anything before in her life. Granted, she’d known Ben for over a year, but why, after just two days’ face time, was this man so deep in her heart?
She followed him into the kitchen, to the large paned window. Something smelled like roadkill. She pinched her nose as she looked down at the rotting vegetable peels and empty meat tray in the garbage can.
“Oh, man.” He groaned. “Forgot to take the garbage out last time I was here.” He grabbed the bag from the can. “Be right back.”
Ben disappeared out the patio door. He passed the kitchen window to a small square enclosure made of lattice. He stuffed the trash bag into the can. As he struggled to reattach the lid to the bin, she snickered.
Except for the clock ticking on the wall in the living room, the house was quiet. The strangest daydream played in her mind. This was their house. He was her husband. They owned the coffee shop in town and worked together to make it thrive. Their son slept in his crib in the back bedroom while she made dinner on the old gas stove beside her.
It was a silly daydream. She’d only met Ben two days ago, although she knew a lot about him. His favorite color was blue. He loved Chinese food, working on cars, and playing guitar. He enjoyed video games and sometimes joined his work football team during the summer.
This relationship would work out so much better if they didn’t have to part ways.
He passed by the window again, brilliant teeth showing as he smiled at her. Her heart beat so hard it nearly leaped out of her chest. He came in, stopped at the sink, and washed his hands. When he finished, she fell into his arms.
“Whoa.” He stumbled back a step from the force of her body. “You okay?” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
This felt right, her face against his chest, arms squeezing his torso. She didn’t want to let go of the moment or the daydream. To stay here forever in his arms, hiding away from the rest of the world, would be wonderful.
He held her tightly. She didn’t know if this was love, but it felt amazing. If she had the guts, she’d say it now. She’d tell him she loved him.
“Zoe?” He leaned her back. “Something wrong?”
“I’m fine. Better than fine if you kiss me.”
He pressed his lips to hers. His breath was sweet in her mouth. Caramel mocha.
“How are you now?”
She rested her hands on his chest. “Better than fine.”
The material of his coat was cool on her fingers. She slid her hands slowly down his front. She reached under his jacket and touched his abdomen. His muscles tightened.
He placed his palms on each side of her neck. With his thumb gently tracing her bottom lip, his other hand brushed her collarbone. He moved downward, unzipping her jacket, inching closer to her breasts.
The back of his hand grazed her nipple through her shirt. Electricity spread through her veins. She whimpered.
She’d never allowed anyone to touch her like this. Sex was just a fantasy that happened in dreams that always turned to nightmares.<
br />
She wanted to make love to him. The heat low in her belly was proof of that. But could she do it without her past interfering?
He left her nipple and cupped the other side of her face. He studied her eyes. Maybe he searched for hesitation. Maybe even permission to let him continue touching her. She was about to tell him to touch her again, but he silenced her with a kiss.
His tongue swept into her mouth. She lost her breath. He backed her toward the sink. Her gut somersaulted. When her back touched the kitchen counter, she tensed.
He’d boxed her in. She had room to move if she needed to. Not that she’d want to leave his touch, but it was good to know she wasn’t confined to this spot.
He grasped her sides beneath her shirt. He gently pinched her flesh. Mouth never leaving hers, he enveloped her in his arms and pushed her tighter against the counter.
The night Nicholas raped her flashed in her mind. He’d held her down. His fist hit her cheek, her nose, her eyes. He’d dragged his fingernails over her skin as he held her tightly to the floor and ripped her gown from her body. She couldn’t get up. He wouldn’t let her up.
She lost her breath. She opened her eyes, drawing in deep breaths against Ben’s mouth. She moved her hands to his chest and shoved. “I can’t… It’s too much.”
He quickly released her and stepped back. She turned fast and leaned against the sink, panting as if she’d just finished running a marathon.
Think about something else—anything. She shut her eyes tight. She envisioned the scene from the mountain. High snow-capped peaks stabbed the blue sky. Nicholas still held her down.
Another deep breath in through her nose, released through her mouth. Think of something else.
Sonya and Soljer stood on the lighthouse balcony. Ben’s voice spoke in her ear through the headset. Every time she’d gotten scared, it was his voice that soothed her. It was his tenor that calmed her nightmares.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Just let me catch my breath.”
For a moment she’d forgotten about her violent past. She’d bought into the fantasy she’d created here, in this quiet cabin, with a man she loved—wanted to love. The daydream had offered her comfort long enough to take down the wall she’d built around her heart. But now that wall had gone up faster than it’d crumbled.