by Kira Hillins
“Zoe?” Ben’s hand rested on her shoulder. “Are you all right?”
“I’m all right.”
“What happened?” He carefully turned her around to face him. “Did I hurt you?”
“No. I just thought I was—” She’d almost said ready but shut her mouth. That’d just lead to questions she didn’t want to answer. She imagined he already wanted to know why she’d shoved him away. The very thought of telling him about Nicholas sickened her.
“It’ll happen when we’re both ready.” He grinned as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Up for a little fresh air?”
“Yes.” Another deep, calming breath escaped her open mouth. Still a tad shaken, she followed Ben through the kitchen to the back door.
He grabbed a short silver key off the hook on the wall. He led her outside and quickly up to an outdoor garage. Inside the building sat a dark green ATV.
With a swing of his right leg, Ben mounted the vehicle. He turned the key, and the engine sputtered to life.
He gestured with a nod. “Get on.”
With held breath, she slid into the space on the seat behind him. She wrapped her arms around his torso, and they immediately took off up the dirt road.
The terrain was smooth through the forest. The sun cast its warm rays across her face, though the brisk air kept her nose cold. Her breath fogged in front of her, then quickly fell behind as he drove toward the summit.
Leftover winter snow beautifully decorated the ground and some of the short budding trees and brush. The scene reminded her of a Christmas card she’d received once from Millie.
“Hang on,” he called back. “Might get a little rough.”
She held tight as he swerved off the path, through the tall trees and patches of snow. He steered over sticks and dry leaves until they came to a steep clearing on the side of the mountain.
“What is this place?” She scanned the four-legged structure with a tiny wooden house at the top.
“Ranger lookout.”
He parked the ATV next to the stepladder and got off, leaving her sitting, staring in awe at the little wraparound walk outside the building. It looked as sturdy as a house on stilts made of sticks. Surely he didn’t expect her to climb up there.
He stepped on the ladder that led to the house. “You coming?”
“I’m not one for heights,” she said.
“Go first.” He jumped to the ground. “I’ll be right behind you.”
She drew in a deep breath, then stepped, slowly climbing the ladder. She looked down to find Ben right beneath her. He grinned.
When they made it to the top, Ben unlocked the door to the house. “Haven’t been here in a while. Probably a little dusty.”
He stuffed the keys in the front pocket of his jeans and went in. Zoe followed on wobbly legs, happy to get off the high balcony.
The inside was clean and bright with windows all the way around the building. It almost seemed livable with the small cot in the far right corner and a desk along the wall on the left. It needed curtains, a kitchen and bathroom, and a few decorations. By the looks of the lantern and half-melted candles on the table, the place also needed electricity.
The wood floor was surprisingly solid. It barely creaked as she walked across to the scenic side.
“Wow.” She scanned the long tree-lined slope down the mountain. Miles of snowy peaks spread across the horizon.
“Inspiring, isn’t it?”
“Breathtaking.”
“You should see sunset,” he said as he stood beside her. “The next time you visit, maybe we’ll stay long enough to see it.”
“The next time you visit.”
It hit her like a punch in the gut. This amazing, adventurous weekend with Ben would soon end. She wouldn’t be here with him anymore. They wouldn’t be together again for God knew how long.
Zoe turned to face him. “Do you think this relationship will work out?”
“I want it to. Don’t you?”
“Of course I do.”
He gave her a sidelong look. “We discussed our options at the café. We’ll work it out.”
“But if you think about it, this is all it’ll ever be—just a visit.”
He touched her arm. “What are you saying? You want to quit before we even get started?”
She bit on her bottom lip and then sighed. “Eight hours is so far away. We can’t plan on meeting for dinner after work. Or go see a movie on a Friday night like a normal couple. There will always be distance between us. As much as I want this to work out, I don’t know if it can. Maybe we should just call this quits before it gets serious.”
Ben straightened his slouch and let go of her arm. “Hmph.” He strode to the door and went outside. He made his way around the balcony to the front. He stood with his back to her, hands in his pockets and attention on the horizon.
Had she hurt his feelings? Or maybe she’d made him think something he hadn’t thought about? A long-distance relationship might be too hard to manage. It’d be expensive. For her, it also meant facing her fear of intimacy.
She met him on the balcony. He glanced at her once but didn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry,” she said, looping her arm through his. “I just…don’t want to make life complicated.”
“COMPLICATED?” BEN GAVE a snort through his nostrils. He leaned his elbows on the banister. “This lookout was my haven when Chase died. If it wasn’t for this place, I probably wouldn’t be standing here with you.” When she quickly looked away, he knew she understood. “Downing a bottle of vodka makes the guilt go away for a little while. But eventually, you have to come down and face reality. That’s why I stayed drunk.”
“You blamed yourself for Chase’s accident?”
“Every time I look in the mirror, I see his face.”
“How did it happen?”
Ben sighed, wondering why he was talking about this when they apparently had other problems to discuss. Still, it seemed a proper time to lay what he could on the table. Maybe she’d understand him better.
“One of our many, many parties got out of hand. I was voted to go on a liquor run, but Chase insisted on going in my place. Said he’d rather not bail his little brother out of jail for a DUI.”
He hung his head, remembering Chase’s gruff voice. That shit-eating smile Chase flashed had widened when Ben tossed him the key to the motorcycle.
Ben pressed his thumbs against his temples. He fought back emotions he’d locked in the back of his mind. The urge to drink away the pain was strong, but he cleared his throat and forced a grin. He couldn’t lose his cool now. Not in front of her.
“Spent many nights replaying the last moment I saw him. That stupid grin on his face. Him giving me the finger as he walked out the door.” A short laugh rolled past his lips, but the ache in his gut came crawling back. “It should’ve been me, Zoe. I should’ve died that night. Not him.”
“Oh, Ben,” she whispered near his ear.
Her hands slid over his shoulders. One look in her tear-filled eyes and the world stood still. He could barely breathe. She was so beautiful. He wanted to feel her arms around him until the pain settled, but he couldn’t do it. Not until she knew exactly how he felt and what she meant to him.
“I was at rock bottom when I met you online. I don’t know why, but the moment I heard your voice, something sparked inside me. I didn’t need to come up here anymore. I didn’t want to get drunk and forget about life. Your voice pulled me out of the hole I was drowning in. You saved me.”
“Don’t say that,” she said, shaking her head.
He lifted his hands to her face and thumbed the tears falling down her cheeks. “I’ve been trying for months to ask if you want to meet. Just wasn’t sure I was ready. Now I know I am. I’m ready to get serious about you. I’m already serious about you.”
“How can we have a real relationship? I want to see you every day, and I can’t.”
“Come on.” He reached out to grab
her hand, but she moved away. She slid around the wall toward the ladder, then slowly made her way down to the ground.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m walking back.” She stomped toward the shadowed woods leading to the main trail.
“It’s a long walk.”
“I’ll make it!”
By the time she reached the tree line, he’d caught up to her in the ATV. He pulled alongside her and shoved the gear into park.
“Stop.”
She kept walking.
He turned off the engine and dismounted. Snow crunched beneath his sneakers as he jogged to her. He caught her hand and, with a quick jerk of his arm, pulled her around and against his chest.
“I know you’re worried. But we can make this work.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to borrow Renji’s truck every weekend.”
“You could take the MINI Cooper home.”
“What?” Her eyes sparkled in the light shining through the trees. Beautiful. She tried to move away, but he held her firmly.
“Just hear me out.”
“I’m not taking your car.”
He palmed the back of her head. “I care about you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make things easier on you. Just please. Give it a chance.”
“It makes sense to meet in Goodland. But to take your car? That just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do.”
“You have a license, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
She fisted the collar of his jacket and straightened it around his neck. “After one weekend together, you’d trust me with your car?”
“We’ve known each other for a while. I trust you.”
“Is that so?”
“All the crazy things that have happened to us this weekend, it all boils down to one simple fact. We like each other. Well…you’ve already confessed you’re in love with me.”
She smacked his chest playfully. “I was drunk.”
“Excuses,” he said, brushing the tip of his nose against hers.
She shook her head. “I can buy my own car.”
“Until you do, use the MINI. As long as you want. I have the Jeep. And I bought a motorcycle from a guy a few months ago. I trust you more than anyone.”
ZOE LOOKED TO the side. A squirrel shimmied up a tree. It stopped near the first branch and nodded, staring down as if to tell her everything would be okay.
Just breathe. Let whatever happens happen.
Taking a squirrel’s actions as a sign was insane, but Ben’s solution didn’t seem illogical. Four and a half hours wasn’t a bad drive down a straight road. She’d been to Goodland several times with Millie.
“What about the weekends you play somewhere else?”
“I’ll take an early flight to Wichita on Sunday mornings. We’ll spend the day together.”
“That’ll get expensive.”
He lifted her hand to his lips. “Worth every penny.”
She sighed as he kissed her wrist. “Flying to see me would eventually get old.”
“Let’s take this one step at a time. You can also come visit me here. Not just weekends. Anytime.”
“Where are you playing next weekend?”
“Aurora, I think. I’ll have to check with Doogen.”
Her heart dived. She’d rather meet him for dinner tonight. Go to a movie the next night. Have lunch hour together at some tiny restaurant in town. Didn’t matter what town, as long as they were both in it.
“Yay. I get one whole day with you in Wichita to last me an entire week.”
“You’re impossible.” He snickered. “Just say yes, Zoe. Say you’ll give it a try.”
Zoe shivered. How could she say no to those puppy-dog eyes? Who knew? Maybe this could work out. Maybe Millie was wrong about people who lived apart. Maybe the much-assumed phrase, long-distance relationships don’t work out, might actually have an escape clause.
“All right.” She caught his gaze. “Wichita. Sunday?”
He grinned. “Wichita. Sunday.”
Chapter Fourteen
Clause A. Long-distance relationships never work only if the couple lives more than eight hours apart.
Clause A, part one. Both couples must own a car, or borrow one in Zoe’s case, and must be willing to meet each other halfway.
Clause A, part two. If one person from the couple is lent a car by the other, she must first be sure it’s okay with her best friends, otherwise suffer their wrath.
Millie gave Zoe “the talk” as they wrapped leftover breads and goodies to send to the homeless mission in Wichita. Millie’s husband, Hank, the daily driver for the potato-chip company, stopped there every morning to drop them off.
“Rich guy meets small-town girl and sends her off with an expensive gift. While small-town girl sits at home believing she’s special, rich guy is messing around with the other woman, who happens to live in the same house with him.”
“Ben and Sheron’s relationship isn’t like that.” Zoe stuffed a loaf of French bread into a bag. “She may be beautiful, but she’s his sister-in-law.”
“I’m just saying.” Millie gave a quick shake of the bag of doughnut holes. “Urges between handsome guy and beautiful girl might become too strong, and then one thing will lead to another.”
“They argue too much to be romantically involved.”
“So do Hank and I. And we’re married.”
Zoe zipped the bag. “They’ve lived together for two years under the same roof. And it’d make sense for them to turn to each other. But even if they had slept together before, there’s no indication they’re sleeping together now.”
“Loins are loins,” Millie said in a loud voice.
“Millie!” Zoe pressed her finger against Millie’s lips to shush her.
The handful of local women who’d come to the bakery for Monday-night coffee and doughnuts stopped their chatter. They whispered, eyes shifting from one another to Millie as they lifted their purse straps over their shoulders.
“Hank wanted the store-brand loins, but I said no way! Every off-brand we’ve ever tried turns out tough as jerky.” Millie’s lips pressed together as the women stood to leave. “So, I bought a name-brand loin instead. Made Hank put it on the grill, and it turned out nice and tender. Juicy.”
As the ladies left the bakery, Zoe laughed. “Nice save.”
“Yeah, I’ll be the talk of the town tomorrow morning.” Millie snickered. “Anyway. Do you and Ben have plans to see each other soon?”
“This weekend.” Zoe lifted the last baguette from the tray and dropped it inside a bag. “I’m picking him up at the airport on Sunday.” Zoe couldn’t wait. It’d been thirty-five hours since she’d left him. He’d kissed her good-bye several dozen times before she drove off in his car.
“That’s great.” Millie set a few full bags inside the donation box, then turned to face Zoe. “I wanted to tell you this earlier, but I didn’t want to upset you while you were working. You seemed so happy today.”
“Uh-oh.” Zoe zipped up the bag. “Do I want to know?”
“No. But you need to.” Millie looked Zoe square in the eyes. “I ran into Nicholas at the grocery store Saturday. He talked to me.”
The hairs on the back of Zoe’s neck stood. Hands shaking, body weak, she dropped the bag on the floor.
Millie picked it up. As she set the bag inside the donation box, Zoe leaned back against the counter.
“What’d he say?”
“He wanted me to ask you to forgive him.” Millie’s brows furrowed. “I told him he must’ve forgotten about the black eyes and busted lips he gave you.”
Zoe shuddered. The grocery store was only a few blocks from her apartment. To think he’d been that close was nauseating.
“What else did he say?”
“He laughed and walked away.” Millie placed her hands on Zoe’s forearms. “I’m usually not scared of anything, but after talking to him, I calle
d Hank to come get me.”
“Oh, Millie.”
“Don’t you worry.” Millie wrapped her arms around Zoe. “Hank and I told Sheriff Clemens and Fred. And Renji… Well, you know he’ll be at your beck and call.”
The bell above the bakery door jingled. After an uneasy glance between them, they walked together toward the dining area. A young man in a ball cap stood near the door with a clear glass vase full of the most beautiful pumpkin-colored roses Zoe had ever seen.
“Sorry I’m delivering late,” he said. “Got stuck in traffic.”
“It’s okay.” Zoe breathed a sigh of relief. “Hang on.”
She went to the back room and picked up a bag of doughnuts from the donation box. She pulled a five-dollar bill from her purse and then went to gather the flowers.
As they exchanged items, the biggest grin crept across his boyish face “Thanks, ma’am.”
“You’re welcome.”
Zoe set the roses on the bistro table beside the door and then lifted the small rectangular card from its holder.
Miss you already. Can’t wait to see you this weekend. Ben.
Zoe pressed the card against her chest. “He is so sweet.”
“Indeed he is.” Millie stuck her nose against one of the roses and breathed in the scent. “I’m so jealous. Hank rarely sends me flowers anymore.”
Hank’s truck rumbled to the curb outside. Renji stepped out of the passenger side. This was the first time she’d seen him since she’d left Friday morning with Ben.
Renji opened the bakery door. “Hey.”
“Hi, Renji,” Zoe replied, happy to see him.
“Talk to you tomorrow.” Millie gave Zoe a quick hug. “And don’t worry. Everything will be all right.”
Zoe watched Millie get in Hank’s truck. The moment they drove away, Renji’s eyes shifted to Zoe.
He shoved his hands inside his pockets, then sighed. “He sent you flowers, huh?”
“Yep,” Zoe said, hoping he wasn’t going on a rant. “I had a good time in Denver.”
Renji picked up the vase. “That’s nice.”
Zoe gathered her purse and slipped on her jacket. She met Renji at the door and followed him out.