by Kira Hillins
“How do you feel now…” She paused to find the right words to say. Even after all this time, saying she’d been abused out loud was difficult. “Now that you know about my past?”
His hand enveloped hers, and he pulled her close. “I already knew someone hurt you. I wasn’t one hundred percent. But you say things in your sleep. You whimper. You have nightmares.” He loosened his hold on her hand. “The day at the cabin, when we were kissing, you got scared. You were scared of me.”
“I wasn’t scared of you.”
“You were.” He shook his head. “I would never in a million years intentionally hurt you. Zoe, I swear, I—”
“Ben, stop.” She cupped his face. It felt good to touch him. Console him. A kiss would lighten the mood. She leaned toward his lips, but he turned his head slightly. When her mouth caught the corner of his, her heart sank.
He peeled her hands from his face and lowered them to her sides. His eyes were tired as he gazed at her.
“Will you tell me about it?”
“Not exactly something I’m proud to talk about. But I’ll tell you what I can.”
“He hit you,” Ben said. His voice was strained.
“Repeatedly.”
“How long were you with him?”
“Almost three months.”
“He hit you when you broke up? Or did he do this throughout?”
She swallowed apprehension. “Throughout.”
He averted his eyes. If only she could read his mind, find out what he was thinking. Had she lost his respect? Was he not willing to stay with someone who had suffered through months of abuse?
He looked at her again. She wanted to relieve him of the question in his eyes without answering anything. She also knew he wouldn’t let her kiss him again until he’d learned more of her past.
“Were you too scared to leave him?”
He spoke in a softer voice. It was a higher pitch than before. Maybe he was trying to understand why she’d stay with a monster. She’d spent hours thinking of answers to this same question, but all she could ever come up with was how truly afraid she’d really been.
“He was charming for the first few weeks. I thought I cared about him, but I know now that I just felt sorry for him. When I found out how much he liked to drink, I guess I wanted to help him. But I learned the hard way that you can’t help someone who’s that sick.”
“He was a violent drunk.”
She nodded. She remembered the stench of tequila on his breath. She’d turned away when he’d tried to kiss her, resulting in bruises.
“Things were fine when he was sober. But when he got drunk—which was more often than not—then look out. Duck and cover.”
“When did you finally say enough was enough?”
Humiliation swarmed through her. She palmed her temple, trying to keep the memories of that night Nicholas raped her from moving to the front of her mind. If only she’d left him after the first time he’d hit her, it never would’ve happened.
“I finally told him—” She cleared her throat, choosing her words carefully. “I didn’t want to be with someone who wants to hurt me. And he left—at first. I think a week went by before I started getting hang-up calls.”
“He began stalking you.”
“He’d leave me nasty texts on my phone. The hedge I’d planted outside my bedroom window was cut down and left on my doorstep. One morning, I found the bakery door shattered and an empty tequila bottle on the floor in my office. He’d spray-painted my desk.”
“Is that why he went to jail?”
Gooseflesh spread over her body. Here came the dreaded story. She hadn’t said it aloud in two years. Not wanting to look Ben in the eyes, she lowered her gaze to his shoulder.
“He forced himself into my apartment. I’d seen him drunk before, but not like that night. He was vicious as he held me down. He hit me over and over until I could barely see or feel anything anymore.”
“Holy shit!” His sudden outburst startled her. She looked down. His hands had balled into tight fists on his lap.
Her heart hammered. God knew she wanted to tell him the entire story, but couldn’t find the words. They were stuck in the back of her throat, just as the images lingered in the back of her mind.
“Maybe you should go home. Knowing I’m damaged is obviously upsetting to you.”
“Well, yeah, it’s upsetting.” He pulled her closer. He curled his forefinger under her chin and lifted, catching her gaze. “Someone hurt the woman I care about. He’s still hurting her. That doesn’t sit well with me.”
Worried and tired as she was, she couldn’t help the smile forming on her face.
“You care about me?”
“Of course I do.” When his palm touched her cheek, she leaned against it. “We all have scars, Zoe. Your scars run deep, but you’re not damaged.”
“Then what would you call me?”
“Beautiful.”
For the first time in over two years, she held back tears of happiness instead of fear.
She slid her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his, indulging in a long, simple kiss. His tongue gently massaged hers as his fingers stroked her back. When he pulled away, he breathed a short sigh.
“You’re probably tired,” he said in a soft tone.
“Exhausted.”
“Me too. I’ll need to get up early and rent a truck and trailer so I can haul the car and bike home.” He shrugged off his jacket, revealing a tan, jersey-style T. The shirt hugged his chest and torso. As he stood and draped his jacket over the back of the bar stool, she looked at the tattoo on his arm.
“So what’s your tattoo mean?”
As he picked up his duffel bag, he glanced down at the gun-toting soldier on his forearm. “Had plans to join the army when I was eighteen. Me and a few friends went to the parlor and got inked.”
“You joined the army?”
He shook his head. “Things didn’t quite work out the way I’d wanted.”
“What happened?” Zoe asked as he followed her into the bedroom.
“Chase talked me out of it. Actually, he forbade me to join. Said he’d never speak to me again if I left him.”
“Well, that’s not very nice.”
“Brothers.” He dropped his bag beside the bed and took off his shoes. “I tried to join anyway, but they wouldn’t let me enlist.”
She pulled a gown from the top dresser drawer. “Why not?”
“Juvenile record.”
He grabbed his toothbrush from his bag and left the room. She sat on the end of the bed. She fumbled the soft material of her peach gown through her fingers. Should she change in here? He’d already seen her naked. It wouldn’t be a big deal if he saw her in her panties and bra.
She set the gown beside her. She fisted the hem of her shirt. Holding her breath, she pulled it over her head and tossed it to the floor. She released the air in her lungs as she lifted the gown.
He came back through the door. Zoe jumped to her feet and hid her chest with the gown.
Ben pulled his shirt over his head. Electricity spread through her. Though she’d seen his toned upper body before, it’d always been just a glance. This time, she wanted to look—see all of him.
His arms were well built. There were a few thin patches of hair on his rounded pecs, just above his nipples. Thicker hair stretched from his navel down below the waistline of his dark jeans.
He unbuckled his belt. When he took off his pants, butterflies danced in her belly. She admired his strong legs as he lay on the bed on his back. The thick bulge beneath his boxers was prominent. She turned away.
She went to the bathroom. She put on her nightgown, brushed her teeth, and then joined him in bed.
As she snuggled under the covers on her back, he leaned over her. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” She smiled. “Just tired.”
He kissed her lips once. “Well, then, good night.”
“Good night.”
He reached over her and turned off
the light. He pulled the covers over him. As he lay on his back, he gave a heavy sigh, as if he’d been up for days and was finally able to sleep.
The clock read two a.m. She was tired, but her eyes stayed wide open.
Shadows. Too many lined the walls. It was just street lamps outside, shining light through the blinds over her window. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to fear.
Zoe closed her eyes.
The soft patter of rain on the roof relaxed her mind. Eased her tension.
THE RAIN SOUNDED nice on the roof. Noisy but relaxing. Ben folded his arms behind his head and sighed, staring at the dim light along the shadowed wall.
This village was cursed. There was no other explanation for all the bad luck he’d had here. Or maybe it was Zoe who was cursed. She’d had more bad luck than anyone he’d ever met.
Poor thing. He’d wanted to hold her in his arms, let her know he was here for her, but figured she was ready for some much-needed sleep.
Understandable. It’d been a long night for her. A long life. The girl had been through the wringer from the moment she was born. It’d been one horrible thing after another.
Anyone else would feel sorry for her, but he could relate. He’d been through some tough times too. Maybe that was why they got along so well.
Why would a guy hit a woman? Especially a woman as wonderful as Zoe. She was amazing. Sweet. He loved her smile. The way she laughed.
Was there a side of her he hadn’t seen yet? Had she pissed this guy off so much he’d take a swing at her and keep on swinging?
Didn’t matter how pissed Ben got at a woman. He’d never do anything to hurt her. Even if she hit him first, he’d just walk away and cool off.
A faint flash lit the room. A rumble of thunder in the distance sounded nice. The rain on the roof pounded harder. His eyelids felt heavier.
“Ben?”
He rose on his elbows.
“Hey,” he said softly. “You okay?”
“No.”
“Come here.”
He pulled her into his arms and held her close. Her warm cheek pressed against his bare chest. Her fingers raking his abdomen caused a big stir inside him.
“I can’t sleep,” she whispered.
“Thinking about what happened tonight?”
“Can’t stop thinking about it.” She huddled closer against him. “Could you hold me until I fall asleep?”
“As long as you want me to.”
With her body this close to his, he could barely breathe. The flowery scent of her hair enticed him. Soft skin against his aroused him. If she moved her arm down just a little, she’d touch the tip of his erection.
He was helpless. Hopeless. One touch from this woman, and he wanted her. In a terrible way. After the horrifying night she’d had, sex was probably the furthest from her mind. Or maybe asking him to hold her in bed was her way of telling him she wanted to be with him.
“Zoe,” he said, gently gliding his fingers up and down her arm.
No response. A deep inhale and exhale told him she’d fallen asleep.
He held her tighter. He pressed his lips against the top of her head and then grinned. Who needed sex? Just holding her like this felt right.
Chapter Seventeen
Incessant pounding and chiming drove Zoe to open her eyes. The clock read 4:36 a.m. Crap. Renji was here to walk her to work.
Careful not to wake Ben, she pulled from his arms. He rustled slightly but went back to sleep. She tossed her legs over the edge of the bed and then rose.
Pain shot down her neck and shoulders. The wreck had taken its toll on her body. She’d pop an ibuprofen and go back to bed if it weren’t for the insufferable pounding on the door.
Her head ached as she shuffled down the dark hall to the kitchen. She felt for the switch and flipped on the light. It blinded her.
Careful not to trip, she took the stairs to the front door slowly. She turned the outside light on and then glanced out the peephole to see Renji’s face.
She unlocked the knob. She unchained the silver chain, turned both dead bolts, and then opened the door.
Renji leaned against the door frame. “You’re not ready for work?”
“Not today.” She groaned. “Not after last night.”
“Are you sore?”
“And groggy.”
“Well. Since I’m here, can I come in?” he asked. “I’d like to talk for a minute.”
She stood aside. As he walked by, she noticed his bloodshot eyes.
She shut and locked her door. “You look tired too.”
“Didn’t sleep a wink.” He followed her to the kitchen. He sat at the breakfast bar and leaned forward against folded arms. “I like your new guy. He seems to really care about you.”
She placed her hand on his forearm. “I really like him too. He’s been a perfect gentleman. Even in bed.”
“Too much information,” he said with a quiet laugh. “So, I wanted to tell you that I actually went on a date last night.”
“With Fred?” She stuck out her tongue and then smiled.
“Good to see lack of sleep hasn’t ruined your sense of humor.” Renji’s eyes narrowed, but he cracked a grin. “The date was before I went on patrol with Fred.”
“Okay, lover boy. Who was your date with?”
“Drema Holetzer.” He beamed. Zoe swore she saw a hint of red in his olive-toned cheeks. “She’s incredible. Beautiful. Funny. Sexy. We went to dinner and ended up back at her place. I got some.”
“Talk about too much information.” Zoe laughed. “Well, good for you. Are you going to see her again?”
“I hope so.”
Ben strode into the kitchen. His stretchy boxers hugged his body. She couldn’t stop staring as he moved to the kitchen sink, muscles flexing.
“Sorry,” Ben grumbled as he grabbed a glass from the cabinet. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
Renji stood. He cringed as he mouthed, Oops. “Hey, man,” Renji said, clearing his throat. “Just coming to check on Zoe before I head off to work. You know, you’re welcome to use my truck today. Take your bike into town to get a new wheel.”
“Thanks.” Ben turned on the tap water and filled his glass. He leaned back against the kitchen sink. “I’ll probably rent a truck and trailer and haul both my vehicles home. Fix them myself.”
“You work on cars?” Renji arched his brows, looking mighty impressed.
“Ever since I can remember.”
Renji glanced at Zoe. “Well. See you later, bestie.”
Zoe giggled. “Later, Renji.”
“Take good care of her,” Renji said.
“Always.”
Gooseflesh spread over her body as she followed Renji to the door. When Renji stepped out, he turned around.
“Always?” He gave her a wink. “Nice. Call me later.”
Zoe smiled. “I will.”
When the door closed, she locked it up tight. She made her way to Ben.
He shrugged as he set down his glass. “Should I leave?”
She shoved her arms around his torso. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“You love him, don’t you?”
“Like an obnoxious brother.” She pressed her lips against his chest. “He’s my best friend.”
He took her face in his hands and massaged her cheeks with his thumbs. “I understand.”
“Good.” She cocked her head to the side. “So, what should we do now that we’re both awake?”
He grinned. “Breakfast?”
“I usually eat at the bakery.” She made her way to the refrigerator. She opened the door to reveal empty space. “I’m not very good at cooking, so all my meals come from either the bakery or the freezer.”
“We could go out to eat.”
Zoe couldn’t help watching him as he moved toward her. He was so beautiful in her kitchen. She loved having him here. If only he could stay so they could spend every morning together.
“I should probably go into work later,
just to get the deposit from yesterday and take it to the bank.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“Okay.”
She quickly shut the refrigerator door. She turned around. Face-to-face with him, she opened her mouth to speak, but nothing would come out.
“You’re blushing,” he said, placing his palms against the refrigerator. He leaned and kissed her lips.
Her legs weakened. She closed her eyes, enjoying the way his tongue licked hers. The way his body pressed against hers. Fire spread through every nerve.
He leaned back and smiled. “Good morning, Ms. Kearny.”
“Good morning, Mr. Solmer,” she whispered, knot in her throat.
“We have a busy day today.” His nose glided against hers. “Breakfast.” He kissed her top lip. “Bank.” He brushed both lips. As he gently pushed his tongue inside her mouth, her belly quivered.
He traced her jawline with his forefinger. He dragged his fingertips slowly, delicately down her neck. Her skin tingled as he touched the soft flesh above her gown.
When he parted from her mouth, she shivered. He pressed his palm back against the refrigerator and gazed into her eyes.
“Mind if we go into town to buy a new wheel for the motorcycle?”
“I don’t mind,” she whispered. “I’ve never been on a motorcycle before. Maybe you can take me for a ride when it’s fixed.”
“Sure,” he said. “Guess we should get ready, then.”
She walked down the hallway, him on her heels. After grabbing fresh clothes from her drawer, she went to the bathroom to take a shower.
Once she closed the door, she breathed. Her insides ached for his touch. Why couldn’t she just give in? Why couldn’t she jump in bed with him like a normal person?
“Not yet, Zoe,” she whispered to her reflection in the mirror.
Shaking off the desire, she hopped in the shower.
BEN CLOSED HIS eyes. When the shower turned on, he groaned. If it were any other woman, he’d probably have pushed a little harder. Fact was, he respected her more than anything. He wanted to win her heart. Her trust. He imagined this bastard who beat her didn’t let her make decisions on whether to be touched or not. Maybe the guy had done more than hit her.
He ran his fingers through his hair. Why was he here? Did Zoe really have him dangling from a string? Ready to do her will? The answer was evident. Here he lay in her bed, waiting on her in more ways than one. He’d wait as long as she wanted him to. Even if it meant he had to wait forever.