Take You Away

by Kira Hillins

  He shoved the shot glass forward. It slid across the counter until it stopped in front of Ben. Ben stared at it, feeling like a schmuck, wondering what to do. Not like he was an alcoholic. Drinking was just an attitude adjustment. He didn’t think about things that bothered him when he was drunk. Right now, things bothered him.

  Ben lifted the shot glass to his lips. He downed the liquid fast, coolness on his tongue, burn down his throat. Vodka tasted good.

  “Another?” Chauncey asked.

  Ben nodded. One more wouldn’t hurt. He already felt tensions fading. Another shot slid down, much easier than the first.

  “You’re not from around here.” Chauncey poured Ben another.

  Ben lifted the glass and tossed the drink back. He swallowed hard.

  “Denver.”

  “Skier?”

  Ben shook his head. Though he’d gone snowboarding several times as a young kid, he’d never had the desire to plow through the frigid stuff as an adult.

  “Dakota’s got some nice snowfields.” Chauncey refilled Ben’s glass. “Used to go cross-country skiing with the owner of this bar. Been working for her for years. Thought about asking her to marry me, but…I don’t know.”

  “What’s holding you back?” Ben asked, curious to hear someone else’s problems for a change. He downed the shot. This would be the last one, and then he’d quit. He’d had enough. Better not get too drunk, or he’d never get out of this town.

  The second he set the glass on the bar, Chauncey poured another.

  One more. Shouldn’t waste good liquor. He’d make sure to stop Chauncey after this one.

  “I’m not a coward when it comes to women. But Drema? She’s one intimidating dame.” He chuckled as he poured Ben another shot and then grabbed another glass off the shelf. “What about you?”

  “What about me?” Ben wasn’t interested in telling his story.

  “Got any gals at home?”

  “Got one here.”

  Chauncey’s brows arched. “Anyone I know?”

  “Maybe.” Seeing Chauncey staring, waiting for her name, he sighed. “Her name’s Zoe.”

  “Zoe from the bakery?” Chauncey said. Excited. “You are one lucky SOB. She’s fucking hot.”

  Ben pinched the crease between his eyes. “She won’t move to Denver.”

  “Women don’t want to move in.” He poured a shot in his glass, then one in Ben’s. “They want a ring on their finger.”

  “I’m not ready for that yet.”

  “I don’t think any man is.” Chauncey let out a snorting laugh. “I hear she has baggage anyways. Ex-boyfriend issues.”

  “Bastard’s stalking her.”

  Ben tossed back his drink and swallowed. Here he was drinking himself into depression when he should’ve stayed with Zoe. In the chaos, he’d completely forgotten about Nicholas, and what’d he’d done to her earlier.

  Then again, Renji had escorted her into her apartment. So, why should he bother going back?

  “Zoe has a stalker?”

  Ben growled. “You know, I came to relax for the night.”

  “Yeah, man, sure.” Chauncey poured him another shot. “I see you play guitar.”

  “How’d you know?”

  “Calluses on your fingers.” Ben watched Chauncey drink two shots in a row. A third went down before the guy finally continued. “Women dig musicians.”

  Ben shook his head. “Nah, man. It’s the hair.”

  Chauncey’s hearty laugh grabbed the attention of the two women sitting at the booth along the far wall. They smiled and waved. Chauncey raised his hand and then scratched the side of his blond head with his middle finger.

  “What do they call that?” Chauncey said, gaze still on the women. He pulled his shoulder-length hair back and then tied it loosely with a rubber band that he pulled from his front shirt pocket. “Googly eyes.”

  Ben tossed back his drink. If he didn’t quit now, he was going to end up drunk. He already felt pretty damn buzzed. Just like old times. One night only, then he’d go back to beer.

  Sigmund’s Hotel was right down the road. He could sleep it off there, and nobody would ever know. Mrs. Sigmund had hawk eyes, though. Maybe he’d sleep it off in the car down some dusty road instead. It wasn’t even his car. It was Zoe’s rental. He’d eventually have to get it back to her. That meant facing her again.

  “Another?” Chauncey asked, lip of the bottle hovering over the glass.

  “What the hell,” Ben said. He downed it fast. “One more.”

  “You sure can hold your liquor.”

  Ben would’ve taken that as a compliment before. Now it seemed wrong. He didn’t care. This took away the frustration. The confusion. The pain.

  “Mind if we join you?”

  Ben turned to find the two women from the booth sitting beside him. Great. Company. This was his cue to leave, but not before one more shot.

  “You from around here?” the pretty redhead with charcoal eyelids asked. Her hazel eyes dazzled in the light.

  “No.”

  She tugged on her short, sparkling dress. “Just passing through?”

  “Sort of,” he muttered.

  Somehow another drink landed in his glass. Didn’t matter. More was better. Another shot went down. The women whispered to each other. Chauncey spoke. Laughter broke out. Ben didn’t pay attention to any of it. Just concentrated on his drink, until Chauncey announced the bottle was empty.

  Chauncey took interest in the soused brown-haired girl. The woman returned the favor, leaning over the bar.

  “You gals want more Sex on the Beach?” Chauncey asked. A sheepish grin crept across his mouth. “I suppose that’s a yes. My treat, ladies.”

  The redhead placed her hand on Ben’s arm. Her pale pink fingernails reminded him of Zoe’s favorite shirt. Her other hand slid over his back.

  “I’m Mags,” she said. “This is Terri. We’re from Wichita.”

  “Heard on TV that this is the place to come for the party tomorrow,” Terri said. She flipped her long brown hair over her shoulder and then laughed. “Thought we’d check it out.”

  “It was so worth it,” Mags whispered in Ben’s ear. Her eyelashes fluttered, and her pouty red lips curved into a smile. “So, you want to party with me?”

  Ben tapped his shot glass on the bar. Chauncey poured the last few drips into his glass.

  “Need to grab another bottle from the back room,” Chauncey said.

  “Can I come?” Terri asked, hopping off the bar stool.

  “You can do anything you like with me, ma’am.” He tucked her arm under his and led her toward the back room.

  Ben sat alone with Mags, relaxed, not caring about much right now. She seemed pleased sitting next to him, hand sliding up his leg. She was attractive, tempting to the devil in him. He could take her in the back room. She’d be an easy fuck.

  Then he’d probably get her pregnant too.

  When Mags’s hand touched his groin, he rose to his feet. He stumbled into the stool beside him. Damn. Drunker than he thought. Mags caught his arm, but he wriggled from her grasp.

  “Gonna take a piss,” he muttered.

  Didn’t matter if she heard or not; he’d said it. Maybe he slurred his words. Maybe the sentence didn’t come out right. He needed to get to the bathroom. At least in there, he’d be alone. That was all he’d wanted from this trip to the bar—to be drunk and alone. To forget about Zoe.

  He stopped at the bathroom mirror and stared at his reflection. His face distorted. Chase stared back at him.

  Idiot. You’re fucked up. You’re screwing up the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

  He gritted his teeth. “Shut the hell up, Chase.”

  He hated himself. He’d made promises to Chase that he’d never touch the stuff again. Not like this. Now look at him—drunk because he knocked up his girlfriend after a month of dating. Wasted because of his insecurities. Pathetic.

  Worthless piece of shit, Chase continued. After
the hell she’s been through, why would she stay with a fucking drunk like you? She won’t move in with you now that you accused her of cheating.

  He turned away from the mirror, from Chase’s haunting stare. If Chase were truly here, he’d speak those exact words. He’d be disappointed. Chase would tell Ben to call Zoe to come pick him up. Beg for her forgiveness. She’d yell at Ben and then take away his car keys.

  Ben pulled his cell phone from his jacket pocket. It fell in the sink. Zoe’s image popped up on the display. Blue eyes stared at him. Her smile set his insides on fire.

  “Damn it!”

  He picked up his phone. If this buzz would go away, he’d go back to her apartment and demand she forget about the bakery. Forget about Renji. Didn’t matter if she’d fucked the guy; he couldn’t have her.

  She only lived a mile down the road. This late at night, there’d be nobody out. He could make it. He’d be there in no time, insisting she come home with him. If she wanted to get married, they’d do it tonight.

  Ben slid down the wall to the floor next to the sink. He closed his tired eyes and laughed at his ridiculous thoughts.

  Marriage. What a joke. Completely out of the question. Why would she leave this place when she had Renji and their fucking bread shop? The baby was his anyway.

  Miserable depressed drunk. That’s all you’ll ever amount to.

  Chase’s words lay heavy on his heart. Even though Zoe had healed his wounds, made him feel worthy of love for a while, he couldn’t make her happy. It was obvious with the contingency plan she’d made with Renji.

  “Ben?”

  Ben opened his eyes to a pale blur. He’d heard a soft female voice but couldn’t move to see who’d called out. He tried to focus on his hand lying on the floor, palm open. His cell phone had slipped from his hand and sat turned over on the cool gray tile. He closed his eyes.

  “Ben. Are you in here?”

  He lifted his chin off his chest. “Zoe?”

  Shit. He didn’t want her here seeing him like this. “Fucking idiot,” he mumbled, picking up his phone. He dropped it again. It clattered across the floor and stopped in front of a pair of slip-on shoes.

  Zoe was here. Crying. He’d hurt her. God, he never wanted to hurt her.

  “This is all my fault,” she said, falling to her knees beside him. Her hands cupped his face. This was wrong—so very wrong for her to see him this way.

  “Baby, no,” he said, shoving her hands away. He stood and leaned back against the wall. “You deserve…way better than me.”

  Ben fisted the car keys and then stumbled toward the door. Drunk was an understatement. His bearings were way off. He bumped into chairs and tables to get to the exit.

  In the parking lot, he drew in a deep breath. The open road called his name. When he pressed the remote to unlock the car, Zoe grabbed the keys.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” he said. “Give me the keys.”

  “No.”

  She backed toward the car. He followed, hand out until she was against the driver’s-side door. With nowhere for her to go now, he reached for the keys.

  Zoe drew her arm back, then punched the air. The keys left her hand and flew across the dark road. They landed in the tall grass lining the ditch.

  “Why the hell’d you do that?” He shoved her into the car, holding her tight against it. “How the fuck am I supposed to get out of this town now? Away from you?”

  “I’m not letting you drive.”

  “Because you love me so fucking much?”

  “Yes,” she replied softly. “I love you.”

  “Then why won’t you come home with me?” He tightened his grip and shook her once. “It’s Renji’s baby, isn’t it? Bet he told you to stay here.”

  “You’re hurting my arms, Ben.”

  He immediately let go. Heart in his throat, he scanned her face in the low light shining from the street lamp. Tears streamed down her face. She looked scared to death. Scared of him. It felt like the punch to the gut he’d taken earlier, but a million times worse.

  “Oh God, Zoe.” He fell to his knees. “I’m so sorry.”

  Her fingers gently raked through his hair. “It’s okay.”

  “It’s not okay!”

  When he pressed his cheek against her abdomen, her body shuddered. The coolness of her shirt felt good on his burning face.

  “I’ll take care of you,” she said.

  “No, baby. I was supposed to take care of you. I can’t even do that right.”

  It wasn’t often tears worked into his eyes. First time was at Chase’s funeral. He had been drunk then too. Pissed off at the world, he’d caused a scene.

  This time, his heart stung. Alcohol drowned his troubles. He’d make a terrible husband and father. Better to say good-bye than put her through any more of his shit.

  * * * *

  Under the street lamp, Zoe searched through the grass. Stepping down in the ditch was a little scary, especially with creatures possibly hanging about in May’s unusual warmth. Not to mention there were other nightly critters, including the bats swooping down at her every so often.

  The keys were here somewhere. Too many tears in her eyes to see them, she continued patting the ground until her hand touched the ring. She grabbed them and hurried back across the road.

  Ben sat on the ground, eyes shut. He leaned against the driver’s-side door. She pulled on his arm, but he wouldn’t budge.

  “Come on, Ben,” she said, tapping his face with her palm.

  He groaned.

  “Let’s get you in the car.”

  She tugged on his arm again and he stood. With his arm around her shoulders, heavy weight against her, they stumbled to the passenger side. Once she finally got him in the seat, she blew a quick breath over her parted lips.

  All the stress she’d been under today, it was a wonder how she’d made it without heart failure. Hopefully by morning, he would have slept this off. Hopefully tomorrow they could work this crazy mess out without having to say good-bye.

  Chapter Thirty

  Zoe woke at six a.m. to the sound of rain pelting the side of the apartment. It was a nice sound. Homey. Cozy. Made her want to stay in bed tucked comfortably under the covers with Ben, but she had to meet the girls at the bar. They had a party to set up for.

  She rolled to her side. The light of her alarm clock gave Ben’s shadowed form an orange glow. She gently dragged her thumb over his dark brow. He was so handsome. It felt like she’d known him for years.

  The night’s chaos flooded her mind, washing away the snug feeling. If the doctor was right about the time, that meant they’d conceived the very first night they’d made love. What were they going to do now?

  She didn’t blame Ben for wanting to get drunk, but it hurt. It hurt that he thought she’d cheat on him. It hurt that he’d suggest this child was Renji’s. More than that, it hurt that it sent him spiraling down the bottle, where he shouldn’t be.

  Her gut churned. She moaned as she rolled off the bed, then headed for the bathroom. She fell to her knees in front of the toilet and waited. Nothing came up. After the queasiness subsided, she washed her hands and went to the bedroom closet. Today was supposed to be sunny and sixty degrees. Her peach sweater would look nice with her skirt.

  She didn’t feel very social. Nothing mattered. Not the outfit, her hair, or the lack of makeup on her face. To go meet with cackling, happy-go-lucky women while Ben lay here passed out, facedown on the pillow, left arm and leg dangling over the edge of the bed, just didn’t seem right.

  She nudged him to see if he’d wake, but no such luck. He was out.

  Going with an ankle-length sundress and a jean vest, she slipped her feet inside her tennis shoes and went outside.

  She breathed in deep. The air was refreshing on her skin as she strolled down the walkway toward the bakery.

  The place sat quiet against the lightening sky. It was a lonely scene but would soon be bustling with townsfolk getting their morning fix
.

  The bell jingled when she walked in. She turned on the neon OPEN sign as she normally did in the mornings, and then strode to the kitchen.

  “Good morning.” Renji beamed, holding a large cookie sheet in his gloved hand. He tipped the pan, and twenty chocolate doughnuts slid down on the counter. A brilliant smile stretched across his face as he turned his attention back to her. “You ready for the party?”

  “No.” She leaned back against the counter. She grabbed up a doughnut and stuffed the warm pastry in her mouth. “But I suppose I’ll manage.”

  “Drema recruited me to help move crates in the back room, so guess I’ll be joining you during setup today.”

  “Drema, huh?”

  “Yeah,” he replied with a shrug. “We like each other.”

  “I’m happy for you.” Zoe stuffed another bite in her mouth. “You’re still closing for me at ten?”

  “Sure.” He came to her side. “I’ll lock the doors and head over there about fifteen after.”

  Before she could stop him, he leaned down and kissed her cheek.

  “What was that for?”

  “What happened last night? After you kicked me out of your apartment, you went to Holetzer’s. Drema told me you were there for Ben.”

  “Yeah. It’s not a big deal.”

  The corners of his lips turned downward. “I already know he went out and got drunk.”

  “Drema called me last night. She said he’d passed out in the bathroom at her bar. He’s sleeping it off now.”

  “What happened to your arm? Did he hurt you?”

  She glanced down to find two faint bruises on each side of her left arm. “It’s nothing.” When he tried to touch her, she stepped back.

  He growled. “Did he do that?”

  She shook her head. “After what I went through with Nicholas, do you really think I’d stay with anyone who hurt me?”

  “But did he do that?”

  “No.”

  Renji placed his hands on her shoulders. “What happened at the hospital?”

  Zoe shrugged and then looked away, eyeing the plushie mascot at the end of the pastry case. The stuffed Jayhawk taunted her.

  The clock above the table ticked and then tocked. The room spun. She stumbled back a few steps, breathing hard, stomach churning.