by A. M. Brooks
“I know.” The words slip from her mouth quietly. My eye brow rises.
“You look nervous.” I lean toward her and place kisses along her neck and collarbone.
“I’m not nervous,” she answers quickly, her voice becoming husky, “it’s not my first time but,”
“But, what?” I pull back, forcing her eyes to mine. The air shifts around us, emotions coiled in my stomach tighten in knots.
“This is going to change things. We probably shouldn’t, but I want you.” Her words are my undoing.
“I want you, too,” I reply, before leaning over her again and silencing her with another kiss to her lips.
I easily hook my index finger into her leggings and pull them down in one fell swoop. My head slants, taking in the fact that she isn’t wearing anything underneath.
“The princess likes going commando,” I chuckle softly.
“Bite me, Jakobe,” she huffs, from her prone position on the bed. Her eyes are roaming all over me, taking everything in, and I know she’s not actually mad. It’s a façade, just like when I pretend to hate her.
“I plan to, Baby.” The words sound gruff coming from my mouth that I barely recognize it. If it’s possible, her cheeks turn redder as her chest falls and lifts rapidly. The tip of her tongue darts out to wet her bottom lip. Purple locks of hair now fall loose around her face while she holds my gaze. “You’re so beautiful, Say.”
Without taking my eyes off hers, I sink to my knees at the side of her bed. My hands land on her hips and drag her forward. She lets out a burst of air that quickly turns to a moan, the minute my lips graze against the sensitive skin on the inside of her thigh. I repeat the same pattern, biting, sucking, kissing on both sides, until she can’t lay still anymore, and she’s wet, so fucking wet. I slide my fingers between her folds, enjoying the way her hips buck into my hand, eager for more. Her head falls back, and her eyes close, when I start fucking her with my index and middle fingers, swirling her clit with my thumb. Her legs tense, before falling over my shoulders on their own, like they were made to be there, just like my shoulders were sculpted to hold them perfectly in place.
“That’s my little demon,” I whisper against her flesh, before replacing my hand with my tongue. Of course, Saylor tastes better than I could have imagined. I have to close my mind off from the way she grinds against me, seeking out the orgasm she knows I’m going to give her.
Don’t come. Don’t come. Don’t come.
The wind kicks branches against the outside of the house, reminding me how frigid it is out there. In here, though, things are burning up like an inferno.
“Ci, I’m going to...” She bites on her bottom lip, at the same time I suck her hard little clit into my mouth, and she comes so hard, she yells my name and draws blood from the lip held hostage between her teeth.
I pop up the second her hips stop seeking my face and grab the condom from my wallet on the floor. I roll it on and line up the tip with her entrance, before leaning over her and wrapping those lilac strands around my fist. Her head snaps to me, her eyes unfocused and her lips definitely bruised. My mouth crashes over hers, my tongue sliding against hers, forcing her to taste how delicious she is.
Her hands come up to grip my shoulders, and I shift my hips until my cock slides all the way inside her in one go, burying myself to the hilt. She groans in pleasure and not pain. Crazy thoughts fill my mind while I pump my hips in and out of her. Things like I’ll be the last one she ever has, I’ll ruin her for anyone else, and that she’s made for me. All these feelings swirl inside my chest until they threaten to rip me apart from the inside. I fight to regain my control and remind myself who exactly I’m fucking right now, I don’t want to scare her, but my monster is too far gone. He loves how she feels and the grip she has around my dick, so hard and so tight, that my balls tense up sooner than I want.
I have to pull back to watch her face. Our eyes clash, the molten chocolate of hers burns me alive. Even as I try to hold part of myself at a distance, she is still fighting to bring us closer together with a fire under her touch. Scorching my skin and branding what’s left of my soul. She’s melting the hardened pieces I keep locked away. I only last a few more minutes before I come, the hardest I’ve ever in my life, following after her and emptying into the condom.
Decorum probably states I should roll off her to let her breathe, but I can’t force myself to pull away from her contact. Our stomachs are slick and slide against each other easily. I wonder, for only a second, what she’s going to think once she learns the truth about Rogue and the twisted history connected to her mom. I should tell her now; instead, I force her head up to mine and give her another hard kiss. Her hands wind around my neck again, holding me to her. It’s the final nail in my coffin. There is no escaping from me now, Princess.
Saylor
After that first night with Ciaran, we’ve done a one-eighty flip. I can’t keep my hands off him when he’s around, and he’s the same with me. Even at school, where we’ve agreed is a no-go zone, he finds small ways to touch me. His fingers graze mine in the hallway, he accidently grinds against my butt in the lunch line, small things that send a livewire connection right to my core. His eyes never leave me. He finds me the minute I walk into the same space he’s in, and I find him, too. With my lashes lowered, I practically stalk him during the lunch period. While we agreed not to cling to each other at school or be open about this budding friendship between us, my heart jumps around in my chest when he keeps other girls at a distance now.
Over this past week, Matt has been home more often again, which has made him sneaking into my room more of a challenge. When we happen to be home in the evenings together, it feels like we’re on borrowed time. Work has suddenly picked up momentum, which feels like a bad omen. I check any chance I get on my mom and sister’s dot on the board in Matt’s basement. Every time, the light is shining bright.
It’s finally the weekend again, and Ciaran tells me I’m going with him and the guys ice fishing up at the Ridge. Kai is excited about it and sends me texts all week, trying to goad me into a competition for the biggest catch. Loser has to down three straight shots of tequila. He’s grown on me, and I think he’s accepting of my position in Ciaran’s life. It’s Silas who still has a problem. While he doesn’t call me out in public or sneer at me from across the room anymore, he isn’t exactly friendly either. If anything, he goes out of his way to continue ignoring me. At first, it hurt my feelings, but now, I’m only worried he’s hurting Ciaran. I never want Ci to feel he’s in the position to choose between us. A, because I know he won’t choose me and B, I would never recover from the loss. He’s become as essential to be as air and that scares the shit out of me. It’s a secret I plan to take to the grave.
When I wake up Saturday morning, the sun is shining for once. The reflection of the snow is almost blinding, and I need my square frame sunglasses just to avoid a headache. Jumping out of bed, I quickly throw on the clothes Ciaran said I’d need and grab the bag I had packed before bed. After brushing my teeth and securing my hair in its usual top-knot, I make my way down to the kitchen. The room smells delicious. My eyes widen in surprise to see Matt at the stove. I wasn’t aware he was home again.
“Take a seat, Gossip Girl,” Kai calls from the direction of the table, which is when I notice that all three boys are sitting and waiting. Their eyes all follow me as I sit in one of the empty chairs. Ciaran’s eyes narrow on me because I took the one next to Kai and not him. Kai loves it and smirks. Matt serves up plates of food and sits with us. They talk about the shop, orders and extractions. I can tell they’re tiptoeing around how much information to share with me. On some level, I’m bothered by this, and yet, also grateful. I’m not ready to completely immerse myself into their world when I plan on checking out at some point.
After breakfast, I help Matt clear the dishes, while the guys pack up all the bags and supplies and hook the trailer to Ciaran’s truck.
“Have fun,” Matt s
ays, skeptically, when I head for the door.
“Why? What’s wrong?” I question, feeling uneasy with the look on his face.
His shoulders lift and an easy grin pulls his lips apart. “Your mom wasn’t one for ice fishing,” his eyes fade to the past, “I wonder if you’ll be the same.”
I roll my eyes. My mom hated anything that had to do with the outdoors and nature. Sometimes, I’m surprised she lived this life and wonder if that’s part of the reason she decided to leave it behind. She was way more comfortable in our living room working on a crossword all weekend than camping, fishing, or even renting a boat on the Fourth of July at the Hamptons. Just remembering her brings a smile to my lips. Even with her quirks, I love her.
“I miss her,” I tell Matt, knowing he’ll understand.
“They’re doing well,” he assures me, and it works. I’m building somewhat of a life here, while away from my family. Knowing they’re in a good spot eases the guilt that I’m happy, too, even when they’re gone.
“Let’s go, Ariel!” Silas yells inside, sounding irritated. I frown, not missing the way he continues to use my fake name, even when it’s just us.
“He’ll get over it,” Matt pipes up.
“Yeah,” I nod. “Right.” I grab my jacket, hat and gloves, before sliding my feet into some snow boots.
The drive up to the Ridge goes better than planned. It probably helped that I chose to sit in the back with Kai and didn’t talk much the whole way up, unless I was forced to. Ciaran drives the long way around until we pull into a parking lot where a sign reads boat launch. My hand moves toward the handle to get out.
“What are you doing?” Kai questions, watching me.
“Getting out so we haul all this stuff,” I answer. All three of them howl with laughter, until I’m ready to smack them.
“That’s cute, Gossip Girl,” Kai gasps between laughs. I’m about to open my mouth and let them have it when I realize we’re driving over the ice to the middle of the lake.
“What the actual fuck!” I roll my window down and stick my head outside, confirming what I see.
Silas snickers from his seat upfront. “How did you think we’d get out on the ice?”
“Walk!” I practically yell, my eyes swinging over all of them, “Like normal people. What if this big ass truck falls through? We’re all going to die.”
“Relax.” Ciaran’s icy blue gaze connects with mine in his rearview mirror. “The ice is hella thick. My truck isn’t going to break through it.”
“Yeah, relax,” I mumble under my breath, my eyes squeeze shut, and I force my mind not to think about it. One, Two, Three, Four….
“I think we broke her,” Kai jokes next to me.
I ignore them and the way they try to bait me, keeping my eyes closed. Maybe if I don’t see it then it’s not really happening. After what seems like forever, the truck comes to a stop. Their doors pop open, and they hop out. My body is frozen in fear.
“Are you going to stay in here?” Silas asks, suddenly next to my window. “If you’re inside the vehicle, and it falls through the ice, you’re going to have a helluva time getting out.”
My eyes snap open with new panic, and I spring from the truck. Silas laughs again. “Glad to be your entertainment,” I remark snidely. He walks away, shaking his head.
They roll the ice house off the trailer and work on securing it in place. I stand outside, regarding it like another death trap.
“You need to chill.” Ciaran’s mouth is right next to my ear, his breath warm against the cold shell. Tingles spread down my arms from the sensation.
“Are you going to move your truck?” I ask, all kinds of worst-case scenarios are playing in my head.
Ciaran glances at me and back to the truck, putting together where my thoughts have gone. “Having my truck next to us isn’t going to cause the ice to break.”
“You don’t know that,” I tell him, shaking my head.
His jaw clicks, before he reaches into his pocket and takes out his keys. He stomps angrily to the truck and hops in.
“Are you serious?” Silas asks from beside him.
“Would you rather she continues to shout and be hysterical out here? She’s scaring all the fish away,” Ciaran answers. I stick my tongue out.
His idea of far away and mine are clearly not the same. I swear he only moved it a few feet from the ice house. Enough distance for the band around my heart to cease, yet not far enough away to allow my body to relax. After a lot of convincing, Ciaran finally gets me inside the ice house. It’s larger than I imagined. The middle of the room has two holes dug and scooped out. Silas and Kai are both sitting in fold out chairs with their poles in one hand and a beer in their other. There is a small countertop area and a set of bunk beds on both ends. Despite the chill outside, the space is actually warm.
Ciaran takes an empty chair and uses his free hand to pull me down onto his lap. I tense when Kai and Silas watch us. This is the most public display of attention he’s given me, and it’s in front of his best friends. My cheeks tinge pink. Ciaran doesn’t comment, he only rubs circles over my back, trying to ease the muscles. Eventually, they go back to talking amongst themselves. Kai pulls his phone from his pocket and turns on some music. My ears instantly pick up on Brantley Gilbert’s “Man of Steel.”
“Good song,” I murmur to myself. Kai hears me, though.
“You like country?” he asks. Genuine curiosity laces his tone, making me feel more comfortable.
I shrug. “I like a little of everything.”
“Same.” Kai smiles. “Some of his stuff is the best to rip chords to.” He strums his fingers on an air guitar, and I laugh. “Speaking of, that one blonde chick, the one with Rhodes. She’s after me again to play for their stupid talent show act.”
“Didn’t she do that last year, too, after you told her ‘no’ a hundred times?” Silas asks.
“Yes! I had to publicly turn her down to get it through her head I wasn’t doing it.” Kai shakes his head, scoffing at the memory.
The hours tick by with them mostly making small talk. I learn from their interactions that Kai is the peacekeeper. Silas is genuinely more hot-headed, and he’s also the first one to throw down a bet or a good joke. Ciaran rarely engages. He prefers to sit back and let them talk, only offering his voice when requested or he has something important to say. He emits dominance and control, even in his close group of friends, the guys he trusts with his life. A new appreciation for their bond starts to form. I instantly miss Oaklynn again but shut that thought down as soon as it arises. I haven’t set up another call, just like I promised, and I have no plans to go back on my word. Ciaran could have ruined me that night. I gave him the key to the kingdom to have me sent away. Besides chewing me out when he found out, he hasn’t mentioned it again.
“Aiden just got here.” Kai leans across to show Silas his phone. Silas’ eyes glance at the screen.
“Let’s go.” They stand up and reel in their hooks.
“Where are we going?” I ask, turning to face Ciaran.
“They’re leaving.” He nods to the guys. Silas averts his eyes while Kai gives me a shit eating grin.
“No offense!” He puts his hands up. “But I’m not about to share a hut with the two of you tonight. All the sexual tension in here is making me horny.”
Silas reaches out and slaps Kai upside the head. “Move.”
Kai laughs and follows him out the door, calling over his shoulder, “Have a fun night, kids. Remember, no love without a glove!”
“Jesus,” Ciaran groans, while I laugh.
“They didn’t have to leave,” I tell him, feeling unsure of myself. “We could go to the party, too, if you want,” I offer.
He turns me in his lap until my chest is resting against his and my legs dangle on either side of the chair, straddling his lap. His hands rest on my hips, before reaching up to push my coat off my shoulders. I watch him, watching me, loving the red flush that appears high on his che
ekbones, and his eyes glaze with desire. He’s so beautiful, my chest squeezes before beating wildly in my chest. Ciaran reaches up and pulls the hat from my head, running his fingers down the long strands of my hair.
Tentatively, I reach my fingers out to his jaw, gripping it in my palm, before sliding my fingers across the sharp angles. His jaw is so powerful, it could cut glass.
“Why do you like ice fishing?” I ask, keeping my voice light.
He shrugs. “It’s quiet. We get to chill away from everyone and let things go.” I nod, taking his words to heart. Thinking about the pressure these boys are under, the positions they’ve been thrust into, it has to take a toll on them.
“Why do you want to take over Rogue? It always sounds like the place is tearing you in half, but you still want it for yourself someday. Why not leave?” I question, my fingers continuing their dance over his cheeks, his nose, his perfectly thick and shaped eyebrows and down over his lips.
“For them. The families, kids…they need us. When your own government can’t keep you safe; sometimes, you have to go rogue.” His eyes lock on mine, his fingers twisting in the material of my sweatshirt. Before I can blink, he whips it off over my head, until I’m sitting in my jeans, boots and bra. The chill creeps over my exposed skin, tingling my skin with goosebumps and hardening my nipples.
Ciaran’s lips touch my neck and collarbone, sprinkling light kisses up and down. I squirm in his lap, which only makes him groan.
“What was your favorite meal your mom made when you were a kid?” I ask, breathless, my thoughts starting to scatter.
“Mac and cheese,” he answers quickly.
I laugh. “For real?”
“My mom can’t cook for shit.” He shrugs. “Love the woman to death, but if it wasn’t for my grandma, we would have starved. Plus, my mom worked nights at the hospital when I was young, and it was rare we ate together.”
“What about now?” I question further.
Ciaran laughs. “She still can’t cook. I think she tried to learn once, and it didn’t go well. Matt banned her from the kitchen. She’s gone a lot, but when she is home, we try to take her out to eat or we grill. I guess I really love steaks.”