She swallowed. “I’d better get Aria into bed.”
“Okay.” He stepped back from her, forcing himself to stop touching her. He needed to get a hold of himself. “You can teach me the nighttime routine.”
Chapter 8
Kendra folded her arms. Why was Jacob insisting on spending time with Aria? It was unnerving. She didn’t want Aria getting close to Jacob, only to be devastated when he left for another six years. Kendra knew all too well what that felt like, and she didn’t want her daughter to go through that.
But how could she object to him helping her put Aria to bed? She couldn’t. Not when he was right there. And especially not when she had to do what she knew she had to do.
She had to tell Jacob the truth.
If she didn’t, she would hate herself forever. It was easier when he was the jerk who left and ignored her letters. But now, he’s not that guy. His mother was the one who kept her letters from him. How can she lie to him now?
But first, she needed to get Aria into bed. Then she could tell him.
Her fingers shook as she led Jacob into the bathroom where Aria was brushing her teeth. She was already in her pajamas. “Great job, honey.”
“I’m getting all the back ones,” Aria said with her toothbrush in her mouth. It came out so garbled she was sure Jacob had no idea what she’d said.
Kendra laughed. “Good for you.”
Aria spit into the sink. “Can Jake sing me his song?”
Kendra’s stomach dropped. Memories of Jacob singing to her surfaced and her throat closed. They were too private. Too intimate. She didn’t want to remember them. She shook her head. “No, sweetheart. Jake doesn’t have time to sing you a song before bed.”
“I have time,” Jacob said. “And I don’t mind.”
Aria squealed as she rinsed her toothbrush. “Yay!” She placed her toothbrush in the cup and jumped down from her stool. “Come on, let’s go in my room. You can sing in there.” She grabbed Jacob’s hand and pulled him into the other room.
Kendra had no other choice but to follow, unless she wanted to call attention to herself. And that was the last thing she wanted to do. She sat down on the chair in the corner of the room, the one she and Aria snuggled in when it was time to read her bedtime story.
But tonight Aria didn’t climb up on her lap. She insisted on sitting on her bed next to Jacob. She looked up at him with such adoration in her eyes. Kendra was a fool to think she could keep Aria from latching on to Jacob. She obviously already was enthralled with him.
“What do you want me to sing?” Jacob asked.
“I want you to sing that song you were humming. Earlier.” Aria leaned so far into him she was practically sitting on him.
Jacob pulled her the rest of the way up on his lap and she beamed, her eyes bright. “Okay,” he said softly.
He began to hum a tune Kendra had never heard before, but for some reason, it sounded familiar. It was his style. The tune was so…him. He hummed for a few minutes before Aria started humming with him, once she’d heard the chorus a couple of times.
Listening to her daughter making music with her father caused emotion to swell in Kendra’s throat. She’d seen her daughter’s love for music in her early on. Always singing. Her favorite toy was her Dora radio. She’d sing along, her little microphone pressed to her lips. She inherited her love for music from Jacob.
He ended the song and kissed Aria on the top of her head, and with that one action Kendra knew the truth. Jacob had figured it out. He knew.
He was too tender toward her. Too loving. He had to know. She watched him tuck her into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. “Good night,” he whispered.
“Will you sing me another song?”
He chuckled. “No. You need to sleep now. Be a good girl and close your eyes. Then, the sleep fairy will come.”
Aria did as she was told with childlike faith.
“After the sleep fairy comes you’ll fall asleep in no time.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead again, then stood and stepped quietly from the room. Kendra crossed the room and joined him in the hallway, shutting off the light and closing the door to a crack.
“You have this bedtime thing down pat,” she whispered.
“Beginner’s luck,” he whispered back. His smile crinkled his eyes and for a moment she had the stupidest urge to touch his face. She shook the thought away.
“Let’s go.” She brushed past him and went into the small kitchen.
“I’ll get the ice cream. You get the spoons.” Jacob gave her a wink, and her heart jumped.
She could easily fall back in love with Jacob Mitchell. He was so easy going. Charming and warmhearted. But she knew he was only in Highland Falls for a few days. He’d said it himself. He started on tour next month. No matter what, he would leave, and she would be left alone. Like last time. She clenched her jaw and turned to get the spoons from the drawer.
They sat down at the small kitchen table, opposite each other, the dish of ice cream between them. Jacob spooned out a scoop with chocolate syrup. “So, I never got to ask you. How was your trip to Europe?”
Kendra stiffened. It was such an emotional time for her. It was in Europe when she realized she might be pregnant. And at the time she thought Jacob was mad at her, so that tainted her trip. But there were some fantastic moments as well. It was the first time she’d been out of the country. The only time. And she was with Laurie, her best friend at the time.
She thought about what to tell him while she scooped some ice cream. “It was amazing.”
“What was your favorite part?”
“There were a lot of favorite parts. The Louvre, the Eiffel tower. Getting to ride in a gondola in Venice. Walking the Swiss Alps. It was all awe inspiring. Surreal to be in the places I’d only seen on television.”
“Did you get the picture you wanted?”
He remembered that? She had been a bit obsessed about getting the perfect sunset photo of the Eiffel tower. She was surprised he remembered such an odd thing. “Yes. I got it.”
He dug into the banana. “Can I see it?”
She studied him. He seemed genuinely interested. She nodded and went into her bedroom to get out the album. She knelt beside her bed and pulled out the under-the-bed storage box. As she lifted out the album, memories of that time washed over her.
There had been a reason she hid the album away under the bed, but not all the memories were bad. And as she sat back down and handed him the book, some of the good ones surfaced.
He opened the album and she scooted her chair to his side of the table so she could see the pictures as well. She pointed. “That was on the plane. Laurie and I were so exhausted, but too excited to sleep. So, we got silly with my camera.”
Jacob chuckled. “I bet your classmates loved all the sleeping pictures of them.”
“Especially this one.” She pointed to a pair of close-up nostrils.
He laughed. “Who was that?”
“Jenna Jacobson. She never found out we took that picture.”
“That’s a good thing. She was kind of mean.”
“Yes. And that’s why we took it.” Kendra laughed. She told him about the trip as they flipped the pages.
“Ah, there’s the famous sunset photo,” Jacob said, pulling the book closer. He examined it. “It turned out really nice. You always had a great eye for photography.”
“Thanks.”
“Do you still take pictures?”
Kendra shook her head. “No.”
“Why not? You were so good at it.”
She looked around her kitchen. “Not much call for photographers in Highland Falls. Not in the way that would pay the bills. I’m not in high school anymore, Jacob.”
He seemed sad. “I know.” He finished looking at the rest of the photos, and after the banana split was all gone, she knew it was time to talk about real things.
It was time to tell him the truth. They had an awkward pause as she fiddled with the ph
oto album, unable to look at him. Jacob hopped up and rinsed out the container, then put the dirty spoons in the dishwasher.
After he sat back down, he looked down at his fingernails. “When did you find out you were pregnant?”
The question took her aback, but she should have known it was coming. Talking about the trip wasn’t an accident. He knew. And he was wanting the truth. She took in a breath, finally ready to admit it.
“On my trip.”
He stared at her, working his jaw. After a moment, he said, “There was no guy in France, was there?”
She couldn’t lie to him any longer. She shook her head. “No.” It came out a whisper.
Jacob ran a hand through his hair. “Why didn’t you tell me about her?”
“Because, when I wrote to you, I begged you to come home so we could talk. I told you I had something very important to tell you. I bore my soul to you. And when you didn’t come…didn’t even answer, I thought that was my answer.” She stared at the album, her vision blurring.
He reached out and put a hand over hers. “You felt rejected. Left behind.”
She nodded. “Yes. And I had no contact for you. I never got my phone back, so I lost all the numbers I had. Your mother was the only person I knew who could get in touch with you. She told me she’d send the letters. I had no reason to think otherwise.”
“And I continued to call your lost phone, long after the battery went dead. I thought you just didn’t want to talk to me. I thought that was your way of breaking up with me.”
Kendra felt the weight of his words. She blinked back the tears she couldn’t stop. “I’m sorry.”
Jacob shook his head and put his arm around her shoulders. “It wasn’t your fault. My mother lied to me. To both of us. She’s the one who has to answer for this.”
His arm warmed her, and Kendra allowed herself to snuggle into the spot where his neck met his chest. He smelled of musky and outdoors, like he’d spent the day hunting for the perfect Christmas tree. She closed her eyes and for one moment let herself think about what might have been.
But it wasn’t reality. And it could never be. She pulled back. “Maybe your mother did us a favor,” she whispered.
Jacob opened his mouth, then closed it again. “Why would you say such a thing?”
“If you had gotten my letters and come back, I would have told you about the baby.”
“And I would have stayed. Married you.”
Kendra couldn’t help the surge of emotion in her chest at his words. She believed him. But it fizzled away when she faced reality. “Yeah, and you’d be working down at Harry’s Fish Fry, washing dishes or scraping fish guts for a living.”
Jacob stood so quickly his chair nearly fell over. He crossed the tiny kitchen and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Maybe. Or maybe I could have made it anyway. We could have made it. Together.”
Kendra shook her head. He was delusional. No one makes it in Highland Falls. No one even knows Highland Falls exists. “It wouldn’t have worked.”
Jacob blew out a frustrated breath. “You don’t know that.”
She slumped in her chair. “Yes, I do. Because you were meant for greatness. And I was meant to stay here.”
Jacob came to her, took her hands, and pulled her to her feet. He stared into her eyes. “I thought you didn’t love me anymore. Do you know what that did to me?”
His touch warmed her. She looked into his deep, blue eyes. Passion swelled within them. She turned away. She couldn’t think about them, together. Time had passed. Things had changed too much.
“Kendra,” he said, his voice pleading. “Don’t run from me.”
“I can’t help it. We’re not the same kids we once were. Things are different now.”
He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, sending warmth cascading through her. “Please.”
All he said was one word, but it rocked through her. She closed her eyes, melting into him. It was stupid, and she knew she would regret it, but she wanted one moment with him. Just one minute where she could pretend she had him back.
She turned to him, her heart beating so fast she could hear it pounding. He traced the side of her face with his finger. The action was both tender and intimate. But being with Jacob had always been that way.
He leaned closer to her, his lips just inches away. He threaded his fingers through hers. “I’ve missed this,” he said, his voice cracking.
Kendra didn’t say anything. She couldn’t even if she wanted to. Her throat was too dry. No words would come out. It had been too long without him. Too many months of endless cold nights when she had longed for his touch. Waited for him to appear in her dreams.
And now he was here. It was almost unbelievable. She ran her hands up his arms, to his face. She needed to touch him. To feel his warmth. She needed this moment before she could go back to living without him. She wrapped her arms around his neck.
He pressed his lips to hers, and she responded with a gasp. A thousand butterflies fluttered over her skin. Her nerve endings came alive. Her scalp tingled. Every part of her body felt the electricity between them. He deepened the kiss and she clung to him, desperate for more.
Emotions swelled in her and tears stung her eyes. Jacob’s hands traveled up her back, pulling her closer. He kissed her so tenderly. She squeezed her eyes shut, tears rolling down her cheeks.
Jacob cradled her cheeks, then jerked back. “Are you crying?”
Kendra couldn’t respond, her throat was too tight. She was falling apart, one piece at a time. Jacob’s touch was sending her to a place she refused to go, because the pain was too much for her. But now, with him back, his lips on hers, she was remembering everything. The way things used to be. And she knew it could never be this way again. Jacob was leaving soon. She couldn’t have him like she wanted.
She turned from him. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”
Chapter 9
Jacob reeled, unsure of what exactly Kendra meant. Why was she crying? And why was she pulling back? He couldn’t stand it. He turned her to face him. “Can’t do what? Kiss me?”
“I can’t relive our past.”
What was she talking about? He flexed his shoulder muscles. “I’m not trying to relive our past. I’m trying to tell you what I want for our future.”
Kendra stepped back from him, her eyes wide. “We can’t have a future, don’t you see?”
A hole grew in his chest. A hollow, empty feeling, and it spread through him. Now that he knew Kendra didn’t reject him all those years ago, he was wanting to reconnect. All he could think about was their future. “Why not?”
“You are a huge country star. I’m a small-town girl.”
Did she think that mattered to him? Did she not realize how much he had loved her all those years ago? How much he still loved her, if he were being honest with himself? He took her arms. “You don’t have to be.”
Kendra’s mouth dropped at his words, and he feared he’d come on too strong. What was he implying? That he wanted her to come with him to Nashville? Why was he saying that? They hadn’t even talked to each other in six years. She would think he was mad.
She backed away from him, as if his implication scared her. “You’re talking crazy, Jacob.”
He let out a breath and shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. What was he to say to that? He had fallen so madly in love with Kendra that he never thought he’d love another woman the same way. And now, to find out she hadn’t cut him off all those years ago? He wanted to step right in and start back up where they’d left off. But that was unrealistic. “I know,” he finally said, frustrated with himself for being so stupid.
She folded her arms as if to shield herself from him. “We can’t have a relationship.”
“Wait a minute.” He knew he was not thinking realistically, asking her to come with him, but no relationship at all? “Why not?”
She shook her head and exhaled. “You’re leaving.”
“The plane goes
both directions.”
She gave him a frank look. “Really? When’s the next time you’re able to come back? February? March? April?”
He mentally reviewed his schedule and his heart sank. She was right. His schedule was jam packed for a while. He had his US tour, then he was going to Europe for a tour there. He was out for at least six months. And after that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to come back. When he had an album to record, it was long nights in the record studio, or at his home, writing and coming up with the music.
“Maybe you can pencil me in for a visit in another six years,” she said, a bitter tone to her voice.
“Come on, that’s not fair and you know it.” He would have made it back sooner, had he known the full situation. He probably would never have left.
Kendra’s sharp gaze softened and she sighed. “You’re right. I’m being unfair. But you’re being unrealistic.”
No matter how hard it was going to be, he was not going to walk out of their lives. He had a daughter, for crying out loud. A daughter who knew nothing about him. He wasn’t going to let that go. “I’m not going to let my daughter grow up without a father.”
Kendra’s mouth opened but no sound came out. She snapped it closed and tears sprang to her eyes. “You want to file for custody?”
“No. Who said anything about filing for custody? But geeze, Kendra, you had no right to lie to me about her.”
“I know,” she whispered, and buried her face in her hands. “I was so scared, and angry at you when you didn’t respond to me. I didn’t know what to do. The first time someone asked about it, I panicked and lied. Then, the lie stuck, and soon everyone around town just accepted it. After she was born, I was terrified someone would call my bluff, but you had a hit song by then, and people had forgotten about us as a couple.” She sniffed and wiped at her face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep your daughter from you. After you grew popular, I thought you were better off not knowing. I didn’t want to hurt your career.”
Jacob’s phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out. Ten unread messages? Dang, he was in trouble. He scrolled to see what was going on.
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