Blondie (Midland Springs Book 2)

by Joanne Ganci

  “You don’t have to thank me, Lydia. I’m your mother. It’s my job to care. I will always be here for you. No matter what.” She squeezes my hand back and smiles over at me.

  I have the best mom ever.

  Lydia

  16

  After our heart-to-heart, Mom and I called for takeout, and pigged out on the sofa, watching Chicago. The Cell Block Tango always makes a girl feel better. I don’t want to murder Max or anything—just thought I’d clarify that. When the movie was over, I gave Mom one more lingering hug before heading up to bed.

  Now, I’m just laying here doing exactly what she said I would. I’ve been pouring over every memory of my relationship with Max. Let’s not forget the fun stuff from after he left, I think, rolling my eyes. I’ve been avoiding one specific memory, but after lying here for hours I’ve come to the conclusion that sleep isn’t going to come until I work through this.

  I have to go over the one memory I never let myself think about.

  Our big fight.

  The day he left.

  March 23 - Nine Years Ago

  “Blondie! Guess what?!” Max asks, running up to me as soon as I get out of my car. He picks me up and swings me around.

  He texted me earlier, asking me to come over right after school, so he could tell me something. I have no idea what he needs to tell me, but if the beaming smile on his face is any indication, it’s going to be amazing news. When he stops spinning me, he gives me a mind-blowing kiss. “Max. What is going on? You look happier than Bucky did after he got into the sugar cubes last month.”

  “I got a record deal, Lydia. They want me to move to Nashville and start working right away. Baby, I’m gonna be a country star!” He starts whooping and punching his fist into the air. He’s so excited. Part of me is happy for him, but I’m so confused by this news I don’t even know what to say.

  “Isn’t this great, baby? I have so much to do. I need to start packing. I’m going to drive up tonight. I can’t fucking wait to get into a real studio.” He keeps going on about all the amazing things he’s going to do in Nashville, but I don’t even hear him, not really. All I hear is the lack of the words: us, you, and we. Everything he’s said doesn’t seem to include me.

  “When did you decide you were going to be a country singer, Max?”

  “Blondie, it just happened. I was at a gig, and some guy approached me. Of course, I thought it was bullshit, so I told him to piss off. But he gave me his card, and I looked him up. He’s legit. Then he came to my show last weekend. He was visiting some family in town and heard I was going to be playing. The guy doesn’t even live around here! It’s like fate or some shit. He showed up again, and this time I listened to him. We’ve been going back and forth through email, then today he called me up and straight up offered me a record deal. Can you believe that?”

  “Not really,” I mutter.

  “I know, it’s insane. I really want this, though. I’d be a fool to pass it up. I mean, a freaking record deal? Who would have thought that would be in the cards for me? I thought I was just going to be stuck here, running the farm.”

  “I’m sorry. You want to run that by me one more time?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that. I would have been happy running the farm, but it’s hard work. And let’s be real. It’s not very exciting.”

  “Okay. You have fun with that.” I move to get back in my car, but he stops me, pulling my arm back.

  “Blondie, what’s wrong?”

  “WHAT’S WRONG? Oh? Now, you give a shit about me. Okay. Yeah, what’s wrong is that my boyfriend just told me he’s leaving me and that our life plans were never that exciting, anyway. I’m pretty sure that’s what’s fucking wrong, Max.” I yank my arm back from him. I can’t even look at him right now. I need to fucking leave, right now.

  “Blondie, stop. You’re twisting my words. I never said that.”

  “The fuck you didn’t, Max. And even if I ignored that, what do you want me here for? You’re leaving. Not once in your explanation about all this ‘exciting’ news, did you even mention that I would be a part of it. Did you even consider me when you made all of these decisions? Because you damn sure didn’t include me in them. Hell, you didn’t even tell me you wanted something different out of life.”

  He grabs my hands and pulls me closer to him, “Stop. Of course I want you in my life. I love you, Lydia. That will never change.”

  “Are you sure about that? If you wanted me in your life, wouldn’t you have included me in ANY of this?”

  “I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner. I just didn’t know if any of it was going to pan out. I didn’t want to rock the boat.”

  “SO YOU JUST FIGURED YOU’D CAPSIZE IT INSTEAD?” I’m done. I shove him away. He wraps his arms around me, and I squirm around in his hold, beating on his chest with my fists. “Let me go, Max. I don’t have anything else to say. You made your choice perfectly clear. And it wasn’t me. I get the message.”

  “Would you just stop and listen to me? I want you to come with me, Blondie.”

  “Oh yeah, let me just drop out of high school real quick and do that. Are you insane? I only have two months before I graduate. Apparently, you were so hell-bent on leaving Midland that you forgot to think of me in all these grand plans.”

  He lets go of me and starts kicking the ground letting out a string of expletives. When he’s done throwing his tantrum, he stands there looking skyward, scraping his hands down his face. “Lydia. I would never and could never forget about you. It was always my intention to ask you to come with me, I—”

  “THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU FUCKING TELL ME THAT YOU WEREN’T HAPPY HERE? Never. Not fucking once did you mention that you wanted to leave. You never even told me you wanted to play music seriously. I was under the impression it was a hobby, because that’s the way you made it seem. I share everything with you. EVERY FUCKING THING. We had plans. I thought our hopes and dreams were the same. YOU MADE ME THINK THEY WERE THE SAME. You know what, fuck you. Go off and live your big dreams. I was such a fool to think I was ever really a part of them.” Tears are streaming down my face, and I can barely hear anything over the shattering of my broken heart. I don’t stop when I hear him call my name. I don’t stop when he tries to open my door. I throw the car in drive and make a u-turn right out of his life.

  Don’t look back, don’t look back. The mantra keeps repeating in my mind, but like the love-sick fool I am, I look back. He’s not chasing after me. He’s just standing there, watching me leave. Well, good. Better him than me, right? Right?

  *

  Well, that was fun. Now I’m crying again. I’ve always done everything in my power to avoid that particular memory. Every time it manages to slip through the cracks, it stings like it was just yesterday. This is the first time I’ve poured over everything since my coffee date with Rachael and Mary. I knew they had a point, but I didn’t realize how fucking right they were. He tried. Of course he tried. I was so blinded by my anger that I didn’t stop to think that he said things the way he did because he was excited. I mean, the man had just gotten a record deal for fuck’s sake. I need to reevaluate everything now, while keeping what Mom said in mind. Yeah, because that’s going to be easy. Work is going to suck tomorrow, because I can guarantee I’m not sleeping now.

  Lydia

  17

  Somehow, I managed to get a few hours of sleep. When the alarm from my phone pierced through my skull at 7 am, I regretted not just staying up. The only thing worse than not sleeping at all, is getting such a small amount that you wake up more tired and miserable than when you finally crashed. I forced myself to drag my ass out of bed, throw on the first decently respectable outfit I could find and downed nearly an entire pot of coffee. Thank God for automatic coffee makers. With the last cup of coffee in a thermos, I made a new pot for Mom and stumbled out the door.

  I pull into my spot outside of the library and look over at the clock on the dash. Good, I still have ten minutes before I need
to go inside. I’m not sure I really want to, but I decide it’s a necessity to check the mirror before I go inside. Slowly, I pull the sun visor down and wince when I see my reflection in the tiny rectangular mirror. My eyes are puffy, and the bags under them could probably hold an entire cart full of books. Just fucking great.

  I reach over and grab the make-up bag out of my purse. I don’t have quite enough on me to make these bags disappear, but anything would be better than what I’ve got going on right now. I think I should be able to fix it, so I don’t look like an extra in a zombie movie at least.

  ∞∞∞

  Today sucked ass. If something could go wrong, it did. Every fucking thing. We were so busy. The event coordinator overbooked two events, and it was a madhouse. One of the new volunteers shelved an entire shipment without it being put into the system. I wasn’t even able to take a lunch break. I ended up ordering pizza for the staff, because I didn’t get to pack a lunch this morning. Even then, I was only able to scarf down one piece before I had to go back to work. When it was ice-cold, I ate another half a piece, but that was everything I ate all day. I had planned on taking an early lunch and getting something extra to snack on later in the day. That was before I realized that the world decided plans are bullshit today.

  Right before I left I called in an order to Jack’s big enough to feed me, Rachael, and her three guys—yeah, Rachael has her own harem of men, one of them being my older brother, Julian—and picked it up on my way to their house.

  Juggling a box and two bags of food, I realize I don’t have enough hands to open the door or even knock when I get onto the porch. I look around, as if something on a porch is going to magically give me another hand. Nope, no magical extra hands lying around. Kicking the door, it is.

  Julian swings the door open a minute later, “Were you raised in a barn? No, wait. A circus? I see you’re working on your balancing act.”

  “Shut up and help me before your door isn’t the only thing I kick, asshole.” He laughs, but lucky for him he actually takes the box of food from me.

  “You’re just a barrel of laughs today. What crawled up your ass and died?”

  “Julian, don't. I’ve had the worst fucking day, and I haven’t eaten, so I wouldn’t advise pushing my buttons right now.”

  He turns around just before we reach the kitchen and looks me over. “Is everything alright, Lydia?”

  “Yes...no. Maybe? I don’t know, Jules. Can we talk about feelings and shit after I shove that burger in my face?”

  He definitely doesn’t want to let it go, and if I know my brother, he won’t. I’m grateful when he nods and continues into the kitchen. We drop the food on the table. I know we’ll be having this chat sooner rather than later, but at least he’ll let me have it on a full stomach.

  “Where’s everyone else?” I ask absentmindedly, while taking food out of the bags in search of my burger. No burger in this one, but Julian’s fries are delicious.

  “They’ll be down in a minute…”

  I know exactly what they were doing by his suggestive tone. “Oh God. I don’t want to know that shit.”

  “Hey, you didn’t give us much notice! It’s perfectly natural for—”

  “Bleh. I don’t want to know about your sex life, Julian.” He bursts out laughing. I wonder if brothers ever stop doing stuff to annoy and gross out their sisters. Are mine just extra dysfunctional or is it just in the brother code to be this ridiculous? “Can I get some bleach with my burger to wash out the mental image you just gave me?”

  “Sure. It’s in the cabinet under the sink.” He shoots me a wink and goes to the fridge to grab drinks for everyone.

  “You are the worst, Brother.”

  “But you love me, anyway.” I make a gagging sound instead of some heartfelt sentiment, because that’s just how we are. He’s right, though. You just couldn’t pay me to give him a direct compliment. No amount of money would be worth the inflation to his already bulbous head. I smile to myself, no matter how shitty my day is, I can always rely on my family to make things better. Secretly, I’m really happy we’re this close. When Rachael started dating Julian, I was so happy. There really is no better man that she could have found. Julian is a good man and a great brother, plus he’s a Lancaster, so he’ll always have that going for him.

  “Hey, Lyd! Sorry, I was...uhm.” Rachael fumbles over her words as soon as she comes into the kitchen. She ends up just biting her lip, trying to think up some excuse for being upstairs so long.

  “Just stop while you’re ahead. You are a terrible liar, and Julian already insinuated what y’all were doing.” I move to give her a hug. Then she goes over to smack Julian on the shoulder, while blushing something fierce.

  “She’s right, Sunshine. But you’re so cute when you try,” Zack says, coming in behind her. “Hey, Lydia. Thanks for bringing dinner.”

  “Sure thing. Now if I could just find my burger. Julian isn’t going to have any fries left if I don’t find it soon.”

  “Really? Why don’t you just order your own? You end up eating mine every. Single. Time.”

  “I didn’t want fries. I wanted slaw. Plus, if I ordered my own I couldn’t piss you off by eating yours,” I tell him, sticking out my tongue. Okay maybe the annoying goes both ways. Siblings.

  “You can just have mine, babe,” Zack says, going over to give him a kiss.

  “Ugh! Stop being so adorable. I can’t take it on an empty stomach.”

  “Green is not your color, sister.” I roll my eyes, but don’t bother with a response, because praise all that is holy, I finally found my burger. I plant my ass in a seat at their kitchen table and get to work on stuffing my face.

  A few minutes later, James walks in and says a quick hello before grabbing his dinner and digging in.

  When everyone is finished, I grab my trash and throw it away. I try my best to make a quick getaway before Julian stops making goo-goo eyes at his two lovers and remembers we’re supposed to talk about feelings.

  “Nice try. Sit your ass back down and start talking.”

  “What’s going on?” Rachael asks from her position in James’s lap.

  Julian looks at me with a raised brow, checking to see if I’ll just jump right into it. I raise my brow right back at him. Fat chance, like I’ve ever made things that simple. “Well, my baby sister here had a shit day and wants to talk about her feelings.”

  Zack starts laughing, “What does he have on you? You never want to talk about your feelings.”

  “You’re right. I don’t really want to talk about them now. Is skipping it an option? I’m sure y’all have much better things to do with your time.”

  “Is this about Max?” Rachael chimes in. Dammit. Now I’ll never get out of here without talking. Max isn’t just a trigger for me, as soon as his name comes up, my brothers tend to go into overprotective mode. Stupid brothers and their thoughtfulness.

  “What about Max? You’re not seeing that idiot again, are you? I know he’s back in town with his Dad passing and all, but he’s still an idiot. He gave up on a Lancaster. Fuck him.”

  I know he means well, but his tirade really isn’t helpful in sorting out all of this shit. Zack, the perceptive bastard he is, must pick up on my discomfort, because he tries his best to settle Julian down. “Babe, jumping to conclusions and getting angry isn’t going to help anything.” He takes his hand and brings it up to his lips, giving his knuckles a quick kiss. “You wanted her to talk, let her talk.”

  “Fine,” Julian grumbles.

  “For starters, I’m not seeing him. But…”

  “Did something happen after the memorial service, Lyd?” Rachael asks.

  “Kinda. I mean...not all the things. Just 2nd base. Or is it third? I don’t know, I was never quite clear on the whole bases thing. He fingered me up against a fence at the farm. Whatever base that is.”

  “Two and a half? Not sure. That’s a good question,” James says.

  Now it’s Julian’s turn to gag.
“Fuck. I didn’t need to know all that. Got any more of that bleach?”

  “Nope, all gone. Sucks to suck. Now you know how I feel, dickhead.”

  “Okay, I get it. I’ll consider not torturing you anymore.” We dissolve into a fit of laughter, everyone laughing along with us. They didn’t need to hear the initial conversation to know exactly what we’re talking about. We tend to have some variation of the same bit nearly every time we see each other.

  “So, back to your feelings. I’m guessing you thought a lot about what you want to do with Max since we got together last week.” Rachael points out.

  “That’s an understatement. It’s pretty much all I’ve been thinking about. Especially after what happened yesterday. Us hooking up wasn’t even the biggest thing on my mind. I barely slept last night after Mom and I had a heart-to-heart and she made me promise to think things through and consider my feelings and shit.” After they all give me a puzzled look, I sit back down and give them a quick run-down of our conversation last night.

  “She’s right. I hope you didn’t think I meant you should dismiss everything after all these years when I pointed out his side.”

  “You did what now? Why should she consider his anything? He fucking left, Sunshine. He broke my sister’s fucking heart,” Julian protests. He runs his hands through his blond mop. After an exasperated sigh, he presses his palms into the table and focuses his attention back on me. “As far as I’m concerned, he doesn’t deserve to even look at you. I know we don’t do the whole sappy thing, but you’re fucking amazing, Lydia. He missed out on an amazing woman and life when he left you behind. He can fuck right off if he thinks that he can just slide back into your life without any consequences.”

  I reach across the table and grab his hand, giving it a squeeze. “I know. And even if it was sappy, I appreciate it. I know you just want the best for me. Rachael was right when she pointed those things out. Lancasters are stubborn, and our parents decided to double up on that gene when they made me. I never considered his side. I loved him and should have taken the time to at least look at things from his perspective. But I didn’t. I’m not going to jump into anything with him. If that is even something I want to do, it will be after careful consideration. Something you have to realize is there have already been consequences, for both of us. Neither of us has found someone in nine years. Nine fucking years, Julian. I wish I could have, but no one has ever made me feel the way he did...the way he does.”