Jaxson: KINSMEN MC BOOK 1

by Parker, Hazel

  “It’s different. If shit goes down, I get the worst of it, as I should. And I don’t want to go off to prison and leave her waiting for me. She deserves better than that.”

  He shakes his head at me and frowns. “That’s not the only reason, and you know it. I know it. Fuck. I can’t believe you did that, she must be really upset.”

  “I know, simpleton, I was there. She—I thought it would be better, to tell her the truth. Because I love her, and I said that. But I didn’t expect her to say it back.”

  “That’s even worse, man. Why would you—fuck, you really aren’t good at this.”

  I raise my brows and just drink more beer. It isn’t nearly as strong as I need it to be.

  “I love her too much. I’d choose her over this in a heartbeat and not think twice. But in five maybe ten years, I’d resent her for it. And it wouldn’t be her fault.”

  “Who said you had to choose, man? Dad met Mom when she was in nursing school, it didn’t change her life. Isabelle would have been fine. I don’t get you man, you’ve always been weird.” He turns to start wiping down the bar.

  I hear him, but I don’t want to believe he is right. Because then it would mean that I hurt her for nothing and that I would have to fight like hell to get her back.

  Zeke turns to look back at me, waiting to see if I changed my mind or something.

  “What’s done is done.”

  * * *

  A guy named Jack has been in the club for a while, doing his illegal shit under my nose and thinking I wouldn’t notice. But I need his help now, but as soon as this is over, I’m kicking him out. He doesn’t know that now and he doesn’t need to.

  “We got lucky. I’ve got a run coming up that we could use more help on, so I suggested the one coming up and they took the bait, I got the price up too.”

  He grins smugly. Jack is young, my age maybe, has a mean look to him even more so than the rest of us and tattoos covering every inch of his body, save his face. His green eyes glint at me as he waits for a response.

  “How long?”

  “Takes four hours to ride to the meeting point and that’s it, we don’t have to go all the way. Four other guys, like I said.”

  I nod and stand from the meting table as I knock my knuckles against the wood. I feel his eyes following me as I move around the room.

  “Good. No tricks or complications?” I ask him.

  He shakes his head.

  The small window only shows how dark it is outside, not even the moon is out and I think it is because of Isabelle. This darkness matches the one inside of me. I never wanted to let her go and now there is nothing I can do to get her back. Not even getting through this drug run. Or whatever it is actually called, since we won’t technically have the drugs. Because I’ll be a different person to her, more criminal than I ever was before. We’re an outlaw club, it’s how it always has been.

  “Nope, never had them before. Then again, it’s only been me, so I don’t know how five other guys might change that. But it’s only one run, so it should be fine.” He shrugs, like it’s nothing. And I hope he isn’t just gas lighting because if this shit goes down, then we will lose more than just the building. They’ll put us all away, and if the president is gone, then the club might as well disband itself.

  “Fine. I’ll see you on Tuesday.” I walk over to the door and open it, suggesting for him to leave and he does, smirking at me on his way out.

  He thinks he is right. He thinks that he won, or that this means I agree with him. And I don’t.

  Part of me wonders, if we had done this the entire time if the club would have had enough of a reserve to take care of anything that might have been thrown our way, but we didn’t. I don’t know what Dad did, I don’t know what Mom thought that he did either. But it was better than this, it has to have been.

  When I walk out of the office, the club is emptier than it was before. Only Zeke is at the bar and Walker is setting the chairs down and putting the tables in order.

  “Hey,” Zeke comes around the tail end of the bar, stopping close in front of me. I ignore his pointed look, but I know that I can’t for much longer.

  “I just talked to Jack.”

  “Why don’t you let me come with you? No one can ride as fast as me, you know that.”

  “It’s not about that, it’s about being careful. And if we get caught, I don’t want any of you caught in the cross fire with me.”

  His shoulder brushes mine as he gives me a sad look.

  “You shouldn’t put all this on yourself. You shouldn’t have to.”

  “What kind of president would I be, if I let everyone else fight my battles for me?”

  He wiggles his brows and looks away, chewing on his inner cheek before he looks back at me.

  “You should talk to Isabelle. I’m telling you man, you don’t want to lose her. I know about the ones who get away, it’s no fun.” He drops his shoulder and hardens his eyes at me.

  Sometimes I forget he is a grown man and not just my little brother. Times like this, he reminds me. I wish I could lean on them the way they do me sometimes, but it has never worked that way for me.

  “You gonna tell me what’s going on with you and Matthew?”

  He grins, but it’s not one of the good ones. He knows he got caught and can’t get out of it. I stare him down until he gives up.

  “Yeah we uh… had a disagreement? See, if I rat him out, he won’t tell me anyone’s secrets anymore.” He laughs uneasily. I shake my head at him and he nods to himself.

  “It’s not ratting him out, we’re brothers.”

  “Same difference.” He sighs, “you should ask him, you know, benefit of the doubt and all? But basically, he started the shit with city hall, pissed the mayor off and dared him to get rid of us instead of talking smack.”

  “Fuck.” I step back and rub my hands down my face, feeling the cold and hot go away as I do. When I focus back on Zeke, he still has his half smile on and I wish I could be more like him.

  “What’s done is done, right?” he claps my shoulder.

  “Yeah. Sure.”

  “Don’t even worry about it man, we have bigger fish to fry now. Better start getting ready for your drug run.” He says it like it is nothing, or like I have been overreacting, and I know I haven’t.

  But now it feels like I should have been worrying about other things. Like what the club has been doing, and what my own brother has been doing. But it is in the past now, another thing buried that I can’t dig up and would do no good to.

  Like Isabelle.

  Maybe in another life I can get her back, but in this one, I have to save my club.

  20

  Isabelle

  The numbness of my skin doesn’t alert me to the touch of Riley, pulling me off the ground. I know she is asking me something but I can’t find it in myself to pay attention to her.

  If I can stay frozen here then maybe I can stay in the place where Jaxson was still here, when he was still mine.

  But my numb lips and frozen fingers force me to get up, to follow Riley back inside. I drop onto the couch and she returns with a blanket and hot tea. I hold it in my hands even though it burns and as I get warm, I start to hear what she is saying.

  “What happened?” she laces with concern, I don’t look at her, but I know she is staring at me. I stare down into the yellow green color of the tea.

  “He broke up with me.” I murmur, not recognizing my voice. It’s sad and dejected and hasn’t been that way for years, I didn’t think I could sound like that anymore. Not after overcoming what I did so many years ago. I never even got to tell Jaxson, I never got to tell him my truth and ask him to love me anyway. I love him anyway, but he doesn’t see that and it’s all I want. Even after he hurt me, I still want him, because I know he did it out of love. I know how hard it was for him and how difficult it is for me, now.

  “Why? He was coming to have dinner with us and then—he just breaks up with you? I don’t get it.”
She rubs my back and it helps me warm up more.

  “He did it to protect me, and he said that he loves me.” I whisper in response.

  She doesn’t say anything about how contradictory that is and I love her for it. I don’t think I have it in me to explain to her what the crazy mind of Jaxson is. How complex he is, even if he seemed simple to anyone else.

  It would only hurt me more to keep reminding myself as to whether or not he loves me too much or wanted to love me, but couldn’t.

  “He’s trying to save his club. And he might have to do something… that he could go to jail for.”

  “Holy shit…”

  I find it in me to drink some of the tea. The cold air really got in my chest and it chases it down. I don’t even know how long I was sitting out there.

  “I wish I could help him.”

  “That might not get him back…”

  “I know, not for that. So I could help him, his family.” I scoff, “I know I sound stupid.”

  “You don’t. You love him. But how could you save a motorcycle club? That place is ancient, and if the city wants them gone, they have to go. It’s not a museum.”

  Somewhere in my found sorrow, I listen to what she is saying, and the part of me that did random research for years just to write my plays realistically, resurfaces. A historical fiction piece, that merged in with modern day… I don’t even remember it.

  All I know is that to save a part in the city, everyone came together and made the place a historical landmark, so no one could touch it.

  “The club has been in their family for years,” I whisper.

  “Yeah?”

  “But how long?” I dash up from the couch and to my computer in my bedroom, and she follows me. I wipe my tears and try to focus. Jaxson never told me the exact year his father came here, or even how old he is. So I have to look for the less obvious stuff, like when the building was built and who by.

  Riley sits with me as I turn in circles, trying to find what I need. I wish I could ask one of his brothers, or even anyone at the club. But I am on my own.

  “Look at the City Hall Charter.” She suggests.

  I do, and that’s where I find it.

  The building itself has stood for eighty-two years, and I cross check with the minimum amount of time before it can be made a historical landmark and protected by federal law. Eighty years.

  “So, what now?” Riley asks.

  “We go to city hall.”

  * * *

  When morning comes, it all comes flooding back to me, before I can fully forget it. I lay there and let fresh tears fall, before I remember I have a limited amount of time. I rush to get dressed and don’t even eat, before I head to city hall. I have to do it in time for class, but just in case, I call my professor in workshop to make sure he knows. I might have to call in sick to cover my self.

  “I should be back, but if I email the class they can do today’s assignment on their own or for extra credit.” I sit in the car and try to sound sick.

  “That’s fine. Where are you going?”

  I freeze. God knows I couldn’t lie to save my life.

  “Um, city hall.”

  “You getting married?” he chuckles. I have since talked to him about my play and his critiques, he is a nice guy just not on paper when he is workshopping me.

  “No, just trying to make a historical landmark.” I say casually. I check the time and see that I have to go soon, to get there when they open.

  “Oh. My brother works in city hall here, I can give him a call for you?”

  I freeze, “Really? I need to talk to someone in building regulations.”

  “That’s his department, he might speed things up for you.”

  “Wow, thank you, Chris.”

  “No problem. And that way you’ll be back in time for class.”

  “Um, maybe. I hope so.”

  He chuckles and then we say our goodbyes before we hang up. I have a new-found breath of hope, and I text Riley to let her know too. She has been my wing woman and should get to see this thing through too.

  I make the relatively long drive into the city, cringing when I pass the compound of bikes outside the club. It looks like a regular day but I know they are gearing up for something big. I have no idea when it is happening and I just hope that I can do this in time.

  The city hall is a huge building much like the movies, and when I ask the receptionist for Chris’ brother, using the name he gave me, I get to him pretty quickly.

  When I step in his office, I feel like I have the fate of the world on my shoulders. It’s just Jaxson, but he still feels like the world to me.

  * * *

  I let class go one minute early and they look like they love me for it. But I just need to get out of here.

  Once I get to workshop, I can’t use my phone or check my email, so I wait with sweat in my palms and swim in my baggy green sweater until I get out of class.

  I rush to sit on a bench or something in the building and take out my phone, no emails or texts. I feel my insides sinking because I really thought it would work.

  Bryan, Chris’ brother, said that he could rush the paperwork and make it so the city couldn’t tax them anymore, and would have to forgive what they are already owed. It was only possible because the building had been there before the club was, considerably longer, and that it could be classified as sanctuary. But it has been hours since then, and I have started to lose hope.

  My feet trudge me along to my car and I drive home, collapsing on the couch. Somewhere between that and fried chicken, my mom calls and I evade everything, only by inviting her to come for Thanksgiving, and that makes her really happy. After we hang up, I let the tears fall and lay on the couch. Riley is at work, but texts for an update. I tell her there is no luck.

  All I can think about it Jaxson. How much I love him. So quickly, he started to matter so much to me. He is kind and sweet, handsome, and even funny when he didn’t even have to try. He loves his family and is loyal to his club and has all the qualities in a man that I never knew I needed or wanted. Until him. And for some reason, he loved me back. So much that he left me behind.

  I don’t want that to be our story. Whether he goes through with it or not, I don’t want that to be his story, or the way we end.

  * * *

  I sleep on the couch, wake up disoriented and confused. The television still runs and fried food smells in the air. I check my phone, and it is only eight. Along with two missed calls. I sit up too fast and ignore the swimming in my head before I call back.

  “Miss Isabelle, I hoped to reach you.”

  “Hi, yes sorry.”

  It’s Bryan, from the city council.

  “I just wanted to let you know that everything worked out, and you can come get the paperwork tomorrow. You’ll need to keep a copy along with the other insurance statements, but the city has their own copies here for records in paper and electronic.”

  My breath stalls and I think I might still be taking a nap, that this is a dream. I check my hand and I have all five fingers, so I am awake.

  “Wow… thank you. And the issue with the Mayor, will that go away?”

  “I assume so, I mean, he can’t really change city laws. I’m not sure why he is so against your sanctuary for retirees.”

  I swallow. Of course I couldn’t tell him that it is an MC club.

  “Who knows? They were behind on taxes.” I lie.

  “Well, they don’t have to worry about that anymore. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

  “Thank you.”

  I hang up and check I am not dreaming for a second time. I’m not.

  When I sprang to do all of that I never thought it would work, it was the hope that really made me do it.

  But now, Jaxson will be okay. I itch to call him but it doesn’t work, I can’t give him false hope until I have those papers in my hands and I can see him in person. I wish I had thought of it before, that I had tried harder to help him.
/>   But I guess I was blinded by everything that was going on between us. Blinded by falling in love with him. I don’t regret it, though, and now I know there is another real chance for us to be together.

  * * *

  Riley lets me use her car to go to the club, maybe if he sees me coming he won’t move faster to get away from me. I wear a black track suit and then we head to city hall together.

  Bryan is waiting with the papers as promised, and it looks so official, I know that it worked. He assures that the Mayor will back off, even after finding out it is an MC. I don’t know why I thought I could keep that fact hidden. But his office is serious about city laws, and that is one thing the Mayor can’t fight. I wish I could look into his eyes and see his face when he realizes that he failed.

  “You okay?” Riley stops a few meters from the entrance.

  “Yeah.” It has only been a few days since I have seen him. But it feels like longer.

  The front door suddenly bursts open and two guys come barreling out, huge scary looking ones with tattoos and chains on their jeans. I realize I have to go now. It’s my spirit that forces me to move forward, even though I am scared. The two guys eye me, head to toe, and I feel sick. But I pass them and walk inside to find four more guys, one of them Jaxson. My eyes focus on him, he looks how I feel. His face is sunken, but still beautiful. He wears his cut and a tight tee shirt underneath; the white color almost shows his tattoo underneath. He freezes when he sees me and I realize that he had been talking.

  “Isabelle,” he gets up so fast he almost knocks the chair over, and strides over to me.

  He stops so close I smell him, his pine and cologne scent, and I am reacquainted with the intensity of his gaze and the way it sets my body on fire in the warmest of ways. When he takes my elbow to carry me off to a more private corner, I almost stumble at the feeling of being touched by him again.