Knights Burden (Rumblin' Knights, #4)

by Bella Jewel

  His eyes penetrate, so deep, it burns my very core. “Yeah, I fuckin’ do. If I wanted you, I would have come back. It’s over. We’re over. You need to leave me alone and move on with your life.”

  Sweet Jesus.

  He can’t mean that.

  He doesn’t.

  He’s just in a really bad place.

  “Listen here, buddy!” Aria says, striding over without fear and shoving Brody in the chest. “You’ve put us all through hell. How fucking dare you stand there and speak to her like that. You broke her. Do you hear me? You broke her and left her to slowly rot while you came out here to do what? What? Seek some stupid vengeance for a man that didn’t give a shit when he left you behind.”

  “Be very, very fuckin’ careful what your next words are, Aria,” Brody seethes, his voice a whip.

  “Okay, that’s enough,” Ripley says, stepping in between the two of them. “Aria, you need to take Melanie home. I’ll call soon, yeah?”

  “You’re a monster,” Aria says. “For what you’ve done to us, but mostly what you’ve done to her. You don’t deserve her. You don’t deserve anything. You were my best friend, Brody, how the hell did you turn into this?”

  Brody looks slightly, and I mean slightly, shocked by Aria’s words. He doesn’t say another word to her, but instead looks to me, “Go home, Melanie. Move on with your life. Find someone else. Stop chasin’ me. It’ll never, ever happen.”

  Shame washes over me, unbearable shame. Because everyone is staring at me. Everyone is watching as he rejects me, as he turns me away, after everything I’ve done. He doesn’t want me anymore, and this time I think he actually means it. Hurts like hell, if I’m being honest, it hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt in my life.

  I want to fall on the ground and scream and cry.

  But I won’t do that.

  I love him, I’ve loved him from the moment I laid eyes on him.

  I won’t give up that easily.

  He doesn’t have to take me back, but I’m not going to just throw my hands up and watch him die. I swore no matter what I’d see this through to the end, and I will.

  “I’m not leaving,” I say, my voice a crackly whisper. “You can say what you want. If you don’t want me back, that’s fine. But I’m not leaving. If you’re doing this, if you’re going to put your life on the line, then I’ll be there until the end. Not a single thing you can say or do will change my mind, so don’t bother. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I turn, without another word, and walk out the front door of the house with my head held high. I keep walking until I’m on the sidewalk, then I turn left and the moment, the very moment I’m out of sight, I drop down to my knees, put my head in my hands, and I cry. I cry so hard I can’t stop the tears. My body shakes, my knees burn, and my soul feels like it’s being torn apart inch by fucking inch.

  “Oh, honey.”

  Aria’s voice fills my sobs, and her arm wraps around me. Then another arm. Then another. Until I’m surrounded by my best friend, and also the new friends I’ve made, who I already know will come to mean something to me. In fact, I think they’re going to come to mean the world to me. Eventually, a strong male hand fights its way through the group and squeezes my shoulder, and I hear Ripley say, “I’ve got you, honey. Let’s go home.”

  He helps me up and we all climb into his truck. There are only three left, Aria, Lucy and Erin. The other girls stayed behind, which is fine, I have no problem with that at all.

  Both my hands are held the whole way home.

  I’m thankful.

  So damned thankful.

  Because I don’t know what I’d do if they weren’t keeping me together right now.

  I don’t know what I’d do without them.

  “YOU OKAY?” LEE ASKS, handing me a cup of tea.

  “He doesn’t love me,” I whisper, and saying the words brings a whole fresh new world of pain to my chest. “He doesn’t love me, Lee.”

  “Can I say something, without you taking it all the wrong way? Can I just be completely honest with you?”

  I look to him, curling my hand around the warm mug that contains my tea. My eyes are blurry and swollen from crying. “Yes.”

  “I know Brody still loves you. I know exactly what he’s doing. In his mind, this is the end of his road, and he doesn’t want you on that journey with him. He doesn’t want you to live through it. He doesn’t want you to break because of him. He thinks he’s doing you a favor, and maybe he is. He has switched off to everything except this need for revenge.”

  Does he really think that?

  Does he honestly believe Brody still loves me?

  “Do you really believe that?”

  Lee nods. “Yes, I do. I know my brother well enough, and the way his eyes change, even just slightly, when he looks at you, tells me he’s not telling the truth when he says he wants you to move on. But, while I’m being honest, honey, I think you should at the very least, try to move on. Just because he loves you doesn’t mean there is ever a chance it’ll work out. He’s stuck in the position he’s in, and his feelings are clearly not going to stop that. You chasing him, and begging, and breaking—it’ll push him away further.”

  “You think I should give up?”

  “No,” he says, “I think you should show him what the hell he’s missing. Right now, all he sees his revenge. He ran so he didn’t have to face the idea of the woman he loved most moving on with her life. He didn’t want to see that, which is why he left you all behind. But, you’re here now, and I think, I honestly think, if he sees you with someone else, it might just give him something else to focus on. Which is exactly what he needs. He needs to see something else to take his mind away from where it is, to maybe have him remember there is a life outside it.”

  I’m a little confused. He doesn’t think I’ll get Brody back, but he wants him to see me with other people.

  “I’m not sure I’m following. Is this a game ... or?”

  “Yes, and no. I want you to make sure he sees it, yes, but I also want you to do it for yourself. There are many reasons for my thinking. Mostly, it’s to remind Brody of what life was like before Mick and everything that went wrong. To remind him how much he loves you. To remind him how it might feel to see you with someone else. To remind him of everything he had. I know you’re all helping him because you know he won’t change his mind, but maybe if he sees something else, if he truly stops focusing so much on what’s happening, he might just get distracted enough to be thrown off his course. It’s, at the very least, worth a shot, right?”

  “I guess, but I don’t know if I have it in me to do that. I don’t even like the thought of being near someone else. He is it for me, Lee. I don’t want anyone else.”

  “Exactly, and that’s holding you and everything else back. You don’t have to fall in love with the person you date, you just have to go on a date, be friendly. Who knows, you might at least get a good friendship out of it. I think it’ll do you and Brody good.”

  “He only has just over a week until his fight, Lee.”

  “Then you need to start getting into it really quickly. Luckily for you, I have a friend who knows people around here. I’m sure he can hook you up with a date. It’s the weekend, what is there to lose?”

  I exhale. “I don’t think this will work. I’ve got about eight days to change Brody’s mind, making him jealous doesn’t seem to be the way to do it.”

  “Okay,” Lee says, holding my eyes, “what’s your plan then? What are you going to do in that time, to change his mind, when he refuses to even see you?”

  That feels like a slap to the face, but I know what he’s doing. I know he’s trying to get me to see that his plan is the better option. But the idea of dating someone else, even for one night, makes my chest clench with unease. I just want to stop Brody, but I know as well as Lee does that Brody isn’t going to even talk to me. He’s going to avoid me at all costs. I know he will.

  I’m not going to have my chan
ce to change his mind, because he won’t let me near him.

  This, this might just give me that time with him. If Lee is right, and he does love me, it might be the only option.

  “You know I’m right,” Lee says gently.

  “Yeah,” I exhale, “I know you’re right.”

  “It’ll be okay, trust me, okay?”

  I hold his eyes.

  Do I trust him? Of course.

  Do I think this is going to work?

  I don’t know.

  I honestly don’t know.

  15

  THEN – MELANIE

  “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” I cry out when Brody walks through the door to Jack and Nancy’s home with Mick in tow.

  We were just discussing all the ways we could get in contact with him, and he strolls through like he hasn’t just been missing for three days. His eyes swing to me after I’ve launched out of my chair, anger and rage making my body shake, and demanded to know where he’s been.

  I know I sound like a brat right now, but I was terrified, utterly terrified. I don’t think he has any idea what he just put us all through. No phone call. Nothing. He just abandoned us and made us think the worst, and now he strolls in here like there is nothing wrong.

  “Sit down, Melanie,” he tells me, his voice hard.

  I stare at him, confused.

  The way he’s talking to me, it’s withdrawn, closed off. He isn’t looking at me like he cares at all, he’s acting like he doesn’t, in fact.

  “What?” I whisper, hurt by his words.

  He studies me, then exhales and walks over, putting his hands on my shoulders, “I know you’re scared, I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry, but you have to sit down and listen. I’ll talk alone with you after. Don’t need my ass being torn out in front of everyone.”

  “You disappeared for three days,” I say, my voice angry again.

  “Yeah, and you can chew me out for it after I talk to you all. Yeah?”

  I sit down, because he’s not really giving me any other choice. I have to sit down, because he’s already walked off to where Jack, Ripley, and Blade are all sitting at the table. Mick glances at me as he walks by, and the urge to yell at him almost takes over. He’s taking Brody down with him, little by little, and soon there will be nothing left, of either of them.

  I glance at Brody when he takes a seat at the table beside Mick and looks to his dad. “Sorry, I know you were all worried.”

  “Son, without losin’ my shit here, you can’t just fuckin’ leave without notice, a call, nothin’. Melanie was out of her mind. You don’t do that to the woman you love.”

  I look down at my hands, but I can feel Brody staring at me.

  He knows damn well you don’t do that to the woman you love, but he did it anyway.

  “I know, but Mick was in danger. Which is why we’re here.”

  “We already know,” Blade mutters. “Heard about your little flee from the fight, and now you’ve got the big guns after you. What the fuck do you think we’re goin’ to do about it, Brody?”

  The two brothers glare at one another, but Brody breaks that glare and speaks, “We’re hopin’ to stay here. I’ve got contacts, goin’ to make some calls and see if we can get this sorted out without bloodshed.”

  Bloodshed?

  Is he serious right now?

  “It’s a fucking death match,” Lee snaps. “You think they’re just going to let you walk away after you just cost them that much money?”

  Mick glares at Lee, which just makes me angrier. He has no right. He’s the one who got himself into this mess, not the other way around.

  “This ain’t goin’ to go away on its own, I gotta do something, or Mick dies.”

  “Mick got himself into this,” I mutter.

  Brody swings his head my way, and says, “Pardon?”

  I can’t contain it any longer. I can’t. I’m so sick of this. Mick is going to get himself and everyone around him killed if he doesn’t stop what he’s doing now. He can stop, I know it’s hard, but we’ve offered help, we’ve offered jobs, we’ve done everything we can to make things easier for him and he refuses. I stand up, anger bubbling forth and overflowing, slamming my hands onto the table.

  “I said Mick got himself into this mess, Brody. He’s choosing to do this stuff. I am so damned sick of it. You’re going to lose something very valuable, possibly your life, if you keep on this path, and he doesn’t give a crap. He wants you to suffer because he thinks you owe him, but you don’t.”

  I spin to Mick. “He doesn’t. He doesn’t owe you fucking anything. He was going through hell. So he didn’t go over with you, that doesn’t mean he is responsible for the shit you went through. He’s been a good friend to you, Mick. He’s tried. I’ve tried. You could get help, you refuse. You could get a job, you refuse. Now you’re going to destroy my family, because you’re not willing to fix your life. No. I won’t fucking let you.”

  “Melanie, that’s enough,” Brody says, standing, his eyes hard.

  “No. Fuck you, Brody. I’m done. It’s him, or it’s me. I see you’ve made your choice. I’m finished with this shit. It’s over. Go ahead, enjoy your time pulling him out of trouble, but I’m not part of it anymore.”

  I spin on my heel and walk out of the house, slamming the door.

  I meant it, I meant it with everything I am.

  Brody and I, we’re over.

  For good.

  “OH, HONEY, I’M SO SORRY,” Aria says, sitting beside me on her sofa.

  I’ve just come over and told her everything that happened today. Brody didn’t call me, or come after me, I think that honestly hurt more than the fact that we ended. He still cares more about Mick than he does me. I hate that it has come to this, I’ve tried to understand, but you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped.

  Brody just hasn’t figured that out yet.

  Instead he’s opted to lose everything that matters to him.

  “He didn’t even try to stop me,” I whisper, not crying, holding it in because I’m sick of crying. “He just let me leave. That’s how much he cares.”

  “Hang on a second.”

  Aria stands and goes to her fridge, pulling out two beers. She comes back and hands me one, then says, “He does care, I know that for a fact. That man is head over heels for you. He’s just tangled up in some crappy shit.”

  “I’m not so sure. He didn’t call.”

  “Right now he’s trying to stop Mick from losing his life. They’re in danger. His focus is there. But I promise you, when he finds a way to keep Mick safe, he’ll be here, and he’ll be heartbroken.”

  “It doesn’t matter, my mind is made up.”

  “Is this really what you want? You two are the best couple. You’re having a shitty time right now, but think of the years before this, how much love and happiness you two had between you. Is it worth throwing it all away for Mick?”

  “He’s the one throwing it away. I can’t deal anymore, Ari. He’s putting us in danger. He’s putting Mick first. He’s risking his life, for crying out loud. I can’t be in that position anymore.”

  Aria nods. “I respect that. I’m on your side. I think this is going to bring him back to reality. He needs to push Mick in the right direction, not keep bailing him out of the hard times. He won’t learn like that. He’s not going to move forward and get the help he needs if he doesn’t have to face up to what he’s doing.”

  “Yeah, I know that, you know that, but Brody doesn’t seem to know that. He’s living in this world that is solely based around protecting Mick, but he’s doing more harm than good.”

  Aria reaches over, squeezing my hand. “Give it time. Brody loves you. Let this sink in.”

  I stare down at my hands, the cold beer resting in them. “It hurts like hell. He’s the love of my life. But I can’t be put last anymore.”

  “I understand that, honey,” Aria agrees. “You shouldn’t have to be.”

  Blade and Lee come through the fr
ont door before I can answer. They both look at me and smile, which makes me feel a little better. They care. I feel for them, being stuck between Brody and me.

  “How’re you doin’?” Blade asks me, before going over and kissing Aria, long and deep.

  “I’m okay,” I say, when he’s done. “How’s Brody?”

  “Fucked,” Lee says. “You really threw him.”

  “Funny that he never tried to stop me,” I mutter.

  “No, but he sat in dead silence for the next hour. He was in shock. Then he lost his shit at Mick, and at us, so we left. They’re staying at Dad’s, still trying to come up with a plan.”

  He got upset?

  He did care?

  If that’s the case, why hasn’t he called me?

  Probably because he’s still choosing to help Mick.

  “Mick is dangerous for him,” I say softly. “He’s going to get Brody hurt, or worse ...”

  “Yeah, we all know that. Hell, I think Brody knows that. But I don’t think it’ll be enough to stop him from helping Mick.”

  No, they’re right.

  It won’t be enough to stop him from helping Mick, which leaves us all at a dead end. We have to be on board with helping Brody get Mick out of this, or we have to walk away and accept there is nothing we can do.

  I’m scared.

  I’m hurt.

  I don’t know what to do anymore.

  Blade comes over and squeezes my shoulder. “Give him time, darlin’. He’ll come ‘round. It might take a bit, but he knows what’s good for him. Brody might be loyal, but he ain’t stupid. He’ll work this out with you, right now I think he’s tryin’ to figure out how he can help Mick this last time, and get you back on his side.”

  “I can’t keep going on like this, though. You have to understand that.”

  Blade nods. “Respect that. Know he loves you. Hopefully that’ll pull him through.”

  Yeah.

  Hopefully.

  I guess we’ll find out.

  16

  NOW – MELANIE