Knights Burden (Rumblin' Knights, #4)

by Bella Jewel

  This time he fucks me to finish.

  He fucks me so hard my cheeks feel like they get carpet burn.

  I claw and thrash, the pleasure too much.

  I cum, in a matter of minutes, and he follows close behind with a feral hiss that makes my whole body tremble.

  Slowly, his thrusting comes to a stop, but I can still feel his cock throbbing inside of me. When it stops, he pulls out and I roll to my side, pushing myself up and staring at him, on his knees, looking down at me, chest glistening with sweat, rising and falling with each pant, those brown eyes locked on mine. Cock still angry and red, but slowly going down.

  He’s beautiful.

  He’s perfect.

  I need him so much my heart can’t take it anymore.

  “Brody,” I whisper, feeling my eyes burn with unshed tears. “I miss you.”

  His jaw flexes, and for a moment, for a brief moment, I see it. The love. The pain. The man that I know misses me too. I see him there, in a single moment where his eyes let me in, and he takes that wall down. I want to hold him. To kiss him. To hug him. To have him back again.

  But he gets to his feet and rasps, “I have to do this.”

  Then ... as if he were never here.

  He’s gone.

  And I’m left sitting on the floor, naked, confused, hurt and feeling like my heart is being broken all over again.

  I can’t lose him.

  I can’t.

  I have to do something. Anything.

  I have to keep him.

  No matter what it takes.

  I can’t let him die.

  “THE FIGHT HAS BEEN pushed,” Lincoln murmurs to Brody, his eyes flicking to me once before settling back on the man in front of him, panting from his latest training session. “Sniper is out of action at the moment, which buys us time. Gives us a few more weeks, which is exactly what we need.”

  “You better not be lyin’ to me, Lincoln,” Brody growls. “Have a way of findin’ out.”

  “Not lyin’ to you, man. It has been pushed. Find out if you must. Think they got cops snoopin’ around, too. So they’re layin’ low until they can change the heat. It’s a good thing. We need more time.”

  “Not sure what else you think I need to learn,” Brody mutters, wiping his face with a towel and staring at me for a brief second before looking back to Lincoln. “It’s a fuckin’ fight. I either win or die. No skill needed. Those fuckers are dirty, they don’t play by the rules. I can hold my own.”

  “Yeah, you’re right, but that don’t mean I can’t put you against a fuckin’ few fighters I know that don’t play by the rules. The more exposure the better. In case you haven’t noticed, you got a lot of people who don’t want anythin’ to happen to you.”

  Glancing at me once more, Lincoln turns and walks out of the ring. Brody grabs the towel and goes to leave, too. I’ve been watching him fight with some guy Lincoln brought in for practice. Brody smashed it out, of course, but I know that’s nothing in comparison to what he’s going to be up against. I’m not stupid. I know what death matches entail. Death. To put it simply.

  “Brody,” I say, walking inside the cage and following him toward the dressing room.

  “Don’t want you here, Melanie. It’s a fuckin’ distraction I don’t need.”

  “Well, that’s too bad, because I’m not leaving.”

  He keeps walking.

  He has barely said two words to me after he fucked me and left the other night. I know it meant something to him, and that glimmer of hope he gave me has given me new life. I’m going to find a way to end this for him, one way or another, I’ll end it for him. Even if he doesn’t want me around. Lee was right, seeing me with someone else, it distracted him, even if only for a time.

  Maybe I’m not pushing hard enough.

  It’s time, I think, to push harder.

  “I can make you leave,” he growls, walking into the locker room and over to his locker. He tears off the sleeveless tank he’s wearing and I have to stop myself from staring longingly at his bare chest, remembering how damned good it felt to touch him again.

  “You can’t, you know you can’t.”

  He spins around, glaring at me. “What the fuck are you tryin’ to do here? Traumatize yourself forever? You don’t want to see this shit, Melanie. You think you fuckin’ do but you don’t. What do I have to do to get you the fuck out of here? I ended things for a reason. I want to protect you. I want you to fucking move on with your life. Why can’t you do that?”

  “Because I’m not giving up on you,” I say, my voice calm even though I want to scream and cuss him out for not understanding. “I love you, which you already know. I’ve been through all of this with you, which you already know. I don’t know, Brody, at what moment you thought I’d actually walk away and give up on you.”

  He stares at me, jaw tight, frustration in his face. “What’s it going to take for me to get you out of this fight, Melanie?”

  I think on this.

  Really think on this.

  I can’t ask something stupid, something that he’ll never agree to. I have to be smart with my demands. I know he doesn’t want me to see this, I know he wants me protected, I know he thinks he just wants me to move on and forget him. I know that deep down, he needs me, that he loves me, and so I think of the exact thing I know I can do, to give this one more shot. To try and change his mind, once and for all.

  “You truly want me to stay away from that fight? Fine. I will. But only if you do something for me.”

  He exhales, “What?”

  “Take me out. One whole day, and one whole night.”

  He goes to open his mouth to argue, but I cut him off.

  “No, Brody, you’ve expected so much of me. You’ve broken my heart. You’ve put me second. You’ve done so much and yet I’m still here. The very least you can do for me, before you enter that god forsaken death ring, is give me that. One more day with you. If something happens to you in there, and what we have is truly the last memories of us, I’ll never get over it. It’ll haunt me for the rest of my days. I know you love me enough to not want me to live the rest of my damned life as broken as I am now. So, if you want me out of your way, then you’ll give me this.”

  I say nothing more, but my heart is racing, my stomach twisting. It’s a big ask, I know it is. Especially right now. But maybe, just maybe, if I can get him for that long, I have a shot at changing his mind. And maybe I won’t. But my words still stand true. If he’s going to go into that ring, and there is nothing I can do to stop him, I need something else. Something good. Something that takes some of this horror away.

  “You’re askin’ a lot, Melanie,” he murmurs, closing his eyes for a second.

  “Am I? Do you really believe that? Because honestly, considering what you’ve put me through, I’d say you owe me.”

  He makes a frustrated sound before he says, “If you promise to stay the fuck away from that fight, and promise to try and move on with your life, then I’ll give you what you ask for.”

  My heart nearly leaps out of my chest. It feels like a moment in the movies where you want to skip and scream and do a happy dance.

  I do none of those, I just simply say, “Thank you.”

  “Saturday and Saturday night.”

  I nod and watch him as he walks into the showers.

  Only when he’s gone do I do that happy dance.

  Oh, I do the happy dance all the way out of there.

  This ... this is my last shot.

  I have to make it worth it.

  23

  THEN – BRODY

  THE DAYS DRAG.

  The nights are long.

  Every god damned memory of Mick plays over and over in my head, like a fucking nightmare I can’t get to turn off.

  I remember when we were kids, before all the shit went wrong in our lives. I remember the hours we used to play and ride our bikes, and I remember exactly how it sounded when he laughed. He was carefree back then, not a si
ngle fucking pain in the world. He was a good kid. A good person. Not tormented by life’s miseries.

  I remember the first time we dated, and the first time we had sex. I remember the smile on his face as he strut through the house, telling me about how he’d lost his V card, and how fucking terrible it was, but how happy he had been, that he’d managed to lose it before finishing high school.

  I remember the first time we spoke about joining the army. It had been our dream since we were kids. We made a pact, a promise, that we were going to do it together. Brothers, friends, for life. I remember how damned exciting that had been, thinking of going through life with my best friend by my side.

  I remember the good in Mick, which is something everyone else has forgotten.

  Yes, he fucked up. Yes, he’s gone and I can never fucking get him back. But I remember the good. I remember the fun. I remember the friendship.

  He didn’t deserve to go out the way he did. In fear, thinking that he had nothing or no one left. I should have tried harder. I should have done something else, anything else. I should have taken this Sniper guy down for him, so he wasn’t so damned afraid. Remembering the look on his face the last time I saw him, I’ll never forget it. The pain, the hurt, the fear that laced his features.

  I let him down.

  Now I owe it to him, to make Sniper pay. To make them all pay.

  This is my fault. Once again, I didn’t listen to someone in pain. Once again, a life was lost because of me.

  I’ll give Mick his last wish. I’ll make Sniper wish he was never born.

  “What are you doing?”

  Melanie’s soft voice echoes through the room where I’ve just thrown my last item of clothing into the duffel I’m taking with me. I turn and glance at her, taking in her soft perfection. She’s beautiful. She’s the love of my fucking life. I’ll never, not for a single second, stop loving the woman standing in front of me. But I’m no good. I’m dangerous. She deserves so much fucking better.

  I’ve already taken her to hell and back.

  She’s going to hate what I’m about to do, but one day, one day when the pain has stopped, she’ll look back and thank me for taking myself out of her picture, out of her world. She can’t follow me on this quest, even though I know she’ll want to. She can’t fix me anymore. I’m so fucking broken I don’t even know how to put my own pieces back together. I’m not going to be the reason another person’s life is taken from them.

  She deserves better than me.

  I have to protect her.

  “I’m going to find the man who sent Mick into his grave, that’s what I’m doing,” I mutter, my voice empty and emotionless.

  The pain inside. It’s gone. It’s just numb, now. A broken fucking shell is all I am.

  She’s better off without me.

  “You can’t be serious,” she whispers, her voice hurt. She’s so tired. So drained. She doesn’t deserve any more crap from me. “Brody, Mick put himself in that mess. You seeking revenge ... I don’t understand it. He made the mistakes.”

  “Yeah, he did, but those men fuckin’ scared him into endin’ his own life. I should have done more. I should have helped him when he needed me to help him.”

  “Brody, you did everything for him. You never stopped helping him.”

  “I didn’t do enough,” I say, zipping the duffel and turning to face her. “I didn’t fight hard enough. He was fuckin’ terrified, Melanie. He was scared and he honestly felt like he had no way out. I should have found him a way out. I could have found a way to fix this for him, to get him help, but I didn’t. Now he’s gone. I don’t expect you to understand, but I won’t let his death be for nothin’.”

  “So what?” she says, tears rolling down her cheeks. I’m so sick of seeing her crying, all because of me. It’s not fair. “You’re going to hunt this man down and end him because Mick took his own life?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m goin’ to do. I’m goin’ to make sure he never does that to another human again. He’s scum. Pathetic dirt. I’m going to make him pay.”

  “Brody!” she shouts, throwing her hands up. “Listen to yourself! This is about you, and your blame, it has nothing to do with Mick and his mistakes.”

  “Enough,” I murmur, my voice low, a warning. She’s pushing something she doesn’t understand. She has no idea what it’s fucking like. “I’ve made my choice.”

  “Where does that leave us?” she asks, her eyes filling with tears.

  “You’re better off without me, Melanie. I’m broken. I can’t be fixed. You should move on, find someone great, fall in love with someone who puts you first ...”

  I’ll never forget the moment those words leave my lips, how I can see her heart break just by looking at her face. The way her mouth parts slightly, and I can hear the little sharp intake of breath. The way her lips start trembling. The way her eyes, oh her fucking eyes, the way they break. I can see it all unraveling in front of me, I can feel the empty broken pieces in my chest shatter, and yet I don’t do anything to stop it.

  I stay standing where I’m standing.

  Even though every inch of my body wants to go to her, to tell her I fucking love her so damned much and that’s why I’m doing this, that she deserves better than me. That this will be the final piece of the puzzle that shatters, and destroys me. Losing her, I’ll never get over it, but I can’t tell her that, I can’t tell her any of it.

  I just have to do what I have to do.

  I have to walk out of here, and leave the love of my life.

  I have to leave her broken.

  “You’re ... you’re leaving me?” she whimpers, and her voice hitches, and it fucking kills me.

  It tears me in two.

  “I have to do this. I have to do this alone. I’m broken, Melanie. One day, one day you’ll thank me for this. One day you’ll see that I did you a favor. I’m sorry.”

  I grab my duffel, sling it over my shoulder, and walk toward the door.

  “Brody,” she cries, her voice pained. “Please ... don’t.”

  I glance at her, and her hands are shaking, and fucked if it doesn’t take every ounce of strength I ever had to do what I do next. “I don’t feel the same. It’s not fair anymore. I’ve lost myself. I have to go. I have to do this.”

  “Y-y-y-you don’t love me anymore?”

  I give the slightest shake of my head, because that’s the only thing I can give her. Because it’s a lie. A broken fucking lie. I feel the tears clinging, I feel my throat ache for them to release, but I don’t show that to her. I keep my face calm. My face empty.

  “You’ll die,” she sobs, a loud, hysterical sound. “You’ll die out there, Brody. For what? You’re giving it all up for him.”

  “If I die, I die. I have to do this. I’m sorry, Melanie.”

  “Please,” she cries, rushing over, grabbing my arm, her tiny hands curling around it. “Please don’t leave me.”

  I pull my arm out, gently. “I have to. I’m sorry. It’s over. We’re over.”

  “Brody,” she screams as I walk out the door, closing it behind me. “Brody, no!”

  The moment I step out of the house, a tear rolls down my cheek.

  But I keep walking.

  One day, one day she’ll see I did this for her.

  One day, when she’s happy, she’ll realize that this was all for something.

  One day.

  One day, she’ll breathe again.

  24

  NOW – MELANIE

  “HE AGREED TO THAT?” Lee asks, sipping his beer and leaning back in his chair, staring at me with wide eyes.

  “Yes, he did. I guess his need not to have me around all this is bigger than his need to stay away from me.”

  “This is a great opportunity,” Lucy says, nodding. “Yes, this is perfect.”

  “I mean, it’s only one day and one night, so I’m not sure how much I can change in his mind, but it’s something, right? It’ll be the best chance I get at doing that before
he goes into this fight. If it doesn’t work, I don’t think anything I do will make a difference.”

  “Judging by the way he reacted to seeing Archie and you together, I’d say you have a chance.” Lee nods. “But you have to be really damn careful, honey. He’s on the edge of something very dangerous, he’s going to be easily pushed over the edge.”

  “Lee is right,” Erin agrees. “You want to tread carefully.”

  I nod, loving that all of them care enough to make sure this goes okay for me, but I’ve already thought it through. The last few months, well, since Mick came home, it has been high pressure. Everything that has happened has been all about Mick and this pain and everything that’s broken. Brody has forgotten everything else, that’s all he remembers, it’s all he thinks about. It’s his one focus.

  I want to show him, to remind him, of what things used to be like. What life was, before Mick came back, before things went bad.

  I want to remind him why he loves me.

  “I won’t be discussing Mick, or the fight, or anything else that has happened since the day that man came home. I know it’ll only end badly. No, I want to remind Brody of what life was like, before that ...”

  “Oh.” Lee raises his brows. “How do you plan on doing that?”

  “Well, I’m going to take him back to the lake where we stayed when we all first met. I’m going to have fun with him. I’m going to remind him exactly why this focus of his, isn’t worth it.”

  “That’s a great idea!” Lee nods. “Yes, going back there will be perfect.”

  “That’s what I’m hoping.”

  “I think it sounds perfect.” Lucy nods. “We’ll help you plan some stuff, but make sure the two of you just get some time alone, too. Not just fun, but quality. Talk, have some drinks, remind him why you’re the best damn thing to ever happen to him.”

  Erin smiles, but I can see the weariness in her eyes.

  “You’re worried,” I say to her.

  “Yeah, a little. I think it’s a great idea, but I’m worried if it doesn’t work, it’s going to really put you in a bad place. I’m scared it’ll hurt so much more than it does now, if he goes through with this fight after it, and something bad happens to him ...”