Redamancy

by T D Cloud

  Streaks of galena followed the tracks of his tears. Navidae’s grip tightened. He brought out his tongue and licked the underside of Khouri’s cock instead of answering.

  The effect was instantaneous. Khouri’s body shook, his thighs closing around Navidae’s head tightly. He arched against the sheets and cried a little harder, “Navi, please.”

  He was so weak to that voice. Navidae held Khouri’s hips to the bed and swallowed him easily, bobbing his head in time to Khouri’s shuddering sobs. Shaking hands threaded through his hair but not to yank or tug or guide; Khouri combed his fingers through his hair softly, staring at him with a quiet desperation that didn’t suit him nearly as well as security did.

  But there was nothing Navidae could do about that. He sucked harder, bobbed his head faster, his saliva making a mess of his chin and Khouri both. Khouri threw back his head and gasped out a moan, his fingers clenching as his spine arched. So sensitive. So free with his pleasure. Navidae had never seen Khouri’s like down here, not in the century and a half he’d lived, and he knew without looking he’d never find another if he searched a hundred—a thousand—years more.

  It would hurt so much. Losing this. Losing any part of this. Navidae forced himself to close his eyes and focus on the now, on what he could do to make sure Khouri didn’t hurt at all. He pulled off of Khouri’s cock and moved his mouth lower, licking against Khouri’s entrance the way he rarely ever did but for the times when he teased Khouri with the promise of earning it.

  This was no punishment, though. It wasn’t some kind of reward for being good. This was Navidae servicing his lover, granting him the security, the pleasure, the lo… Navidae closed his eyes tighter, pressing his tongue deeper as Khouri came.

  This was just what he could do for him right now. It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. He dug his fingers into Khouri’s thighs, wishing it was.

  But Khouri was tugging on his hair now, and Navidae had to open his eyes and pull away. He let go of the soft thighs in his hands, crawling up Khouri’s body instead. Khouri was flushed with color, his eyes hazy and dark. His hair haloed his head like a crown of blackest night. Navidae laid himself along Khouri, kissing his full lips. He kept it gentle. His tongue brushed Khouri’s but went no further. Khouri closed his eyes, whining softly when he pulled away.

  A small hand moved between them, struggling with the buckle of Navidae’s belt. Navidae pulled the hand away and pressed it into the pillow beneath Khouri’s head instead. A pink slip of a tongue peeked out to wet tempting lips.

  “But you didn’t…” he breathed, his voice weak, his thighs still trembling minutely.

  Khouri’s eyes widened when Navidae covered his lips with his fingertips. “It’s fine,” he promised, moving them away so he could kiss Khouri again, and then again. Searching, soft, entirely too chaste. “This is about you. It’s always been about you. Don’t worry about me, Khouri. Just let me see to you.”

  Slender fingers wrapped around his hand, holding tight as if to never let go again. “You’re always like this,” Khouri whispered, his lips so close that they traced Navidae’s cheek- bone as they moved.

  “I have to be,” Navidae said. “You’re all I have. You’re all I… Gods, Khouri.”

  Khouri wrapped his arms around Navidae’s shoulders, holding himself to his chest, burying his damp face in Navidae’s neck. His body trembled. The tears came again, warm and then cold against bare skin.

  Navidae wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that. Silence dominated the room. He held Khouri in his arms and kissed him every time he began to think of what lay outside the manor waiting for them. It helped chase the thoughts away. For a few minutes at a time, he could forget.

  Khouri’s eyes slid shut, his breath evening out as his sobs abated.

  “Khouri?”

  He looked down and saw that the exhaustion of the day had finally caught up to his little bird. Khouri was fast asleep with his cheek pressed to Navidae’s heart, galena smeared down his cheeks from the tears still damp on his face. Even in his sleep, Khouri cried.

  Navidae stroked his cheek with his knuckles, wiping the tears away as best he could. He let out a harsh sigh. It was the most he could do for him right now. Tend to his tears, feed him pretty lies, and make him dream of the pleasure they thought would last them a lifetime.

  Navidae sighed and held him closer. He kissed Khouri’s head before burying his face in his lover’s hair, breathing in his familiar scent, imprinting it in his thoughts until it was a part of him as well.

  “I’m not going to let anyone hurt you,” he whispered, swearing it on everything he had left. He wasn’t in any position to make a promise like that; he did it anyway. Words were all he had left to give now. Words, empty promises, and his warmth for as long as it held out.

  Khouri nuzzled his chest, clinging to him as he began to shiver. Navidae rubbed Khouri’s shoulders and arms, feeling the cool air chill Khouri’s bare skin. “Always so chilly,” he murmured, rolling Khouri onto his back so he could pull out the blankets and tuck him in properly. He paused to grab his cast off shirt, tugging it over Khouri’s head so he wouldn’t catch a cold.

  His hands slowed as he dressed Khouri. If he just stayed in bed with him, he could keep Khouri warm. It’d be impossible to sleep, but he could hold Khouri and… and think on how all of this would be taken from him. Just as he’d done every night since he’d been faced with the growing realization of what his situation was. Every night, that was, until he gave up on sleep entirely. He’d pace the halls instead, or hole himself up in his study. Khouri wanted him to sleep with him, but when he made such poor company, it was hard to give him what he so wanted.

  Navidae fought a weak grimace and pulled the laces tight along the front of the shirt. Staying with him wasn’t a good idea right now. He’d come back after a walk or something. He needed to clear his head of this despair before he brought it back to their bed and tried to sleep with it.

  The blankets enveloped Khouri. Navidae slipped out of the bed entirely. He grabbed a shirt from a pile near the wardrobe, pulling it on and not caring that it likely wasn’t clean. It suited him right now— wrinkled and soiled, a bit trampled underfoot just like him. A headache was beginning to present itself behind his eyes. He looked at the door, wondering what he could do to make himself feel better when he felt this bad.

  “Navi?”

  He stilled, turning back towards the bed. His body relaxed instinctively when he saw Khouri looking at him, a single hand inching out from the confines of the blankets to wave at him. Navidae closed the distance between them quickly, taking the outstretched hand between his own. Khouri’s fingers were cold as they wrapped around his palm.

  “I’m here, pet,” he whispered. “What’s wrong?” “Where… Where are you going?” he mumbled.

  Navidae tried not to grimace. He didn’t know where he was going. He wasn’t sure what he was doing either, but he knew he couldn’t let Khouri know that. He’d never sleep otherwise.

  He smiled and went down on his knees at the side of the bed, kissing the hand in his own. “Just going to make sure the servants have everything under control,” he whispered, moving Khouri’s hand beneath the blankets before he could begin to shiver. “I’ll be back soon. Rest, alright? We can talk some more after you’ve slept.”

  Dark, liquid eyes stared at him from the the pile of pillows and sheets. “Are you lying to me?” Khouri asked, his voice soft and as melancholic as the rest of him looked.

  Navidae didn’t have the heart to ask which part of that he doubted. He barely had the stomach to smile and shake his head. “Of course not, blackbird.” He leaned down, kissing Khouri’s soft lips, coaxing them gently until they kissed him back. He felt the soft brush of Khouri’s lashes as he closed his eyes, surrendering to the lie, to the comfort it brought.

  “I love you,” Khouri sighed, lips tracing the words against Navidae’s as he drifted back to sleep. His mouth went a little slack, leaving it up to Navida
e to pull away, even if he didn't want to.

  Navidae pushed himself to his feet and away from the bed. If there was one thing he was certain of in this mess he’d made of everything, it was that he needed a drink. After that? Well, after that he’d just deal with whatever the morning saw fit to bring him.

  It couldn’t be worse than what he’d had tonight.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sorin realized an hour into tossing and turning in the too- small bed that sleep was the furthest thing from his mind, and definitely the last thing he felt ready for after the clusterfuck that had been his evening. Thoughts spun like dervishes behind his eyes, sinking his stomach and adding to the anxious swill threatening to turn it completely.

  Where was Khouri? Was he alright? Was Navidae?

  He groaned into his pillow and told himself to ignore it.

  Easier said than done, by any means, but he tried nonetheless to ignore the thought of Khouri alone in that room, shivering and miserable and so sad that tears rolled down his cheeks—

  Fuck, he thought lustily, throwing off the covers. Fuck this and fuck that and fuck Navidae most of all for making this the mood for the evening. He shoved his bare feet into his boots and grabbed a shirt from the floor, tossing it on as he left the guest room. He hurried down the hall and past the truly strange collection of art on the walls, pausing before the large ornate door that signaled the entrance to the master bedroom.

  It’d only been a few hours since he had last stood here, staring at the door in hopes of unlocking it with pure will alone. He reached for the handle, ready to break it down if it came to it.

  He let out a short breath when the handle turned. Good.

  Navidae must have gotten inside then. He opened the door an inch and saw only darkness within.

  “Khouri?” he called out quietly. “Are you awake?”

  There was no response. He warred with himself on the logic of going in just to be sure that things were fine. Navidae could be in the bed too, and Sorin was sure he would hear it if he was found looming over them in their sleep. But then again, what if Khouri wasn’t inside at all? What if he had packed a bag and left once Navidae got tired of talking to a locked door?

  What if he was out on the streets right now, heading back to that drain pipe?

  Sorin let himself in before he truly registered he’d made the decision to do so. He’d check quickly, he told himself, crossing the room in a few steps. Just a quick look to make sure Khouri was here, and then he’d go back to bed.

  The bed, he found, wasn’t forthright with the answers it hid. The curtains were drawn shut and no sound issues forth from within. Sorin didn’t let that deter him. He brushed aside a heavy swathe of velvet and immediately let out a relieved breath.

  Thank God, he thought. Khouri was curled around a pillow, dead to the world with tear tracks still visible on his cheeks.

  The blankets were tangled around his body as if his sleep hadn’t been restful. At some point he had changed out of his fancy gown. The large shirt he wore was noticeably Navidae’s from that evening.

  “Such an idiot,” Sorin breathed, pulling the fallen blankets over Khouri’s small body. Navidae came by long enough to put Khouri to sleep, and then what? Swapped places with a pillow and ran off to go sulk some more? Khouri wrinkled his nose a little when Sorin carded his fingers through his hair, but he settled back down when he kissed him softly. Navidae was a colossal idiot for thinking he could run from this and get away with it.

  Where was he anyway? Sorin looked around the room, seeing no sign that he had done much beyond put Khouri to bed. The gala was long over, so he couldn't use that as an excuse. If Khouri woke up alone, Navidae vanished and nowhere to be found, Sorin could only imagine how that might help things.

  “I’m gonna have to hunt him down, aren’t I?” he sighed, brushing Khouri’s hair away from his eyes. The things he did to see Khouri happy. At least this time he might actually get to wring Navidae’s neck. The only person who might stop him was fast asleep, after all.

  That brought a smile to his face, and short-lived as it was bound to be, Sorin let that motivate him to leave Khouri to his rest and head back out into the hall. He closed the door behind him and glanced around, wondering where the best place to look might be. Navidae’s study, perhaps. But would he really go back there after all that had happened tonight? No, Navidae wouldn’t want to be reminded of his failures. He’d go some- where neutral. Somewhere he could pretend things weren’t as bad as they actually were.

  A loud clatter sounded a few doors down the hall, tearing Sorin from his thoughts. A burst of swearing followed. Sorin rubbed at his eyes and shook his head. He’d been about to track Navidae down like a rabbit. God. The man made it easy on him, at least. But God.

  He quickly moved to the noisy room and grimaced as he looked inside. Navidae hadn’t bothered to go more than fifty feet from the bedroom, and for good reason. The man was halfway through a large glass of what clearly wasn't water and kicking at a coffee table that had gotten in his way. Sorin rapped his knuckles on the door frame, rolling his eyes when Navidae looked up from his drink to glare.

  “Couldn’t even stay in bed with him, could you?” he delivered, unbothered by the undoubtedly rude gesture Navidae shot him with his hand as he flopped down on a fancy love seat. “He won’t be happy if he wakes up alone.”

  “Well, he’s not very happy now as it is,” Navidae muttered, swirling some amber liquid in his cut crystal glass before downing it in one pull. He hissed the moment he came up for air, glaring at the cup as if it were responsible for all his woes. “Are you here to yell at me some more or did you fancy yourself a drink as well?”

  Sorin took in the room for a moment, unsure why he was here at all. There was no sense of glee at the thought of kicking Navidae while he was down; the situation wasn’t ideal for any of them, and he knew well enough that aggravating things would just make it harder on Khouri.

  “I guess I’m here for a drink,” he decided, raising a brow when Navidae simply lifted his bottle and gestured him inside.

  “Can’t blame you for that,” he muttered, meeting Sorin’s eye for just a moment. Navidae began to pour another glass for himself only to think better of it. He stared at the glass, and then at the bottle. “Fuck this,” he muttered, tossing the expensive crystal over his shoulder to take a swig straight from the bottle. The glass shattered somewhere behind the sofa, and when it seemed as if Navidae wasn’t going to stop, Sorin had to snatch the bottle from him after a few seconds of it. Navidae gave it up easily enough, sagging into the cushions to stare at the ceiling despondently.

  “I am so fucking sick,” he recited, “of thinking.”

  Sorin didn’t bother trying to touch that until after he’d had his own too-long swig from the bottle of mysterious Drow booze. It burned like nothing else on the way down. Once that faded, Sorin felt it hit him somewhere between the eyes.

  “You know,” Sorin said, a little surprised how rough his voice sounded after just one drink, “for someone who gets off as much as you do, I’d expect you to have a better disposition.” As he spoke he seated himself down on the love seat, resting his weight against the arm.

  Navidae let out a burst of laughter, leaning forward to snatch the bottle from Sorin. He took a short pull before handing it back so Sorin could do the same. “Says the one who’s been getting off regularly the past four months,” he huffed, voice lacking the usual acid it held when discussing these things.

  That was a little surprising. “Don’t you have other options when Khouri’s not here?” Last time Sorin checked, things were open on both ends of the relationship. “The hell do you do when he’s gone?” Sorin shook the bottle in his hand and took another drink, wondering what they intended to do when it ran out. Navidae was bound to have more booze in a place like this. Getting up to find it was going to be a chore.

  The love seat dipped, tearing Sorin from his thoughts. “Nothing. I do absolutely nothing but work when
Khouri isn’t here.” A warm torso leaned into his arm, Navidae sitting himself a little too close as he made grabby hands at the bottle just out of reach. “Regani only put up with me for a month before getting sick of the bruises ruining her complexion, or so she said,” the Drow muttered, letting out a victorious little huff when he managed to snag the drink from Sorin’s hands. He pushed himself away from Sorin but didn’t go far. The heat of his body was still enough to warm Sorin’s side.

  It was probably the closest they had been to one another since that ill-fated fitting, and all Sorin could manage to think was that it must be a Drow quirk to smell this good.

  He struggled to tear his attention back to the present. “Regani?” he mused, watching how Navidae grimaced. The Drow hardly looked the Lord he was while splayed out on the sofa like this. His hair was a mess, his unlaced boots kicked up on the low, expensive table in front of them. “Did I meet her before?”

  Navidae shrugged, his loose shirt shifting with the movement until it was settled partially down one shoulder. “I was talking to her before Khouri came running at me,” he said, giving Sorin a glare that was probably earned. “You wouldn’t like her if you met her.”

  “But you still sleep with her.”

  Grimacing, Navidae took another drag from the bottle. Sorin made sure to take it from him once he finished. He’d nearly emptied it with that swig. “It’s a complicated friendship,” Navidae explained, the drink finally beginning to present in his speech. His words were slurred now, his gaze shifting slowly across the room. “It’d be better if she…” He trailed off completely as if lost in thought.

  “If she what?”

  Navidae blinked, looking at Sorin. “If she trusted me.” “Trusted you to what?” Sorin had a feeling they weren’t quite talking about sex now. With Navidae it was always a bit hard to tell.

  Navidae didn’t reply right away. He sagged into the cushions, staring at the lit hearth across the room. Sorin killed time by drinking more, and by the time Navidae felt like speaking, he’d finished off the bottle.