Shatter

by Lynsey Rae Uttley

  Though my mother stood by his side and placed a hand onto his shoulder, “Now Craig calm down. I’m sure this is just some phase…right, Vega?”

  “Phase? Mom no, it’s not a phase. I love her.” My hand held onto Al’s tighter.

  “I don’t care if you do! This…thing, whatever it is between you two ends now. I’m not going to be some laughing stock at work. Beyond that, it’s just disgusting!” His face contorted in anger as he pointed a finger at me.

  “Vega, if you’re confused, maybe we can help you.” My mother, to the defense of Craig.

  “Help? I don’t need help! I’m not confused, and I sure as fuck don’t give a shit what your husband or, anyone else thinks of me! I love Al and that’s all there is to it, and if you can’t accept that, then that’s your problem!” Now my blood was really boiling.

  “Get the fuck out of my house!” His voice boomed loud enough to make Al go on defense.

  “Calm down, Craig! Al, sweetie, you should go okay? Now’s not a good time.”

  “No! You know what, Mom? I’m done! I’m tired of you letting that piece of shit talk to me like I don’t exist. But you’re right, Al is leaving, and I’m going with her.”

  Before either of them could say another word, the large Oakwood door to my home had slammed shut, as we walked down the sidewalk. We had ended up back at Al’s home, the two of us sitting on the porch swing as I looked to the ground in silence.

  “Vega…I’m sorry. I should have listened and just waited.” Al had said, her hand coming to rest onto my own.

  Giving it a light squeeze, I shook my head, “Don’t be. I just wish she wasn’t so blind to how he really is.”

  In truth, I don’t think Al had even known how Craig was, probably because I had never told her; even so, at least she knew he was an asshole. Taking in a deep breath Al leaned her forehead against my own before giving a soft smile.

  “Don’t worry, Vega. It’s going to be okay.”

  “Serah,” I stated slowly.

  “What?”

  “Serah…it’s my real name.”

  The way Alana’s face had lit up, you’d have sworn it was like a kid on Christmas morning. But I think it’s because in that moment she knew, I had let her in, trusted her.

  As her hand rested against my cheek, I let a small smile form before she placed a soft gentle kiss to my lips, and it made me smile with her.

  “I’m glad you told me. It makes me happy to know you’re willing to let me in that shell of yours.” My eyebrows furrowed a bit.

  “I don’t have a shell,” I retorted.

  Al couldn’t help but laugh as she shook her head; leaning back against the swing with her, I let a drawn out sigh escape my lips.

  “So, would it be too much…If I asked to crash with you until things cool down at my place?” Her head tilted towards me as if it was a stupid question, which to her it probably was.

  “Of course you can. I know my parents will be just fine with it, especially when I tell them what happened.”

  That part I particularly didn’t want to explain, and honestly I didn’t think Al would want to either, especially after how Craig spoke to her.

  “What are you going to tell them?” I had to ask, and it was amazing how quick Al could read the concern on my face.

  “Oh, just that they freaked a bit. Don’t worry I won’t say much. Besides, it’s better that way, right?” I had only given a silent nod in response to her question. Right now, the last thing I needed was to tell her parents about how shitty my step dad was.

  Dinner. It was one of those things where you either enjoyed in silence or engaged in conversation with those around you. Me? I never did tend to speak much, not that I didn’t want to, I just felt a bit out of place since I was no longer home.

  “Vega, is everything alright? You’ve barely touched your food.” Evelyn’s concern was so genuine it almost hurt, but maybe that’s because my mother was once like that, until Craig came along.

  “I told you, it’s your cooking.” Nathaniel teased, only to be swatted yet again by her hand in a playful manner.

  “You won’t be saying that when you’re on the couch mister.” His face dropped a shade or two of color on that one, which made me smirk.

  Shaking my head, I gave a soft smile, “No, everything’s really good. I just feel like, I’m kind of intruding. I mean…I’ve been staying here for a few days now.”

  Al placed a hand onto my shoulder in a comforting manner as Evelyn leaned back into her chair with a sympathetic expression.

  “You are welcome here as long as you like. Have you tried speaking to your parents?”

  “Every time I go home to get something, they sort of pretend I’m not there.”

  “Give them time. I’m sure they will come around.”

  Alana shook her head, “Her mother isn’t the problem, it’s Craig.”

  Kind of wished Al hadn’t gone there; then again, there was a reason for my wanting such a thing.

  “Why is that?” Evelyn’s question directed towards me.

  That would be why. Questions, I hated them. They always held an answer you didn’t really want to explain.

  “He’s…difficult.”

  I was trying to be nice, trying to be calm.

  “He’s a fucking asshole.”

  Well, Al had that covered.

  “Alana Shawl, watch your mouth.”

  Ouch, so her mother does scold; was waiting for that to happen.

  “Did this Craig fellow say something to you while you were there?”

  Al’s father was a pretty big guy, at least six two, easily two hundred. I wouldn’t want to fuck with him, that’s for sure.

  “You kidding? He all but threw us out when we went there to talk to them. The way he treats Vega’s mom is god awful, and how he talks to her?”

  Was I even included in this conversation? How did this go from me staying, to talking about my personal life?

  “It’s really not a big deal. Everything is just fine. Really.” My sudden statement brought silence to the table. Clearing my throat, I stood slowly, “I think I’m going to turn in. Thank you for dinner.”

  I cleared my plate in the kitchen and had gone upstairs and into Al’s bedroom, who had apparently decided to follow me, closing the door to the room behind us.

  “Did you seriously just say it’s not a big deal? Serah, they need to know what he’s like towards you.”

  I didn’t want to have this conversation.

  “No, they don’t. It’s not their business.”

  She looked pissed when I said that.

  “It is if they are allowing you to stay here. You have to give them a reason.”

  Did I? I thought we had told them it was because of my being gay.

  “You did tell them, remember? They freaked over us dating.”

  Arms crossed, she was going to be defiant; I could see it in those eyes of hers, she wasn’t going to let this go.

  “I told them the truth. You need to do the same.”

  Now I was getting pissed, guard up.

  “Told them what exactly?”

  “How he talks to you. You tell me about how Craig treats you and your mother, it’s not right.”

  Since when did telling your girlfriend personal things give her the right to speak of it to others?

  “Yes, I told YOU. I didn’t say you could tell your parents.”

  Taking a step forward, her hands went to her hips.

  “So what, I’m not allowed to help you?”

  Did I have charity case written on my face?

  “I didn’t ask for your help! I didn’t ask you to tell your parents about what goes on in my house. That was for you to hear, and you alone!”

  Al’s arms crossed again, eyes narrowed, this was escalating.

  “You need to start letting people in! You have to trust people!”

  Trust? Is that what this was going to be about now?

  “Apparently I can’t trust you! I asked
you not to tell anyone, but you did!”

  “They are my parents, Serah! I tell them things that matter, especially when it’s to help someone I care about!”

  “That doesn’t matter! You didn’t tell me! Let alone ask!”

  “It’s not like I can trust you either! You keep things from me.”

  How the hell did this become my fault? What do I keep from Al? I tell her things all the time.

  “What have I kept from you? Please, intrigue me!”

  “Every time I ask you about your dad you lie to me.”

  Silence. That’s all there was between us the moment she had brought up my father.

  “I told you. He left.”

  “Bullshit. What? Was he a loser? Did he get caught fucking another woman? Or was he just a drunk?”

  She was pushing my buttons, worst of all, she was talking down about my father, without having even known the truth, but that was my fault.

  “You don’t even know the truth, so stop making assumptions.”

  “I wouldn’t have to if you would just tell me.”

  “I don’t want to. I can’t. Not yet.”

  “Why not? When? Was it really so bad?”

  As bad as it could get, just thinking back about it made me want to break down and cry, the pain, the hurt and worst of all, the guilt. So why was it so damn hard to talk about? Wouldn’t it make me feel better?

  “Will you please, just stop asking questions?”

  The room fell silent, the two of us just standing there as Al continued to give me such a defiant look. Shoulders dropping in defeat, I moved past her and out of the room without so much as a second thought. Evelyn and Nathaniel must have heard the two of us arguing, their eyes following me as I left their home. Was it really so hard to believe that some people just didn’t want to talk about things? It was times like this I wished I were back home with my friends; I could use them right about now.

  The park, it seemed to be a sort of safe haven of mine, though I had gone behind it where a small creek ran through. It was serene, its sound drawing me in as I begun to imagine its rapids washing away my past, my anger. Though those feelings would always resurface no matter how I tried to forget them. Part of me just wanted to stay here and hide forever, but that was pretty unlikely. Lighting a cigarette, I laid back to the cool ground, my gaze turning to the sky. Exhale. The air seemed cooler, crisper by the water, and the feeling began to make me feel more nostalgic.

  Chapter 8

  Rewind

  The one thing about pep rallies? They always got you fired up no matter what kind of mood you were in. It was Snowbirds against Jackals, and rest assured our team was relentless, especially with me on the floor. Leaping upwards, my right hand came crashing down onto the ball as I spiked it dead center, scoring us more points.

  “Here we go Jackals, here we go! Here we go Jackals, here we go!”

  The sound of the students cheering was better than any high I could ever feel, there was just something about it that made you want to push even harder. We were doing just that. Marissa dove to the floor with a smack, propping her arms in an outward motion as the ball heaved up to me. I sent it flying over the net with another spike, the air horn sounding the final score. Jackals 32: Snowbirds 27. We all moved to the center, jumping up and down as the students went wild, we had just won the district championships.

  Marissa and I headed outside with Jaynae racing towards the snow-covered playground as if it were to fall from our grasp at any moment. That’s how the three of us were, carefree, wild teenagers.

  Jaynae sat down adjacent from us as she began to kick the snow up from beneath the swing set with a giggle. “Please tell me you saw coach’s face when we all ran out of there.”

  Standing up right with a serious expression, Marissa’s right foot stomped to the ground, “That is inappropriate behavior for ladies of your age.”

  We fell silent, before I damn near fell off the merry-go-round laughing my ass off, “Oh my god you sound just like her!”

  We laughed in unison. It wasn’t like Coach Waylen was mean, she was just very strict and thought proper behavior was the only behavior. Hell, we were sixteen! How else were we supposed to behave?

  “Oooh ooh! Serah, did your mom say it was okay for you to come with me and Jaynae to the ski resort this weekend?”

  Giving a nod towards Marissa I smiled, “Of course she did. I barely had time to explain everything before she said yes.”

  Jaynae leapt up from the swing and clasped her hands together, “It’s going to be great! There’s supposed to be fresh snow Friday night, so the slopes will be gnarly.”

  Tucking a strand of hair behind her left ear, Marissa left out a chuckle, “Plan on spending less time on your ass Jaynae?”

  Even I couldn’t help but laugh at that one. “Oh my god! You remember the time she slid the whole way down on her back?”

  “Hey! I told you my board was busted at the bottom! I couldn’t get good support!” But even with Jaynae defending herself, we still ended up laughing.

  A black ford truck pulled up to the curb, the horn sounding off two times before I waved my arm over my head. Turning to look at Marissa and Jaynae, I gave a wide smile, “Gotta go guys! Dad’s here.”

  Hugging the two of them, I quickly moved across the snow and hopped up into the passenger side. Jaynae and Marissa both waving, “Bye Mr. Farrow!”

  My dad gave a low chuckle sticking his arm out the window, “Bye ladies! And congratulations!”

  As we pulled off the curb, and headed down the road, I glanced over to my dad with a frown before speaking, “You went fishing without me again.”

  With a brow raised he looked to me, “It will never cease to amaze me how you know that. Hell, I even took a shower first!”

  “Shower all you want, Dad; you always forget to change your boots.” I stated before pointing downwards with a proud smirk.

  “Sorry kid, but I’m sure you’d have rather helped win that championship today. Your mother and I are proud of you.” His hand reached over to mess up my hair.

  “Dad!” I scolded, giving off a faint laugh. Though my face grew more serious as I crossed my arms.

  “Still mad at you for not waiting for me to go along.”

  There was silence between us for a few moments, before he dropped his shoulders and relaxed back into his seat.

  “Tell you what, we will go tomorrow morning. Be home by noon and have your mother fry us up some fish for lunch. Deal?”

  We both knew I wasn’t really upset with him, it’s just how the two of us were with one another, inseparable.

  “Fine, but I get to drive.”

  Tossing his head back, he let out a hearty laugh before slapping me on the shoulder with that grin of his.

  “Nice try kid. Your mother would kill me if I let you drive old Bess here.”

  Reaching up I ran my left hand along the dashboard giving it a little pat as I turned to look at my father with a questionable gaze.

  “You are going to give old Bess to me for my graduation gift, right?”

  “You kidding? Of course I am. Hell, someone’s gotta take care of her when I’m gone.”

  Slapping his arm, I gave a slight glare; he knew how much I hated when he would say things like that.

  “Don’t say that. I hate it. You’re not going anywhere anytime soon… right?”

  My words trailed off a bit, which seemed to make him feel sympathetic as he shook his head with a light smile.

  “Course not kid, I’m never leaving.”

  “Promise?”

  “With every breath.”

  “And every heart beat.”

  It was something we said, when we promised one another something important; he would say ‘With every breath’ and I’d reply ‘And every heartbeat’. Most would think it was weird, but when you have a dad like mine, you wouldn’t question it. My mother is always bragging to her friends about how great of a husband he is and how good of a father he is.

/>   That’s all completely true though, not once have I ever seen them get into an argument; sure, they would disagree from time to time but nothing serious. There wasn’t a day in our house where someone wasn’t laughing or smiling.

  The one thing I loved about getting up before the sun came out? Coffee. My dad made the best coffee ever, well, at least in this house. As I filled our thermos cups up, he came into the kitchen and picked his up.

  “Ready to go kid?”

  “Really, Dad? You know I am.”

  Walking outside, we tossed our gear into the bed of the truck and headed down the road, eager for that first catch of the day. To be honest, I was always doing something that involved being outdoors. Guess you could consider me a tomboy, which my dad didn’t seem to mind in the slightest, but my mom? She was always trying to get me to wear some type of dress when I was younger, but now? Well let’s just say she wouldn’t trade me for the world, neither of them would, and I couldn’t ask for better parents.

  “Dad, can I ask you something?”

  “You can ask me anything you want kid.”

  There was more truth to that than anyone would ever know, no matter what it was I needed to ask or to talk about, my parents were always there. Though this was something that I had intended on asking last night but, had neglected to do so.

  “You and Mom aren’t getting a divorce, right?”

  As we sat our tackle down, his face went soft before he shook his head, almost as if he were shocked I asked such a thing.

  “Of course not. Why on earth would you think that?”

  “I heard you two arguing last night…I just, I thought maybe it was serious.”

  “Sera, I love your mother more than I could ever put into words, and you’re old enough to know that sometimes things just happen.”

  “I know. It’s just…I don’t think I could ever handle you guys separating.”

  As we cast our lines out into the river, there were several long-drawn-out moments of silence; he was trying to find the right words to ease my mind of such worry.

  “We never will, we have you to keep us together kid. You’re the glue.”

  A smile crossed my lips as I nudged him a bit, we both just had this understanding of one another; we weren’t just father and daughter, we were best friends. Don’t get me wrong, there were times when the two of us argued back and forth. Hell, during those times my mom just let us go, because we are too damn stubborn for our own good. Come to think of it, there never was a time she could get either of us to admit the other was right.