Shatter

  “So, is anyone else going along on this ski trip or just you three girls?”

  “Really dad? You know it’s just us girls. Who else would be going?”

  “Well, I didn’t know if you maybe had, a special friend.”

  “Special friend? If that’s your way of asking me if I have a boyfriend, the answer is no. Honestly, I’m just not interested.”

  “Not interested? Don’t get me wrong Serah, I’m glad you don’t have one, just trying to understand what you mean is all.”

  “Don’t know. The boys flirt with me a lot, but I usually just ignore them. Besides, ninety percent of the time all they want is sex.”

  “You know about sex already?”

  “Of course I do, I’m sixteen. Mom and I talked about this already.”

  “Huh, she never mentioned that to me!”

  “Girl talk, Dad. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  There was silence between us but not in a negative way. My father never pushed a conversation further than it needed to go. Truthfully it was funny to see his expression when he went to ask, not only if I was dating but if I was sexually active. Having the sex talk with my dad? Well it would have been a bit awkward. A distant roll of thunder caused us to turn our heads to the sky, before we both gave the other a somewhat annoyed glance.

  What started as a few drops of rain had soon turned into a relentless downpour, which sent us running with our tackle to the truck. Both of us were in a fit of laughter as we sat inside the truck, my hands combing back my wet locks as I let out a sigh.

  “Wow, that came out of nowhere.”

  “Guess I should have checked the weather, sorry kid.”

  Shaking my head, I could only offer a smile. In no way was I upset, and the fact he could see that made his own smile form.

  “Honestly, I’m not even mad. Besides, it’s just rain. We got to spend time together, that makes me happy.”

  A gruff chuckle came from him as he slicked his own hair back and put the truck into drive. See, my dad was always working, but spent time with us when he could. Leaning forward, I clicked on the heat before leaning back into my seat.

  “Do me a favor kid and reach back into my tackle and call your mother, and let her know we’re on the way. You know how she gets when the weather turns.”

  That was true. Anytime it would rain like this, or snow for that matter, my mother would always have a freak-out if we didn’t check in. But, she worried like that, and it was better to have a mother that worried, than to have one that didn’t care.

  “Okay. Maybe we should stop and get some fish from the market, so we don’t come home empty handed.”

  My musing to the notion made him laugh. Clicking off my seat belt I reached back into the seat to grab his tackle box and opened it. Digging into the bottom I pulled out his cell and snapped the box back shut, before sitting in my seat again. Placing the phone to my ear, I waited for a few moments, tapping my foot in sync to the barely audible radio.

  “Tim? I was getting worried. Are you two alright?”

  “We are fine, Mom. Dad and I are actually heading home right now.”

  “Thank god. Weather says the storm is going to last into the night.”

  Looking at my dad, I sighed, “Mom says the storm is going to last all night.”

  Flipping on his signal, he turned down onto the narrows as he continued to drive, mumbling something under his breath that I didn’t quite catch. Rain wasn’t exactly good for business, not when you worked at a lumber yard.

  “Ask your mother if we need anything from the market.”

  “Dad wants to know if you need anything from town.”

  “Just milk and eggs.”

  “Milk and eggs, Dad.”

  “Alright, tell her we’re in the narrows, and will be home in twenty.”

  “We’re in the narrows, be home in twenty.”

  “Alright, tell your father to drive safe.”

  “Mom says, drive safe.”

  My father had raised a brow in question before letting out a laugh. With a shake of his head he just smiled, “I always do, now your mother on the other hand, she tends to…”

  A loud bang was heard, my father glancing up to see another car had swerved right into our lane, causing him to veer the truck with a sharp left turn. The cell flew from my hand and hit the truck mats beneath my feet. Fear flooded my eyes, I had forgotten to buckle my belt, which in the moment I knew was too late. My father had lost control of the steering, the front bumper connecting with the guardrail as metal met metal.

  “Serah! Hang on!”

  His own belt flying off as he moved from his seat to shield my body with his own, hugging me close for protection. I let out an ear-piercing scream as the truck rolled down the steep hill side, metal crushing in against the rocks. Momentum only seemed to pick up as the truck rolled to a stop with a loud crack against a tree, and my world, had turned black. As my eyes slowly peeled open, all I could register was pain. A loud ringing had begun to make itself known in my ears as I tried to grasp the world around me. It was as if everything were moving in slow motion, smoke invading my lungs, causing me to cough.

  “Dad…Dad…?” The moment I even tried to move, I felt immense pain only to find a large gash had been made from my shoulder blade down. Blood seeped from an open cut just above my left brow. As I looked across from me, I could see old Bess, laying wheels up, the entire frame smashed inward, the windshield busted out. Flames spat out from the engine as the black smoke continued to rise, and just a few feet from the bed of Bess? My father lay motionless.

  “Dad!!!”

  My body recoiled with pain as I stood up, faltering to the ground before I found the strength to move again. As I ran to his body, I knelt, shaking him carefully as my tears fell in sync with the rain, the thunder rolling louder.

  “Oh god Dad, you have to get up, please. Dad, get up!”

  My mind finally registered sirens closing in on us, before tires came to a screeching halt, men rushing over the cliff side to our aid.

  “I see them! Down here!”

  One of the men had moved to grab me carefully, though I began to thrash a bit, not wanting to leave my father’s side.

  “Let go of me! Get off! Get off!”

  “Calm down miss, it’s going to be alright, just calm down.”

  His arms wrapped around me as he tried to pull me away, a second coming down to help restrain me until I was calm. The metal of the engine began to hiss, before the men realized what was going to happen.

  “The trucks going to go! We need to get her out of here!”

  They didn’t see my father, he was right there, and they didn’t see him as they pulled me away.

  “No! Let go! My dad is there! You have to help him!”

  “Get another medic down here now!”

  Just as I had gotten pulled away to a safe distance, the truck had exploded, fire pushing outward as a loud crack echoed out. The only thing I could hear was the sound of my own breathing, and barely beating heart as I went limp with fear, staring at the flames.

  “She’s in shock, get her to the ambulance now!”

  I felt my body being carried away, tears blurring my vision, the pain only spreading more as my body trembled. I could feel the vibration of the engine as I sat on the edge of the ambulance, one of the men shining a light in my eyes. It wasn’t until a familiar red focus pulled up, did I finally snap out of my daze and begin to cry more.

  “Mom!”

  “Serah! Serah!”

  My mother moved past the police blockade and ran over to hold me close as I began to just break down in her arms. She held my face in her hands, fear and worry filled her eyes as she saw the wounds my body held.

  “Thank god you’re okay. I could hear you screaming over the phone…your father…where is he? Did they take him to the hospital already? God, what happened?”

  “The other car, just, came out of nowhere… My belt was off…Dad…Dad, he held me as we went ov
er… I… he’s gone… Mom… Dad’s gone…”

  Her grip became loose just as I looked up to her, but her face, it was a mixture of sadness, and now, anger?

  “I told you about not wearing your seatbelt…”

  “I know, I know! I’m sorry! Dad wanted me to get his cell to call you! I just forgot to put it on and…”

  “Maybe if you hadn’t forgot to put on your seat belt your father would still be alive! He’s gone because of you!”

  I don’t know what was worse: the guilt I already felt, or the guilt my mother had just placed upon me with such anger. Shoving her away from me, I fell off the ambulance and regained balance onto my feet and just ran. I had to get my father back, maybe he was okay; maybe he was far enough away from the explosion.

  Thunder rolled across the darkened sky as lighting crackled in the distance, striking the ground below with a merciless tone. As the downpour of rain continued, heart thudding against my chest while my sneakers kicked up the muddy puddles around me.

  “Serah! Where are you? Can you hear me?” There was no reply to my mother’s voice; I could hear the sadness in her words, breaking my heart all the more.

  “Please Serah, come back!” But I didn’t want to go back, how could I go back?

  “Serah! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!” But she did mean it, she meant every word she had said, and it made me hate her, no, I hated myself even more because she was right. My left foot caught an uprooted branch as I fell to the ground, my hands twisted to fists as I screamed and letting out a cry of desperation. Men dressed in black and yellow leather jackets began to run towards me, I sat up onto my knees screaming at them

  “Go away! Get away from me!” One of the men wrapped their arms around me, pulling me backwards, causing me to thrash wildly

  “NO! LET ME GO! I HAVE TO GO BACK! LET ME GO!”

  Next thing I knew, I felt a needle go into my right arm, my sudden thrashing had died down to a pitiful push, before I had fallen asleep. Faint beeping had registered in the back of my mind, before my eyes had fluttered open. The way the bright florescent lights reflected of the white walls made me cringe in disgust. But it was the realization of the fact that not only was I in a hospital, but the fact my father was actually dead that made me begin to panic. My heart monitor began to beep faster, as I took in quick breaths.

  “Serah, it’s okay…you’re safe now.”

  It was my mother, her fingers combed through my hair as her other hand lay on top of my own in a comforting manner. Her eyes were red, no doubt from all the crying she had done, and it made my heart ache all the more.

  “I’m so sorry, my little, Vega.”

  Vega. She used to call me that all the time when I was a little girl, she used to say it whenever I was scared or sad, and hearing it now, had brought a bit of comfort. I had once asked her as a child what Vega meant. She told me it was the name of a star. I was her little Vega, her little star. But thinking on what she had said earlier, about my father’s death being my fault? It made me angry all over again.

  “You were right, you know. It is my fault.”

  “No! No it’s not. What I said was wrong. You are alive, I have you, and you and I, we will get through this.”

  “Then why say it, if you knew it was wrong?”

  “I was, am, hurting. We both lost someone we loved dearly.”

  I shrugged away from my mother’s grasp, trying even more to fight back the tears that had begun to form once more. A soft sigh came from her lips before she stood up and moved to close the blinds of my room.

  “I need to speak to the police, and the doctors. I will bring you some food from the cafeteria, but you need to rest. I love you.”

  Part of me really wished I was the one who had died in the accident, then again, I was afraid to die. I hated my father for leaving us, for leaving me. Was that wrong? Was it wrong to hate him? It didn’t matter, because now, nothing would ever be the same again.

  Chapter 9

  Faith in Trust

  As the event that took place less than two years ago faded from my mind, I had noticed not only had my cigarette died out but that I had been crying, which annoyed me. Sitting upright, I heard a set of footsteps moving closer before I let out a faint sigh. Taking out another cigarette, I lit it up and took a long drag.

  Exhale. “Here to blame me for something else?”

  “No. I’m sorry. I just. I wish, you would talk to me Serah. I love you so much.”

  Turning my head, I looked towards Al, who held a sympathetic look as she held a hand out, wanting me to stand up. In a bit of reluctance, I took her hand, before moving to my own feet. I allowed the cigarette to fall to the ground as she hugged me in a comforting manner, to which I slowly returned.

  “It’s getting late, please come back?”

  “Alright.”

  It was simple as that, we didn’t argue, and we didn’t really speak, it was just one of those moments where you were there for one another in silence. It had been a few hours after we had got back to Alana’s home, both of us had eaten dinner and helped with the clean up before heading upstairs. I waited for Al to get a shower first, before taking my own. Once clean, I dressed in one of her T-shirts and a pair of boxers before crawling in the bed next to her. Still there was nothing but silence between us, yet her chest rest against my back as her arms laced around my lower torso. Eventually, I had drifted off to sleep, all too much had taken place within the last week hell, the last few hours or so, and I was just, exhausted.

  My heart was racing, beads of sweat covered my forehead and I could see in the distance, my father just falling further and further away from me. Reaching out my right hand, I tried to pull him towards me but to no avail.

  “No! Dad! Come back! Please!”

  Why, why couldn’t I save him? Why couldn’t he hear me?

  “Please, don’t leave me!”

  The fire was intense, giving an ominous glow to the shaded woods around us. Smoke began to filter through my body, trying to pry every ounce of air from my lungs. My body a tangled heap amongst the snow-covered ground as I tried to make my way towards him.

  “With every heartbeat…you promised… So you have to get up.”

  A loud hiss echoed through the forest as the wind fed the fire even more, the engine fully engulfed. I was being hauled away by two men, before the truck erupted into a merciless explosion.

  “Dad! No!”

  My body shot upright as I let out a gasp of air; Al, had sat there looking at me with a worried expression. Had she been trying to shake me awake? Her arms held me close as I leaned into her arms.

  “Serah, it’s okay, it was just a nightmare. You’re okay.”

  “No, no it’s not okay. Don’t you get it?”

  She was trying her best to calm me down, yet my body wouldn’t stop shaking. I don’t think Al had ever seen me so scared before, nobody ever had, not since that night.

  “Hey, breathe…breathe and talk to me.”

  I didn’t want to talk, but the pain, god the pain just wouldn’t stop.

  “It’s my fault, he’s gone and it’s my fault.”

  Alana looked at me, having no idea what I was even talking about, until she thought for a few moments and had realized I was talking about my father, something she had been trying to get out of me for months now. She remained silent, allowing me to take my time, between broken sobs and hoarse whispers.

  “If I wore my seatbelt, my dad wouldn’t be dead. He protected me, covered me with his own body. It should have been me.”

  “Oh god Serah…I…I’m sorry…I didn’t know. I shouldn’t have kept pushing you to talk about it.”

  Shaking my head, I leaned from her grasp and wiped my eyes, before looking to her. It was hard to talk about yes, but she was right; I needed to trust her, no matter how hard that was.

  “The car just came into our lane, it blew a tire…my dad, he had to swerve to miss it but lost control. He unhooked his seatbelt, and moved to cover me with
his body while the truck went over the guard rail.”

  Pause. Alana couldn’t speak, her eyes were slowly starting to brim with tears.

  “It happened so fast, I didn’t even know I was thrown from the truck until I felt the metal cut through me. My head hit the ground hard. When I came too, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The truck was on fire, and my father, he was just lying there, he wasn’t moving.”

  Her hand rested on my own now, giving it a comforting squeeze, she was here for me, I knew that, I had always known that, but it’s the people you love the most that are the hardest to trust. Because you never know if they will leave you.

  “When I got to him, he looked like he was just sleeping, and the blood, there was so much blood. I kept shaking him, but he didn’t move, didn’t hear me. The rescue team pulled me away before I watched the truck go up into flames, and I just, shut down.”

  “They couldn’t help him?”

  “He was already gone. My mother, she blamed me, still blames me.”

  “She’s just hurting.”

  “I know that, Al, I’ve always known that. But so am I.”

  Alana’s arms wrapped around me once more before we both laid back down, her fingers combing back my hair before she placed a kiss on my lips and gave me a comforting smile.

  “Serah, I’m here for you. Okay? And I’m not going anywhere. I need you to understand me when I say that.”

  “I do. And, I’m here for you too, just hold me. Okay?”

  With a silent nod, she did just that. She held me in her arms, understanding why it had been so difficult to tell her the truth about my father, about why it had been so painful to look her in the eyes when she would ask for the truth. Putting faith in trust? That is a hell of a lot harder than most people know, especially those that have been hurt. To be honest, part of me was still a bit unsure as to whether or not I could completely trust Alana but then again, old habits die hard.