The ache inside of me grows. It festers and starts to ooze and when it does, it spits and anger is what’s released. I hate it and I’ve never felt this way before, but it’s ugly and nasty, and I am not happy about how any of it makes me feel inside.
RENZO
“I can’t believe that you’re having a baby,” I say as I bring the whiskey to my lips.
Pippa smiles and places her hand on her belly. “And I can’t believe that you are settling down,” she teases.
Shaking my head, I shrug a shoulder. Settling down. It sounds so permanent. I don’t like it and yet I know that with Siobahn it is exactly that—permanent. She is the woman that I choose to be at my side, even though I know it will eventually be the last place that she would wish to reside.
“I am,” I say with a nod.
Pippa’s gaze shifts to the side where all the women are sitting. They’re chatting and getting to know Siobahn. I know that they will all love her and I’m glad for that. She will need them, she will lean on them, heavily no doubt.
“She’s beautiful. Blonde and curvy, totally your type.”
I smirk. “You know my type?” I ask.
She snorts. “I lived with you for long enough to figure out the basics, Renzo. You love all women, but the soft and fragile are your favorite. She’s that, isn’t she?”
With a hum, I shift so that my back is to Siobahn. I don’t know why, but I can’t be tempted to look over to her right now, not during this conversation.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. She’s all of those things, but she’s more too.”
Pippa grins. “She is, I have no doubt about it, if you’re claiming her, she’s so much more.”
Massimo appears seemingly out of nowhere and jerks his chin toward me. He’s different since prison. It’s hardened him and while I should feel sorry for him, perhaps, I don’t. We all go through things and they either make us or break us. This made him. He’s stronger for it.
“We’re talking about the lovely Siobahn, I assume?” Massimo asks.
I clear my throat, jerking my chin toward him. “We are. Congratulations are in order, friend,” I say with a grin, extending my hand.
Massimo smiles and he clasps his hand in mine, giving me a hearty shake. “Thanks, you too, cugino.”
Looking around, I notice that our dynamics have changed since Gavino took over the famiglia, since he began to create an empire, not simply an organization.
This isn’t the same famiglia that I pledged my life to, it’s better. The men are better, though I hesitate to say trustworthy because a man should never truly trust another human being, but that is what they are to me.
“A lot of changes,” I mutter.
Massimo doesn’t say anything immediately. Then he clears his throat. “Yeah, but they’re all good. The famiglia is so good. Gavino acquired the Bianchis while you were away. The deal has gone through.”
I blink. “The wedding?”
He grins. “Next month. Your invitation is probably in the mail.”
There is a moment of silence, then I turn to Massimo. “The Bianchi famiglia will be Gavino’s. The empire is almost complete,” I rasp.
He nods, taking a sip of his drink. “It is. Though, I don’t see Gavino stopping there.”
I nod my head in agreement, then the conversation shifts to something else. We start to talk about collections, about business, right before Gavino calls us over.
Massimo kisses his Pippa on the cheek before leaving her to talk with the men. I stay away from Siobahn. I don’t know why, but I need my distance right now. I’m not sure if it’s because this is a lot, my feelings for her are a lot and seeing Pippa, it’s just all too much or if it’s something else.
I tell myself it’s because she needs to get to know the women without me as her buffer, but it’s a lie. It’s me who needs to be distanced.
It’s all me.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
SIOBAHN
Nicola, Lenora, and Luciana all make it very clear that they will call on me tomorrow and we’ll spend time together, possibly go to lunch. I want to politely decline, but I don’t. Instead, I smile and agree to the date.
It’s not that I don’t like them, because I do. I like them very much, but the way they all wanted to make sure that I felt included, that they distracted me from Renzo ignoring me all evening, it felt almost sisterly and it caused my stomach to ache with the loss of my Emilyn.
The ride to Renzo’s condo is quiet. Maybe I should be thinking of it as my home, but it suddenly feels like I’m very much a temporary fixture in his life, a placeholder for the gorgeous black-haired, blue-eyed beauty that he didn’t even introduce me to. I still don’t know her name.
When he pulls into the parking garage, into his spot, and touches the button that kills the engine, I reach for his arm, touching him gently. He doesn’t make a move to exit the car, and I’m glad for it. I don’t want to have this conversation upstairs. I want an exit.
“Do you love her?” I ask, turning my head to look over at him.
He’s staring at the block cement wall in front of him, unmoving, except for his jaw. That is clenched.
“Who?” he asks through gritted teeth.
Pressing my lips together, I shake my head once, then drop my head to look at my wringing hands in my lap.
“I don’t know her name, we weren’t properly introduced.”
There is a long moment of silence, one that is almost too much. Until he finally ends the suspense and clears his throat. His body moves, I can hear his clothes rustle.
“Look at me,” he demands.
Lifting my head, I slowly turn and look into his eyes. He is watching me, staring at me, his amber eyes searching mine, but they don’t sparkle or shine. They certainly don’t smile. His face isn’t turned up in a grin or a smile either, his expression is completely blank.
“Her name is Pippa and she’s married to Massimo, one of the men there.”
His words, he speaks them as if they will make any kind of difference to me, as if they alone prove that he holds no affection for her, no feelings of adoration or love when I know that isn’t the case at all. He holds something for her, I’m just not sure exactly what and I think that I deserve some clarification.
“You didn’t answer my question,” I whisper.
He presses his lips together, then snorts. “You share my bed. She shares her husband’s.”
Arching a brow, I make no motion to move and neither does he as we simply stare at one another. I don’t ask him again. I won’t stoop. I’m stubborn to a fault, sometimes, and on this I will be as well.
“I do love her,” he admits. I don’t show any reaction to his words. The hurt that slices through me, if he could experience it would probably bring him to his knees it is so deep. “But not as a lover, as a friend,” he says, attempting to ease the pain.
It doesn’t work.
I don’t believe him. Not with the look on his face, at home and again here. The pull between them in that room tonight was cosmic. It didn’t seem real and there is something that pulls them together, deeply.
“Why did you bring me here? Just because I could be pregnant?”
To his credit, his eyes widen and he jerks his head back as if I’ve physically assaulted him in some way. He looks simply shocked that I’ve asked this question. Then, his lips twitch and his shoulders begin to shake slightly.
“You’re jealous,” he rasps between laughter.
Crossing my arms just under my chest, I turn my head away from him and face the passenger side window.
“I’m not. I am just not in a habit of being a man’s second choice, when it’s clear he wants a woman that is already taken,” I snap without thinking of my words.
There is a moment of silence, the laughter dies and the car fills with a suffocating anger that takes all of my breath out of my lungs. I’m afraid to move, my entire body frozen in fear of what he is going to say next. I don’t know him well enough to k
now how he’ll react to my instant angry words in the heat of the moment, a trait that I wish I had better control over.
His fingers wrap around the back of my neck before I even register what’s happening, he’s forcing me to face him and pulling my torso and face closer to his.
“I didn’t know that you were in the habit of being a man’s,” he growls before his lips crash against mine, hard. He doesn’t deepen the kiss, but there is no mistaking his meaning.
This is owning.
This is domination.
This is sexy.
He grunts as he pulls my head back just a few inches, his fingers grip the back of my neck tightly, almost painfully. His eyes narrow and he focuses on mine. Right now, in this car, just the two of us, I have all of his attention, every single ounce of it, and I’m not sure I want it anymore.
“You are not my second choice. I don’t fuck a second choice bare and chance planting my baby inside of a second choice. You, Siobahn, are my first choice. Do not ever question me on that, not fucking ever,” he growls.
RENZO
I release her, too angry to be near her at this moment. Except, she’s the only person I want to be around at the same time. I want to fuck her, hard, remind her not only that she belongs to me, but that I am inside of her and for the moment, belong to her as well.
She’s already out of the car and practically running toward the elevator by the time I round the front of the car. Jogging behind her, I grin when she steps inside, touching the door close button, but not before I can slip inside of the car.
Siobahn lets out a sigh and I glance to the side as I stand next to her, watching as she looks down at her expensive high heels. She’s gripping the mink fur in her hands, holding it against her stomach as she shifts from side to side ever so slightly.
Smirking, I can’t help but enjoy how nervous I make her. If she only knew that inside, she makes me feel the same. Maybe she would realize that she’s not second choice.
I know that she saw me and Pippa together and I probably fucked-up by not introducing them to one another, but Pippa is… Pippa.
She’s special and our relationship is as well. I’m not quite sure how to explain us. I lived with her for quite a while, helped her through a difficult time in her life, and fell in love with her all at the same time.
Once we’re at the front door of the condo, I should feel uncomfortable by the length of silence and the anger and hurt that’s been rolling off of Siobahn in waves, but I don’t. Opening the door, she tries to march past me, but I don’t let her.
Before she even gets two steps away from me, my arm extends and I wrap it around her waist, hauling her ass backward, until her back crashes against my front. She lets out a yelp of surprise before she lets out a gasp.
Touching my mouth to the side of her neck, I suck in her skin, then my teeth sink down roughly. Instead of trying to push away from me, she lifts her hand, placing her palm against the back of my head as she lets out a moan.
Spinning us around, I walk her toward the door. “Hands up,” I demand.
She does as I’ve asked. She places her palms against the door, tipping her ass slightly in a silent invitation. Wrenching up her dress, it gathers easily at her waist at the same time I shred her panties with my fingers.
Opening my slacks, I push them down along with my underwear, releasing myself with a grunt. Shifting my hips, I slide my cock through the warm crevice of her ass with a moan, wishing that I could sink inside of her there right now. She would be tight, warm, and no doubt fucking perfection.
Sinking my teeth into the side of her neck, I shift my hips, rolling them as I continue to feel her warmth. Sliding my hand around the front of her, I slip it between her legs. Feeling her pussy against my fingertips, I suck the skin on her neck harder. She’s wet and ready, so fucking ready.
Releasing my teeth from her neck, I lift my head and rest my lips against the shell of her ear. “You want my big cock in your ass, don’t you, cuoricino?” I rasp.
She inhales a shaky breath, then hisses before she speaks as I start to rub firm circles against her clit. “No,” she exhales. “I’ve never, no, Renzo.”
She doesn’t sound panicked though, and even as she says the word no, I can feel her body responding with a resounding yes. I don’t tell her that, and I won’t fuck her there right now, I’m not prepared and neither is she.
Using my other hand, I gently pull her hips back just a little more at the same time my fingers never stop against her clit, my lips shifting to just below her ear and I align myself before I sink deep inside of her in one motion.
“Renzo,” she cries out on a heavy breath.
Sinking my fingers into the flesh of her hip, I don’t move. It takes all of my control not to pound her into the door. I’m still filled with rage that she would accuse me of possibly planting my child inside of a second choice.
“Please, more,” she begs, pushing back against me.
I tsk, then release her hip, my fingers never stopping between her legs as I lift my other hand and tangle my fingers in the back of her hair. Tugging her head back. I shift forward and look down into her eyes.
She licks her lips, then they part as she watches me silently, her eyes pleading for more. “Come on my fingers, cuoricino,” I demand.
My entire body is tight, my muscles flexed and I’m on the edge of losing my control, but this isn’t about me. This is about her, about making her understand that she is no second choice, by making her come, and come, and come again, until she fucking understands just who and what she is to me.
It doesn’t take her long, my fingers work her until her thighs start to shake and I feel her cunt squeeze me as she cries out with her release. Her knees bend and try to give out beneath her, but between my hands holding her up, my cock still very much hard and buried deep inside of her, she’s not going anywhere.
Right now, she’s my own little rag doll.
Pulling out of her just a little bit, I sink back inside, making sure to push hard against her sweet ass. My fingers against her clit don’t stop. She cries out, begging me to stop and even tries to wrap her fingers around my wrist.
“Back on the door,” I snap. She does, almost as an automatic response. “You’re taking right now, Siobahn. Later, it’ll be different, but right now you’re taking what I give to you.”
“Why?” she breathes, her voice sounding tired.
I hum against the shell of her ear. “Because you decided to tell me how I felt, and you were wrong.”
She presses her lips together, nodding her head once, then as if she resigns herself to the punishment I’m doling out to her. She leans forward, resting her cheek against the door. She closes her eyes, breathing in and out, controlling her breaths.
It’s cute, and soon she won’t be able to do that. I pull out a little farther, slamming back inside of her and watch in amusement as her eyes pop open. With my fingers still tangled in the back of her hair, I tug her head back again in a quick snap.
“Renzo,” she whimpers.
“Come again.”
My words come out as a demand because that’s exactly what they are. My fingers never stop their movements against her clit, I apply more pressure, harder and harder as my hips slam against her the same way—harder and harder.
She’s breathing heavily, sweat dripping down her temples at the same time tears slowly fall down her cheeks.
“I can’t take it,” she cries as she comes a second time.
Once again, her slippery cunt clamps down around my cock, attempting to keep me inside while she relishes in her release and once again, I don’t allow it. My hips continue slamming against her ass, my cock moving in and out of her wet heat over and over.
I could come right now, if I wanted to, but I want to wring one more out of her. I want her exhausted. I want her pussy to ache, and I want her to never forget just how mine she truly is. If I have to tattoo that shit all over her body for her to remember, I will.
&nb
sp; “Please,” she whimpers. “Too sensitive,” she mumbles. “No more.”
Her words are nothing but breathy whispers that she chants on repeat. I don’t stop. Instead, I move faster, filling her over and over, my fingers rubbing faster against her sensitive swollen clit. She whimpers, then cries out, then whimpers until her body is completely boneless, and I’m the only reason she’s still upright.
My grip is still firm in her hair. I let out a grunt as my back starts to tingle in a warning that I’m close. Grinding my teeth together, I try to hold back, knowing that I need one more, just one more from her.
Then it happens. Her eyes widen, and a gasp escapes from her lips as she starts to move her hips, as if it’s completely natural, she’s not thinking about this, she’s just doing it and it’s fucking beautiful.
Her cunt clamps down and she screams, almost bloodcurdling as she comes. I pump inside of her twice more, then bury myself deep and let out my own roar as I come deep inside of her pussy.
Releasing her hair, I slide my hand around the front of her throat and force her back against my chest. Touching my lips to her cheek, I let out a grunt. “You are not second, not to anyone, cuoricino.”
Chapter Thirty
SIOBAHN
I think that I may have possibly pushed Renzo a tad too far. At least that’s how I feel in this moment, my entire body aching as he carries me up to the bedroom, my dress still pulled up to my waist, my shoes on my feet, and my coat… somewhere.
Renzo sets me down on the bed and I wince as soon as my sensitive center touches the bedding, then I quickly stand, knowing that I have his cum leaking out of me and no way do I want that on the comforter.
My knees are weak and I fall forward, my hands lifting and my palms pressing against his chest. His fingers wrap around my waist and I can feel his eyes on me, slowly I tip my head back and look into his amber-colored eyes.
I want to ask him, if I’m not second place, then why don’t your eyes smile when you look at me, but I can’t do that. I can’t bring it up again and I can’t take the pain of the truth. Because no matter how many times he tells me with his words, or shows me with his body, I know without a doubt that I am second choice to that woman.
Becoming the Hitman (Zanetti Famiglia Book 5) Page 20