What the Heart Needs

by Kelli McCracken

  Dizziness spread from behind her eyes, flooding her head with a fuzzy sensation, as if each cell in her brain smoldered. The smoky haze threatened to over take her, until a voice within thrummed a warning to her conscience.

  Stop!

  Pressing her hands against his chest, she pushed with every ounce of her being until a foot opened between her and Layne. But the heat didn’t leave. Continued consuming every cell in her body, along with confusion. With a raspy breath, she shook her head at him, fighting back the urge to knock his head off. “What that hell was that?”

  Layne’s eyes locked onto hers. His mouth parted, though nothing but a croak came out. With each passing second, the realization of what they’d done showed on his face.

  “Heaven… ”

  He reached for her but she batted his hand away. “Stop it, Layne! What has gotten into you?”

  “I…I’m sorry. It’s just that…I mean…from the first moment I saw you, I…”

  “You what?”

  His lower lip trembled a moment. Then he crushed it with the top. But he couldn’t hide the agony in his eyes. “I felt for the first time. With my heart.”

  Dear God, he couldn’t possibly mean… “Have you lost your mind? Do you remember your best friend? That he and I are about to get married.”

  “I know.” Layne bent his head, taking several steps back until he stumbled against the sofa. He didn’t try to prevent himself from falling onto it. Once he was there, he gripped the cushion beside him. “That’s why I’ve kept this inside for so long. I don’t want to hurt him.”

  “You’re confused. This is over Faith. She hurt you and your reacting to it. You need to be saying these things to her, Layne You need to care about her.”

  “I tried!” His face flushed as the words rushed from his mouth. “But she’s…” His eyes trailed up her body until they met hers again. They didn’t waver when a sigh slipped past his lips, or when he cleared his throat and told her words she’d never forget.

  “She’s not you.”

  CHAPTER 19

  Layne debated on whether to remain on the couch, pierced by Heaven’s eyes, or make for the door. What the hell had he done? Could he really have been stupid enough to kiss her? Or tell her that she’s the one he wanted, not Faith.

  Fucking whiskey.

  He knew better than to come into the house. Should’ve stayed in his car, watching over her from a distance. Would have done just that if the tug in his chest hadn’t started. No matter how many times he put the bottle to his lips, or tried pushing her from of his mind, the sensation grew stronger.

  Why couldn’t he forget her? Forget the way she pulled at every cell in his body. Caring about her would be the death of him. Yet he kept coming back. He had to come back. The need proved too strong. Maybe he had lost his mind.

  When Dylan found out what he’d done…Damn it! He should have have controlled himself. Not only would he lose his best friend, he’d never see Heaven again.

  And that thought alone choked the air from his lungs. He had to make this right.

  “I can’t believe I just…” Confessed. Kissed her. Both led him down the path of idiocy. “I’m sorry, Heaven. I didn’t mean any of it.”

  She parted her lips for what he assumed would be a good ass chewing, but her phone vibrated from the end table before she could speak. Releasing a sigh, she kept her eyes pinned on him while walking toward her phone. But the second she broke contact, he seized the opportunity.

  Pushing off the couch, he made his way toward the door. He couldn’t stay. Couldn’t look at the disappointment on her face. If he left now, maybe she’d blame the alcohol. God knows he wanted to chalk this up to a drunken mistake. Wanted to say he’d reacted to what happened with Faith. That if he hadn’t mixed the two, none of this would have happened.

  “Layne.” The soft sound of her voice tore at his heart.

  “Don’t worry, I’m leaving. You don’t have so say anything else.” He continued across the living room, determined not to look at her. Each step broke away another piece of him. There would be nothing left when he made it to the door. Just as well. He had to get used to the way it felt to be away from her. If Dylan didn’t beat him to a pulp, he’d never allow him around her again.

  Why did he have to be such a fucking idiot?

  He’d almost reached the archway when warm fingers curled around his arm. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  As far away from her as he could get. The only logical thing to do, even if the mere thought crushed him. “I’m leaving before I do something stupid.” He snorted at his own words. “As if I could do anything worse than what I’ve done.”

  “Forget about that right now. You can’t leave like this.”

  He focused on the wall near the archway, doing whatever he could not to react to the worry in her voice. She needed to let him go.

  “I’m fine, Heaven. Don’t worry about me.”

  “You’re not fine, Layne. You’re drunk. There is no way in hell I’m letting you out that door. If something happened to you, Dylan would never forgive me. I’d never forgive myself.”

  Why did she have to say things like that? To say words that made it sound like she cared. Because she didn’t. Not the way he wanted her to care. If he could treat her like the rest of the women who passed through his life, he’d be okay. But he didn’t want her to pass through. He wanted her to remain a part of it. A significant part of it.

  Fat chance of that happening now.

  “I’ve left this place a lot drunker. Seriously, no worries.”

  “Layne Perry, you’re full of shit. I’ve heard enough lies come out of your mouth in the last twenty-four hours. It stops, now!” She jerked his arm, doing her best to get him to look at her. But he couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Unless he wanted to lose his resolve.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Yes you do. I know about the pact you and Dylan made. That if you drink at each other’s house, you remain there until morning. You can’t get behind the wheel tonight. You’d kill someone.”

  “So I won’t drive. I’ll hangout in the car, like I’ve done all evening.” The way her eyes widened at the admission, he knew she hadn’t expected that answer.

  “You’ve been here all evening? I didn’t see you in the driveway earlier.”

  “Once I knew the paparazzi couldn’t see me, I parked the car. I didn’t pull up to the garage until eight. Spent the next hour sitting there, drinking. I had to do something to forget about Faith.”

  Heaven shifted beside him. He glanced at her long enough to see her head press against the wall. The warmth of her fingers still cradled his arm, growing hotter every second he refused to look at her. And he wouldn’t if he wanted to survive this night. God she was making this hard.

  “You’re not leaving this house. If Dylan and I mean anything to you, you’ll park your butt on the sofa and not move until you’re sober.”

  He didn’t have to look at her to know he had her undivided attention. But he did anyway. What a mistake. Seeing those gorgeous eyes pleading with him…he had to fight the urge to touch her. To promise her he’d be okay. That he would do what was best for her, even if it meant never coming around again.

  Tearing his eyes away, he shook his arm from her grasp and made for the door. Each step twisted his gut, but he pressed onward, even when he heard her footsteps behind him. Heard her calling out his name.

  Making his legs work faster, he’d barely made it past the staircase when she gripped his arm again, pulling him toward her. The sudden stop jerked him back, knocking off what little balance he had. Then he went to the floor.

  And Heaven went with him.

  He didn’t have time to react to the hard wood pressed to his back before Heaven fell to his side. Her arms took the brunt of the fall, but her head still hit the floor, causing her eyes to flutter shut.

  Fuck!

  Pushing off the floor, he knelt by her side, giving her body a s
hake. The universe definitely hated him. First he kissed her. Confessed that he felt something for her. Now he’d caused her to fall. To knock herself out. Could he hurt her anymore in one night?

  “Heaven, wake up.” He leaned in closer, gripping both shoulders as he shook harder. No matter how much he tried, her body lay like a rag doll in his hands. “Heaven, please! Please be okay!”

  Tucking his arms under her body, he pushed up on his feet, pulling her into his chest. With each step he stared at her, wondering how he kept screwing things up. All he wanted was to right the wrong he’d done to her—to Dylan. But those wrongs kept stacking up.

  He didn’t want this. Didn’t want to be drawn to her. She and Dylan made each other happy. He wanted them to be happy. But logic went out the door the moment she’d accepted him into her life. Even as a friend. No matter how much he fought against the pull in his soul, Heaven seeped deeper into his mind. As if she was the only thing that mattered in this world. He couldn’t fight against it.

  Maybe he shouldn’t.

  Quick steps brought him back to the couch. He eased her down until the cushions cradled her body. Like he wanted to. Silently cursing himself, he pushed a pillow under her head before moving away. Staying this close to her only made the inevitable harder to fathom. But he couldn’t think about that now.

  Why wouldn’t she open her eyes? He needed her to wake up. To cuss him, hit him, tell him she never wanted to see him again. Anything to hear her voice. To know that she was okay.

  The carpet gave beneath him as he knelt at her side, watching her chest rise and fall. How hard had she hit her head? Working his fingers into the thick mess of curls, he passed the top of her ear where he felt a knot about the size of a quarter.

  Maybe he should call for an ambulance. Or take her to the hospital himself. If she had a concussion, she needed medical attention.

  Rising to his feet, he dug at the cell phone in his pocket. His thumb hovered above the screen as he tried to collect his thoughts. He’d call the paramedics first, Dylan next. Then he would—

  A whimper resonated to his ears. He turned in time to see Heaven’s head twist to the side. Another moan filled the air between them. He couldn’t stand hearing the pain in her voice. She wouldn’t be in pain if it weren’t for him. So much for doing his job protecting her.

  Dark lashes fluttered against creamy skin. He held his breath, waiting for her eyes to land on him. And when they did, fire shot to his soul. “Heaven?”

  “Hey,” she whispered, blinking her eyes as she struggled to focus on him. “My head feel like it’s about to explode.”

  “You fell, Heaven, when you were pulling on me. I landed on my back. You landed on your head.”

  “That would explain it,” she grunted, though part of her lips curved upward. Yep. She definitely had a concussion if she found this humorous.

  “You have a big knot on the side of your head. I can get you some ice. Maybe some aspirin.”

  “I think a shot of tequila would be more fitting, don’t you?”

  Touché. Not that he would mind drinking with her, if she were serious. In fact, he could use a few shots. Get his body numb before morning, when Dylan showed up and beat the hell out of him. Might as well enjoy his last chance to be near her.

  “Don’t think I won’t go pour us both a shot.”

  “Nope. You’re done for the evening. The only thing you’re going to do is pass out in the recliner. We’ll deal with everything else tomorrow.”

  “I can’t do that, Heaven. I’ll sleep in my car. After I help you upstairs.”

  Gripping the couch, she pushed up on her arms. Her lips pursed to give him seven kinds of shit, but her arms trembled, finally giving out as she dropped back to the cushion. “I’d feel better if you were in here. So I can watch over you.”

  “If anyone needs watching over, it’s you.”

  “Even better”, she said, closing her eyes as her brows knitted. “You can’t do that if you’re in your car. I need my friend, Layne. Please tell me you’re still that person.”

  He parted his lips with a retort, but the words caught in his throat. It didn’t matter that she didn’t have feelings for him. He never thought she would. But it didn’t change how much she meant to him. Didn’t erase the constant pull he felt. If being her friend was his only chance to be near her, he’d gladly accept the role. Because the alternative…he couldn’t face that.

  * * *

  Heaven reached for her phone once Layne brought it over from the end table. His eyes wavered between hers and the device before he finally released it. He didn’t say a word as he strolled over to the recliner, plopping down inside it.

  She fought to hide the throbbing pain in her head. One more wince and Layne would either call for an ambulance or drive her to the E.R. She didn’t want him fussing over her. He’d been through enough with her sister, today. He didn’t need to feel guilt over reacting to that stress. Or for the emotions burning through his energy each time they made eye contact.

  She knew he cared about her. Probably more than he should. But she cared about him, too. As did Dylan. She would find a way to make him understand what happened. That Layne had reacted to all the lies Faith had told him. That he hadn’t thought anything through when he kissed her. Even if her soul warned her there was more to it than that. She refused to end their long time friendship. Nor did she want to lose her friendship with Layne. He knew how she felt. This would never happen again.

  A buzzing sensation spread across her hand, drawing her eyes to the phone. The soft chirp announced a text message. Only one guess as to who had sent it. Her eyes fell to the screen, reading over Dylan’s words.

  I’m going nuts. I can feel you. Something’s wrong. You’re not answering your texts. The calls are going to voice mail. Where are you?

  Great. She should have taken time to text him earlier, instead of chasing after Layne. But Layne would have left. Would have ended up wrecking and killing himself or someone else. Dylan couldn’t live with that any more than she could. At least she could settle his mind now.

  Once the text app popped up, she tapped her fingers against the screen, hoping he wouldn’t ask a billion questions. She’d keep it short and sweet. Then give him the entire story when he came home.

  Don’t worry. I’m safe. Layne came back. He and Faith had a horrible fight. He’s a mess. Whiskey, I think. Got him camping out on the recliner. See you in a few hours. I love you.

  “How much does he hate me?”

  Heaven met the caramel eyes awaiting her answer, noting the regret filling them to the brim. He couldn’t keep beating himself up over what unfolded tonight. Not when she’d pried into his business. Made him talk about things he didn’t want to. Then caught him off guard by revealing more of her sister’s secrets.

  No way would he take all the heat for this.

  “He doesn’t hate you, Layne. I haven’t told him what happened, yet. I won’t until he gets here.” Could she tell Dylan? The more she thought about it the more she second guessed herself. Best to judge his reaction to what happened with Faith and the baby, first. If he could understand Layne’s state of mind, then he’d understand how out of it Layne was. Not to mention the part liquor played in the disaster.

  “He won’t want anything to do with me when you do tell him. Except maybe want to kick my ass. And I deserve it. Deserve every ounce of his anger. I lost my best friend, tonight.”

  “You haven’t lost anyone. I’ll talk to Dylan. Explain what happened. When he hears what my sister did, he’ll understand.”

  A low rumble of laughter echoed from his chest. “I can do my own talking. I made the…mistake. I’ll own up to it. Take whatever Dylan dishes out.”

  She wanted to throw something at him, hopefully knock some sense into his head. “If you want to tell him that you kissed me, then go ahead. But not until I tell him about Faith. You’re not going down in this alone. I pried into your relationship after saying I wouldn’t. It snowballed fro
m there.”

  When had he managed to work his way into her heart? Maybe because she knew there was more to him than his bad boy persona. The guy had a huge heart. And her sister had ripped it to shreds. He cared about Faith whether he wanted to admit it or not. His reaction to the pregnancy said as much. She didn’t doubt that he would have taken care of his child, had it survived. Or been his.

  Leaning his head against the reclined chair, he swiped his hands up his face, covering his eyes. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Doing what?”

  “Defending me. You shouldn’t be my friend, Heaven. I’m toxic.”

  “Shut up.” His eyes flew open, meeting hers in less than a heartbeat, but she didn’t give him a chance to speak. “You’re not toxic. You’re human. Humans make mistakes, especially when they’re under a lot of stress. Or drunk. And you’re both.”

  “Doesn’t matter. I crossed a line, tonight. Put both you and Dylan in a bad spot. I don’t deserve either of you.”

  “You’re wrong, Layne, but like I said, we’ll discuss this in the morning. Go to sleep.”

  He didn’t argue anymore. Simply rolled over, putting his back to her. For the first time tonight, he’d listened to her. Hopefully, Dylan would do the same in the morning.

  * * *

  Layne’s eyes rolled over the clock on the wall once more. One a.m. Looked like it would be another late night. Hard to fall asleep after everything that happened. Not with the thought of Heaven’s lips pressed to his playing in his mind. On repeat.

  He pushed back the ache forming in his chest. The same ache that made him want to go to the couch. Even if he couldn’t touch her. Just being near her would satisfy the longing.

  Forcing himself not to look at her, he cursed his heart for betraying him. Why did he have to feel like this? About her? Why couldn’t he be happy with sleeping with women, strange women, who didn’t expect anything but an orgasm? He could deal with that. Could make good on that promise and then some.