Impure

by Kenna Bardot

  She shrugged, stepping away from the door and moving to the couch where she plopped down and drew her legs up to massage her shins. "You can think it's sad all you want. I like sex, and they are good at it. You act like they use me and it's so horribly disgusting, but I use them. I manipulated and played with Char until he put me forward for the Challenge and soon, I'll be starting the game all over again with the Gods. Gods! I would let a dozen of them rut between my legs if it meant I got to be a Goddess."

  "Why? Why are you so desperate to Ascend?" I couldn't fathom wanting something that badly that I would resort to using my body as a commodity. My hands stroked over the back of the cushion on one armchair, needing to grip something with the frustration mounting in me. If Annalee was a genuine representative of humans, what did that say about the potential for improvement to human life?

  "Who wants to die? And if I Ascend, I will have abilities of my own. My life will be my own. I will never want for anything, never go hungry or have to work a day. A few years of hard labor and good sex are worth that kind of reward, Mireyah. You're the only one who is too stupid to see it." She flipped her hair behind her and pulled a compact from her pocket. She dusted her nose with powder then combed her hand through her dark hair.

  I decided to change the subject, because a part of me knew she was right. I knew that the humans who came to Godsvail served willingly, and it made it difficult to imagine a world where humans ever fought for basic rights. How would an uprising like that even begin if not all the humans wanted it? If we couldn't even agree among ourselves, how could we ever expect to convince the Gods? "They've made it very clear that they're done with you."

  She smirked at me again. "Maybe they were, but since you aren't putting out...." She let her voice trail off, and I swallowed against the anxiety her knowledge gave me.

  "My sex life is none of your business."

  "Maybe not, but theirs certainly is. Someone has to fill the gap, honey, and you'd be amazed about all the things they confess during pillow talk. When you truly satisfy a man, he'll tell you anything. Not that I expect you know anything about that." She gave me one last arrogant look, standing from the couch with a dramatic stretch and sauntering to leave the common area for the hall.

  "Do us all a favor and just die quickly in the Challenge. It's not like anyone would miss you." She turned and strode out of the room, and I immediately turned to Hollis' room. I'd just go in, ask him about it, get the answers I needed to be able to breathe again.

  There was just one problem. I turned the knob as much as I could, stepping into the door to push it open and flinching back when it didn't budge. My hand left the doorknob, the locked doorknob, recalling Hollis' words when I'd first become his attendant.

  He would lock the door if he was indisposed.

  I swallowed, shaking off the thought, the memory of what we'd been once. It wasn't what we were now. It couldn't possibly be true, not when they'd gone through so many lengths to earn my forgiveness. They hadn't needed to. They could have just kept taking me without my consent if they didn't care about me and my happiness.

  With a shaking hand, I reached up and knocked on the door quietly. There was some scuffling behind the door, and then Hollis answered. "Hey, Mireyah." He grinned, though his brow furrowed with something like confusion.

  "The door was locked," I explained as I stepped in and inspected the space for any sign of what might have really transpired. The bed was messy, still unmade. Not unusual, since I hadn't made it yet that day, but if Annalee had been there to clean, she would have seen to it. I spun to smile at Hollis, feeling how brittle the expression was. His expression was clouded, and he stared at the door as he shut it quietly.

  Especially when I realized his ruby hair glistened with moisture, and steam billowed out from the bathroom. "Odd time for a shower," I noted, but there was humor in my voice. Humor I didn't feel.

  Humor I wasn't sure I could feel anymore. I wanted to believe that it was my insecurity over Hollis not trying to seduce me, but something felt off. Something felt wrong. I couldn't seem to find the words to ask the question outright, because I knew I probably didn't want the answer.

  And what did it matter, anyway?

  I'd admitted to myself that what we had was temporary. I acknowledged the fact that what we had would never be a great love story to span the ages. No matter how much I cared for them. No matter how much I was drawn to each of them.

  "I'm just here to clean. Pretend I'm not here." I smiled through the words, ignoring the way Hollis' jaw clenched like I'd dismissed him or done something particularly unsavory. As if I'd been the one to get caught sneaking a male out of my room.

  But he hadn't bothered to sneak. Not really. If he'd cared about getting caught, he could have easily had Annalee on a night when I was wrapped up in the others’ arms. I never would have known, and that left me with one sobering idea dancing in my head.

  He didn't care if I knew. None of them did.

  I'd just been too blind to see it anyway.

  ✽✽✽

  I was tired.

  I dragged my feet anywhere I went. My head felt light, like I was lacking sleep.

  But, really, all I was lacking was peace.

  I was confused and hurt and lost. There were times I just wanted to stop and say I didn't want to do much more of anything anymore.

  Yet I still did.

  I knew Ryder and Annalee eyed me warily. I'd not behaved as I would normally behave.

  All their taunts had gone unnoticed. Their tormenting words were ignored.

  They couldn't hurt me. Not any longer.

  Because I'd withdrawn. Not just from them but from everything.

  Most of all, from me.

  As a unit, we stopped underneath the huge archway where Jason had told us to meet him.

  He nodded when we stopped, looking us up and down as he did so. "Good, good. You're on time. I'm glad that you're," he stopped when his gaze landed on me. "mostly done up. That's very good."

  We stood there for a minute in complete silence, like he was waiting on something.

  He sighed. "Okay then. Let's go. No need to be late. Follow me."

  The heels of our boots clicked on the hard, stone floor as we walked up a long flight of stairs inside a pair of double doors covered with dozens of intricate runes.

  I'd never been there before and from the looks of my competitors, neither had they.

  "Today, you will converse with Gods. It will not be your first time but a few reminders. Show respect and only speak if spoken to. Otherwise, it is wise to simply do as you are told. These Gods are not like the ones who made your challenges. No, they are not."

  Annalee bounced on her toes, a sure sign of nerves along with a smidgen of excitement. Ryder pushed at her shoulder. "Shh. Stop it, you're annoying."

  "Don't be a jerk, Ry." She stuck out her tongue at him and he glared back.

  "Children, children, please. Do let's try to behave." Jason shot them what I could only call an avuncular smile as we stopped in front of a heavy door of dark wood with golden etchings on it.

  He looked at me again and sighed. There could have been no way for him to make his displeasure any clearer. My hand crept into the pocket of my jacket, touching the paper that I'd held so much, folded and unfolded so many times, it was the consistency of a thin cloth with all the strength of a piece of delicate lace. I didn't even need to open it to know what it said. I'd read it so many times, I'd burned the words into my mind.

  These were the words that would keep me going. Especially when I heard the words being spoken.

  Recognized part of the handwriting as Varo's even as I saw through it how much he'd grown up since I'd left. He would be taller now. And I would never see that.

  Jason knocked on the door and a lilting voice inside called out, "Enter."

  He pushed the door open and gestured us in. I didn't know what I expected, but it was not what I saw.

  The room was small, or it seemed like it
was. Although it was highly likely that such a fact could be attributed to the fact that the two Gods who occupied the room dominated it.

  My eyes first tracked towards the Svadeni who stood behind the table. He was tall, taller than Hollis and his hair a brighter red.

  When we entered, he had a languid smile on his face - he examined us and I knew those eyes saw through us and beneath the surface, through our deepest and darkest desires.

  Svadenis.

  It only reminded me of how Hollis had treated me recently. Only reminded me of what he’d done when I’d been foolish enough to trust them.

  I pushed the thought back to look at the female seated behind the large, gleaming desk. She was tiny with long grey hair framing a flawless face. She gestured us in, raising an eyebrow as Jason scurried forward and bowed low. "Ah, Jason, I see you've brought our contestants."

  "Yes, Madam Valencia." Jason kept his head bowed low and as I looked at my companions, saw that they had copied the action. I stood my ground and remained upright.

  The Byta regarded me thoughtfully with a nod. Her eyes never leaving my face, she spoke. "Stand, listen."

  They did and she smiled before gesturing to the God next to her. "Colm Svadeni."

  Annalee gasped.

  "Ah, I see you know who he is. For the two of you who do not, Colm is the head of Sylfeshire. That means that for likely one of you, he would be the future head of your house. That is until your Ascension. If you Ascend, of course."

  My eyes settled on the Svadeni. A Svadeni heading Sylfeshire, the house with the reputation for being basically a whorehouse for Gods to pick who they wanted to take to bed.

  It made a disgusting sense to have a Svadeni in complete control of it. Of course.

  "Should you not know who I am, I am Valencia Byta, and I am the headmistress of Godsvail Academy. On behalf of its students and staff, let me thank you and your fallen comrades for a great round of challenges. I've been very entertained watching all of you compete. That said, I know that I am not the only one to have been pleasantly surprised by the turn of events." She nodded. "In just a matter of months, you will experience the final challenge. Take what you have experienced so far and multiply everything exponentially. Everything will be unpredictable because the needs will be exacting. We cannot tell you what might happen, not because we do not wish you to prepare, but because even we do not know what they will do to you. You may ask your Descendant masters for help if they are willing to give you assistance, however, they too can only help you so much."

  She stopped and smiled. "Does anyone have any questions?"

  No one spoke. Because who would have the balls to ask a God questions?

  "Good. Colm?" She threw a look at her visitor, who made himself at home on her desk, sitting on the very edge of it.

  "The one who is chosen by the Gods. Of which there can only be one, would come join me and all the other Sylfes in Sylfeshire. Transformation will be painful, but it will also be quick. That is the reward and future that could await one of you."

  "Yes, thank you, Colm. As for the ones who do not die at the culmination of the final challenge, you can decide on your place of death. You would have the option to go visit your hometown, stay there for twenty-hours, and die in front of all its inhabitants - friends and family alike. That said, you can see whatever you left behind one last time before your death."

  I felt the color rush to my face and had to stop myself from trembling. I could see them one more time if I wanted.

  The Byta headmistress nodded at us. "That's it for me. Jason, you may take them away again."

  Jason nodded and bowed low before turning around to shoo us out.

  "Oh," she called out. "good luck. Do not disappoint me."

  The door slammed shut behind us and for the first time since Hollis had nominated me, I wanted to lose.

  Because the loss seemed like such a prize.

  Chapter 28

  Mireyah

  It was hard to figure out what to do with myself. Even back in Wintercairn, I’d always used my time efficiently and productively.

  When I'd been Collected, sleep was the only time that I didn't work, and I was used to that. I didn't even see it as backbreaking work any longer.

  But Hollis had given me explicit instructions - take time for myself. They could handle themselves for a bit.

  I highly doubted that, but I left my room, veered away from their rooms and walked out of Godsvail. I needed the time away from them, anyway. Seeing them reminded me of how much they’d made me hope then had hurt me

  There was a bite to the air now, the cool of it stabbing into my skin in a way that I remembered and relished. In a way that I knew well because it felt like a breath of home.

  I walked and walked forward and onwards until I stopped and could go no further.

  I looked down at the wire that encircled my wrist. It was the only thing that stood between me and the rest of the world. I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out the toy that Varo had given to me that morning - the last time I'd seen him.

  "Oh, Varo," I whispered into the winds and letting my words end on a sigh. "I wish I could just be back there. No more adventures with your friend. Maybe if I fail, I could give it back to you. Give it back so you can always remember."

  I shuddered, but not from the cold but from fear.

  Selfish as it was, I wanted Varo to always remember me. In the unlikely event he ended up making it to Godsvail, I wished he would look for me. But if I died, I’d probably be forgotten.

  I turned around and looked back at Godsvail. Its graceful silhouette against the brightening sky. I thought of the guys, and I wished I didn’t have them to think of.

  I walked back, because there was nothing more for me to do there. But I didn't really know the best place for me to go.

  I didn't belong in Godsvail; I didn't belong with them.

  ✽✽✽

  The ceiling was gray. A boring, peeling gray that did nothing to stimulate the senses or please them. I sighed for what had to be the millionth time in the past week.

  Whenever I knew the guys had classes, I'd stolen into their rooms and dusted and cleaned a little but only enough and in a way that didn't reveal it was me.

  While I was not ready to face them and see the lies in their faces, the laziness was making me go stir crazy.

  I trained for the challenge that crept closer as the days sped by but could only do so much of it when I had no fucking clue what the challenge would be.

  I sighed again and even reading the letter from home didn't hold any appeal for me. I was restless, and there was what felt like a hole in the middle of my chest.

  I knew I was being ridiculous but even knowing that did nothing to help me get over it.

  The phone rang, and at first I thought I imagined it.

  It rang again, and I sat up quickly, my head spinning to look at it. I wasn't hallucinating; it was ringing.

  "Fucking hell." I scurried from the bed, jumping to reach before whoever on the other end gave up.

  Because I knew who would be on the other end. There would be no one else who would call me on that line.

  "Hello," I spoke into the receiver a little breathlessly from jumping out.

  Hollis spoke from the other end, "Mireyah." He paused, and I could only imagine he was talking to someone else from muffled sounds coming from the background.

  "Can you please come up? My room." Hollis asked, and I heard tension in his voice that tensed me up.

  "Yes, of course. No need to ask." I blew out a breath as he responded curtly, "Okay." The tone sounded in my ear showing that he'd hung up. I put the receiver back on its hook, leaving my room to go straight to Hollis' room.

  I remembered the first time I'd seen that door - how I'd thought the red symbol ostentatious and unnecessary. This time, though, it felt like a familiar and comfortable place. Even as I remembered what he did there when I wasn’t with him.

  I opened the door, and it hit me str
aight in the gut.

  They were beautiful, and that was beyond just the fact that they were good-looking. But because I'd barely seen them in the last couple of days. And I missed them.

  I missed them horribly. I could admit that much.

  But I would only to myself. Because damn if I wasn't quite that ready to give them the power of those feelings. Not again. Never again.

  "Mireyah." Hollis spoke up and from the way he stood I could see that his voice matched whatever he was feeling. In fact, the entire room felt tense.

  "Hi." I folded my hands together and stood just inside the door.

  Ryle walked over but instead of touching me, his eyes just latched onto mine as he reached over and pulled the door closed behind me.

  The smell of him washed over me and I had to stop myself from reaching out and pulling him closer, wrapping my hands around him and not letting go.

  He looked down at me, pinning me with an intense gaze before moving back out of reach.

  "Was there something you wanted me to do?" I asked, throwing them a tentative smile.

  Hollis shook his head. "No. I promised you a reprieve from your duties and I stand by that. However, there might be sometimes that we need your help regardless and I want to apologize for that."

  "You don't need to apologize for making me do what I was sent here to do. I'm more than happy to do stuff for you all."

  I moved towards a pile of dirty clothes that Hollis had next to the bed, shaking my head at the mess as I did so.

  He reached over and grabbed my arm before I could pick anything up. "No, wait. I didn't mean that."

  "Hollis is just a slob, you know." Tate grinned, sly and mischievous. "What he's taking ages to explain is that this year, we hit our 25th."

  I cocked my head to the side, because I'd heard that could be a big thing, but I waited for him to explain.

  "We can finally start qualifying to be Ascended." It was Char who eventually spoke up, voice low and soft. Almost casual, but I'd been around them often enough in the past to hear it. Hear the difference and know that underneath the casual demeanor, he was tense and very excited.